This past week we lost one of the greatest comedians and actors of our time. The one and only Robin Williams. What always impressed me about Williams was his versatility. In one movie he could be hilarious and goofy and make us laugh hysterically. Yet in another movie he could be serious and somber and touch our hearts. And he always played both parts very well. Some actors don’t switch back and forth from funny to serious with the skill he had. In fact, I don’t know of any actor who did it as well as he did.
And it’s bad enough that we have to say goodbye to this talented man, but it’s even more disheartening that it’s because of his choice to end his life. And for me, personally, this is the second suicide I’ve heard of in recent months. Just a couple of months ago I found out that a coworker took his own life as well.
It’s hard to comprehend the anguish a person has to feel to be in a place where they feel suicide is the only answer. And I know that depression and mental illness can be a complicated thing. We’ve all had times when we’ve felt “blue.” This is a mild version of depression. So I’m sure we can all imagine that feeling multiplied. But I want to submit to you that it isn’t just depression or mental illness that leads a person to take their own life. It is also hopelessness.
As I said, we’ve all had times of feeling blue, but generally we say to ourselves, “Tomorrow will be better.” And that gives us hope to push through those feelings until the sun shines in our lives again. But if a person doesn’t have that hope that tomorrow will be better, what motivates them to push through the darkness into the light of tomorrow? If they feel it will never get better, then why go forward?
But I believe there’s ALWAYS hope! Even though we can’t see it now or we can’t see where it could possibly come from, I believe it’s there. So I want to encourage you, if you are in a place where you are having the beginnings of suicidal thoughts, please know there is always hope.
And I know something of what I’m talking about because I have been in that place myself. There was a time when I was younger that I felt hopeless and that nothing in my life would change. And I entertained the idea of suicide. I figured, “Death would be better than the hell I’m dealing with now.” And I actually started thinking of how I might do it. But something in me held me back. (I believe it was God.) And the thought occurred to me, “But if you don’t stick around, how will you know things won’t get better?” So I would back away from it. I had a period where I went back and forth like that.
But I was thinking about that time in my life recently, with the news of Williams’ suicide, and I realized something. If I had gone through with it I would never have met my wife. I was around 13 years old when I was wrestling with this, yet I didn’t meet my wife until I was 18. And she didn’t become my wife until I was 22. And the thought of not knowing her and not knowing her as my wife breaks my heart. I have LOVED being married to her. And I love our sex life. She is truly my best friend whom I get to live with and have sex with all the time! And I hate that I could have missed that.
At the same time I would never have known my dogs. We have two dogs and they have always been like our children. I can’t imagine not knowing my dogs and my dogs not knowing me. I don’t know what their lives would have been like had we not taken them in. Both of them were dogs that didn’t have a home when we found them. And one of them had heartworms when we first got him. If we hadn’t taken him in and taken him to the vet to deal with that, he would probably be dead by now. Had I ended my journey early, we would never have been able to save and love two precious dogs.
You’ve probably seen from earlier posts that my wife and I are expecting our first child in September. That child would have never been conceived if I had given in to that feeling of hopelessness I had when I was younger. And even though she isn’t here yet, I know she is special and I would have missed out on this blessing from God had I ended my life prematurely.
And come to think of it, I wouldn’t have even known Jesus as well. I mean, I knew OF him and we went to church. But I didn’t “give my life” to him until I was 15. I would have missed that if I had given in to those suicidal thoughts at age 13.
My point in all this is that, yes, there are times when it feels hopeless. I get that. I’ve been there. But I also know that we don’t see the future. And I also know that sometimes things don’t happen for years. So if we give up too early, we will miss it. I struggled heavily with this at age 13, yet I didn’t meet my wife for another 5 years. And she didn’t become my wife for 4 years after that. So yes, sometimes things don’t drastically improve for almost ten years. But look at how much they can improve! And look at what you could miss if you give up too soon.
Now I didn’t struggle with suicidal thoughts that whole time. I don’t remember when I stopped but by age 15 on I never had any more issues with that. However, my life was still in a great deal of turmoil – the same turmoil I was in when I had suicidal thoughts. Things even got worse actually. My parents divorced, I had to give up my childhood home, I had to give my dog away, and there was a lot of tension in the family. But I held on to the promise that there was always hope. And holding on to that promise for ten years allowed me to meet my savior, my wife, my dogs and in a few weeks I will get to meet my child.
I know the nature of depression is that it sucks you in and the more you give in the more it sucks you in until all you can see is the black hole of despair. But please, remember that there is always hope. And if you hold on to that promise, God will lead you through the valley of shadows to the other side.
If you need help with this, please reach out to someone. Get counseling, talk to a friend, call a suicide hotline number. Sometimes medicine is helpful, take steps to see if that will help you. You could even send a message out on this site.
I know this site is designed to share our sexual adventures and advice, but I’ve noticed something about this site amidst all this. 1. We are a community. Any time a group of people get together for a common purpose, they become a community. We can have multiple communities in our lives, of course, such as church, neighborhood, family, friends, golfing buddies, etc. But each one of those are people whom you spend time with on a regular basis. And that’s what we have here. Even though it’s all online, we still interact and share our lives. I know that if any one of us was truly struggling with depression and especially suicidal thoughts, we could submit a post stating the situation and asking for help. I just know that everyone would comment and offer encouragement and insight. And that could help you to hold on to that hope and it would certainly be better than the alternative.
2. The second thing I’ve noticed is that basically we’re all the same. Before finding this site I thought I was a pervert for liking stories like this and for writing stories like this. But finding this site has shown me that there are others out there who enjoy the same thing! And if you read various stories from multiple authors, you begin to see a similar style in the stories. We all seem to like to read and write a hot sex story. And we all want a hot sex life! So we’re not all the different from each other. That tells me that we are all more alike than we think. So if we are similar in regard to our sex lives, it follows then that we are all similar in other parts of our lives too. So if you are having a problem, please share that with us! If nothing else, you can see that you aren’t alone in dealing with it and that others have had similar situations. You could also get some advice from someone who has dealt with what you’re dealing with. And you could definitely get prayer! So please reach out if you need to.
And the good thing about this being anonymous is that you can say or share anything you want without any fear or shame! You can pour your heart out and get some feedback and nobody in your offline world has to know. So if it’s some issue where you are feeling a lot of shame, the anonymous format of this site would work in your favor.
My point is, if you are truly struggling with severe depression and/or suicidal thoughts, I want you to know there is always hope. And if you will just reach out for help, you will find it somewhere. Please don’t see suicide as an answer to your problems. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring. You don’t know what ten years from now will bring. Don’t give up. Stick around and see how it all turns out. And one day the sun will shine again.
We are sorry that this post was not one of your favorites!
Help us understand why.