Sexual Negotiations – Done with Love (L)

Do all husbands and wives agree on what they want to do sexually? Unfortunately not.

Sometimes the wife is wanting to explore new sexual vistas – but the husband wants to stay with the same, regular pattern. Or it is the husband who is dying to try something that his wife will not do.

For Christians, the limits of our freedom are to be set by the Scriptures. Yet, in a marriage you still can’t do things that your spouse – for whatever reasons – does not feel free to do. Perhaps a spouse knows he or she has the freedom – but for personal preference reasons – does not want to engage in certain acts.

So, they don’t move to new vistas because they are not in agreement.

The wife who has unfulfilled fantasies may be frustrated by what she thinks is an unreasonable and selfish husband. The husband who wants his wife to do things she won’t do – might begin to think – “if she really wanted to please me, she would not withhold anything.”

In fact, the unsatisfied spouse might begin to see this as being a manifestation of a kind of selfishness on the part of the less willing spouse. While, the less willing may charge the more adventurous spouse with the same selfish attitude. It ends being a stalemate.

Then, as both get entrenched – they may quit talking about it altogether. That’s if they were ever even talking about it before.

So, is all of this no big deal? Should couples just be happy for whatever sex they have? Is it unbecoming of a Christian to want more variety – even after many years of sex in marriage? Is it simply worldly to want to expand to new sexual vistas?

I would encourage readers to read elsewhere on MH in defense of a wider sexual repertoire  – in light of Song of Solomon (Also read the book: “Intimacy Ignited” by Dillow & Pintus). I believe Song of Solomon – in the Old Testament – does give a biblical rationale for more variety and not less.

If more variety is justifiable, then how do married couples lovingly maneuver through this potentially difficult and even frustrating minefield?

First, they are to love one another. They are to give one another preference over themselves. Philippians 2:3-4 says,

 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Thus, if both spouses are under the umbrella of this biblical teaching – both will be looking to please the other. Yet, the passage does not mean that we don’t have interests of our own.

A spouse may not want to engage in a particular sex act for a number of reasons. Perhaps it might be related to some kind of abuse earlier in life or from a previous marriage. There might be physical pain issues involved. There might be a smell, taste, or texture issue that is not easy to overcome.

So, there might be a spouse who sincerely wishes he or she could fulfill a spouse’s fantasy – but can’t due to an inability to overcome a very legitimate fear or pain.

Some spouses have poor biblical understanding and don’t know their freedom. Their default sexual norms are based on a number of factors – including what their perceived sexual norms were from home or even a church that holds to sexual minimalism.

One of the blessings of MH is not only reading of other couple’s experiences – but a number of the stories contain biblical content. I am free to eat and drink from my wife’s pussy because of Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1. Her “garden” is delectable and I want to get “drunk” on her juices. My cock is free to be sucked by her beautiful mouth because of Song of Solomon 2:3 – as she “tastes my fruit.”

We fantasize of our sex as they do (both as married and before their marriage) in Song of Solomon 1-3. They fantasize about each other’s individual body parts! It is not just the man who is hot for her boobs. Both the man and the woman are sexually stimulated by each other’s bodies and the joys of sex. It is God’s design – not perversion!

If we believe the Bible, to be a spiritual person is not to be non-sexual. The body is not evil. Pussies, boobs, cocks, butts, kisses – and yes, the joy of fucking – all of it is not something less than spiritual for the believer in Jesus Christ! I would add that sex can be used in evil ways.

– – – – – – – – – –

So, back to where I started. How can couples who disagree move to greater agreement?

Upon the firm foundation to love one another and consider the other’s needs and desires – enter into a patient dialogue. This means communicating without applying too much pressure to perform. The spouse who wants more variety is going to have to be more patient. Talk about what your fantasies are. The only ones who can make them come true are each of you.

Maybe reading Song of Solomon together will open each other’s eyes.

