Sex Talk with My Daughter
Sex Talk – A few days before Christmas this last year, I was busy running around, making last-minute purchases and getting things we needed before making the trip to my parents’ home to be with my side of the family. My 22-year-old daughter Morgan came with me this particular evening. We were going to go to Target, Kohl’s, Macy’s, and a few other places that were having last-minute sales.
She and I used to clash more when she was a teenager, but as she has matured, we are really into that best friends stage. Though she knows that I won’t hesitate to tell her what’s what when she needs it. I’m still her Momma. We went to Kohl’s first, and as we shopped, we came to the lingerie department. They were having a sale, and so I started looking at some sexy thongs. Morgan had been looking in the men’s department for a gift for her brother, and she caught up with me just as I was admiring a black thong with appliqued flowers.
“Mom! You wear those?!”
I looked at her like she was nuts. “Of course!”
“You’re a mom! You’re supposed to wear stuff like these!” And she held up a pair of granny panties. We both laughed.
“I may be your mother, but I’m not dead yet!”
Morgan acted like she was all grossed out, and I just laughed at her. If she only knew! We made our purchases, and got in the car to head to the next place.
“Mom…can I ask you a question without you freaking out?”
“I think you can. As for the freaking out, I think I can handle just about anything.”
She gulped. “Well…when it comes to sex, what turns you on?”
I was a little surprised that she asked that, but not bothered. Before I could answer, she continued, “I just was wondering. Erich and I…we make out. We haven’t had sex – we’re saving that. But I was wondering what turns you on.”
“I’m glad to hear that you and Erich are waiting to have sex. Sex is great! But, like your dad and I always taught you, God intended for it to be enjoyed in marriage.”
“I know that, and I believe that, too. So does Erich. That’s why we’re waiting. But it’s hard.”
“Yeah, it is hard. When your Dad was so sick for so long, that was one part of marriage I missed the most. But…you asked what turns me on. Hmmm…there’s a few things…” I smiled at the thought of them. “Are you sure you aren’t going to be freaked out? I mean, I enjoyed these things with your Dad, and now I enjoy them with Drew…”
“I’m sure, Mom.”
“Okay. Well, I love nibbles on the earlobe, and at the base of the ear, where it attaches to my neck, and then the general area of the neck. Nibbles, licks, kisses… OOH! Gets me going every time.”
“By going, you mean wet?”
“Yeah. Sometimes, I get so turned on that I need him right then.”
She giggled. “There have been times where I know you guys don’t think anyone is watching, but I see him come up behind you when you’re cleaning the kitchen or something, and he puts his arms around your waist, and starts kissing you on your neck. Like this afternoon. He did that, you pushed him away a little. You both looked to see if we were watching y’all…I was, out of the corner of my eye, but I made it look like I was watching tv with the rest of them. Then you took him by the hand and went into the bedroom for a few minutes. … Did you two…?”
I smiled. “…Have a quickie? Ohhh yeah.”
“Yes. We most certainly did! It was fantastic.” I smiled at the memory.
“On one hand, I don’t want to think about that. On the other hand, that’s pretty romantic and sexy. I like knowing that you can be a mom and still be sexy.”
“Darn straight you can be a mom and be sexy, babe!”
“Well, is there anything else that turns you on?”
“I do like when Drew stands behind me when he has an erection and presses in close, and I feel it on my bum. Does that gross you out?”
“Only a little.” She laughed.
“And like tonight when he wrapped his arms around me. I like that. I also love when he plays with my breasts, with hands or mouth…or both.”
“Did my Dad do that, too?”
“Yes, he did. I used to tease him that I was going to get boob reduction surgery. He hated the very thought of that. He liked them just the way they were. …Your step-dad likes them, too.”
“Well, yeah, I kinda figured as much!”
“Any other questions?”
“Hold your thought…I have an idea.” I drove to a nearby Denny’s. Since it was an odd hour, it wasn’t very busy. We asked to be seated at a corner booth in the far corner of the restaurant. Then we continued our conversation over hot chocolate as we waited for our food.
“So what’s your next question?”
Morgan blushed a little. “Have you ever…um…given a blow job?”
“Do you like doing it?”
“What do you like about it?”
“Well, I like knowing that it turns Drew on so much, and that he enjoys it. If it makes him feel good, then I feel good.”
“Have you ever…ummm…let him cum in your mouth?”
“Yes. And yes, I swallow. Though I’ve had to work up to that. But I can now.”
Morgan made a little face; I continued. “It doesn’t actually taste that bad – salty – but it took getting used to, for me. I think it was just mental for me. But, oh, he loves it when I do that.”
“Did you ever do that with Dad?”
“We tried it once. But your Dad didn’t like it. He was kinda funny about oral sex. He didn’t really like the thought of mouths down there – me on him or him on me. So, since he didn’t like it, I didn’t push the issue.”
Just then, we saw our server approaching with our food. After the server left, Morgan continued. “Does Drew ever do oral on you?”
“Does he eat me out? Oh yes. And he’s good at it.” I smiled at her and winked.
“You like that??”
“You bet I do. It makes for really intense orgasms.” Morgan blushed when I said that. “Listen, honey, it talks about this in Song of Solomon. God did not put limits on this sort of thing between a husband and a wife.”
