Getaway advice
Hi all, I’m new to this site and need some advice. I’m going away for 2 days with my wonderful wife. We’ve been married for many wonderful years and I love her dearly. She is the sweetest girl in the world to me, and I’d like to spend a couple of days talking with her about our sex life (and hopefully having sex!) – maybe we can read some MH blogs and stories together. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to go about this? What is a little tricky is that she is finds talking about this kind of thing very challenging and she says she doesn’t have the level of interest I have in embracing all that sex can be. She has struggled with fear in all kinds of ways for years, but slowly slowly God is healing her of that. She’d rather avoid the topic, and is happy with how things are… And yet she chose to marry me, knowing I was much more adventurous and keen… so I think she has always secretly wanted to come out of herself a little more. Sex has been wonderful since we were married, and yet it’s a long way from where I think it can be… and reading MH has given me hope that there can be so much more. I help young couples prepare for marriage, focussing on Song of Songs. I love sex and I love her and I love marriage. How can I use these next days to gently guide her towards a new dawning?
I would say that as long as she knows she can trust in you, you might be able to gently push past some previous boundaries. Particularly after a nice day together a little wine and quiet time together. But she has to know that if she is uncomfortable and wants you to put it in reverse you have be a gentleman and be genuine about being there for her. Honest face to face time (preferably with few clothes on) has always been a good place to start with my Sweetie. Have a nice vacation.
Hi,
My wife is the same, I would suggest to take her out to an expensive restaurant at your location and suggest your wife to buy a new outfit. Have a bottle of wine over dinner and compliment her. When you get back to your room she should be feeling as horny as you.
Brett
Get the book ” Intimacy Ignited” and read it together on you 2 day escape.
Be as gentle as possible. Try maybe when you are both calm, and can talk. Make the time as well, you wouldn’t want to be in a rush anywhere. I’ll pray it all goes well for you two 🙂
Thanks guys, this is super helpful advice. Will do.
Take it slow and easy. Sex shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. Her feeling safe and relaxed with you should be first. If she feels the pressure to perform she probably won’t. Remember the way you were while dating. Slowly touching her arms, shoulders, face, holding hands, etc. Gentle kissing until she initiates deeper kisses. After she starts heating up, she will want more of your touch and may be begging you to touch and kiss her more. Relax and enjoy all of the process and don’t overthink it all. Enjoy! Talking about it always makes me not want to have sex. Brett’s suggestions makes me feel like now I have to perform.
I understand everything you are dealing with. I have been down this road myself. We have always had a wonderful active sex life, but I always thought it could me more. Over the years of slowly breaking down barriers and lifting her up, helping her with her issues, and praying for her that over the years she has slowly open up adding some playful ideas. She was willing but not really into it. This year has been incredible! I’m not sure what cause her to get more adventurous but I’m a very very happy husband because of it. She had read and we rented 50 shades of Grey. She liked the book for the relationship but not the sex. One week she ran out of new books to read so she went back and was re-reading 50 shades. She always skipped the more explicit scenes, but after a weekend gateway of trying but failed to get a little adventurous she asked if I wanted her to read to me on our 3 hour drive home. Sure, well she read from 50 shades, the more explicit parts and that spark an evening and a few days that was incredible which I plan for a very erotic story. on our drive home we would stop from time to time and discuss various activities and this gave her and us the needed push and comfort to explore more erotic pleasure. I would say that this has to come from her and on her time table and Gods! Be faithful and patient and you will be blessed!!!
Thanks for all these comments. D&D, your experience sounds a lot like us. Can’t wait to hear your story. We just got back from our trip. I feel like a revolution has started. I think she is beginning to get excited about a new future sexually. We talked heaps and read MH blogs and it was positive not threatening. I think she really responds to hearing other women talk about their journey. Thank you MH!
This is such exciting news! It’s always so exciting to hear about sexual healing that has come to marriages because of MH. I’m looking forward to hearing more about your revolution!
Stag, the good news is that you are in a good place and what no one may have told you is that sexual response is learned. It takes work and practice to get it right for both of you. Not knowing what you might want to experience with your wife, I do have one suggestion. Ask her what she would like you to do to excite, pleasure, arouse her. Insist that you want to help and serve her first and be willing to do whatever she wants to try however simple, mundane, or unexciting it might seem to you at first. As you allow her to guide her pleasure and you work at making her desire come true, she may begin to open up to new experiences. She might even ask you at some point what she can do for you. BUT be careful about your request to her, don’t try to get the “whole enchinlada” the first time she offers.
Intimate Issues might help her, a book but women for women. Not knowing about your age I am going to suggest Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Cutrer and Glahn for both of you. Just peruse it and see if you want to purchase it. You may be beyond much of its content, then again, it might have some specific details that both of you will find helpful.