Receiving Advances – Questions for Wives
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For the wives: While married, have you been “hit on” by a man other than your husband? Or have you had anyone make sexual comments about you?
For those who have experienced this, how did you feel about it? What was your reaction and response? Were you offended? Flattered? Turned on? Did you make your reaction known, or maybe even flirt back a little?
Was your husband okay with any of this? What was his reaction and response?
Give us some answers in the poll, and then add some details and discuss in the comments!
We went out for breakfast for my wife's birthday at a local hotel and this guy who was serving us was flirting with my wife by trying to be funny and just could tell he thought my wife is hot. I really like that as it gives her confidence and shows that my gal is hot.
Happily married in our 60s.
1. Yes, I have been hit on by other men, and women for years.
2. Yes. I have had sexual comments made about me, as has my husband.
3. My feelings about it varied over the years, from flattered to sometimes aroused to offended. Dependent on how brazened or crude the advances were.
4. My reactions was never to flirt back. Over the years our sexual relationship has matured due to circumstances our marriage has endured and grown from.
We started dating in the '70s. I was church raised but not serious about my faith. He was not church raised and hence more wild and more sexually.
As you would expect our sexual life started early after dating and I was adapting to his ways. We loved one another and our monogamy wasn't based on faith but on that fact that we loved and belonged to one another.
After marriage a change in our faith and children happened. I began to get closer to other women in the church to try to grow and learn my faith and how to live it out. He was going to church as well but not losing his perspective of reason and logic. I on the other hand eat up everything I was being told. Not everything was necessarily biblical but it came from people who professed faith and had been in the faith longer than I. Looking back on it their perspective was based on their own biases and assumptions..
As a result of both my becoming more strict in my religious views and due to the pressures of growing children and work our sexual Life dwindled and became more of a duty to perform then a blessing to enjoy.
This happened over a number of years.
It got to the point where sex was no longer of any consequence between us as far as I was concerned. He on the other hand, although fervent and faith was also going through his own struggles sexually..
In other words I was the one that was forsaking our relationship.
Our kids were grown and out of the house.
He ended up having an affair.
One thing led to another and I found out. I was extremely hurt and bewildered, But I still loved him.
This led to months and months of talk and my eyes being opened to the importance of an enjoyable and adventurous sex life within a marriage.
We started to change our views on things and the way we did things.
Now early on up to this point I had been approached and he had seen it. He would feel jealousy and possessive.
I felt the same
But as our assurance of one another's love became more apparent that feeling of jealousy and possessiveness lessened. The way he put it after the affair and our sexual revolution was that he came to the conclusion that if I was going to cheat then I was going to cheat. It was in my hands. He had also come to the conclusion of the responsibilities of a husband and wife. Part of that being the intimate sexual parts of marriage that they shared. That monogamy was not only showing Fidelity in not cheating but it was also showing Fidelity to committing sexually to another. It was more or less a contract, an agreement between the both of us.
And when I began to pull away he began to pull away. Every action on one part produces and equal and opposite reaction of the other part. As is too often the case exterior forces produce interior problems within a marriage.
Anybody who has followed our writings here knows of my struggle with attraction to other women. And that in my thirties I met a woman 19 years older than I who I came very close to having sexual relations with. And I'm confessing that I wanted it to. (We remained friends for years and I credit my sexual growth as a woman to her wisdom.)
My attraction to women was something I never shared with him but always sought to be delivered of. It never went away!
After the affair and our subsequent discussions we began to come to new agreements as to what we would do sexually with each other that would stay within the confines of what we believed to be a biblical monogamous marriage.
What pleasures we shared we're constructive to our bond.
I brought all of my attraction to women and this intrigued him of course as most men would be. But we agreed that there would never be another relationship outside of the two of us.
We adopted many different sexual practices between us trying all sorts of things.
As long as it wasn't expressly prohibited by scripture or unsafe or unlawful we would be willing to try it together.
Many of these things we still find pleasure in other things not so much. And it was no problem we just threw it out and went on to the next thing.
Over the years myself image due to our love growing and our intimacy and the enjoyment of it growing.
One of the lessons I learned from the woman that I mentioned earlier was our lead to explore our femininity and sexuality. She taught me the importance and power of lingerie not only in the eyes of my husband but in my self-esteem.
All of the things that I'm telling you are not things that happened quickly they developed over time.
Now back to being hit on.
As our love grew jealousy no longer had a foothold in our marriage and the acceptance that everybody is going to find somebody else attractive.
For him he will see women that he will think are attractive. For me it's both men and women. We've come to the point of being able to discuss openly or sexual thoughts and desires. And what we have done is take these thoughts and desires along with the occasional approaches of others as you would say hitting on us or flirting with us and we will use that to the advantage of our sexual adventures. We don't do anything with anybody else but each other but because we could talk openly without feeling jealous or unloved we are able to discuss these things between us and use them for our own arousal. This in turn becomes some very passionate sexual experiences between us.
