To Play or Not to Play?
Hey everyone!
Recently, a group of my friends (all of us are ladies) and I got together, and an interesting conversation had started. Some of us, like myself, are single Christian young women in our 20s still waiting for our wedding night with our husbands. The rest of us are married. I don’t remember how we got on this topic, but we did. Often we hear what is and what isn’t okay in a monogamous Christian marriage, but we never hear what is okay with single Christian masturbation; whether you’re a lady or a gentleman. In our generation and in our day and time, the world is constantly pushing sex in our faces and constantly saying stuff in magazines, on Facebook, in ads that pop up, etc that we should experiment with this or that. Being morally upright before God, you very rarely hear the Biblical side to these things. So our questions, out of pure curiosity, are:
1. Toys in marriage are fine, but before marriage in Christian single masturbation is any okay (vibrators, dildos, vaginal pumps and, for gentlemen, penis pumps, sleeves/strokers)?
2. Did you use toys for single masturbation before you were married?
3. If so, do you regret it?
4. What are your views on this topic?
5. What wisdom about this topic can you give those who are single and waiting for their spouse? Like, do you recommend and encourage toy use before marriage or do you think one should wait?
Again, we are just very curious because all we hear is the world’s point of view. We want God’s point of view! And to wait faithfully for our future husbands and to remain that walk of purity with God’s approval. Thank you so much, and God bless you all and your marriages!
Thank you so much Strawberry! Yes, we are virgins and are definitely keeping our eyes and hearts towards God and married monogamy. We were just curious from marrieds' perspectives. Thank you for your input! God bless you!
I agree with Strawberry, for ladies be careful about the stuff that can pop your cherry, obviously your saving that for you man 🙂
But I don't see any problems with using toys, if you using it in marriage, then as long as you keep your mind on the monogamous side of sex that's important and should be no problem. Remember, sin starts in the heart, God knows your heart, and as long as He is seeing your heart focusing on that future, then you're good. 🙂 God bless, hope that helps 🙂
That being said about not using toys that can break your seal, I have heard you can use toys and soften it overall that way your first night will not be as painful. So there is that, but still be careful.
Funny that you have asked this question we on this site have had this conversation many times I suggest reading every story that we have talked about this topic you will see a lot our opinions
Just my vote… go for it. Have fun. Yes even with toys. As long as it’s done in moderation, it’s a healthy way to explore single sexuality. In reality, using Vaseline/lube can be an “aid” to help oneself achieve orgasm. But no one is really calling lube into question, right? I think that vibrators were far less commonplace 15 years ago, so single sexuality might look different today. In the 80s/90s it might have raised the eyebrow of the average Christian guy to find out his girlfriend uses a vibrator. But today I think that stigma is gone. Knowing your body and your orgasms well actually serves your future marriage. Where did the group land on this topic?
Thank you all so much for your input!!
Jezuz11, we were just getting together for our weekly Bible study as friends and ended up talking about what one of us had seen on the front of a magazine. I believe it was an issue of Cosmopolitan which, of course, has tons of worldly views about sex. Even issues of Seventeen are telling young girls to start exploring with their boyfriends so we were kinda upset about and questioning why you never see anything about God's view on these topics. You hardly ever hear about this stuff in church either. I mean why not talk about it (in appropiate settings of age groups 18+ and girls only/guys only group discussions), it is a gift that God Himself has created right? All you hear about is lust instead of righteously fighting to protect the amazing gift you have for your future, lifelong best friend; your spouse. Thank God it was just us and none of our little sisters with us this time or else we wouldn't have been able to have this discussion.
Again, thank you all for your input! Can't wait to discuss this with the group this week! We may have to plan a separate date if our little sisters show up haha.
Thank you for this question! I have been struggling with it too, as a single lady. I would say that the environment I grew up in would discourage masturbation in general. But I’m now 28, and still waiting, and my body gets really frustrated with the wait- 100 years ago, people married at 18! This is something the generation before me sometimes doesn’t understand.
