Click and Question

Hi all,

I have been reading the stories on this site for a while now and finally plucked up the courage to publish my first post, or shall I say the first question.

My wife and I have been married for several years now and since having children things have quietened down a bit in the bedroom (understandably). I think we’ve just managed to break the surface to get a gulp of air and so I was thinking of ways to spice things up a little…

I’ve read a couple stories on here of how couples use media to record their intimate time together but wondered how I could approach the topic with my wife sensitively. I really think she has the most beautiful body in the world and I would just love to record those intimate moments for prosperity, but don’t want to be disrespectful. A woman’s perspective would be most helpful, but if there are men out there who have explored this question themselves, please do share your views too.

Also, what are your views on sharing these photos with other similarly minded couples? I’m not talking about porn but rather those sensual (anonymised) photos that express the beauty of life and love (and everything in between). If so, are there any safe respectable sites out there?

Thank you in advance.

 

 

 

 

Click on a heart to thank the author of this story!

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

We are sorry that this post was not one of your favorites!

Help us understand why.

10 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Hi. I think women are different. Some are a bit shy, whereas others are thrilled by the idea. I was thinking that maybe you can tell her (if she knows about this site) that you came across this idea, and offer to her to try it if she wants.

  2. Juicy says:

    For me, it took a long time to get to the point of being ok with being video taped and have pictures taken. For the most part, we will do a video, watch it a couple of times right after sex and then immediately delete it. There are a few slightly racy pics in a locked file that do not show my face in case something happened and they were to get out. I would not be comfortable with any of them being shown for a couple of reasons. One, for me there is a real turn on knowing that only my husband sees my body. It adds to the intimacy for me because no one else has seen my body except him. Intimacy can be shared in many ways but sex is the ultimate intimacy. Second, I am way too insecure to let anyone else see my body. I am happy to share that with my husband and don't mind him seeing pictures but I want to keep that to ourselves.

    There has to be a lot of trust with taking photos and videos and there needs to be no pressure. Maybe you could ask for something less risque. Perhaps just a cleavage picture, fully clothed, or a butt pic with cute panties on. That might be a good way to segway into it. But overall, the spouse has to be on board or that would cause a lot of heartache.

  3. Conner M says:

    Rachel and I may have taken some photos in our early years. No videos. But, it wasn't something that interested us. You raise a good question, however. In a way, we are all peeking into each other's lives and sharing in the love, the romance and the sex right here at MH. Not visually, but by word and imagination. Rachel and I believe that pornography is deadly to passion in a marriage because it places an idol of sorts in-between the one we should be lavishing our love upon. Reading the stories of others does excite us (especially Rachel!) Let's face it – the net effect is arousal. If I understand your question, you are wondering if visually sharing and watching other married couple engaged in love and sex would be the same? If the net effect was that it turned us on for our mate – and not for the couple we were watching. We have no experience in this matter. It is nothing we have ever done but it raises a good question. Don't we enjoy watching couples in love embrace and kiss in public? Those are private moments brought into public viewing. I suppose it is a matter of degrees. I know of no such Christian sites which allow or promote photo or video sharing. Will be interested to see what others think about this. Rachel has reminded me that one time we were invited aboard a boat with a couple we know. We spent a day and a night and when bedtime came we could hear them making love through the thin wall. We could hear every word and every thrust. I admit that it was extremely arousing. So much so that when they finished up, Rachel and I made love too knowing that they could hear us. The next morning, when our host asked how we slept…there was a pause then all four of us burst out laughing.

  4. Ted says:

    I simply suggested the idea of making acsex tape to my wife years ago when we had access to video camera. She was reluctant at first, but once we started filming it was a big turn on for both of us. Then watching the tape at a later date was also very stimulating and got both of us in the mood for some good sex.

    I even suggested to my wife that she make a video sometime of herself masturbating. I didnt think she would actually do it, but to my surprise she made not one, but two videos on two seperate occasions. This blew me away as she is fairly conservative, shy, and generally not all that interested in sex. Those videos really turned her on watching herself.

    However, all videos were eventually deleted out of fear of someone finding them sometime. We havent made any videos since then, and that had to be at least 10 years ago or more.

    We also had some self printed pictures of just her that were pretty revealing, but those got destroyed for the same reasons as the vids. She never looked at them, and I would only look at them occasionally. Now while these pictures were revealing, for some reason they were not much of a turn on. I would caulk it up to poor lighting, lousy camera, and my wife not knowing how to pose as I snapped the photos.

    In the end, just the act of creating the media seems to be the fun part. But the thought of it being found is a cause for anxiety, more from her than me.