It will mean talking about some things that might be uncomfortable. “You want me to put my tongue where?” “You want me to swallow your cum”? “You want me to quit eating what so that my cum won’t be so salty”? “You want me to trim my hair where”? “You want me to clean myself better?” “You want to put mirrors on our ceiling?” “You want to fuck me in what position?” “You want to shoot your cum where?”

– – – – – – – – – –

A quick personal testimony about this “negotiation from Lovinghusband.

I love my wife dearly. Like all couples, we have our struggles. We are not a perfect couple. We are two sinners saved by the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. We have satisfied one another sexually for 29 years.

Do we still have fantasies of things we have not yet done? Yes.

Still, we have both come a long way. We are not far apart in our willingness to please – but I am definitely the slightly more adventurous one between the two of us. She recently had me do something to her that I’d never done – or more accurately, she recently pleasured herself by masturbating on my cock in a unique way. It was really hot!! It was clear to me that it had been on her mind for a while. And she got off on it!

I can say that there is nothing I wouldn’t do sexually with my wife only if my wife wanted me to do it.

One of my fantasies has only been fulfilled a few times in our marriage. The last time being 20 years ago – UNTIL this morning!!!

20 years ago marked the last time my wife let me cum in her mouth during a BJ (during the last stages of a pregnancy). It was so amazing, I’ve wanted it so many times since. For my wife, the fear of gagging and not being crazy about the texture of my cum was enough to have me pull out and cum on her tits or face. I love doing that too.

I must admit that I have not always been as patient in my heart as I have tried to be with my wife in the midst of our sex. Our “negotiations” about this have gone nowhere. My bribes are not enough. But, by God’s grace it has not been a point of division for us.

Yet, on a recent vacation with just the two of us – I appealed to her during some sexy pillow talk about how much I would love to cum in her mouth. I think her actually hearing my fuller fantasy actually got her a little hot – and I don’t mean angry!!

So, this morning as she was giving me a BJ – I had a sense that she was actually trying to get me to cum. I told her, “Honey, I can’t do it unless you give me permission.” She said nothing! It is what she did next that made me so excited.

She sucked with greater intensity. She bobbed up and down with “tight pussy” like grabs on my shaft. Her mouth was fucking me!! She did a light suck on each ball and went right back to my shaft. It was clear to me that she was NOT coming off cock until I was cumin – in her mouth!

I was so aware that I was groaning and moaning like I haven’t from a BJ since 20 years ago. But it was even better – because I knew this represented my wife’s long consideration about wanting to please me even more. Not only that, I could see that she was not just doing some unpleasant duty – she was maximum horny in all of this! She was loving it, too!

I exploded in her mouth! It felt a little naughty – but in a good way. I knew she wanted to do this. My first desire after cumming was to please her. I then turned over, and my horny wife had me eat her pussy to her heart’s content. She went wild. She was proud of what she had just done with me. She was content. She was still buzzed by sucking my cock. Her orgasm was with greater intensity than normal – and her normal’s shake the earth! I was still on cloud nine for hours.

– – – – – – – – – –

In conclusion, the “negotiations” between lovers about sexual expansion must be in accordance with patient love. True sexual freedom is biblically informed.

Try to think the best of your spouse. Don’t think his or her not going along with your fantasy is a result of not loving you. Be patient. If our sex this morning had never happened – in my wife fulfilling my fantasy – I would still love her. She knows that! Our marriage is not based on sexual fantasy fulfillment!

l love the fact that we are still changing – and in ways that are exciting. I am far from a perfect husband. I have many weaknesses. I don’t deserve the wife God gave me. But, God’s grace is sufficient to bring us through all of our trials – even the sexual ones. Sexual “negotiations” can be uncomfortable – but the patient fruit is worth it.

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50 replies
  1. PennY Laine says:

    Interesting topic. Your views are well stated and I am grateful you are willing to share your own experiences. We were fortunate that we came into our marriage having faced many of these issues previously. Very early in our relationship we shared with each other that we had a healthy sexual fantasy life. We felt comfortable enough to enjoy each other’s pleasures physical and mental because our main objective was to please each other. Marriage has many challenges, monetary, children, in addition to sexual. All must be negotiated and often compromise is the solution.
    Thanks for bringing up the subject.

