How Far Did You Go?
How far did you go before marriage? Specifically, what kinds of sexual acts did you engage in?
Kissing?
Caressing and groping over clothes? Under clothes?
Touching genitals with hands?
Oral sex?
Did you go all the way to full intercourse? (We did everything but penetrative intercourse.)
Has what you did before marriage affected your marriage bed?
Kissing and yes it did. Married 30 years and in sexless marriage. A virgin and one partner. So unfair
We did lots of making out, and quickly got into dry humping… usually to a simultaneous orgasm. While engaged I massaged her tits under clothes and eventually she was fine with me seeing her naked tits. We always kept our genitals covered, but in the last couple months before the wedding, would give each other HJs on the outside of our clothes. No oral or intercourse before marriage. Both virgins. Oddly, we both look back and kind of wished we went further. We were SO trained in purity culture to believe that every sexual move you made or didn’t make before marriage would be a blessing or curse on your married sex life. The OP even implies that with the final question. Today I think that thinking is toxic. I don’t think a marriage bed is made or broken by how “pure” (I hate that word) the couple was before the wedding.
To a degree, I concur. Purity culture messed up my thinking, and that of many others. From things I've read or that my pastor has taught, and from my own study of Scripture, I've come to wonder if "premarital sex" is not wrong IF the intent of both parties is to marry and be faithful. In other words, are they married already in God's eyes once they've been intimate? Now, I won't be acting on that theory, unless perhaps I find myself in the situation which I captured in my story "In the Sight of God", but it helps me be more gracious towards people who maybe went "further" before marriage than purity culture permits. This is a complex question and one which everyone won't agree on, obviously. Christians already interpret fornication, marriage, wedding ceremony, sexual activity, virginity, etc. in lots of different ways. So I'm not claiming to have a new answer. It's just something I've thought about as questions arise.
Melody is my second wife. I was divorced years before I met her. Melody n I only kissed, cuddled on the couch, & hugged before marriage. She was a virgin. That made our wedding night n especially our honeymoon so amazing!
I had a checkered past but chose to get back to God. That helped me keep the dating and engagement with Melody pure. I’m glad my Melody believes in the cleansing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
So, I advocate for kissing, hugging, even cuddling on the sofa… but not much more before marriage. But I also firmly believe that Jesus suffered and died for our sins so we can repent and be made pure. Our past sins don’t have to ruin our future. The key is believing in Jesus Christ and His power to forgive us and cleanse us.
Hopefully, I won't go too far in my answers.
With my current husband. Well, only husband:
Kissing? Yes, and French kissing when we were feeling sexy.
Caressing and groping over clothes? Under clothes? Yes, we loved each other and loved caressing even over clothes.
Touching genitals with hands? We are both nudists so all of our body parts were easily accessible.
Oral sex? Yes. Giving each other orgasms through oral was a beautiful way to express our love.
Did you go all the way to full intercourse? (We did everything but penetrative intercourse.) No, I promised my mother I would stay a virgin before marriage. No penetration, but other sexual expressions.
Has what you did before marriage affected your marriage bed? Yes. Being able to explore each other in a sexual way, but not too much, and waiting till we gave our vows gave us a glorious gift that we could perform to the fullest.
Mary Ann
At the risk of being severely condemned here, I'll be honest and share that I enjoyed as a "wild child," just about every form of sex (including full exploration with my female roommate). And I graduated with Jim, my exclusive sex partner after all the meaningless sex, and we have been very happily married for 20+ years now!
Creamy Patty, you sound quite interesting ;).
I've known a few women who have played with other girls, all of them Christians. I think women are just like that with sexuality, it's different for men.
Mind you, we were dating before being serious christians.
I was more inexperienced, he was very. Experienced. By the second date we were naked and had done oral, manual and penetration.
Within a few months, anal and same room sex with others. (No swapping though)
Do I regret it?
Nope
Do I recommend it?
Nope
What I so recommend is brutally honest conversation about sex before getting serious though
Lady L.
Boob play (including oral, penis). Mutual masturbation (fingers only) direct on penis, clit. Did it affect our marriage? Hard to know, since it’s not possible to know what the marriage bed might have been like if we hadn’t.
Thank you for answering
Before marriage we did everything except oral on each other and intercourse. Lots of heavy petting and mutual masturbation including finger fucking. Lips on nipples. Full exposure.
Thanks for the reply.
