Help with Masturbation
So I have a question for everyone, although it is directly aimed at the husbands of Marriage Heat, ladies feel free to share some of your husband’s tips or any ideas you have as well. 🙂
As of right now, Wifey and I are up in Cali visiting some family members of hers. We haven’t made love since Saturday because of the pregnancy (my son causing some pains moving around) and because we’re sleeping on a rinky-dink air mattress in the living room.
So today I have the house all to myself and I’m reading some of the short stories from “Marriage Heat Vol 1” and I’m getting hard, as I should be, and so I decide I’m going to masturbate. As the couple of stories I have read, I have some great stamina but when it’s been a few days that stamina is all but nonexistent. So I’m thinking Wifey and I can use the couches tonight and get a little crazy but I want to make sure I last a little bit for her, masturbating would be the way to ensure that.
Problem I’m having is this:
1) I honestly feel guilty if wanting to masturbate comes from reading the Marriage Heat stories. Don’t really know why, except in my mind if I start wanting to masturbate I feel like I’m making the stories pornographic and that’s not what I want to do. Like I said in my bio I’ve struggled with pornography growing up and I still feel its tug.
2) When I look at the pictures and videos my wife and I have on my phone, I start getting limp and I know it’s because I’m missing her and I feel like I’m cheating myself because I’m using my hand instead. I know it’s not her and so my body reacts even though I can look at those pics and vids whenever and get hard, but once I start trying to stroke that’s when the problem comes.
So I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions for helping me stay hard and making myself cum so I can give my Wifey the sex she deserves because sometimes I feel like I’m cheating her when I ask for a full blowjob first before we have sex so I can make sure I let her climax multiple times. And it’s also getting me down because I had no problem masturbating to porn and I know that’s not the route to take but I also don’t want to keep struggling with doing the right thing by reading the Marriage Heat stories and looking at the stuff I’ve taken of Wifey and I together. Would really appreciate the help. Thank you.
UA-My suggestion is to press into the Lord-pray about it; talk with your wife; read the Scriptures (Proverbs 6ish, Song of Solomon, Paul’s Letters). My experience over 20+years is that sex is another area of my life that the Lord uses to refine me and increase my dependence on him. Looking back, the pregnancy phase of our marriage (3 kids in a 6 year period) really taught my wife and I alot about each other and how to communicate at a deeper and more intimate level. Right now my prayer about our sex life is “Lord, help us enjoy this good gift to the fullest and help us guard our hearts and minds from sinning against You when we are tempted.” I encourage you to not get to focused on the immediate situation but rather look at this as a opportunity to press into the Lord and get closer to your wife. As you continue to work through all of that in the coming months and years the mental wrestling that affects your super powers will come and go. As for the immediate, go enjoy your wife. Get naked, make out and stroke yourself. Blessings.
There are no pat answers. The late pregnancy and breast-feeding stages of our marriage have probably been the lowest points for us. As time went on, I learned that I need to take care of my own business, so I wasn’t as reliance on my wife, who generally was at a lower energy level.
I think that the easiest solution is to learn to disassociate this site from porn. They are not the same thing. Here’s the easy question: When you look at porn, are you thinking of your wife? Now… When you read MH and all the erotic tales, are you thinking of having sex with the authors, or does the story foster your imagination of what you could be doing with your wife? I assume it is actually driving your thoughts to your wife, not away (like porn). So my hope is that you can shed this manmade guilt and enjoy your time with MH and your dick. After all, your motive is to serve your wife, so your heart is in the RIGHT place. Be free, my friend.
I really liked the way you explained the difference between porn and MH stories. I was recently thinking about how I would explain the difference if someone ever asked. I think I’ll use your explanation! 🙂
I would agree with what others have already stated. I too have had problems with porn in the past but I don’t associate looking at pics and videos of my wife in the same way as porn. It is her I want, no one else. Lust is wanting something(or someone) you don’t have. You have a wife and want her above anyone else. The only issue I could see is if you ever choose your own fantasy thought life instead of actually physically being with her. I know it sounds crazy but some men do get too involved in fantasy and find it is the only way for them to get off.