  2. Madeleine 27 says:

    I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this but I love you loving husband you are kinda like the male version of me in my head. You write everything I think but mostly don’t say aloud. Me and my husband enjoy your stories. To answer your question me and my husband both have rules that each doesn’t want to do for example I don’t want him to cum on my face Ever and he doesn’t want to lick in my asshole Ever and we have excepted that But we always talk about our fantasies and try to do them if we don’t want to sometimes we like to make eachother happy

    • hornyGG says:

      Come on Maddie live a little! Lol. Great post as usual Lovinghusband. Like Madeleine says, you say alot of what many of us are thinking. Thank you for that!

      Oh, by the way LH and Madeleine got a surprise coming so watch for it my dear friends. Oh my!

    • Lovinghusband says:


      I can tell you for sure that you’ve never told me that! I really appreciate it.

      I must warn you that if those who know me well ever knew that any person in this world said they were the female version of my thinking – they were have her committed. 🙂

      Yet, to me it is a compliment that I receive gladly!!

      I could have said a lot more – of course – i wish all couples were in total agreement and everything was open game. Those usually don’t seem to be the cards we have been dealt.

      Curious question from your examples: Have you ever tried letting your husband cum on your face? Has he ever tried licking your ass hole? I’m curious if you’ve both tried it and didn’t like it for some reason – or if it is just something for some reason that you have never even considered. If you haven’t tried it – I would agree with GG to give it a shot or two! (Pun intended)

      Also, on a comfortable vs. uncomfortable scale – how is it when you and your husband “negotiate” about things you would like to do? Do the negotiations happen in bed, at the moment of truth? Or do they happen during a drive, in an email or text? Most of our negotiations happen during sex. Or there might be a hint during the day, or leading up to the moment, while brushing our teeth, etc.

      Finally, I want to congratulate you on having a great mind! 🙂

    • Madeleine 27 says:

      Haha I hope I wouldn’t be committed lol me and my husband can negotiate Anywhere during a movie, pillow talk and sometimes we just randomly bring it up like I onced called him on his way home and asked if he was up to trying something new and he said yes But to answer your other questions I just don’t like the idea of having him cum on my face and he’s licked my crack but never inside my butthole

    • Lovinghusband says:

      The fact that you two can negotiate in so many different situations is awesome. I still say you and hubby should give in on those two items and JUST TRY them. See what happens. You can always go back to where you are now with them. See, I’m now mediating between the two of you negotiators. 🙂

      Thank you Madeleine – I sincerely appreciate you openness and thoughtfulness. None of us have arrived! God bless you.

    • Madeleine 27 says:

      Well my husband never really asked me can he cum on my face and he and I both understand that some things we just don’t want to do however we may Try them but idk

    • PennY Laine says:

      I can relate, like you I enjoy a tongue on my rear entry and don’t enjoy a load on my face. “Ever” sounds like a strong position, however there maybe room for, if you will do what I like, I will let you try your desire negotiation.
      Sometimes the discussions they inspire are almost as good as the stories and articles here.
      When you get horny enough, trying something is a lot more acceptable.

  3. Barnboy says:

    Always appreciate your insight, thoughtfulness and Godly perspective Lovinghusband. I like the occasional “pause and reflect” words that reflect the goodness of this God given pleasure between husband and wife. Thank you.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Harper, quit copying me. I’m the one who is always looking forward to your posts. You need to think of another line!! 🙂 Seriously, you are like my MH “kindred spirit”. God bless you and your husband!!!

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      Copying you?! Why no! XD You’re too modest – you’re posts are genuinely something to look forward to. I’m already looking forward to your next one! I’m glad you like mine as well though! You’re so kind 🙂

  4. JazzdBoutH&N says:

    A note on how premarital sex and porn have affected my life with Heather.

    A lot of what is written here has been a source of contention in our marriage. I have been very open with Heather about my wants and needs. Usually when I express my desires, I am met with a very emotional, hurt response. It doesn’t take long for the words to come out; “I’m not enough for you”. Heather, on the other hand, is very reluctant to ask for anything out of the ordinary.