    On the other hand, I would not be opposed to having some professional boudoir photos taken of my wife. But again, I doubt she would ever go for it. Unfortunately my wife has never really had a sexual awaking, and I believe she hopes to never have one. The idea scares her for some reason. =(

    While she try's to put her best foot forward while in the bedroom for my sake, she's just not into sex. She is very much a mind over matter kind of person. Therefore, when she believes that sex is more of a chore and something she doesn't really need and she won't have fun, then that is exactly what it turns out to be for her, which then just reinforces her own beliefs. It's a nasty circle.

    I know that if her brain could click over the other way, then she might actually desire and really enjoy sex. But she doesn't want it to click over, so I find myself struggling with a sex life that is not very fulfilling. What I mean by fulfilling is, if I can't get her off, then I feel hollow inside and at a loss to do anything about it. Sex turns mundane.

    Sorry for hijacking the post, but as I was typing, my feelings and thoughts started to surface.

    PS: I wouldn't think that sharing private media of yourself with other people is a healthy choice.

  5. Committed says:

    They are not photos shared by individuals but if you are looking for anonymous sensual images and gifs (similar to those used as thumbnails on marriageheat) to send your spouse along with naughty texts then thepassionatewife.com has a large repository. They are mostly PG-13. There is a section that is more NSFW (i.e. exposed nipples) but it is clearly marked and easily avoidable.

  6. mepharisee says:

    Since we humans have deceitful hearts, I would advise against sharing photos & videos, with anyone other than your spouse.

    First, you need to treat your wife as you want her to treat you. This Golden Rule is in the context of Godliness. If we want hurt, harm, or sin we can't think it ok to treat others like that. Also, you have to consider your marriages family & friends. This very much so would go against the conscious of others whether they know about it or not. In-laws, your own parents, & children even, have an expectation for you to lead & protect your family in Godliness.

    Second, at the very least it is borderline adultery, lust, & porn. Yes, MH does the same thing with words, but MH is striving to be useful as God uses explicit descriptions in scripture. Today's Christians need help in the marriage sex dept. God never uses actual pictures to do so, nor is Song of Solomon known to be a direct telling of certain people's lives. It is understood to be a play, poetry, or fictional. Some on here write fiction & some non. Either way it is writing, not pictures, & it is to help others to understand Godly love. The risk is that people would read it to lust. People can even lust reading the Bible, but that sin is not to the reason by the writer. But, Paul says he would not eat meat if it caused a brother to fall. Bottom line, stick with the Godly example for Godly purposes.

    Third, Ephesians 5 is very clear about getting nowhere near lust, fornication, or adultery. Since the warning is there it would be a sin not to obey. Again, God's example must prevail. MH is too risqué for some, I'm sure. I personally tend to read the advice posts more than anything. Sharing photos, I believe, is out of bounds. It is inviting others to look at your sex, in a personal way. Words on a screen do not attach as personal pictures do. This would be causing temptation on the viewers & sharers side. If your going to be picky, remember, because of sin Adam & Eve were ashamed of their nudity. God didn't explain their fear away, He covered them up. That's not a crack against marital nudity at all, I'm just saying when there is a question go with God's example.

    Last, there are ways to see if your wife will do nudes for you, alone. The risk is that people will see them, though. However, I don't believe a marriage should hide their sexuality, appropriately. Making pics with the intent of never being seen by others is ok. If they are seen by someone snooping the snooper is in the wrong not you. & I would wear it as an honor & not apologize for mearriage sex. However, if your wife doesn't want it, drop it & be fine without it. Give yourself up for your wife. If you want to know if she will or not, use TV or articles that have a celebrity doing that. Like the leaked stories a few years back. See what she says about those incidents & you should have your answer to pursue or not.

    Love

  7. Tulsa says:

    My wife started it, so I can't help you.
    Before digital cameras, she bought me a Polaroid camera, back before the instant motorized ones. I loaded some film in it, and was looking through the viewfinder, and she flashed me, so click, I flashed her! We carried on from there! 😉 Had to go out & get more film! We went digital several years ago.

    As far as sharing, with others, online or whatever, NO! Any pics or vids should be only shared between you two.

  8. PacMan says:

    Love the question, but not a huge fan of the answers. There is a problem that is pervasive in Christian cultures: espoused morality. It's the idea that "I (we) have felt conviction on a certain 'gray' issue, and therefore YOU should feel that same conviction." I know it's sometimes hard to dial down the passion or conviction, but this community will be stronger if we share our personal decisions, experiences, and convictions — and then leave it there. What is harmful or beneficial for your marriage doesn't automatically transfer to other marriages. We are all at different places. Even a line of conviction might be drawn at a different place. So please continue sharing what works & doesn't work FOR YOU, and the end reader can decide if that guides any decisions FOR THEM. Thank you. Soapbox moment done.