My wife and I were very physical and did everything often except penetrative sex. Once while we were engaged we couldn't hold it in any longer and we did both get completely naked and we penetrated for a few strokes and then it hit us both to hold up. What I think it has done to our marriage…It has caused tension in the physical. We both still love sex and it has made us adventurous since we were sneaky with our physicalness before marriage. Now though, because we were so physical and did not really have to talk much about it and we never talked during our marriage counseling about sex with each other we don't know how to talk about sex outside of the marriage bed. I have a very hard time telling her what I am thinking (which is all the time) or that I want sex or try something. We are good at talking to each other while we are in the act of foreplay. However, I know she wishes I would talk more outside of sex especially to work up to it instead of me getting in the bed, rolling over and groping her, or rolling over and saying "you wanna have sex". I am reading a book 6 Pillars of Marriage to maybe help me with some of that. I just really need pointers and encouragement to bring up sexual intimacy to R when anytime outside the bedroom.
Thanks for the reply. I don’t know how you managed to stop the penetration encounter before finishing. That must have taken some restraint. When we did have penetrative intercourse, I only lasted a few strokes!
We had dater 4 years through HS. We did a lot except penetrative sex. I would say we don’t regret it. If anything it made the honey moon much more laid back and enjoyable since we had an idea of what each other liked.
Past kissing, we started with some titty & nipple play. Then we both worked our way south, and got handsy. Very handsy, with orgasms for both of us. (Things to do at the drive-in movie!)
We didn't do oral, or PIV until after we were married.
It sure made us hornier than all get out on our wedding night, which started with me giving her oral, and then PIV right after that!
Neither of us were churchgoers when we met. She had some church background & I was a christian. I was sexually active with a lot of regret. She was more, without any regret. We married within months of our first date. We hit it off very well. We were actively fucking plenty before marriage.
I saw my sexual experiences as sin. She did not. I had plans of marrying. She was open to marriage but was not in pursuit of it. Until I asked her. But, we were both wanting it.
Now, I regret not being a virgin before marriage. I hate myself for it. I wish I knew then what I know now. I'd have been much more on purpose digging into the sexual aspect before having it. I really would've wanted to know if I was marrying a Bonnie, to my Clyde.
I believed I was, though. Marrying the one. She still is. I meant my vows. But, sexually, without explanation, she lost that edge. She has no idea how that hurts.
I think what we missed out on was growing together sexually. We have never had any sense of adventure. I was really looking forward to that, too. It breaks my heart we never really became partners in sex.
We had both started our sexual adventure with others, & we never knew enough to start ours. She has no sense of this. I, mostly, am sad for it.
We have sex, but she controls it all so it doesn't go anywhere she doesn't want. I love conversation, play, & daring risky sex fun. She has no sense of romance, no desire to talk, or listen, & sex is me doing all the heavy lifting & she just lays back & plays referee while getting off 2-4 times every time we have sex. We had some spikes of greatness, but nothing permanent. And, many of those times I relished, but she seems to have regret, & maybe judgement.
If I'd have stayed a virgin til marriage, I'd at least know what is going on now is not for lack of trying. Seasonal sex at least. At best, mostly fall & winter.
For me, I know my heart wasn’t in the right place. Is that the cause of my sexless marriage and unfulfilled desires? I don’t know.
It is so easy to create a LINK between your current sexual struggles and “not being virgins on your wedding night”. But that link is a LIE – don’t believe the false narrative that you somehow “cursed” your future. One of the big lies of purity culture is that your married sex life would be “blessed” if you refrained from premarital sex. The fact that you said “I hate myself for it” (present tense) is awful and shows you still burden this guilt today. Dude, be free from that. I am totally convinced that your sex life would be in the same place today regardless. Your lack of “adventure” isn’t linked to having multiple partners before marriage. It’s a lie.
KM, & FL, I see what you mean. Even when you 2 are saying something different. If my sexlife were the success I know it could be, or just consistently better than what it is, or if there were more to work with I think I would be more upbeat & positive. Then I could let go, obviously. I know it is not all my fault. I know she is the non responsive one. Yet, I can't find the switch to fix it. Adjusting to that sucks. So far that keeps the feelings of guilt & failure from leaving. Somedays are better than others, but it never goes away.
Truly, understand & thank you for your words. You both know what you are talking about. You're both right & encouraging in your own way. Will seek out the truth in both, thanks.