    Because I wasn’t a virgin when we married, AND because I had dabbled in porn, Heather believes I view other women as more attractive, or I want something I saw in a porno, or I’m comparing her to my past experiences. The only one of those that has an element of truth, which I can’t really confirm or deny, is that I saw something in a porno that looked fun or sexy. I have never compared Heather to my premarital trysts or to any other woman. EVER! But she has a hard time seeing past that.

    For anyone reading these stories who may be unwed, engaged, dating, or sexually curious, the issues between Heather and myself can and should be a lesson for you to save yourself for your spouse. If both parties come into a marriage with virginity and purity intact, your chances of sexual fulfillment with each other is greatly increased without any hangups about prior experiences with outside influences.

    After 30 years of marriage, these issues still have an impact in our lives. Thank you, LH, for expressing these issues so eloquently.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Thank you for the kind words Jazz! You touched on things here that I know reach into many of our lives! Not many of us were hermetically sealed prior to marriage! God bless you and Heather!!!

  5. Silver says:

    I love this post! As someone who participates in D/s it is SO important to have negotiations and communicate before playing. Knowing what each other’s hard limits (things they won’t do) and soft limits (things they don’t necessarily like, but are okay doing) is crucial to learning the best ways to love your spouse. What is super cool is as your relationship matures sometimes hard limits can become soft limits and soft limits can become absolute favorite things to play with your spouse!

    • PennY Laine says:

      What excellent points on how things change over time. I wondered if you had to negotiate your kink with your husband or if you both wanted to do it from the beginning of your relationship? Sorry if that is too personal a question.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Silver – you nailed something for me!! I love the categories you named (hard limits, soft limits). You are so right about what can happen as the relationship matures. Frankly, I go through seasons where I don’t mess with status quo (that is still a variety, and a good one at that). Yet, there are so many things that go through my erotic head that I would like to try. Most of the time, I don’t even go there. Then, my wife and I have other seasons when we are pushing the envelope. It is almost always me trying to move the needle – but not always. We are definitely negotiating a couple of “Hard limit” things now. I think they may potentially go from hard to favorites. I don’t want to ruin your chart though – 🙂

      In our case, when something becomes part of the repertoire, it is loved and embraced. In first months of our marriage, sucking my cock was definitely a new taste – but it shot right up to loved fairly quickly. My going down on her for the first time was an instant hit – after kind of being in the “hard limit” category. Thank you for you input!

  6. HornyHubby says:

    Good post! I would also add that you should never give up. My wife does things now that she swore she would never do in the early years of marriage. But over the years we’ve had numerous talks and we finally had a breakthrough. So don’t give up on having what can be difficult or awkward conversations about these things.

    Also, I’m curious…you said your wife masturbated on your cock in a new way. What was it? 🙂

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Thanks HH – are you kidding? I never give up! The key for me has been to not be pushy or impatient while not giving up. Some things have seemingly been tabled for a long time. Just like you said, we have experienced those sweet breakthroughs that bring a degree of hotness never experienced before. It is amazing how this all works! I can so identify with difficult and awkward conversations. We’ve had them. This is where reading some sex books together helped us – to have some other trusted person – entering our conversation and giving us advice. Then, we give our thoughts – if we’re not already all over one another!! 🙂

    • Madeleine 27 says:

      Horny hubby how is your baby doing just a check up and have you and your wife been able to “get back in the habit”

    • HornyHubby says:

      She’s doing great! Not sleeping through the night yet, but that’s normal. 🙂 But she is almost 8 weeks and she is already wearing size 0-3 month clothes. So she’s growing. She seems to like us. LOL. As far as getting back into bedroom fun, it hasn’t happened yet. The doc cleared my wife to have sex a couple of weeks ago, but then she started back to work and with the awkward sleep schedule we are both exhausted. She has started trying to read a few posts on MH the last few days. She hasn’t looked on here since probably May. So hopefully things will start to pick up soon. Thanks for asking! 🙂

    • Madeleine 27 says:

      I’m Glad to hear she and your wife are doing fine. Tell your wife I’m happy she’s back to work and healthy as far as sex goes I know having a baby takes a lot away from that and marriage in general I will continue to pray for your marriage and hope you get back to your great sex life xoxoxo

  7. hornyGG says:

    I do so agree that communication is the key for a satisfying sex life with your spouse. Marital sex is just a wonderful blessing in itself, a blessing that is meant to be explored and enjoyed to the fullest.