M, you're very welcome! And I completely understand. I know and believe in my heart that the wait will absolutely be worth it! Without a single doubt! But I do understand how the body get frustrated and how people don't understand sometimes. What has helped me tremendously is to keep focusing on God, helping in the church (whether being involved directly in the five fold ministry, volunteering or just simply touching people's lives one-on-one outside of the church building), and also staying busy. I mean don't be so busy you can't have a life, but stay active! I would also read on here (if you haven't already) the two articles titled, "Christian Masturbation – A Defense" written by HornyHubby. Phenomenal articles! Great research and very well thought out and prayed about! God bless! God will bring His promise to pass! For both of us! Stay strong!! 🙂
That is a very good ? I cant say I used any toys be for I was married or after for that matter. I don’t have any thing against it and I think it is ok as long as you make sure not to go to deep. I know about the waiting thing I was 22 when I got married and that seemed like a very long time but, it is all worth it in the end. I would say do what you think is right and know that you will fined a man some day.
Take care. 🙂
I wanted to answer the question but the comments are weighing on my heart more now. The responses about not breaking your “seal” or “yoke” are disappointing. A spouse’s sexual gift to their spouse doesn’t come delivered by way of a seal, broken or intact. Some women don’t have hymens. Some women tear theirs doing non-sexual things, such as exercise or sports. Some hymens are too small to notice when they tear. Some hymens are too thick and won’t allow penetration. Whatever the state of your hymen, don’t fret about it. Choosing him with passion and desire again and again, starting from that first time and continuing forward for the rest of your lives, is the best way to give him your body and sexual intimacy.
SW-I’m so glad you said this about hymens. I know of several teenagers who have had to have theirs surgically broken long before they ever even considered being sexually active, because if they had waited until their first encounter it would have been a medical emergency.
Hymens are tricky little things, aren’t they. I often wonder why God designed them anyway. Certainly a lot of trouble for women would have been avoided throughout history if they didn’t exist.
Hi Genevieve,
Let me say first off, what a wonderful post. Next let me say I agree with above comments. Concerning the “yoke ” issue, you can be a true virgin even with a ” busted cherry “. In my opinion the first time you have sex with your future husband you are still giving him your cherry regardless if your hyman is in tact or not.
As far as using toys, I say have fun and don’t worry about it. I didn’t start using toys till fairly recently. Not that I had anything against it, its just that since I first started masturbating I have always used my fingers. It is still my favorite method. I just like the human skin touch and feel. Plus I love feeling how wet I get. I also like to taste myself on occasion. I love the taste of my pussy juices!
God bless you for waiting! Stay horny.
I am a good bit older than the group of ladies who made the original post, but from someone whose life has in the last 2-3 years been restored by The Lord in so many ways, I can only say it is good that these women are looking for Godly answers to their questions. As one who had my sexual purity robbed from an early age, I am firmly of the belief that the Church has dropped the ball on realistic sex discussions, whether with adults or teenagers. We are and we’re created as sexual beings, and it is long past time Christians took back this precious gift and its wonderful feelings from the enemy!
This site has done wonders for me to discover Godly sexuality – both in the stories of the married couples, as well as the 2 articles referred to on Masturbation – they are terrific. I am hoping that my future wife is doing what these and other ladies on here are doing- exploring their sexuality in an attitude of preparation for the one God has for her. I am preparing myself to be as open sexually with her as possible and look forward to her coming to me in a freely sexual way so we can enjoy all the pleasure God intended! Ladies, I hope you find all your answers here- I have been so blessed by seeing Godly sex portrayed by the couples on here… Plus, their stories are hot!
I see two rules.
1. Be generic in your fantasy girl or guy. If you masturbate while thinking of a specific person I could be considered, lustful thinking, or coveting. So try to imagine a person that is of your own wild imagination.
2. Avoid porn like the plague, because that's exactly what it is. It's addictive, and destructive.
I'll add one more rule.
3. While living rules 1 and 2. Have a great time. I see not problem in using toys of any kind. The clit has only one purpose, as does the gland on the underside of the penis head.
