Loving God in Your Spouse
I wanted to share a thought I’ve been thinking about for a while.
I’ve heard many times that the priority of relationships goes like this:
- Love God
- Love your spouse
- Love your children
Everything else comes after that.
So this is taught that you should love God first above everything, including your spouse. Then your spouse comes before your children. Then your children come before other people.
But is this really the case?
I was thinking of a couple of scriptures that made me question the way we’ve typically understood this reasoning.
For instance, in Matthew 25:31-46 Jesus tells the disciples about what will happen at the final judgment. He says the righteous will be on the right and the unrighteous on the left. And he will tell the righteous that they fed him and clothed him and visited him when he was sick and in prison. They don’t understand what he’s talking about and he tells them, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did it for me.”
In the same way he tells the unrighteous that they didn’t do these things. They also don’t understand what he’s saying and he tells them, “Whatever you did NOT do for one of the least of these, you did NOT do for me.”
So it seems from this passage that when we love others, we are loving Jesus. And when we fail to love others, we fail to love Jesus. Essentially it is one and the same act.
Then in 1 John 2:9 it says, “Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness.”
“If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 Jn 3:17-18)
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 Jn 4:8)
“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (1 Jn 4:12)
“Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” (1 Jn 4:16)
“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.” (1 Jn 4:20)
From these passages it seems to me that the way in which we love God is expressed by the way we interact with other people. So much so that if we claim to love God but hate someone else, we are lying about loving God. And when we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. And his love is made evident in us. Our love isn’t to be just words, but action. How do we put our love for God into action? By acting loving toward other people.
So this just makes me realize that it is impossible to love God separately from loving our spouse. Which makes it contradictory to say that you love God first above your spouse.
I know we are trying to say that we “put God first,” but what does that really mean? If we put God first, then we will love our brothers and sisters. If we don’t love our brothers and sisters, we aren’t putting God first.
So instead of saying that we put God first and then our spouse, we need to see them as two sides to the same coin. You can’t have one without the other. So the way we love God IS to love our spouse. And when we love our spouse, we are loving God. It’s all the same thing.
Similarly, when we express love to our children, God receives it as love to him. And if we say we love God, then we will express that love by our actions toward our children. If we don’t show love toward our children, we are lying when we say we love God.
So instead of thinking of it in the hierarchy of: God, spouse, children, everyone else. We need to see it as: Loving others IS loving God. And loving God IS loving others. They are not two separate concepts, but two sides to the same coin. There is no hierarchy.
And maybe not even two sides to one coin, but one and the same action. So when I love my spouse I AM loving God. If I say I love God, then I WILL love my spouse. And I will express that love for God in my actions toward my spouse. And God’s love will be made complete in me as I love my spouse. If I’m not loving my spouse, I’m not loving God. I’m lying if I say I do.
It is impossible to separate the two. So it is impossible to love God first above your spouse. Loving God is loving your spouse. And loving your spouse is loving God.
Love this! I’ve had some related thoughts lately about the “love others as you love yourselves” verse. But I think you are right on here! And I think this is an idea that applies to life in general and not just to marriage. Glad you shared!
Well written thought, HH! I keep thinking of the verse when Jesus clearly says, “If anyone comes to me and does hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters–yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” (John 14:26) and then in Matthew 10:37, He essentially says the same thing. The Greek meaning of “hate” in John 14:26 is “miseo” which means “love less.” I definitely understand where you’re coming from but I also believe that God expects us to love Him more than those around us, precious though they may be. By “love Him more,” I mean hold Him in a higher regard, make Him the ultimate authority over our lives, serve Him more than others, and spend more time with Him than our wives/husbands and children. The outflow of our time with Him and our surrender to Him (Loving Him more) will naturally overflow to loving our spouse and our children the way He desires. But I completely understand and agree with what you were saying! You cannot hate your spouse and then turn around and say you love God.