We did alot of making out/kissing. Once we got engaged we were married 10 months later. During the engagement it got harder. We did some dry humping a few times. I felt under her bra once. Other than that, total virgins at 25. It was all new to us.
We dated for two years and engaged for one. Now married for 17 years. Our sex life has never only gotten better. But mostly due to having a positive and supportive relationship with good communication and a growth mindset.
During our dating phase it was mostly limited to long kissing sessions and heavy over clothes touching.
But once engaged, we got more adventurous, first with regular blowjobs and then me going down on her. We didn’t want for more. My wife loved to dress up in sexy lingerie and even got adventurous enough to swallow during oral.
It was only into a few years into marriage did she discover how to orgasm and that really changed everything.
I think the lack of proper sex education and self exploration meant she never truly knew what an orgasm felt like. Now she can’t get enough of them and it’s been fun making up for lost time.
We both were convinced that anything with bare genitals was out before marriage. By the time we were engaged, we'd:
– French kiss and make out practically every time we were together
– Be wrapped around each other
– Usually have shirts come off
– Fondle and grope everywhere but between the legs, both over and under clothes. We just couldn't get enough of the other's bottom, or of me feeling up her breasts!
– A few times having all outer clothes come off. More often just her clothes rather than both of us.
After engagement: more of the same, plus the occasional gentle exploration between the legs over fabric. She loved seeing my bulge twitch in response to her touch!
For some reason, we didn't have her end up topless. It left something for marriage, but maybe we'd might as well have had her breasts completely bared.
Frankly, I'd recommend seriously dating, and especially engaged, couples be open to doing similar as us. A good make out between an engaged man and woman is best when it ends up in undergarment or swimwear bottoms and nothing else – and particularly fun when it starts more clothed, hehe.
It's not my place to pronounce judgment on those who think differently. However, this WILL be a strong disagreement with, and departure from, the majority of the responses so far.
I find the responses to this question quite disheartening and concerning. The majority of the responses so far admit to doing just about everything up to, and sometimes including intercourse before marriage, which I think is very problematic. But that's not the main problem. We all fall short sometimes, even those of us who claim faith in Christ. We have to realize we're not going to be perfect, but then we still must decide to pursue increasing purity, righteousness and sanctification by the power of the Holy Spirit in us. So while the behavior is a problem, it's not the main one.
The bigger problem is that so many of the responses not only admit to sexual impropriety, but seem to think there's no problem with it, or even openly endorse it!
I'll be the first to admit that I myself have not been perfectly sexually pure. Though I remain a virgin, I have certainly made inappropriate use of pornography, and looked at and thought of women in very disrespectful ways.
I'll also be the first to admit that I don't have a perfect, thorough and air-tight case as to why, biblically, so many of these pre-marital sexual activities are inappropriate or sinful. However, I hope and believe that I have been trained well to discern between good and evil (Hebrews 5:14, Romans 12:2), and these things really do not sit right with me.
Paul makes clear in 1 Corinthians 7:36 that there IS a line of impropriety that should not be crossed before marriage. He doesn't specify where, but there IS a boundary. He also says that if a couple is burning with sexual desire, the solution is to GET MARRIED! (1 Corinthians 7:2, 9.) The solution is not for an unmarried couple to do married-couple activities. Marriage is the ONLY explicitly scripturally-approved outlet for sexual fulfillment. (Masturbation is a whole separate issue, and a very different thing that I can't get into here.)
I'm of the opinion that an unmarried couple who does everything BUT intercourse is no better than a couple who does everything INCLUDING intercourse. Sex is sex, no matter what form it takes.
Intercourse? That's sex.
Oral? That's sex.
Handjob or fingering? That's sex.
Our conscience should tell us this. If your wife went off and gave another man a blowjob, you would rightly feel that she had cheated on you and committed adultery. If your husband went off and fingered another woman and sucked on her breasts, you would rightly feel that he had cheated on you and committed adultery. It doesn't matter than a penis didn't enter a vagina, sex still happened. Betrayal still happened.
Premarital sex is admittedly a bit different because there is no covenant being violated. But there are still problems.
The excuse commonly used is that premarital sexual activity is okay because the couple is monogamous, or in love, or "in a committed relationship." But those first two don't justify it, and the third one is just flat out not true. If you haven't gotten married—if you haven't made a lifelong covenant and promised to never leave—then you aren't actually committed. Being committed means there is no going back. If you're dating, or even engaged, it's still entirely possible to back out with few repercussions. You're not truly committed.