    It is important to share your desires with your mate. Let them know what you want and what makes you hot. Share your fantasies even if you do not act them out. Be honest with your spouse about your desires, he or she may not share the same interest in sharing in your particular desire. But you never know!

    I remember the first time Ben asked me about anal sex. My initial response was no. He seemed too big and I was terrified that it was going to be too painful. He understood and respected my decision at the time.

    Sometime later, we were naked in bed together enjoying a nice fuck in the missionary position. His cock felt so nice and I was getting really worked up. He then told me he wanted it doggy style. I got on all fours and he entered me.

    As he sometimes does he slipped a finger into my ass as he fucked me. I love when he does that! I came hard. He was still hard and humping away. I was huffing and puffing like a mad woman running a marathon when I gasped, ” Dick my ass! Do it! Put it in my ass!” Not sure why I said it, but it just came out.

    Well, my comment shocked Ben as you can imagine. It also put him over the edge as he exploded deep inside my pussy. The next night after alot of lube, he got his wish. I learned that I enjoyed it as well.

    Ben and I are always open with each other sexually and love each other very much. We always look for new ways to love and pleasure one another. I trust him and he trust me. Alot of times just talking about our fantasies and desires leads to some great sex. The main thing is love your spouse with all your heart. Everything else will fall into place.

    I hope I didn’t over cross any boundaries with this comment. If so, I apologize and will understand if parts get edited out. Thanks for letting me ramble.

    Great post LH my dear friend! Insightful as always. God bless and stay horny my friend.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Thank you GG,

      You mentioned the potential of your comments crossing boundaries on MH. MH’s stated guidelines on anal sex are:

      “Anal Sexuality while not prohibited in the Bible creates harm in terms of possible muscle damage and bacterial threat. Anal play stories may be accepted.”

      Of course, I am not speaking for the able and godly editors of MH. Though MH does not publish stories about anal intercourse – their statement recognizes there is freedom in this area for Christians. They recognize that there is “possible” damage and threat. MH’s standards are not declaring that there is always damage and treat. This is erring on the side of love by being cautious.

      I presume the decision not to publish stories is that the “possible muscle damage and bacterial threat” is real enough to not want to promote it in stories as an always safe practice. Not that Christians won’t know how to practice their freedom – but some practices carry more dangers than others. We all need constant wisdom from God.

      I would also guess that since your mentioning this was in the “comments” section – that you and Ben have exercised that freedom – is not the same as making it the focus in a story. Also, your comment was used as an example of the outgrowth of you and Ben having open communication about what you both would like to do. The focus was not on anal sex, per se.

      I even take the time to write this comment – so that people who have not looked at the excellent “Submission Guidelines” on MH – would do so. I love the standards of MH.

      Lastly, I would also presume one more thing: That when you and Ben have done anal – you were very careful to be clean and safe as possible.

    • Bootylicious says:

      Hi GG, Just wondering: what’s the wildest thing you and Ben have ever done in the bedroom or out of it (i.e. some place other than your bedroom)?

      Also, are you still enjoying your bald pussy? Still keeping her smooth?

      How does Ben like his bald cock? How do you like it? My hubby keeps himself fully shaved too and I LOVE it!!! Nothing sexier than a bald dick or a bald pussy in my opinion! 🙂

    • hornyGG says:

      Hey Bootylicious!

      Wildest thing! Hmmmm, gonna have to think on that.