As my self-image began to grow we developed practices when we would be away from people we knew on vacation where I would dress more freely and unrestricted.
For those who would be judgmental you would call it slutty. But it was for him.
It would draw the attention of both men and women but it was for the purposes of our bond of marriage.
I would not recommend this to anybody who has a problem with possessiveness or jealousy. This was a long process between us!
But we have found that secrets are no longer needed. Being attracted to someone else need not be a secret. But that in sharing these innermost feelings and thoughts we are able to discuss between ourselves and live in light and truth with one another.
Sorry this was such a long answer
[From MH: All good! We expect long answers on discussion posts, because people often have a lot of valuable insights and experiences to share!]
I'm single and I've never been hit on. 😂
That may not be true.
There have been times where men were in their own way hinting at their attraction to me but I wasn't connecting the dots. Either my husband or a girlfriend with pointed out to me afterwards.
Especially in the case of people in the church There is an attempt to keep things in a proper perspective and it comes across as just being nice.
My guess is you have been the subject of fantasies without knowing it.
I have to agree with Tutchh. There may not have been a blatant, “Hey babe,” or catcalling kind of moment, but I can’t imagine a world where a beautiful young woman such as yourself hasn’t been flirted with or at least silently checked out.
Even if your church doesn’t have a lot of younger or eligible guys, I can promise that you have been appreciatively observed.
The same could be said of your workplace, shopping venue, coffee shop, or pretty much wherever you go.
There’s no way guys aren’t noticing you.
And if I may be so bold as to add that while you avoid certain specifics about your appearance on here, (and that’s probably wise), based on the clues you have given, I have no doubt that you are a very beautiful and attractive woman.
And if I may be bolder still, although you often reference your smaller breast size, there are many, many men including yours truly that appreciate a smaller bust.
Although the odds of us ever meeting IRL are pretty slim, I have no doubt that if I ever saw you, even if I didn’t know who you were, I would definitely do a double take.
Look in the mirror, wink, and appreciate the alluring sexiness of your appearance.
Wassup baby how you doin?
There! Now you have.
[From MH: We allowed this comment because we found it cute and funny. However, we would also like to remind everyone that flirtatious behavior toward other members is not what this site is for, and in most other cases will be inappropriate, and may have to be edited or removed my moderators. Thanks for helping us keep MH a safe and encouraging space for everyone!]
I love when my wife gets hit on. It makes me so proud and I love showing her off when we go out on dates. I would actually really enjoy the chance to see her be approached by men while sitting at a nice bar and I’m on the opposite end.
I see the voting is leaning towards the positive. As long as we dismiss anything lewd or offensive and we don’t cross lines of fidelity, I don’t see the harm.
Different people have different views, and to each their own, I suppose.
I've been hit on by guys and girls. Most my husband knows about and it turns him on as it does me. We go out sometimes and he will leave me alone so i will get hit on and i catch him watching from afar. There have been a few times ive taken it to far and made out with them gay and girls. Im not proud of and thought of more a time or to as well. Its a very fine line to walk even in a totally commited loving marriage.
If it's of any consolation Aimee, I find it more satisfying to get another females attention as well. And quite often have thought about what it would be like to engage intimately with them
💋💦💦
Jim and I have been hit on many times, and as long as it is done in a “classy” way, it’s a turn on for both of us. Many of my stories describe such encounters if you check them out. Love the comments! Love to all…
The husband here. Once when our twins were still quite young (2??) we stopped at a bread store to stock up. When we came out and got the girls in their car seats a couple of guys came up and hit on my DW. They wanted to go party somewhere. She told them "I am married – and he is right there." I was still strapping the car seats down. They looked thru the window and told her "Bring him along. We'll get him drunk and ditch him somewhere." She just laughed and I got in and we drove off. She was beaming for 2 or 3 days after that.
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I'm a bit late to this, but I will respond. I've never received any sexual comments. And I've even been told that my husband is very attractive and should have picked someone better looking than me. That one hurt, but my husband thinks I'm attractive, so I always have to keep that in mind when I hear those types of comments. However, just in recent months, I've been hit on at least once and very likely twice. On a sports message forum where I was very active, a guy teased me and said he'd marry me if I wasn't such a fan of a rival sports team. I thought that was kind of funny. And at church, I'm now convinced a gentleman's chivalry toward me is the result of attraction. He's never made any direct comments since he knows I'm married and is a nice Christian fellow, but he likes having proximity to me, letting me ahead of him in line at the fellowship lunches, noticed I was staring at him once (he's rather attractive) and went out of his way to get near me and come say hi, and he's even accidentally bumped into me before. He also has given gifts to my son. He's single and around my age and has said he wishes he were a father, but is too shy. Since my husband doesn't follow the faith (I came to belief after meeting him), my husband is never present at church with me and my son. I wonder if this guy notices that and presumes my husband might leave someday and is trying to charm me in the event it might happen. But my husband adores me and this fellow will have to keep admiring me from afar.