Faithfulness without sex?
Hello this is my first post. I have been a member for about a year but never posted a story until now. I would like to know how do other people keep their marriage affair free. I know that this is a christian sex site But what else do some of y’all couples do out there to remain faithful. Do have date night or play games (we like to play uno together). Do you pray together and study the word together? I see so many couples get divorced over cheating and I’m Sick of it. I love this site and how it encourages us to have sex under the bounds of God and marriage, but we all know it’s not just about sex (no matter how good feels lol). What do y’all couples do after you have a fight. What do y’all do to stay together? Even though we have never met I feel like y’all are my family so I’m not afraid to ask these questions. Please comment xoxo
Well Madeleine,I’ll try to answer every question for you. Date night is a good chance to be alone,catch up on the week,maybe even rekindle a fire. Date night is just a chance to bond together alone. My wife(Jessica) and I do play games together we are both competitive people so it comes natural. Also when playing a game you can be flirtatious for example you are playing uno,your husband picks up a wild card,you could play with him in that way like bending down showing breast or butt or for every number you do a different thing like lap dance,etc (my wife does this). My wife and I pray together every night I’m home(I travel for work) and every night I’m not home over face time,Skype or by phone call. I think its a good thing for a Christian couple to do together. After a fight we normally give each other space and afterwards talk to each other calmly and respectfully,its hard sometimes to have a argument because we have 3 little ones. I think that if you are in love with someone nothing could tear the couple apart unless its something that cant be fixed. I hope this helped. God bless
Hi Madeline,
First and foremost I think that it is mainly men who actively seek out extra-marital relations. I can’t say for sure, and I don’t have any stats to back it up, but with our society today thinking and teaching that men are naturally unfaithful and almost expected to cheat it isn’t a wonder that so many do. At any rate to answer your questions.
First and foremost it is important for both the man and woman to know and understand the roles that God has intended for the men and woman. (Like what it says in the epistles and such) I’m not talking about the archaic wifes do as your husbands say no matter what kind of thing it is. But more along the lines of equal, but not quite equal, partenership it’s intended to be. Kind of hard to explain. God created woman from his own rib. That means the woman is from close to his heart and needs to be protected and loved. The woman was also created to be a helpmate for Adam in the garden.
This leads me to my second point. Spouses need to support one another. Most times I had family or friends split up has usually been because one, or both, talk bad about their spouse and put them down both in private and public. Sure there’s other reasons too but this has seemed to be a common factor with a lot of breakups I’ve seen. If a man or woman is being belittled by their spouse, then when an opportunity to be unfaithful presents itself, it is easier for them to succumb to the temptation.
The other main reason I have seen, and usually paired with the belittling, is lack of sex with their partner. When one spouse does not want to have sex often, the other feels neglected and eventually looks for it elsewhere. This can either be an extra-marital affair, or even watching porn. It talks about in the bible how the wifes body belongs to the husband and the husbands body belongs to his wife. (Believe it’s in 1 Corinthians) And what I gather from the intent of the scriptures is that you have sex with your partner even if you don’t want to. Yes I know it’s not always easy to get ready, at least for a guy as they tend to have to be aroused to have sex, but either way if you give sex to your partner when they want it (even if you don’t feel like it), then they will give it to you when you want it, even if they don’t feel like it.
For the most part I have seen it is usually the woman who doesn’t want to have sex for any number of reasons, but I have seen it both ways. And to be honest, at least with myself, when I ask my wife for sex, it usually only takes me a minute or two to finish and usually my wife will say something sarcastic along the lines of “that sure took a lot of work” or something else along those lines. Another thing to note on this is that if you are always having quickie sex that can also lead some spouses to seek extra as they are longing for the long intense love making session and not the wham bam thank you type of sex. I am always up for quickies but I do want and enjoy the longer sessions.
My second to last point is that a really good way to ensure you don’t cheat is to make sure you don’t put yourself in the position to cheat. Outside of work it is not okay for a married man/woman to spend time with someone of the opposite sex by themselves without another same sex friend with them, or their spouse. My brother in law and his wife split because of infidelity and I tried to warn my sister in law when her husband was posting pictures of him and another girl hanging out at the beach (by themselves) drinking alchol and such. I warned her that that behavior is indicitave of something else in the works. Her reply was that she knew about her husband and the girls “friendship” and that she approved and consented of it. But after a few months she came to me and said that I was right and that she should have done something about it then. (And yes for those of you wondering I did talk to my brother in law about this as well)
My last point is doing things together. Like you mentioned playing cards or boardgames together is great. Date nights are great. I STRONGLY encourage you to spend time with each other in God’s Word. Either as a bible study, or a book or such thing. Couples who grow together in God’s word, grow together and make a stronger marriage. This is utmost and key.
Two sidenotes here that apply to a lot of other things, and not just marriage. First is that Porn is bad. Watching, or even reading (and yes reading stories on this site) takes away from ones desire for their spouse. A couple of years back I stopped watching porn altogether and it worked amazingly on how much I desire my wife. Porn and most erotica stories place unreal expectations on what is or isn’t sex. And when your real sex doesn’t seem to match the fake sex, you can start to feel that sex with someone else might be the answer. For the most part I have found the stories on this site to be great and reinforcing the marriage bond, some have things in them that use sinful/inappropriate actions (such as the one I saw the other day about the husband masturbating his wife in the back seat of a taxi while they were going to their hotel.)