      Yes, I am still keeping it smooth. I like it, though it has taken some getting used to. Ben likes it, although he loves pussy with or without a bush. As far as his bald cock, I love it! No hair in my mouth! His self love sessions have increased, so he must like it. Lol.

      Alicia got me a cake with a bald beaver (the animal) on it. Get it “bald beaver”. It was pretty funny. She is a nut! Ben thought it was hilarious.

      Get back to ya on the Wildest thing! God bless and stay horny girl!

    • Ben G. says:

      As much as I enjoy beating my meat. Making love to my sweet Gina will top it every time.

      And yes Booty, I like my new look.

      Great post LH as usual my friend. God bless!

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Thank you Ben!!!

      BTW I have been smooth for a few years and I love it – for many of the same reasons mentioned above! It is also fun maintaining. Why would anyone say that? Because in the midst of the maintenance – we are thinking about being as sexy as we can for our wives! As least I do!! Blessings on you and GG!!

  8. hornyGG says:


    I agree and you are correct on all points. I was only trying to show an example of being open and honest with your partner. I guess I should have used another example, but that was the first one that came to mind. Ben and I are always careful and would do nothing to cause either of us any harm. This will be the last time I mention the subject. I realize the subject is very shall we say controversial on this site.

    If my comment offended you or anyone else who happens to read it. Please understand that it was not my intention. I hold your stories and opinions in high regard dear sir. I also respect the rules set by MH and try to follow them. God bless and stay horny my dear friend.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Hi GG

      You are a precious jewel! I love your sensitive spirit!

      I think you misunderstood me if you think your comment was out of bounds. I don’t think it was. I think it fit well in the context of this subject of negotiation. I don’t think you have to ban yourself from mentioning it. I was not offended!

      I think you model well a desire to be in unity with your brothers and sisters and I really admire that in you. In doing so, GG, your constantly show that this love and unity is more important to you than sex.

      I just want to walk you back from the “Cliff” of self-banning yourself when you don’t need to. Your comment perfectly illustrates that anal sex is s topic that some couples need to talk about together and seek wisdom for their specific situation in light of their God-given anatomies.

      So, my good friend – I want you to be sensitive but not too sensitive – because we might miss something that we needed to hear from your fertile and wonderfully horny mind! 🙂

      Speaking for the MH “choir” – we say keep going girl!!

      With great appreciation,


    • hornyGG says:

      Thank you LH my dear friend! You are such an inspiration to both Ben and I. Thank you for your friendship and continued support. God bless you always!

      Stay horny!

  9. TPGames says:

    I love this post. I will tell that when my wife and I first were married all this type of stuff was new to the both of us. I was a virgin but had done some necking and petting with some girls that I dated. My wife had only one partner before. I didn’t know what to expect and I got a surprise in the car right after our wedding. It was the only time that I received road head in our marriage. I was excited for what laid ahead in our marriage. Over the years we have tried different positions and done some things to spice up the bedroom. Mostly we were trying to have kids. Over the last year, I started to share some of my fantasies with my wife. I really got mixed reactions. In the 8 years, we’ve been married we didn’t communicate much about sex. We have the best marriage. In the last month, I found this site and honestly everyone here has been great, because of great posts and comments many of you have made on MH. I have received the courage to have these pillow talks with my wife and communicate my desires to her and she has shared some with me. Right now, she is pregnant, and doesn’t want to have sex during this first trimester. So she is reluctant and because of my new found courage and dirty talk she thinks that I’m almost too horny. However, this last month she has enjoyed that horniness. Thanks to clean shave October I have received more blowjobs from my wife. They were amazing blowjobs. I could tell this month that she is enjoying giving me a blowjob, instead of it being something that she would just do for me. Thanks to those who gave advice on giving oral she has used it well. Also, I was able to do one of my fantasies of cumming on her beautiful tits, which we have never done before. It was so erotic. Basically, I want to thank everyone on MH for their kindness and advice. Thanks lovinghusband for this great post itself.

    Everyone stay horny and in love. Thanks to all!!!

