Things Your Mother Never Told You
Ladies (and Gents who are interested),
There’s a book that came out a couple years ago called Things Your Mother Never Told You: A Woman’s Guide to Sexuality by Kim Gaines Eckert that PassionateForChrist and I are reading right now. I was wondering if anyone else here at Marriage Heat would be interested in reading it with us and discussing thoughts and favorite quotes in the comments section below.
I’m only a few chapters in myself, so I can’t personally vouch for the book yet, but so far I have to say I have been fairly impressed with it. Eckert’s wisdom comes from years of professional counseling experience. She is also a wife and a mother of four. So far, the thing that has stood out to me the most is that Eckert isn’t afraid to tackle difficult topics (like masturbation for instance) and to give advice that is nuanced, scientifically informed, and theological all at once.
yay!
I LOVE this idea! I love to read and talk about what I read, but don’t really have like minded people to do it with. So this would be great. I don’t know when I will be able to get the book or start reading it though. The next couple of weeks will be busy with last minute Christmas stuff and going out of town to visit relatives, etc. But I will check back with my thoughts when I can. And maybe we can do this with other books down the road. We could have our own Marriage Heat Book Club. 🙂
Yes! And get Mrs. Horny to read it too! I’d love to hear what she thinks about it.
Haha..okay! 🙂
I’m in
I would LOVE to read this book and discuss! Like HH, I don’t know when I’ll be able to get the book what with Christmas stuff going on but I’ll try to get it asap! And what a great idea, having an MH book club! Haha thanks for taking the initiative to get things started, Eva!
Here’s a little overview on Chapter 1 to get us started.
Chapter 1 talks about the myths that “Sex is God” and “Sex if Evil.” After looking at the culture around and the problems with these two sexual myths, the author talks a little about a vision for Sexual Wholeness which she plans to look at more throughout the book.
According to Kindle, two of the most underlined quotes in chapter 1 are:
–“Our identity as sexual beings is why we are drawn to give ourselves to another person both physically and emotionally.”
–“Authentic sexuality should always make us more human, not less so. Sexuality should be connecting, not disconnecting. Sexuality is part and parcel of our whole selves: it is not just one part of us. We are ensouled bodies and embodied souls, and our sexuality matters.”
In Appendix A at the back of the book, there are some thought provoking questions to get readers thinking and talking.
1. How did you first learn about various components of sexuality (periods, erections, wet dreams, masturbation, french kissing, oral sex, intercourse) for the first time? Who told you, how old were you? How did you feel about the experience of learning (was it scary, interesting, embarrassing, etc.)?
2. Then she asks us to try to fill in the following blanks based on the “lens” we developed in our earliest stages of learning about sexuality.
–Having a period is ______________.
–Sex is _______________.
–When it comes to sexuality, girls and women are _________________.
–When it comes to sexuality, boys and men are __________________.
3. Now that you are an adult, you can choose to modify the lens through which you view sexuality. Think about what you liked about your former lens and think about what you didn’t like. Then complete the following statement.
–Regardless of my history–what I have thought, felt or done (or had done to me)–I want to experience sexuality as ___________________.
I’m curious how everyone would answer the fill in the blank questions. I’m also really interested to hear what you think of the two quotes that I typed out above. Do you agree with them? Did they give you a new insight? Were there other quotes you found helpful?
The thing she said in the first chapter that hit me the most was, “Authentic sexuality should always make us more human, not less so.” I think that’s what this site is all about. The statement says a book by itself.
FindingLight- I’m with you. That quote really stuck with me too!
I’m an avid reader, so I’ll add this to my list of books I want. Thanks for the suggestion it sounds like a great read!
Hey, dear Eva 🙂 I’m still enjoying reading the book – I take my time a bit, taking one chapter at a time, then giving it some time to settle in… I haven’t decided yet whether I’ll work the Dig Deeper section through after every chapter or at the end after having read the whole book… I will probably work it through after having read the book… I quickly wanted to stop by and let you know, I’m still in it and I still love it. I haven’t found quiet time yet to share further about my reading experience but I’ll do this in the days to come – there are some things I’ve read which have an impact on me and I’d love to process them some more by sharing them and while doing so munching on them further 😀 Thank you so much once more!! Love and blessings!
Ps: To all my dear MH brothers and sisters, who have encouraged me, prayed for me and given me heartfelt help over in the “Where is the line” post, most gratefully and happily I can and wanna let you know that, with God’s gracious help and unwavering presence, I have recovered my freedom in Christ concerning my self-intimacy. It’s so amazing how great and deep God’s love is for us. How He loves us! And what a difference it makes!! So thankful for Jesus – Name above all names – my love, my everything! I couldn’t be without Him. In everything, with Him. The promise of His presence, how invaluable and wonderful! <3 Grateful!
Is anyone on to chapter 2 yet?
Yes, I’m about to start into Chapter 4 these days.
I’ve just finished reading Chapter 4 and because I said a few days ago that I would stop by and share of my reading experience I’ll share some points that I found to be impactful so far… it may be shorter than I intended to discuss it a few days ago – the main reason for this is that I personally cannot make a thorough assessment at the moment, as my stumbling has creeped back in to haunt me and I can’t stand myself for maneuvering myself into a position that will sooner or later call for a divine consequence if I don’t get my faith walk back in proper order… I’ve asked God to help me to get to the true root of what makes me prone to make such foolish, ultimately self-destructive decisions because I don’t understand myself at all in this and, frankly, I have just about enough of myself… I’ve asked Him to reveal that root and to yank it out. I don’t want to sugarcoat it or hide behind excuses. I want to overcome this. I want this to go away and never return. I can only find the freedom, the self-discipline, the steadiness I’m looking for in following God closely, as my beloved brother in Christ LH has truthfully told me in another post… I have remembered this truth often today.
From the 4 chapters of the book I’ve read thus far, I have found valuable insights in what Mrs. Eckert shared about the hyper-sexualized messages we get constantly bombarded by everywhere we go, through every media, and how it drastically affects (mostly subconsciously) our self-image and self-esteem (male and female alike). I loved how she pointed out how important it is that we notice the messages we are actually fed all the time and to debunk their deception and to realize how dangerous it is when we choose to play these messages down and choose to not speak out and stand up against these. I loved the example of a counseling client of hers, a beautiful woman, who herself had such struggles with seeing her own beauty and suffered such broken self-image and self-esteem from all those internalized hyper-sexualized messages that are out there everywhere. I believe that I too have some self-image issues… I could relate to the client’s self-perception of “never measuring up” or “never being enough” the way one is… the client has engaged in promiscuous behavior and has had many relationships in her life because, for men, she was a sight worthy to be pursued… I am on the other end of the spectrum… stuck in the extreme of being beautiful yet not wanted because I simply don’t fit the cultural messages of how a “sexy” woman should look like. I loved what Mrs. Eckert elaborated about our worth and value needing to be found in our identity as a child of God alone, in Christ alone, not in our accomplishments or social roles or whatever. I loved the concept of the Christ-centered woman she highlighted in contrast to the male- and female-centered view of who a woman is/should be. I love what she shares about personhood, the importance of keeping sexuality in its God-given purpose, meaning and context.
That’s all I can share thus far. God bless you all!
Hey I just wanted to share that I bought the book and it just came in the mail today! So I look forward to sharing my thoughts as I read it.