Pregnancy Concerns (Advice Please)
I would like to call on my Marriage Heat friends for some advice. I want to speak primarily to any women out there who have been pregnant or to any men whose wife has been pregnant and get some feedback on your experience as well as any advice you may have.
My wife is pregnant for the first time. She’s about two weeks into the third trimester. Everything is healthy and looking good. But she reports that starting in about the last month of the second trimester and continuing until now, she basically doesn’t have much of a sex drive. She says that she doesn’t get horny like she used to get. Even if she reads some hot Marriage Heat stories, it doesn’t light that fire like it used to. Now, bless her, she has continued to engage in sex and even has orgasm. But she says it takes a lot more concentration on her part to get the orgasm. And she still doesn’t feel that “hot, horny, gotta-have-you-know” feeling. But she does engage in sex to connect with me and to share that time. She says she never felt any kind of surge in horniness during any point of the pregnancy. As far as her sex drive has been, it’s stayed like it always was. Until recently when it started declining.
So here are my questions:
1. Is all that normal in pregnancy?
2. Did any of you (or your wives) experience this?
3. Most importantly…did your (or your wife’s) sex drive return after giving birth and healing up from that? Will she go back to her pre-pregnant sex drive after giving birth? Will she get those hot, horny, gotta-have-you-now feelings back?
4. How long does it usually take after birth to start feeling horny again? (I know you typically wait six weeks before sex, but what about her DESIRE for sex?)
I would appreciate everyone’s input on this. And please feel free to share any other helpful info you feel is pertinent. Thank you!
I think you won’t know exactly whether or not your wife’s libido will go back into full swing until after the baby is born. I know women are all different, some women get extra horny during pregnancy and others just don’t feel very sexy or in the mood during it. God bless you two! I know personally I had c-sections and the recovery time for that is six weeks, but we always disobeyed the rules and were having sex by three weeks doggy style (cause of the incision area)
Hello thank you. How long before your wife desired another baby from you?
Pregnancy messes with hormones! I’ve had two pregnancies. Before the first one, I was horny all the time. During the first one, I was still horny all the time. But after that first one was born I had little desire for sex for MONTHS…not until I started weaning the baby from breast milk. And then, slowly, sex started seeming appealing again. I wanted to want it, I was even horny sometimes, but then I had this mental hangup…I couldn’t figure out how to be sexy and be a mom…and then, just as I was starting to figure it out, bam! I was pregnant again…and it wasn’t planned and I was an emotional and hormonal mess! I wasn’t ready to share my body 24/7 all over again! I thought I couldn’t do it. And I think I just shut down sexually. I’d have to ask my husband for sure (I’m sure he remembers!) but I think it wasn’t until the second trimester that I started finding any enjoyment in sex. But then, as that pregnancy went on, I started to desire sex again. As I said before, it was different from the kind of sex I wanted before I ever got pregnant, but we were doing it, and I was liking it. And then, after that baby was born, my body healed so fast! I was chomping at the bit for the six weeks to be up so we could fuck like mad again! And we did! And we’ve kept right on having awesome sex ever since… ( well, mostly, I mean, you know you have to take that with a grain of salt, right?)
So I guess, if I can tell you anything, it’s that you need to be patient with your wife. Neither you nor she can predict what her body and hormones are going to do during the child bearing years. It might be awesome one minute, and totally suck the next. She needs your patience while her hormones take her on this roller coaster ride that she can’t control.
It was helpful for my husband to realize that he was used to having me share my body with him exclusively, but that during pregnancy and breast feeding I had to share it with someone else too…and that that someone else was constantly demanding and draining in a way he never could be.
Keep the lines of sexual communication open. Find ways to tell her how sexually appealing you find her. I know I had a hard time believing I could be sexually appealing when I had a 6 pound human jutting out of my gut.
And, while I’m on the subject… Man! I’m on a roll tonight, huh?! You might have to keep telling her a whole lot more than you ever did before how hot she is. My husband was just telling me today…5 years after the last baby…how much better my ass looks than it did before we had kids. How it’s bigger, and better, and more for him to grab….spank…whatever.
And you know what? After 5 years of hearing that, I’m starting to believe it. 😉
I’ve had 5 kids, 4 pregnancies and I can tell you I’ve been at all spectrums. With our first child, I had a semi normal/slightly lower sex drive. Second I was horny all the time. Third, I had a really low sex drive, and the fourth was normal/ high. It all depends!!!