Just a quick thought Upcomingauthor:
It is not the worst thing in the world if you happen to cum too quickly due to not having sex for a while. If
masturbation thoughts are being a stumbling block – until you work through them, don’t stress too much
about cumming so quickly in your wife. Tell her something about what is going on. Then, you can satisfy
her in other ways until you get the stamina issue back under control. I would recommend fingering her
pussy and butt hole to orgasm; or eating her pussy to orgasm. Whatever she likes. So, you have already
cum in her – just go to her joy zones after you have cum. She might even get turned on by the fact that
you are not afraid to play with her pussy with your cum leaking and oozing out of her. Don’t feel like you
have to be perfect in the stamina department. Yet, work hard to let her know that it is so important to you
to bring her sexual fulfillment when your dick is firing a little sooner than usual. 🙂
I agree with Jezuz11 – MH is not porn! This site is promoting you to ponder your spouse. That doesn’t
mean that it doesn’t take some discipline to do so. Yet, you have no pictures of anyone who writes
on this site. You have accounts of married sexual love. God bless you!
Wanted to share my thoughts. Hope they are helpful.
First: Concerning masturbating to MH stories. Lots of people (male and female) do it so you’re not alone. And I understand what you’re saying, but like jezuz11 says: porn takes the focus off your spouse, MH puts the focus on your spouse. So in a sense you aren’t really masturbating to the story, but to thoughts of your spouse. The story just gives a context to think of your spouse in.
Second: Concerning masturbating to pictures of your wife. I was wondering how your wife feels about masturbating to her pictures. (And to MH stories for that matter.) Maybe it would help to know you have your wife’s blessing to masturbate to her pics or MH stories. Does your wife have pics of you? Does your wife masturbate to those pics and/or to MH stories? Maybe knowing she is okay with it and does it herself would free up that guilt feeling and that feeling that you are cheating yourself.
Third: Concerning staying hard for your wife. Focus more on loving your wife and connecting with her and not so much on lasting longer. Don’t put the pressure on yourself to give her multiple orgasms every single time. That pressure can create a psychological barrier that turns into a physical barrier. It’s similar to saying, “I HAVE to get to sleep tonight.” And that’s the night you toss and turn. In the same way, pressuring yourself to last longer can prevent you from lasting longer.
I so agree with this. Talk to your wife! get her blessing to jack off. After I had my kids during those six weeks, I sat him down and told him that I knew that though I wouldn’t be up for much, I knew he would still have desire. I gave him lots of pics, and he used this site all the time. It was such a blessing to give him that gift, knowing that I wasn’t able to provide him with release. Now we read it together and fuck so much after! And when he is out of town, we know each other are on here instead of looking at porn. It’s a huge amazing resource, and it you have an honest, tactful conversation, she will understand!
So agree with you Mary. I ask my wife for pics all the time and she gladly sends them to me. Nothing wrong with masturbating. Its a great way to love and enjoy yourself.
Hopefully you’ll all see this. I wanted to do one big reply instead of doing it individually and saying the same thing each time 😛
The funny thing is this post is about two weeks old now from when I wrote it but I knew I would eventually get some good advice and I really appreciate it 🙂
So without reading any these comments, I did take all your advice and yesterday I figured it out. So I’m good now but I do thank you all for the advice and the encouragement. I am working on seeing MH differently, but as usual what God uses for good Satan always tries to take and pervert. And the cool thing is, even though I figured it out before it was posted, I know this will be here to help someone else out in the future. So again, a big thank you from me and for those to come! 🙂
Cpngrats Upcomingauthor…………… As it was said there is no pat answer but I agree with this as well.
“Get naked, make out and stroke yourself.”
I realise I’m a little behind, but I figured I’d get on this train. I travel for work occasionally, as does my wife, and this has brought up similar issues with the distance and horniness. This past week I was in Australia visiting my mother (thank God I’m back home though! The temperature was in the eighties!) Whenever one of us feels sexually frustrated, we’ll arrange a phone call or facetime and do phone sex! So, yeah. Just as a future reference
Thanks, Michael I appreciate it! 🙂 And its never too late, maybe someone else with the same question will eventually see this and you’ll help
I was deployed to hurricane Ike, while my wife stayed home. She was also pregnant with our first child. I have a high sex drive, and we would text each other talking sex. Then, when I finally was able to be alone, we decided to masturbate, and exchange pics of us doing it, while we listened to each other on the phone, trying to talk, but listening to each other make sounds as we masturbated. When I finally came, she wanted a picture of it, covering the head of my penis. She then had her own orgasm. After that, she told me that whenever I wanted to ma
Masturbate, . I had her pictures to do so. We kept it within marriage, even if we were 3000 miles apart.