I need prayers and advice

I’m not yet married; I’m a girl in my 20s going through a breakup.

Reading this website gives me hope. My biggest wish is to marry a man who loves me, like many of the husbands on this site love their wives, and I always ask God for that man. I want to marry young, and I want to make no mistakes when it comes to choosing the one. I want God to give me that person soon and let us grow together.

I’m no saint. I was raised Roman Catholic, but God led me to pursue my faith somewhere else. I just want that person, someone who can accept that I’ve been physical, mentally and sexually abused before. Who can adore me and have a healthy relationship filled with God’s love?

Married people, do you have any advice besides trusting God and keeping the faith? Any advice on how to get that person? Thank you so much for helping me see That love is real.

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17 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Remember to keep God at the center of everything. I understand you wanting to marry young, I feel it's best that way. I'm so so sorry that you were sexually abused, I was too, as was my husband. If a man really cares for you he'll know it wasn't your fault thus won't think any less of you, not that he should because it was NOT your fault.

    When I read "who can adore me" I was heart-broken. It's so heart-wrenching to read, but let me tell you that anyone can adore you, dear. Anyone at all. But I also have to tell you that you can't just wait around for life to start – you have to MAKE it happen. You need to get out there, meet people, actively look and when you do meet someone pray about it, do everything you can to make sure he's the one for you. God bless you, sweet heart and I'll pray for you <3

  2. Anonymous says:

    The best advice I could give is the same as I give my own children; stay away from dating sites if possible. Instead be an pact player in the game of life. Volunteer in your community, go to different places that may interest you and be open to talking and meeting people. You just may find love without looking. God will put you together, but you need to live life. That's how you meet people.

    • Anonymous says:

      May I ask why you advise to stay away from dating sites? I found them to be a great place to meet some new people and just like in the game of life there were good ones and some not. I also found the person I have been married to for the past 10 years on a dating site.

  3. gcms - great christian marriage sex says:

    I think it is WONDERFUL that you are asking God to help you find the right person for you. I have watched far too many women try to find the man on their own through worldly ways. If you want a christian husband you need to find him where christians hang out. If he cannot talk about what God is teaching him lately, chances are high you are not going to get the love that you want from a christian man.

    I also would highly recommend that you consider a christian 12 step program to help you process any negative effects from the abuse of the past. You can try Celebrate Recovery or another similar program. That way you can help eliminate as much negative effects of the past abuse as possible.

    Put God first and He will provide your needs.

    Love your openness…

  4. Nico says:

    Before I met my wife I had asked the Lord to help me stay single, to have no distractions from pursuing Him with all my heart. Prior to knowing Jesus I was not living a highly moral life and did whatever I pleased. Once He came into my life I realized the Love I had been so pursuing, in multiple failed relationships, was there all along in Him. He healed my broken heart and made me realized I was desirable and wanted. I too had been sexually abused and as a result began to believe only love could be found through sex. I got the "cart before the horse" with that thinking. It was during the period of time when I wasn't feverishly searching for my mate that the Lord introduced to the girl who would one day become my wife. You see as long as I was searching and trying to control the situations for meeting someone then the Lord did not have the freedom to bless with what I wanted most. By letting go of the "need" of a spouse I was in fact releasing God's hands to bless me, which HE abundantly did 26 years ago. The Lord told that as long as I was seeking, looking, controlling meeting someone that once I found someone I would never be confident in the future if HE brought her to me or I made it happen. I know it sounds confusing but its not really. Because both my wife and I DID NOT make our meeting and relationship in the beginning the center of our friendship the Lord was free to put us together. I have no doubt, never have in fact, but that it was the Lord's great pleasure and joy to introduce my wife and me. So Dear One, rest in the true knowledge you are loved with an everlasting Love far greater than human love. Your Father in Heaven knows you better than you know yourself and has only good in store for you. Pursue Him who will never, ever leave you with all your heart and when you least expect it He will give you the desire of your heart in a life partner. Thank you for posting here and asking for wisdom and now may the peace of Jesus fill you and guard your heart and mind 🙂

  5. naturalgardener says:

    I just wanted to welcome you and encourage you. Just remember you are not second rate in any way! You are worthy of being loved,cherished and supported, and getting the gift of sexuality back in the right, healthiest context.