    • TPGames says:

      Thanks Blondie!! This site has been a blessing!! You’ve done a great job!! Thanks jezuz11 for the encouragement. My wife is at that sick stage of the first trimester, so right now I do everything I can to make her comfortable. I am waiting to see if it changes for the second trimester.

      Thanks again!!

  10. Love her always says:

    Just wanted to first say thanks for a great website. Stumbled on it while on the road looking for some biblical guidance regarding sex and sexuality with my wife. I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my wife to think a little more about sex other than Friday night and throwing on her usual night gown. We do have great sex but it seems like I’m the one that is always looking to change things up, I’m tempted to think that she would be happy just to have plain old no frills sex. Totally agree with what LH had to say but now how to help both of us make changes with out it causing any issues. Any advice would be appreciated…..

    • JazzdBoutH&N says:

      To Love her always: What a difficult question to answer. I hope to someday find the answer myself.

      One thing I’ve done recently is to help Heather to understand what I call the “Law of Discontent”. What I’ve learned in our marriage of 30 years is that when one of us is content, the other is lacking contentment.

      Here’s how our relationship has worked. I am usually in the sexual driver’s seat. I have typically been the one who initiates sex. And I don’t mind but I would also love to have Heather attack me here and there. After a few weeks of doing all the work to get things moving, my mind starts to move into the “does she desire me?” stage.

      Meanwhile, Heather is in the “life is so wonderful and I’m so content to have such a wonderful lover as a husband” stage. She’s content. I’m not. And it hurts.

      In the past, I’ve handled the hurt poorly. Instead of making myself vulnerable to her, and admitting my hurt, I would start to become distant. The more distant I became, the more distant our relationship became. At some point, she would ask me “what’s wrong?”. Well, I didn’t really want to tell her so I would just clam up and tell her nothing.

      Sometimes this would go on for a few weeks at a time. At some point, we were either fighting, or she would figure it out and initiate some action. Once she had done that, I was happy again and things went back to normal for a few weeks until I realized how content she was again.

      With our new Rule of Discontent, the idea is that neither of us should ever feel sexually content for too long. We have a lot of “content” moments that last a day or two but after that, it’s time for both of us to look for ways to make the other feel desired, lusted, and sexually loved.

      So my advice is to be vulnerable with your feelings with your wife. If you’re hurt, let her know you’re hurt. Don’t do the “typical man” thing and show anger. Women love when we open up our feelings and become vulnerable. Heather is way more approachable when I open my true feelings to her.

      I’ve started asking her if she’s content which is a signal to her that I’m feeling a little frustrated in her lack of effort. It’s worked better but it’s a work in progress.

    • Love her always says:


      Thanks for the insight. That really sums up where we’re at. I really like the law of Discontent, makes sense. Will definitely sit down and talk to her about it all this weekend.

      Thanks 🙂

    • hornyGG says:

      Hey Steamywife,

      Ben and I have been doing anal sex for about 5 years now I guess. It is not something we do a whole lot, just every once in a while Ben gets the desire to take my butt.

      Like I said in a previous comment, at first I was scared of the idea because of his size and refused. It took sometime before I decided to fulfill this particular desire of his.He never pressured me in anyway.

      When the time came, he told me that if I felt uncomfortable or it became painful to tell him and he would stop. He was very gentle and loving. He also used a generous amount of lube.

      I must say that I enjoyed the experience and found it quite pleasurable. As far as after effects from him cumming in my ass, I myself have never experienced any what so ever. It is a different sensation , I will say that.

      That being said, let me make clear that I am not trying to promote anal sex. I do think it is a topic that should be discussed by couples, as to set limits on what will be acceptable or not acceptable. As with anything, there are risk. Cleanliness is very important as well as being slow and gentle.

      Thank you so much for asking, I hope I answers your question dear. God bless you and yours and Stay Horny!

    • Steamywife says:

      Thanks for the reply. My husband and I have discussed about anal and we agreed it is something we are not interested to try, although we do anal play (with caution of course). Before marrying him, I was unaware that the ass could be a source of pleasure. Thanks for the advice!

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