Now, you may INTEND to get married, but that hasn't happened yet. We live in the dimension of time. Things have to be done in a proper order in that progression of time. One thing comes first, another thing comes later. You get education, you get training, you get tested on your skills, you get certificates of completion for all these things, and THEN—and ONLY then—do you get a driver's license. The highway patrol officer would rightly laugh in your face and take you to jail if you thought you were free to drive because you "intended" to get a driver's license.
Another excuse is that "it prepared us to have a better sex life when we got married" in some way. That could be true, but it's misleading. A couple would experience the same learning curve of sharing their sexuality whether they were married or not, so this "better prepared for married sex" idea presents no practical benefit, nor any moral justification. I, for one, would feel MUCH safer and more comfortable exploring that learning curve with someone who was fully committed to me, and who had vowed to stay with me and love me no matter what.
Spiritually, marriage is meant to represent Christ and the Church. As Christians, together, we are the Church, the Bride of Christ—but we are not yet married to Him. We are betrothed (2 Corinthians 11:2) and the marriage is still future (Revelation 19:7). Thus, we have a deep and beautiful relationship with Christ in this betrothal phase, in which our covenant with him has begun, and yet the fullness of our relationship—and the deepest depths of intimacy and communion—have not yet been fully realized, because the final marriage has not yet occurred. When we put sex before marriage, we disrupt and deface the representation that marriage is supposed to be. We paint a picture to ourselves, our partner, and everyone else, that is an inaccurate portrayal of what it is supposed to represent.
That's not to mention the avalanche of more tangible problems that come with extramarital sex, like STD risk, sexual, emotional and relational baggage, distraction from building more foundational areas of the relationship in the dating phase, and more.
I hope to look into this issue more and find more biblically solid reasons for this position, but these reasons are more than good enough for me.
I do think exact boundaries are slightly malleable depending on each couple's maturity in self control, but there is also an absolute boundary. I would state that boundary this way: Any act intended to cause sexual stimulation is inappropriate for an unmarried couple. That certainly means that PIV intercourse is off the table, but also oral, fingering, anal stimulation, breast/nipple play (on women AND men), dry humping, heavy petting, and anything else that causes direct sexual pleasure or stimulation. I'd say kissing (even passionately) is generally okay, but if it starts causing arousal, it would be wise to stop. By all means, acknowledge the arousal as a natural and normal thing for a couple who loves each other, but do not feed that fire until it is the right time for that fire to truly burn. Or in other words, do not "awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4).
I may not end up fulfilling my own standards perfectly, but I personally have even stronger boundaries for myself. I'm not yet married, and not currently dating, but when that time comes, I aspire not to kiss my future wife until we are engaged—not because I think it is somehow more holy or moral, but simply because it is wise, and more respectful of her. Furthermore, I am committed not to engage in any sexual stimulation or groping of intimate parts until we are married.
And frankly, I would strongly prefer not to marry a woman who has engaged in these things with another man. I might be willing to accept such a past if she had repented of it, but if she thought the way a lot of the responses above do—that groping and humping and pleasuring her previous boyfriends was perfectly acceptable—that's a total dealbreaker for me. No, I'll gladly wait for a woman who has more respect for herself and for me.
I pray that God would illuminate the hearts of his people—including me—with the truth in this matter, and that he would turn our hearts to follow his ways, which are always the best for us.
Totally agree with you, fingering another woman is actually sex because you're having contact with her clit or vulva but would you consider cheating with kissing another woman, for some people it isn't because it was just a kiss on the lips
You know, that's a really good point. Personally, I WOULD consider it to be cheating (a less severe form, but cheating nonetheless) if a married person kissed someone other than their spouse. (Assuming it's in a romantic way, not just a normal greeting that come cultures have outside the US.)
I don't think that undermines my point overall, but it does go to show that the standard isn't applied in the same way to premarital sex as it is to adulterous relationships. As I said in my original comment, there are definitely differences between the two situations, and this is one of those differences.
