Dangers of Wife Sharing

The Dangers of Wife Sharing

Once upon a time there was a man who had potential to do great good. He was privileged to possibly have known Jesus.  We know for a fact that he knew the Apostles! We read that he was appointed as one of the first seven deacons. His name was Nicolaus. In the Bible, we read the names of those appointed to the new office of deacon in the early church,  “This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolaus from Antioch, a convert to Judaism.” (Acts 6:5)  The first six deacons served God honorably. Ancient sources tell us that the seventh deacon listed left the faith. An apostolic father, name Irenaeus talked about Nicolaus. Check out this link

We read accounts of what happened to this early church leader in early church sources. Nicolaus had a beautiful wife and according to many ancient sources Nicolaus mixed Christianity with immorality.

Clement of Alexandria wrote,  “Nicolaus, they say, had a lovely wife. When after the Savior’s ascension he was accused before the apostles of jealousy.”  Nicolaus did not repent of his jealousy. Instead, he took offense. In a twist of values, Nicolaus, possibly in an effort to prove he had no jealously reverted to wife sharing instead. Again Clement of Alexandria writes,  “He brought his wife into the concourse and allowed anyone who so desired to “marry” her. For, they say, this action was appropriate to the saying: “One must abuse the flesh.” Those who share his heresy follow both his action and his words simply and without qualification by indulging in the gravest enormity…” (Clement of Alexandria works)

The followers of Nicolaus are mentioned again in the book of Revelations. Some in the church at Pergamum held to the teachings of Nicolaus. These teachings allowed for all kinds of immoral behavior. The apostle John writes, “Likewise you also have those who hold to the teaching of the Nicolaitans” (Revelations 2:15). The leaders of this church did not preach strong enough about the dangers of wife sharing in the church. Some have said, this could not have been one of the first deacons. Other say it was. The point is this sort of thing happened in the early church and it still happens today. Many Christian men do not have a clear understanding about the Biblical way. The Biblical way of sexuality is between one man and one woman in marriage exclusively.

(Note: It is possible that some traditional sources were talking about a different Nicolaus. But many different ancient sources point to this Nicolaus. The fact is that many gnostic Christians left the path of Biblical sexuality. This certainly could have been a different Nicolaus, as some commentators like Ungers have said, but the warning to every man and woman is the same. Do not leave the faith.)

Married men need to humbly cultivate their fantasy imaginations to not hurt their wives in ways that lead them to compromise their purity. Many in our culture have tried to glamorize “alternative” expressions of sexuality in the name of “spicing things up.” The dangers of wife sharing are not talked about very much, but there are many.


The Dangers of Wife Sharing

Spiritual Harm.

You put her in danger of losing her spiritual walk. Wife sharing is clearly prohibited in scripture. Many who convince their wives to be entered by another man are leading them into sin. God is not pleased. We read in I Corinthians 6:18-20, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

Discontent Sexuality.

Pornography idealizes many practices that bring discontent. Wife sharing is idealized. The fact is when a husband shares his wife many unintended consequences occur. The wife is introduced to comparison and performance. Sex often becomes rated. One man has a bigger “tool” than another one. One lasts longer. Sexuality leaves the realm of exclusive connection where you go deep with each other in marriage and arrives at a place merely about pleasure, experience and performance.


Large numbers of women have contracted sexually transmitted diseases from the practice of wife sharing. The is one of the dangers of wife sharing that could lead to death. Nothing is more respectful of your wife than to be protected in the exclusive relationship of hot monogamy. The Center for Disease control writes, “STDs are one of the most critical health challenges facing the nation today. CDC estimates that there are 19 million new infections every year in the United States.”


When a husband shares his wife, he puts the marriage in danger of divorce. If you research this question on Google, the wife sharing community says their divorce rates are lower because of the variety of sexual experiences. The studies however, always seem to have a flaw. It does not poll those who have not made it because the sharing already harmed the relationship. The studies are in the population of those who promote wife sharing. Ask pastors who are experienced and they will tell you that wife sharing is harmful.

Wife Sharing is No Fix.

The Bible clearly teaches that the marriage bed is to stay pure. A married man must own this. Instead of sharing, he needs to be caring about the needs of his wife. He is called to bring her his deepest exclusive love. Keep her far from the dangers of wife sharing and keep her near his heart and body. There is no good reason for wife sharing.

Some argue that giving a wife different men will bring her more sexual pleasure. Really, a nice selections of vibrators will do just fine and still keep her safe.