But be warned. Some say that it can lead to desensitized sensation. And don't rub it or whack it to where it interferes with your life. Use your gift from God as a valve, by opening it when you need it, not as an obsession.
While I appreciate each and every point of view to this post, let's be realistic. I've been through the 20's, and beyond. I have also worked in ministries at times throughout my decades, and this was 30-40 years ago. Even then the same sort of advice given to young women about masturbation was accepted, but seldom followed. I know this because I had discussions about it with many of them. It became clear to me that to ask young people, even devoted Christian women, to abstain and repress their sexual urges for the sake of maintaining "purity" in the eyes of God and for the sake of marriage, even back then, was just naïve. Also true for young men. In fact, especially true for young men.
I tried abstaining and denying for a time but eventually gave up the idea because I couldn't actually do it. It was putting me on an emotional rollercoaster that was eating away at my self esteem and sense of self worth. Finally I determined that my approach was the wrong approach for me personally.
I don't believe there is one universal "moral code" for Christians when it comes to sexual matters. I realize that is a very arguable point. But let's look at this site as an example, which pretty much backs me up on this pov. In the 80's and 90's I wouldn't ever even imagine Christians talking about sex, especially their sex lives, with total strangers. Yet, this is happening here on Marriage Heat, which I find very healthy, not to mention a turn-on. Many "taboo' topics, and language, are not only being written about by Christians here, they are even presented as healthy, natural and morally acceptable in the eyes of God. And that's another point. This young person is on this site. She no doubt has read the stories here. Which has no doubt enlivened her sexual arousal. How is she likely to respond to what her mind has just ingested? Since there is no man in her life that can fulfill her sexual drive, she likely will masturbate. Good for her I say. She should, and she should masturbated without the pressure of our moral protocols. IMHO, she should give herself the freedom to explore her sexual drive, urges, needs and her body anyway that allows her to learn more about who she is BEFORE she commits to being with someone for the rest of her life. She should have the awareness of what satisfies her and will make her happy first.
It's a nice concept for a young person, in this day and age, to have everything (morally and physically) intact when they finally meet the man/women they want to marry. But, as she said, kids today are inundated with sexual themes around every corner. Though it wasn't quite the same 30-40 years ago, for my generation it seemed sex was everywhere then too. Putting guidelines on how to handle that was fine, but nevertheless, generally speaking, people did what they wanted to do anyway.
So how about a different piece of advice Genevieve Ray? Allow yourself to work out your question directly with God as you understand your relationship with God. It's found there in your heart, your feelings and instincts about you. None of us have the same relationship with God, again as is illustrated boldly here in Marriage Heat. Let your answers come from within you. That's where God is and from there you can ask, pray, ponder, meditate, whatever to come to a Truth that is YOUR absolutely the right Truth for you. Ask (patiently) and you shall receive.
-RF
Hi Ladies I would like to chime in on this subject as, It can be Very challenging sexually to do or not to do. And we shouldn't be unrealistic about "Gods way or What appears to be Gods way": Yes it's your body, yes you have feelings, desires, thoughts and thoughts of, is this okay or Am i crossing the Line. To be Chaste as a Man or a Woman think about it, If you reallllly reallllly Want him/her to save themselves for you, Shouldn't you realllllly reallllly be saving yourself for him/her too ? As far as toys Go, and I'm a Man, I would want my Future wife to wait on the toys specifically the bigger ones as, Maybe We Want you to wait !!! I'm saving myself and holding off things and yes, I do think about things too, but God sees me Preserving myself therefore, I Believe he Will Anoint her in Conviction to do the same. And I believe that, That there is Something So Sexually Unique that will Happen for those that Wait on God that, It Will be Supernaturally Mind-blowing. Prayers going up for those waiting and like most have said, It's Worth the Wait !!!!!
You are right it is worth the wait. I wasn't perfect but did have restraint and never touched a woman. Marriage is truly a great sexual release and is very much worth the wait.