    I'm a big fan of trusting God and making wise choices within the free will we're given. I think a good, positive choice is honoring God and our faith. The Scriptures give guidelines for the character qualities of a good spouse, but leaves a lot up to each of us in terms of personal preference and situation. So, I would suggest going forward carefully but with confidence that you CAN find and do deserve to be loved for the unique person you are.

  6. AprilThomas says:

    Thanks to everyone who has helped me. I want that person, and it feels kinda weird to hear for some people, but after being raised Roman Catholic, I ended up finding my faith between Judaism and Christianity. I really don't care about someone's religion as long as it is a love worthy of God. Thank you very much.

    • JAM777 says:

      Although I respect that you don't condemn other people, I urge caution with your dating life. After all, dating only exists to find your significant other. So the person that you married absolutely needs to share a common ground with you. A person's religion is the base for the entire being and the source for all their decisions. If you don't share this then there will inevitably be conflict, sometimes, on the scale that leads to the ruin of the relationship.

      Another thing that is absolutely huge for me is I will not pursue someone who has not already come to know Christ as their personal Saviour. And I will always look out for friends or relatives who are pursuing someone who hasn't.
      The base for this thought process has a lot to do with what I have already stated but also because the most important and the most powerful love is that of "egope" love or unconditional love. The problem is that this love is not a natural form of love to people. We as sinners can't love someone unconditionally with out first coming to understand the sacrifice of Christ on the cross and why He did it.
      We inevitably love based on how we love and though we learn from many people. The greatest example we have of love is that of God. The greatest example we have of marriage is that of Christ and the church. So I always ask, how can a person truly love as we ought to with out first learning what that is? This is a super natural concept.
      To love with out condition or needing a reason… not a human trait at all. And though we need the other two forms of love (aroes or "romantic love," and then phileao or "brotherly love.") Are important too. But the unconditional love is without a doubt the strongest and most pure form there is! After all, we wouldn't exist without it! 🙂

      But anyway, thus is some food for thought. I'm praying for you and your situation!

      I too am waiting for that door to be opened for me. But I have faith and trust in the Lord's leading! 🙂

  7. copen1 says:

    Prayer and fasting. It's not something that can be maintained for long periods, but in storms or trials in life I have found that it places the heart nearer to the Spirit. I encourage you seek wisdom from a trusted source and to consult with your physician beforehand. I also encourage you to not to try something huge like a 40 day fast.(there are only three people in recorded history to perform a biblical 40 day fast-Jesus, Moses, and Elijah) I'm not even suggesting a three day fast as Paul did. But if you feel so led and you have clearance from your doctor, then maybe think on a much smaller scale. For example, you could try a meal or two during the week.
    I understand this may not be for you. If it's not, that's okay.
    Point of wisdom: Don't ever skip drinking something and don't try to do it more than you should.
    Prayers and Blessings!

  8. PacMan says:

    April, you just pinpointed the biggest problem for all of us humans, I believe. You are looking for a man to love you so much that it "is worthy of God." Both Christianity and Judaism teaches the brokenness of man — that our actions are never worthy of God. The 10 Commandments were not given to the Israelites to say "obey these rules," but rather to say "You are ALL unworthy of God, because not one human can keep these 10 rules in place."

    You are looking to be loved in a deep and God-honoring way, yet you don't really care about his relationship with God, as long as he loves you. But remember this…. God is the secret ingredient. Why is this site different? Why do these marriages seem deeper, stronger, and more passionate? God's love working in and through us is the glue.

    This is my advice to you… and to my own children… Think carefully about what you are attracted to. The culture tells you that the outside appearance is where attraction starts. The thinking culture tells you that attraction is a mix of physical appearance and internal personality (are they nice, kind, loving, funny, hard-working, etc). But these still neglect the secret sauce!