Most sex places on the web encourage wife sharing. Marriage Heat has received many comments from people who know the dangers of wife sharing and have written to us and commented how helpful this website is for promoting hot monogamy.

Let us be of those who do not settle for practices that dishonor God and put our spouses in danger. We are very interested in hearing what our Marriage Heat leaders say about the dangers of wife sharing or swinging?


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13 replies
  1. Hapy Chap says:

    My wife and I went down this road and the consequences were devastating. 5 years later we are still suffering from the ‘fallout’. It is only by God’s grace through his son Jesus that we are being restored. However it would have saved us much pain, heartache & regret had we not foolishly turned down this road. We can both testify that this is not Gods way and that he does not want any of his children to be caught up in the false ‘promises’ the lifestyle offers. I have an amazing wife & it is so hard to keep the marriage bed pure & honor her for who she is to me as a wife and who she is as a daughter of the most high God because of what we did. He can work all things together for the good of those who love him. A scripture through the love & grace of Jesus that has helped us move past the regrets of the foolish choices we made. Our advice if you are tempted to indulge in the lifestyle, DONT. you will always be disappointed, your faith WILL die as you will know in your heart of hearts that it is NOT God’s way and you will be grieving the Holy Spirit. The walk of restoration for us has been long and very hard and it is by grace alone that we have made it this far and that we continue to walk whilst we still pick up the pieces of the destructive consequences of the choices we made in indulging in that lifestyle.

    • Passion says:

      Wow. Hapy Chap. What was the lure into the “lifestyle?” It is getting more common to get asked to “swing” Was it fun at first? When did it start destroying your marriage? Can you write your testimony?

  2. Seeking Passion says:

    I couldn’t agree more with this article. This article should be shared on a social website to make everyone aware of this. Sharing your body with someone other than your spouse is very dangerous, in more ways than one. Nothing good can from it; it will only create a huge distant that will be very difficult and painful to close; if it can be closed. No one should open Pandora’s Box unless they are ready to reap the consequences that comes along with it. You are jeopardizing your faith, your marriage, your family, your health, and your mental; emotional; and physical health.

    It’s very displeasing to God. God intended for sex to be between a husband and wife. The marriage bed should be kept pure at all times regardless of what needs spicing up. Going outside of marriage is in no way exciting. Marriage is a blessing and it is sacred and it should be treated that way at all times. Marriage is the personal golden key to a happy, God centered, and fulfilling sex life that is only meant for the two that God joined together.

    I understand that if couples have been together over a certain period of time they may become bored and need a little excitement; change of pace, a little spicing up. Well there are ways to go about that. Use your imagination and explore options, just be sure it involves your husband or wife, ONLY.

    Use vibrators, lotions, baby oil, scarves, handcuffs, whips, chains, food, clothing, panties, bras, boxers, public places (discreetly and modestly), games (purchased and creatively homemade), different rooms in your home, tub, shower, masturbation (solo and mutual) as long as you are thinking of your wife or husband, sex toys and accessories. These are only a few that I can think of off the top of my head. There are more. A nice written love letter can spark a fuse, be flirtatious throughout the day, sext each other and send pictures of those special body parts. Leave love notes, have a romantic dinner or bath or both. Different perfume or cologne or body spray. Different body wash or soap, different shampoo and conditioner, different makeup, even wigs. You get the idea.

    Just let me say that if you decide to use bondage toys use them appropriately. Do not abuse the other in ways such as biting to hard (on purpose) because we do have those moments where we lose control for a few minutes and bite a little too hard, but it was done out of love not humiliation. Do not burn, urine, spit, hit with force, slap, step on, yank hard, and snatch or pull hard, etc. That‘s just simply abuse and disrespect.
    Honoring God and your marriage will keep the demons away. What I call demons are those little voices in the back of your head that tells you

    “This is better than that; this feel so much better than that.”

    Comparison is a real demon that can destroy a marriage if given the opportunity. Don’t give that opportunity. That demon will take away everything that is priceless. We all should focus on keeping the marriage bed exciting and spicy but at the same time keep it pure.

    Well I hope I didn’t bore you all, these are just my thoughts.

  3. hornyGG says:

    I completely agree with everything said in this artical as well as what seeking passion said ( you didn’t bore me).

    I have been with only one man and that man is my husband. I have no desire to be with another man. Ben is all I need, he is my fantasy and my reality.

    Thank you for this post. Everyone should read it, married or single. God bless and stay horny!

