The Dangers of Wife Sharing
Once upon a time there was a man who had potential to do great good. He was privileged to possibly have known Jesus. We know for a fact that he knew the Apostles! We read that he was appointed as one of the first seven deacons. His name was Nicolaus. In the Bible, we read the names of those appointed to the new office of deacon in the early church, “This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolaus from Antioch, a convert to Judaism.” (Acts 6:5) The first six deacons served God honorably. Ancient sources tell us that the seventh deacon listed left the faith. An apostolic father, name Irenaeus talked about Nicolaus. Check out this link
We read accounts of what happened to this early church leader in early church sources. Nicolaus had a beautiful wife and according to many ancient sources Nicolaus mixed Christianity with immorality.
Clement of Alexandria wrote, “Nicolaus, they say, had a lovely wife. When after the Savior’s ascension he was accused before the apostles of jealousy.” Nicolaus did not repent of his jealousy. Instead, he took offense. In a twist of values, Nicolaus, possibly in an effort to prove he had no jealously reverted to wife sharing instead. Again Clement of Alexandria writes, “He brought his wife into the concourse and allowed anyone who so desired to “marry” her. For, they say, this action was appropriate to the saying: “One must abuse the flesh.” Those who share his heresy follow both his action and his words simply and without qualification by indulging in the gravest enormity…” (Clement of Alexandria works)
The followers of Nicolaus are mentioned again in the book of Revelations. Some in the church at Pergamum held to the teachings of Nicolaus. These teachings allowed for all kinds of immoral behavior. The apostle John writes, “Likewise you also have those who hold to the teaching of the Nicolaitans” (Revelations 2:15). The leaders of this church did not preach strong enough about the dangers of wife sharing in the church. Some have said, this could not have been one of the first deacons. Other say it was. The point is this sort of thing happened in the early church and it still happens today. Many Christian men do not have a clear understanding about the Biblical way. The Biblical way of sexuality is between one man and one woman in marriage exclusively.
(Note: It is possible that some traditional sources were talking about a different Nicolaus. But many different ancient sources point to this Nicolaus. The fact is that many gnostic Christians left the path of Biblical sexuality. This certainly could have been a different Nicolaus, as some commentators like Ungers have said, but the warning to every man and woman is the same. Do not leave the faith.)
Married men need to humbly cultivate their fantasy imaginations to not hurt their wives in ways that lead them to compromise their purity. Many in our culture have tried to glamorize “alternative” expressions of sexuality in the name of “spicing things up.” The dangers of wife sharing are not talked about very much, but there are many.
The Dangers of Wife Sharing
You put her in danger of losing her spiritual walk. Wife sharing is clearly prohibited in scripture. Many who convince their wives to be entered by another man are leading them into sin. God is not pleased. We read in I Corinthians 6:18-20, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
Pornography idealizes many practices that bring discontent. Wife sharing is idealized. The fact is when a husband shares his wife many unintended consequences occur. The wife is introduced to comparison and performance. Sex often becomes rated. One man has a bigger “tool” than another one. One lasts longer. Sexuality leaves the realm of exclusive connection where you go deep with each other in marriage and arrives at a place merely about pleasure, experience and performance.
Large numbers of women have contracted sexually transmitted diseases from the practice of wife sharing. The is one of the dangers of wife sharing that could lead to death. Nothing is more respectful of your wife than to be protected in the exclusive relationship of hot monogamy. The Center for Disease control writes, “STDs are one of the most critical health challenges facing the nation today. CDC estimates that there are 19 million new infections every year in the United States.”
When a husband shares his wife, he puts the marriage in danger of divorce. If you research this question on Google, the wife sharing community says their divorce rates are lower because of the variety of sexual experiences. The studies however, always seem to have a flaw. It does not poll those who have not made it because the sharing already harmed the relationship. The studies are in the population of those who promote wife sharing. Ask pastors who are experienced and they will tell you that wife sharing is harmful.
Wife Sharing is No Fix.
The Bible clearly teaches that the marriage bed is to stay pure. A married man must own this. Instead of sharing, he needs to be caring about the needs of his wife. He is called to bring her his deepest exclusive love. Keep her far from the dangers of wife sharing and keep her near his heart and body. There is no good reason for wife sharing.
Some argue that giving a wife different men will bring her more sexual pleasure. Really, a nice selections of vibrators will do just fine and still keep her safe.
Most sex places on the web encourage wife sharing. Marriage Heat has received many comments from people who know the dangers of wife sharing and have written to us and commented how helpful this website is for promoting hot monogamy.
Let us be of those who do not settle for practices that dishonor God and put our spouses in danger. We are very interested in hearing what our Marriage Heat leaders say about the dangers of wife sharing or swinging?
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