And second sidenote. Adultery is the only sin that has the allowing of divorce. But even then it states that the spouses should try to reconcile and work through it. If you can’t get back together then you are supposed to stay divorced because otherwise if you remarry you will be committing adultery with your new spouse. (No I am not judging if you have been divorced and/or remarried just mentioning that God wants us to do otherwise, I have no ill-will to any who have been divorced or remarried.) So if you are separated or divorced (and not remarried) I strongly encourage to try and work through it and get back together. I just pray that this never comes to people, although the statistics indicate otherwise.
God Bless.
*Edit: God created woman from Adam’s rib. Not his own. ;o) And I was meaning that a majority of erotica is not good. However most that I have found on this site is good and reinforces the marriage bond. But even these stories can become a problem if it starts becoming a replacement for sex, or the reading of them takes away from your marriage, or causes your spouse to have hurt feelings.
Hey Madeleine! GG here. I believe that making time for each other, be sure to tell your spouse you love them daily and often, never go to bed angry, pray and worship God together and keep it hot in bed.
A dear friend of mine once said, ” Keep their stomachs full and their balls drained, faithfulness comes easy!” funny but in alot of ways true don’t ya think?
Thanks for posting this sweetheart! God bless and stay horny my dear friend.
Haha stomachs full and balls empty lol. I’m glad you made it back safely my sweet friend PS. Do you say stay horny to other couples that is not on the site to like your real life friends ( just wondering)
Thank you for your responses I just wanted to pick everyone’s brain about this subject it has been bothering for Years! Like how you said its in the media everywhere and what bothers me is that people think that just because you become married your sex life is supposed to die after a year psh
GG here. No, the “stay horny” thing is just something I say on this site. It came about because the endings to my comments seemed kind of blunt. Plus it kinda fit the mood I was in. It just kinda stuck with me. Tried dropping it once but it didn’t feel right.
My wife and I work in a marriage ministry as well as lead groups focused on marriage and family. Here’s my take on what it really takes:
1. God HAS to be the main focus in your house. It is easy to get caught up in schedules, kids, etc. But reality is both spouses have to keep their eyes focused on Him first.
2. Second is each other. Not the kids. Not your jobs. Each other.
3. Kids are next, but everything else will fall into line if you keep #1 and #2 in proper order.
4. Understand your spouses love language and speak it often. For instance, my wife’s is touch first, quality time and acts of service a close 2nd/3rd. Her idea of touch is non-sexual…but when I speak this language without sexual intention, it often turns into sexual.
5. Intimacy is important. Most couples have a high drive spouse and a low drive spouse. The high drive spouse has to be aware that the low drive spouse will not feel like sex as often as they do. They low drive spouse has to realize that the high drive spouse has a physiological and emotional need that has to be met. But beyond high drive/low drive, sex is meant to be a time of enjoying each other physically, creating an emotional a spiritual connection to each other. Withholding sex is not Biblical and it should not be done just because you are upset with your spouse. Never stop growing in your intimate relationship. Sex is meant to be enjoyable. For you that may be one thing but for your spouse that may be something else. Talk about your turn-ons. Find out what makes each other excited. Be willing to try anything that does not violate the marriage bed (i.e. no pornography, other people, etc).
6. Find shared hobbies. Find something you can get out and do together that allows you to spend time outside of the house with each other.
7. Surround yourself with others who exhibit a great Godly marriage. Never stop building your own marriage, let them encourage and challenge you, and you do the same for them.
8. And more than anything, referring back to number 1 somewhat, realize that you are two people, broken and of need of a Savior, grace, and love. That is where God comes in. We cannot live up to His love, but with His help, we can love our spouse better than without Him. Learn to serve your spouse, forgive and extend grace just like God extended His grace to us.
It makes me happy when I see you have written that to be honest it’s like your trade mark, when you die ( not saying I want you too btw lol I hope you live at least another 60 years) that should be on your tombstone
I agree you with everything you said especially about surrounding yourself with others in a godly marriage I try to watch who I hand around
All of these comments are great! Josh and I do a date every other week to keep connected and be just a couple. We also like to watch tv shows together, take walks, and cook together. 🙂
Amen
My wife always says, “love is not a feeling, it is a commitment to action”…. it is rare to find a woman who believes this. This is the philosophy that our marriage is built on and it has kept us faithful. I also like the saying “a successful marriage is the union of two great forgivers.”
How to keep a marriage affair free? Simple, one word answer: Commitment.
All the suggestions above are great, and should be included in every marriage. But none of them will help if you’re not fully, 100% vested in your spouse, your marriage, your family.
I can guarantee that no matter how committed you are, you’re going to be tempted to wander. The strength of your commitment may be the only thing that keeps you faithful.
A lot of people will tell you (and have told you right here) to keep God at the center of your marriage. I agree, but I also know, from my own experience, when I’m not feeling the love of my wife (as I perceive it), I don’t always look to God for answers. I feel alone, isolated, hurt, angry. Praying isn’t easy for me.
In those times, my commitment to Heather saved me from walking down the wrong path. My word is my bond. Sometimes that’s all I feel like I have. If I don’t have my integrity, I have nothing.
Agreed