Dear HornyHubby, I love how you’ve put that thought into this post and strongly encourage everyone to read it. A dear worship leader, who was guest-pastoring at my church a few years ago taught on this principle that you’ve just expressed here too. He gave a good example to illustrate it. He said if our life is a pie and we would divide it according to a hierarchy of importance… so then when we put God first in a hierarchical perspective, the biggest piece of the pie would be cut out to him, so then the leftovers would be divided between the spouse and the children and the rest of the stuff and people. As you’ve shown through what the Bible says, he concluded too that we should look at it rather like God being the filling of this pie. God being in everything. So then, just as you’ve pointed out as well, when we love our spouse (in truth, word and deed), we love God. The same principle applies to everything we do – it is Jesus in our children, Jesus in our daily work/routine, Jesus in our lifting weights or running or whatever.
I do agree with what CMLove mentioned and I believe it does not contradict the ‘God IN everything’ principle… God must take precedence in our entire being (mind, soul, body, heart). He must be the source, the reason, the motive that drives us. He must be THE authority that we submit ourselves to in everything. Our sole standard to follow. God taking precedence is unquestionable and it becomes most apparent when we have a choice to make in how we act or think towards something or someone. To give you all an apparent example… Let’s say one had a big argument with his/her spouse and both believe the other is at fault – when we put God 1st, giving Him precedence, we will put our egos aside in this situation and forgive each other and seek to reconcile (we will be motivated to DO what’s right, not to find out who’s right or wrong). By putting God 1st, we are also loving God in our spouse – for we are honoring God by being obedient to His Word in the choice we make and taking obedient action through humbling ourselves to each other. There is no doubt about that God must be on the Throne in us, and we must love Him above all else, just like CMLove highlighted and defined this “loving Him more” to be, otherwise we are all dangerously at high risk to be gradually led astray more and more from His righteous path (the NARROW way, which is not crowded) by our nature and our self-convincing limited minds or by outside influences. Serving Him in truth, love and obedience is loving Him in everything above all else, and how does God define love towards Himself for His children throughout the Bible: Obedience to His Word, His way. It’s the truth. Now don’t get afraid or intimidated by the word obedience… it doesn’t come with sticks and stones… it is a dedication of oneself wholly unto God, and by the Spirit in us, we are all as born-again Christians able to obey, and by the ultimate sacrifice of Christ on the Cross, we are all covered in His Blood for when we mess up involuntarily and repent about our wrongdoings to God. Obedience is not harsh nor too difficult a demand by God – for the more our hearts and brings are committed and dedicated to Him, to follow the narrow path, His way to life and life more abundantly, then obedience comes as an easy flow through the power of the Spirit out of our hearts. Jesus is THE example for us to follow – God’s Word is the blueprint and manual for how to live our lives right – Jesus is the Word. We learn how to love by studying how He loved – Jesus loved people in love and in truth (in balanced Grace and unconditional love – I say balanced because Grace gets abused too often nowadays to justify continuing living in sin, living in known and willing disobedience… but whenever Jesus extended Grace to sinners (counts for us all), He always said “change your ways and sin no more” – He does it because He loves us and wants us to have real life.) and finally, Jesus showed us how love towards God is to be understood: loving God is obeying Him. He submitted His own will wholly in to God, giving Him ultimate precedence, even in His moment of greatest agony/anxiety with the pain of the Cross to endure that was set before Him, so we could be saved. He spoke and did only what God would speak or do, not what His human ego or mind or feelings may have suggested Him to speak or do, as He walked in the fleshly Earthen vessel.
Love God and love people. Let us never cease to pursue knowing and understanding what the depth and true meaning of this command of our Lord and Savior Jesus really means – and let us be bold to truly, wholly follow Jesus’ example and put it into action to the best of our ability (not just the Grace part but also the obedience part – for one cannot be without the other – they belong and go together). God bless y’all!
This was great, Horny Hubby! I think too many people go on saying they love God and completely ignore loving those around them, and this was put so well, I also liked the verses you shared!
Really amazing!! I don’t know much about what religion say about it, but my heart completely agrees with you, i love my wife more than anything and anyone and i see my God in her, loving her is like worshiping God and i have really experienced a steady spiritual growth and ultimate peace of mind !! I am Blessed and thanks for awesome writing..!!