I think the reason is because kissing on the lips, in American culture, is something that ONLY takes place in romantic relationships, but it's not inherently a sexual act. Therefore, it can be appropriate for unmarried couples because it's not excessively sexual for a dating or engaged couple, but also simultaneously entirely inappropriate if you're already married to someone else, because the kiss implies a romantic interest in, or romantic relationship with that person, which would constitute abandonment and violation of their marriage.
yes I egree with you just for me French kissing another woman is a sexual act, at least for me and I don't know other men but for me, kissing another woman gets cock hard and it is so intimate for both, some women get wet too from making out. that's why for me it is a sexual act.
as a matter of fact kissing always leads to sex
***Spiritually, marriage is meant to represent Christ and the Church. As Christians, together, we are the Church, the Bride of Christ—but we are not yet married to Him and the remainder of this paragraph: ***This may be the strongest part of the argument.
Do Christians and their churches have this high view of God and of marriage – the event we call a wedding and (presumably the point in time where sex is not permitted and is permitted? If “marital” isn’t a big deal, then neither is “pre-marital.” Some churches do have a high view. Does this high view translate to lower incidents of pre-marital sex?
Bravo, PatientPassion, well said.
As I was scrolling down reading the comments, I thought I needed to comment.
My parents always taught us that penis and pussy are for self and spouse. Therefore PIV, oral, manual of another belong to the marriage bed. That some have no regrets does not mean it was not objectively wrong.
All sin leaves a stain on your soul, even if you don't see it.
Fornication and adultery are listed as sins. Oral and hand may not be mentioned, but as PP mentioned, if your spouse did that with someone else, you would consider that cheating. Remember Bill Clinton infamously saying he did not have relations with that woman? Where did that idea come from that oral sex is not sex? Yes it is!
Intercourse? That's sex.
Oral? That's sex.
Handjob or fingering? That's sex.
It is important to acknowledge that our sexuality is part of God's design for us. You all will know that I have long been an advocate for masturbation, it is a safe, God given outlet for your sexual energy.
Sex is part of the marital covenant, from sex comes children, which are best raised in a stable relationship – marriage. That is a basic reason why sex outside of marriage is wrong – it could bring forth children who by the parents actions are raised in a second-rate environment – or [have] much worse [things done to them]. [Small edit by MH: just trying to avoid issues that could stray into politics.]
In your time before getting married, sex and children are to be talked about. In that should be a sexual desire for each other, you should be getting horny thinking about your beloved, the Shulammite did (Songs 5:5), and it is okay to be horny around each other – it is what you do then that matters – sexual contact of your beloved's genitals is off limits until the wedding.
But you can masturbate yourselves, and I encourage you to do so. There has been previous discussion as to whether seeing each other masturbate while not married is a sin or not. I would say it is not, just like walking in on your sister as she is sexually pleasuring herself. I will say if it is an area of weakness/temptation for you – don't.
What you do need to do is talk about it.
Sarah K
Sarah k, very well stated. Agree 100%, as well as watching each other masturbate before marriage (if it is limited to that).
I walked in on my older brother when he was jacking when we were teens and he was very embarrassed. We talked about it, knowing that our mother knew and approved (normal for boys). After that, both of us masturbated – privately – with no guilt; totally free. We agreed that if we walked in on each other we’d keep going and no big deal.
My wife of 50+ years did masturbate before marriage – in front of each other and over the phone. Thankfully, by the grace of God, we were virgins on our marriage night. It was tough, though!!!
I appreciate your feedback, PatientPassion. I also find some of the comments here a bit disheartening. Sex is more than just PIV. Especially for many or most women – PIV often isn't enough on it's own to achieve orgasm. Restricting sex to only PIV greatly limits what sex is.
Everyone should know their convictions and boundaries. I don't think arousal toward the person you want to marry is wrong, so long as you're looking to consummate that desire in marriage. If it is wrong, than you also shouldn't be on this site, as it's intended to incite arousal through textual and visual depictions from/of others. The target and intent of the arousal is what's important. If it's restrained and looking forward to marriage, that's good. Intimacy and emotional and spiritual attachment towards a romantic interest should grow as the two people get closer to marriage.
I think when it comes to erogenous zones that are not sex organs, it's a gray area that's up to the couple to work out.
PP, thank you for this mature and Biblical approach. God will be honored in your patience.
Well both my wife and I have slept with other people before we met each other so we've been all the way. We don't regret it as the Bible doesn't outlaw sex before marriage as it's commonly taught.
I applaud MH for allowing this post. I was married and divorced before I met the true love of my life. I was no virgin. In fact, I was sexually active after my divorce and knew my way around a bedroom, back seat, cheap hotel room – you name it, I did it. We have been married now for 40 years and have a healthy and happy sex life into our 70s. Before we were married, we had a very passionate relationship, including penetrative sex. I can’t imagine marrying a man I haven’t slept with first. I’m not proud of this, but neither am I ashamed. Sexual compatibility is very important to a happy marriage. If that means wearing a scarlet letter, call me Hester.