“I know. I think that when I’m married, I want to try it. But I think it would be weird at first.”
“What helps me with that is showering. Because I still am a little self-conscious about whether I am clean enough down there. So I shower and get cleaned up. If Drew is there, I let him do the cleaning, which is fun on a whole other level.” Morgan nodded, as if she liked that idea. “Listen, we both get cleaned up. It makes getting clean almost as much fun as being dirty.” We both laughed.
“I have more questions for you, Mom.”
“Well, that’s fine. Shoot.”
“What is your favorite part of the male body?”
“Other than the penis?” I asked with a smirk on my face. Again, Morgan blushed. “I like to see a man’s ass. I like it to fill out the seat of his pants nicely, like Drew’s does. I like butt cheeks I can hold on to…not that I go grabbing men by the butt. I grab one man in particular by the butt all the time, but I get to because he’s my husband. And he can do the same to me. … I am his and he is mine.”
Morgan looked down and then back up at me. “I know that Dad was sick for a really long time. How long was it that you couldn’t have sex with him?”
“He wasn’t able to the last ten years of his life.”
“Wow. That’s a long time.”
“Yeah. It was…it is.”
“What was that like for you?”
“Really difficult. I like sex. I was married, and I have scruples, so I wasn’t going to go out and just sleep with other men just so I could have sex. That’s just not who or what I am.”
“I know that, and I’m thankful for that. You’ve set such a good example, Mom.” We both started tearing up. “How did you cope?”
“Well, for the longest time, I stifled it. I just put sex out of my mind. That seemed easiest at the time. And then I was having problems with my monthly cycles. My gynecologist started asking me questions, and I told her about not having sex.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me that the problems I was having were likely because my uterus needed some help. When a woman orgasms, her uterus contracts, and then Dr. S said that the contracting would help my uterus be healthy, and would help my cycles be more normal. And then she said that I should masturbate so I could have orgasms.”
Morgan’s eyes widened a little. “What did you do? “
“I started masturbating. I would remember back to the times that your Dad and I had sex…our wedding day and night…”
She interrupted. “You wedding day and night?”
I laughed. “Yep! We had our private ceremony in the late morning. Our reception wasn’t until that evening. We had a good 4 hours before we needed to make an appearance. What do you think we did?”
“You bet. We were married – it was fine. And so we did it…again and again and again. We bopped like bunnies!”
“Wow. Just…I cannot imagine…you and Dad like that.” I just smiled.
“So anyway,” I continued. “I would remember times like that. One time, we actually took photos of ourselves having sex…we had that brand new digital camera that used a floppy disk, and we took a disk worth of photos. I had printed them out on our printer at home, and I would look at those. Stuff like that.”
“You and Dad…took photos?!” Morgan shuddered.
“We certainly did! And I’m glad we did. They were for just us, and we enjoyed them. Doing that brought us closer together, and added a new dimension into our sex lives. We sure enjoyed the time we had.”
“I just have a hard time imagining you and Dad like that.”
“Well, you and your brother and your sister were not immaculate conceptions. That’s for sure.” We both laughed.
“What about after Dad died? Did you still masturbate then?”
“Well, yes, still remembering Dad. For a bit, anyway. And then my friendship with Drew developed into romance, and pretty quickly we were engaged. Then I masturbated with thoughts looking forward to intimacy with Drew.”
“I think about what it would be like to be with Erich.”
“And you should. … Now it’s my turn to ask you a question…and it might make you uncomfortable, but here goes… Do you masturbate?”
Morgan blushed furiously and admitted that she did. “It’s okay that you do, Morgan. You’re a healthy young woman, and you have a sex drive. And, quite frankly, having an orgasm feels great, doesn’t it? Don’t be embarrassed. Just…be careful.”
“I am, Mom. I think of kissing him, and I feel all warm and I get…wet. I think of his touch, and I try to imagine what it would feel like for him to be inside of me. And I touch and rub myself.”
I nodded. “I think that is a perfectly acceptable way of going about it. …Drew and I still masturbate when we can’t be together, and we do it thinking of each other. The key is that we are turned in thought towards each other, rather than towards others outside of our marriage. So we don’t look at porn, because that’s of someone else. … Sometimes, we masturbate in front of each other before we make love.”
Her eyes widened. “You do?”
“Yes. That is fun, and a great way to – ahem – warm up. Or it’s fine by itself as the main event.”
“I guess so!” Again, we both laughed.
By then, we were done with our food, and Morgan was done with questions for the time being. But what a great conversation we had, and brought us closer as a mother and daughter. We left and continued our shopping.
I am happy to report that Morgan and her Erich were engaged on Valentine’s Day. The wedding is set for early July of this year, so that they can have their honeymoon before they pack up and move away for Erich to go to medical school (we aren’t sure yet where he’s going). The next few months will be very busy. Also, as an engagement gift, I gave Morgan a bullet vibrator. I think she likes it. I just pray that she and Erich will have a happy, satisfying sex life in their marriage. She and I have had more conversations about that, and I have shared the MH website with her. I see the way she and Erich look at each other, and I feel confident that they have a wonderful journey ahead of them.
Marriage Heat Note: This story illustrates the power of having that sex talk with our children. We ask others to share their sex talk stories. This sex talk story illustrates how tender and special a parent and child relationship can be even in giving the sex talk to one of our children.