  4. gardenpassion says:

    I appreciate the message, but I would rather you edited out the bit about Nicolaus of Acts 6. It seems it isn’t certain that he had anything to do with the Nicolaitans (according to my Unger’s Bible Dictionary) or wife swapping, so you may well be bearing false testimony against him. You seem to hedge this, but you still leave the impression of accusing him. And, I don’t think you would lose anything by omitting this part.

  5. Blondie says:

    This was a great post, thanks for writing! One thing I wanted to say is in the end… wife sharing/swinging… is simply another form of adultery. Loved your thoughts, Seeking Passion 🙂

  6. Hapy Chap says:

    Hello Passion. If I write a testemonie r u suggesting for the forum or for your own interest? My concern is that the testimony of our experience in the ‘lifestyle’ may just have the opposite effect and rather than serve as a warning to some, may pique their interest to ‘indulge’ as in my opinion the thought of the lifestyle is very VERY alluring & when u travel down the road, from our experience the physical encounters were
    always “lacking/disappointing” compared with the allure of the expectations created in our imaginations leading up to the physical encounter and so u keep pushing the boundaries in hedonistic pursuit of an alluring expectation of unbelievable mind blowing pleasure which u create in your imagination and in our case by the Grace of God & the forgiveness of Jesus & the power of the Holy Spirits conviction, we were able to recognize the danger of continuing in the lifestyle but only because of a Gods intervention through a chain of consequences which in our mind had no direct link to the lifestyle but which we can now look back in hind-site and recognize as Gods grace. But as alluded too, several long & very hard years later, we r still living in and trying to recover from the consequences. And our hearts desire is to honor God and not potentially lead others astray. It is my opinion & experience in my life thus far that the enemy is most often more easily successful in corrupting Gods children in the sexual arena & while I do not want to attribute him with to much power, the bible instructs us not to be unwise of his crafty ways. As seeking passion responded above it is a Pandora’s Box per say and one best avoided. But if u think it will help others and bring glory to God our father, I could perhaps set some time a side and write our testimony with the view to bring honor to the saving grace & mercy of Jesus.

    • Passion says:

      I am blessed you are so honest and candid about the false promises of the “lifestyle”. I am also impressed that you know that Christ saved you out of this darkness and brought you to his light and life. I hope that many come to this marriage heat blog and read this story and your responses! Billions of dollars are spent to paint immorality as better that faithful monogamy. In two responses you are communicating what many people know in this heart, and need to have confirmed again by reading your comments. I will pray that God brings great healing and restoration to your marriage!

  7. Hapy Chap says:

    Thank u all for your encouragement & kind words and thanks most of all to the love & grace of God through his son Jesus. We can never know how wide & deep his love is for each of us. We as a couple r just so gratefull that his grace is sufficient to cover our sins & restore us back as a son & daughter. And we are ever so grateful for your prayers, we sure could use them. Be blessed all, in Jesus’ name.

  8. Fiddler says:

    I heartedly agree with what has been said here. I would like to also make the point that Wife Sharing can be just as damaging from a mental or conversational stand-point as the physical act itself. Adam and Eve had the entire garden to enjoy. They were naked and unashamed. Unending pleasure was there for the taking. Of course, you know the rest of the story.

    In many ways, I think that damage to our world of intimacy is just an apple away. My prayer is that all Christian couples will explore the full scope of their private garden, but realize that there are things that can change/compromise it all in a single act.

  9. WhatchaDoinJack says:

    In context, the “Nicolaitans” (if you translate their name) are those who set themselves up as lords over the common believers. In a nutshell, those who separate themselves from those they claim to serve, feeling they are more important or more acceptable to God and therefore deserving of am exalted place.

    Jesus demonstrated frequently that He, being Lord, first and foremost desired to serve rather than be served. Thus, the “doctrine of the Nicolaitans” – the desire to be exalted and served rather than to serve – runs contrary to the call that pastors of the Flock are given in Scripture, and is deserving of the judgements Jesus declares there in Revelation.

    I gotta agree with gardenpassion on this one, your point about wife swapping/sharing is completely valid and stands perfectly well on its own without the iffy background that may or may not have root in fact. Let it stand alone.

  10. Emmy Sue says:

    I agree, GG. My virginity belongs to my husband, and I can’t ever imagine sharing my body with anyone else. It’s devastating to me that sexual misconduct as mentioned in this article is so mainstream and that so many people think it is acceptable, and then they wonder why their relationships fall apart. God created marriage and sex to go hand in hand, and I think it is so important to remember our wedding vows and honor them in the sexual component of marriage.

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