I have three babies and I’ll tell you that all pregnancies are different. With my first two I was able to achieve an intercourse orgasm for the first time ever. My third I had no desire for sex. I was miserable and hurting bad. The baby was putting horrible pressure on my hips and c-section scar tissue. (I had a c-section with all three). It may be months before that horny feeling starts to come back. It all depends on many factors, such as nursing vs. bottle feeding, amount of sleep you are getting, healthy food habits, etc. The best advice I can give to you to get her back in the mood faster is to really help out. Take turns with nighttime diapers, if she is nursing ensure she drinks plenty of fluids, do housework, make her healthy meals. The pampering will show her just how much you love and desire her and as a woman and mommy I can tell you there is nothing sexier than a man that is attentive to his woman’s needs. Good luck and God Bless you, your wife, the new baby, and the rest of this pregnancy.
Hey HornyHubby, the hardest thing about pregnancy is how unpredictably a woman’s body responds to it. AND her next pregnancy might be a complete 180 of what the first one was. So yeah, what your wife is experiencing is “normal.” For me, between weeks 8-18, I had zero sex drive because I felt so awful all the time, the nausea sucked but I experienced debilitating fatigue that had me laid out almost all the time for a while. Once that all passed, I felt like having sex again, but not anymore than I always had. I was kind of disappointed, cuz I had heard that some women get super horny during pregnancy, and I hoped that would be me!
Wow…thanks ladies! It’s so great to have a place to connect with horny sisters in Christ to get some straight advice! LOL! So basically what I’m getting is that no two pregnancies are the same (even in the same woman) and her desire for sex and horniness WILL return at some point, but that will vary as well. So there’s no way to accurately predict it. That does make me feel better knowing that others have experienced this and now have recovered from it and are having hot sex with their husbands. It helps me to know that our sex life isn’t over and isn’t stuck on “vanilla” forever. And that things will heat up again. I will definitely be helping as much as I can. We are planning on breastfeeding but I told her she could pump so I could take turns feeding the baby. Stuff like that. Thanks again ladies!
I have a 7-month-old and went through exactly what your wife is. Through my first and second trimesters, my libido was totally normal, but in my third it plummeted. And for me, my desire didn't come back until about two months pp. I suffered a hemorrhage during birth that nearly killed me and ppd afterward, so for nearly 8 weeks, I couldn't stand to even be touched. It was a very hard time for my husband and me, but now our sex life is stronger than ever. My advice is just be patient, a little romantic, and understanding. And if you suspect ppd in your wife, call her dr!
Thanks for your reply. Can you clarify what you mean by ppd? Since you said to call the doc if we suspect a ppd in my wife. I’ve never heard this term even though I’ve been reading a lot of info about baby stuff the last few months. Thanks.
Ppd is post partum depression. It is relatively common in women after the give birth, as their hormones fluctuate, that may trigger depression. It is something that many women work through after birth, and is something it will be important for you to look out for and support and help your wife through if she struggles with it.
Dear HornyHubby,
The good news is that sex drive isn’t just “on” or “off” and a wife will often still want to give her man pleasure as much as she can.
Before i got pregnant, my husband and I had foreplay that had become a habit, not in a bad way, but because it really worked for us. He would kiss me hard and feel my boobs quite roughly and it didn’t take much of that before I was wet and wanting him inside me. Almost as soon as I got pregnant my boobs became very sore and uncomfortable and having them touched (at least for the first four months) was an instant turn off. At the same time, my pussy became really swollen and juicy and we soon learned to start sex with his hand in my panties instead. Often I would come before he even got into me and then again with him. Changing what you do and reading the signs can make a wife who isn’t very interested more horny than even she expects. (But if you are getting the “uh uh” signals then don’t even try.)
Another example is that I’ve never really used my hand on his knob. However, when I didn’t feel like sex I started doing that to him and found that it often really turned me on too. Unless I felt really big and clumsy and not in the mood I usually ended up guiding him into me before he came.
I also found talking about sex really helped. If you don’t want sex then you don’t want sex and nothing is worse than pretending you do. But there are still plenty of ways to give a man pleasure that don’t depend on penetration without it seeming like consolation prize. I would undress very slowly in front of my husband and let him see every inch of me before rubbing his cock until he came. It didn’t seem to matter if I was dressed up or just in joggers and a tee. If I took my time and gave him lots to see (and believe me by the end there was _lots_ to see), by the time I got to him, he was nearly squirting.
We also found that our fantasies changed. Before pregnancy, we both liked quickies mostly clothed, suddenly in the kitchen or hall. Once I was pregnant I would play helpless and he seemed to love that: “Oh, I’m so big. I can’t turn over, you’ll have to take me there.” I could “get intp” how full and curvy I was almost like dressing up when those fantasies from before when I wasn’t big seemed a bit sick.
The final good news is that even in one pregnancy things aren’t constant. Although we found lots of ways to keep our sex life alive, my husband was still getting a lot less of anything for the first six months. Then suddenly I was on fire and couldn’t get enough of him. In the end, I was very overdue and we were trying things to induce labour and I pretty much gave up on curry and bike rides and just concentrated on getting him in my pants as often as possible. He didn’t seem to mind too much 🙂
Hugs to you both (and for the baby),
Mir