Hi NaughtyWife,
I think if most Christians would admit it, we'd see an overwhelming majority have had sex before marriage. There is a false notion today amongst Christians that sex before marriage is sinful when this command doesn't exist in the Bible.
One would even be hard-pressed to Biblically argue for monogamy as being the only marriage system that God ordained, but that's another topic entirely, but mentioned to support what I say that some of the premises of this site are not the only way for believers.
I am glad that you have not let shame wear at you!
TheErect, you should scroll up in the comments and find the comment by Patientpassion. I’d be interested in seeing you address the Biblical (and logical) approach he made regarding premarital sex. At the moment you have only offered your opinion without any Biblical support.
Hello everybody. I did not create the original post for this subject/discussion, but I found it fascinating in the myriad of replies. Especially if you had sex before marriage or not. And why.
My mother gave my sister and myself sexual lessons when we hit about 12. Her talks, books and videos were very concise and detailed showing anything and everything.
I chose in the survey here that I would wait till after marriage to have penetrative sex to satisfy my mother. I was quite glad I did. We go5t married and headed off to the hotel. We got naked and got on the bed where we took things slow. I wanted him and we got down to business. After the preliminaries he got very hard and erect after I sucked him. He penetrated me slowly and I was calling out with pleasure. A cock in me wasn't what I had experienced and it was so glorious. He pumped me with his gorgeous organ. When he finally came I couldn't believe the joy and intense feelings I had.
Waiting for that made the experience so wonderful that when we have sex now I go back to the hotel experience. For me, my mother was right that I waited.
Thank you all for posting.
When my wife and I were dating, we started off innocent enough, only holding hands and hugging. We were both Christians and both virgins and we agreed not to have sex before marriage. Several months onto our relationship, we started kissing. This led to groping outside clothing which eventually led to groping under the clothes and some light dry humping. Then one day in the movie theater, she took my hand and guided it down her pants and put relationship was never the same again. Fingering and handjobs became regular parts of our make out sessions. Often we would strip down to nothing but our underwear. When apart, we would sext. Somehow, we avoided crossing the line to oral or PIV sex until we married.
At multiple points in our relationship, we questioned whether what we were doing was right or if we needed to cool things down. That never lasted long, but still we wondered whether we went too far. I thought long and hard about this (pun intended), even after we married. It was the source of many questions: did we sin? Was our marriage based on merely the shaky foundation of physical attraction?
Were there benefits to such a physical relationship before marriage? For one, it added depth to our relationship. We also understood each other's sexual responses and how to make each other orgasm, at least with our hands. But these are things we easily could have learned as newlyweds. Sexual compatibility is something that you learn and develop over time.
Was there harm or sin in what we did? While we did not violate the letter of the law by having PIV sex, but did we violate the spirit of it? Jesus makes it clear in Matthew 5 that the spirit of the Law matters more than the letter. So why does the Bible repeatedly forbid fornication (sex before marriage) in both old and new Testaments? It is to protect us, particularly women, from those who would take advantage of us. Because marriage is a lifelong, exclusive covenant, it weeds out those who aren't truly committed. They aren't worth it anyway. It also protects us from the consequences of sex like pregnancy out of wedlock, heartbreak, STDs, or any other physical or emotional baggage we may bring to a future marriage. My wife and I were lucky that we ended up marrying each other. If we had broken up after getting so physically involved, that could lead to a lot of unhealthy comparisons and other baggage in any future relationships.
So yeah, I think we went too far and we were lucky to have remained together. But when I look back at those times, I look on them as times she and I grew together. Any sin involved has been forgiven and I can move on from the guilt. For anyone starting a relationship, I would recommend stopping at kissing until you are both willing to commit to a lifetime together. I would also recommend against long courtships and long engagements. Don't make the wait any harder on yourselves! As Solomon says in Proverbs 5:18, delight in the wife of your youth!
I had been with a couple partners and she had too before we got together, and we also engaged in full penetration before marriage. These things didn’t hurt our marriage or our sex life one bit. I generally tend to think that the link between premarital activities and quality of marriage or married sex life is false…and I also recognize that there are some very real and valid stories represented here in the comments (I see you Mary Ann).