    A person of faith should first be attracted to what is unseen and unfelt… the individual's relationship with God. And not just "are they saved," but what does their pursuit of God look like? If they are a 10 physically and a 10 in niceness, but a 0 spiritually, I hope my children will find that person "unattractive." Whereas a 4 physically and a 7 personality but a 9 spiritually might be the "catch" of the bunch. This kind of mentality takes some training, because it is counter-cultural. We must "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" and look at people in 3D. That 3rd (spiritual) dimension is the most important, and really should be where attraction begins!

    (And someone's spiritual life isn't about how perfect they are or how much they have it all together. It's about a pursuit after God. Are they growing? Are they humble and soft-hearted? Do they trust God to provide and lead? "I am the Good Shepherd… and my sheep know my voice.")

  9. lion hearted says:

    Before I met my wife, I was very alone living by myself. I prayed Lord I'm ready for my soulmate. At that point in my life everything that was taught at church and from my parents was to prepare me for marriage. About 1 1/2 months after that prayer we met for the first time in church. A lady introduced us and thought we would hit it off. I had seen her in church before but thought she was in her mid teens. I was 21 and ready for the next very big step in my life. From the first date till we joined in marriage was 6 months, now it's 30 yrs later. We had been dating for 2 weeks when i got enough courage to ask her if I could kiss her for the first time!! She replied yes, my heart was pounding out of my chest and when our lips connected, my nose began to bleed!! As a child i would have trouble with nose bleeds but had been a few years since having one. She later revealed to me that she thought something was wrong with her because I hadn't even kissed her. I was afraid to go too fast and scare her away. When you truly Love someone, you will do your best to love them as Christ loves them. Each of us has hurts locked deep in our hearts that we keep locked away from our {future} spouse and God. Listen to your spirit and take your time, when its right everything falls into place. Make a list of what you are looking for in [Your Spouse} , pray over that list and thank God for answering prayers. No matter how small the attribute or item you desire put it on the list , if it's not on the list you might not receive it. God will give you the desires of the heart and Trust Him!!!

  10. Debbie says:

    Oh my… So amazing!!! I can relate with you April because all you've mentioned are similar to me.

    I'm 26 and trusting God as well for my life partner and I'm more than certain I'll be getting married next year. I don't know who he is and I'm single at the moment but I do know who holds my tomorrow and since Jesus said repeatedly in Matthew, " As you have believed, so let it be done into you", I know my expectations won't be cut short.. please believe as well.

    God is so real to me and as such, he is realer than my longings, anxieties, desires or fears. I have put all my eggs in His basket, and i know that if we do what we can ( be open, look good and live out God's Love), He'll do what we can't.

    Please let me add to what others have said here… You must only select a man after God's heart saved by Christ. There are many religions that claim devotion to God but alas there's only one way to God… Jesus Christ. He is the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him.

    Remember your husband will most importantly lead you… You must be careful to choose him who can lead you to the One true God through Jesus Christ alone.

    God bless you. Much love..

    Debbie xx

  11. Happyhusband says:

    Let me start by saying 2 things…

    1. I'm proud of you for asking married believers. That shows wisdom.

    2. You are not alone. I counsel people in exactly your situation…often. They range in ages from 18-45.

    3. This is my first ever reply to a post on this site (not sure if that makes you feel special, but I thought I ought to bring it up). 😀

    My wife and I always have the same advice to singles. Before you go searching for the person you want to spend your life with, go to God and search for the character traits you NEED in a spouse. Notice I said NEED, and not WANT. We let our wants get in the way. Then our hearts lead our heads (that's a bad place to be).

    Spend some time…LOTS of time…with God just finding out what you need to become the person He wants you to become. Then, pray for someone with those traits. Try to find as many of them in the person BEFORE you start dating. And if they don't have even one of the traits you and God decide on…move on. That is possibly a great friend of yours, but a lousy spouse.

    I have this teaching laid out in much more detail and I can post it, but it is quite long. Let me know if you'd like it.

    God Bless

  12. Merrill says:

    I will keep this simple and pray for you that you will indeed find a man who lifts you above himself, treats you better than himself for without you he is indefinitely less. May you succeed it finding real love and passion as forged by God.

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