  9. me says:

    Ha ha. Pacman tells us that we should only do thus-and-so(sharing what works, etc.), which is tantamount for telling me not to do something else. Pacman espouses a certain moral code and has indeed shared it with everyone with apparent intent to directly influence our actions here. The very thing Pacman is saying we should not do, which is apply my morals to another person's situation, he has done. I love Pacman and I have previously enjoyed his posts and I assume I will in the future. The point here is that all who have shared have done so seemingly out of love and concern. Each has their own aspect. The interesting thing about aspect is that it is YOURS! Each reader must understand that a person's view here is from their "eyes". Each comment shared comes with the understanding, and maybe baggage, of each individual's personal moral code. Thinking about Pacman's comment: I am reminded of the evolutionist/atheist who, referring to the Great I AM, said that "there are no absolutes". Well, how does one emphatically make an absolute statement that there does not exist any absolutes? LOL So, those who participate here at MH should come in love with intent to edify while understanding that other posts do indeed come with individual moral aspects. I think it valid and responsible for folks like "mepharisee" to offer guidance as he/we/they deem appropriate as taught by the ancient Scriptures passed to us for understanding of Godly living. It is very appropriate to remind one another of God's guiding words. I agree with Pacman that your line of demarkation is not necessarily mine or does it have to be. Though in clear Biblical teachings we should draw a clear line in the sand and state it such for it is His line in the sand and not mine. I would say to mepharisee that I think he is in error about Song of Solomon. Song of Solomon is not fiction. It is a real account covering several aspects about love and devotion on a personal level. I believe it is considered Hebraic poetry. There is indication that Solomon wrote this himself due to the wife's description and what we know of Solomon's first wife. I would go on to suggest that nothing in it is pornographic. The Greek word pornographos is an adjective speaking of "prostitute (porno) writings (graphos)". Song of Solomon is a story of two individuals in a covenant relationship, which I believe is the key. It is an expression of their deep love and passion. And, I believe mepharisee's exhortation of Godly living is a good reminder of where to always begin and end. Personally, I do not have a problem with folks sharing their intimate lives in writing here at MH or by voice as in ladies or guys circle of close friends. The more minute the details is certainly personal preference, and this goes with all aspects considered "not for public consumption" or anything done within the home or in any/all private capacities; not just sexual. I know folks who do not talk about politics, religion or sex, and I know/of folks who tell their BFF everything. As for the sharing of photos and videos, I believe others alluded to the underlying starting point of God clothed us; indicating that our nakedness is for covenant enjoyment and was never for public display. The flesh would like to think it could be awesome to view devoted covenant marriage couples enjoying sex—not your standard fornicating porno. The problem there is lust of the eyes, the coveting of forbidden fruit, jealousy that she or he may not do a certain act or do it as well as those in the video, etc. I think Connor M made some good points and introduced some thoughts for consideration as we think about lives being shared intentionally and unintentionally. We will never be perfectly free from an environment that will never infer in any small way something sexual, intimate or a source of, at least, momentary arousal. Though it is what we choose to do with what presents itself. For instance. if we happen along hikers who was hoping for a secluded place in the national forest for some "alone time", do we stay and watch or do we excuse ourselves and wish them well? And giggle all the way back to camp. We are sexual and sensual creations and it is our responsibility to enjoy such in ways that God allows. Nothing Godly will ever detract us from Him or our mate. If it does, we should treat it like Joseph did Potipher's wife.

  10. Lovinghusband says:

    me – I love your comments here. I think that some well-meaning Christians wish that we already lived in a world with no more sinful temptations. Your words remind us that we still live needing wisdom to know how to live in the midst of various situational tensions. God's word and Spirit are up to the task of equipping us. It seems that God has not made an easy template for solving all things – but instead has made it that we must be very dependent on Him and stay close to His word.

    I find it interesting too – that in regards to Song of Solomon – that some of the fantasies (righteous fantasies) they had about each other's body's – was prior to their marriage. So, their sexual imaginations were not kicking in only after. Those thoughts were righteous – but, not without some tension to want to come together before they were married. Anyway, God was not afraid for us to see that. Certainly, those were two people on their way to sealing their covenant.

    I too want to echo that I love PacMan too! I think the one thing that we can all do – is to be humble enough to visit and revisit our biblical foundations often. That our convictions would be based on solid ground. Not just for example, saying "Song of Solomon" – but making sure we've read and studied Song of Solomon. I hope our interactions on MH – more than anything – drive us back to the Bible as our authority. The more I see that people love God, the Scriptures, and sex – the more I rejoice in knowing that they are rooted where they need to be.

    May we continue in this spirit of learning from one another's insights and Spirit-led reflections. As we do, MH will not only continue to be red hot – it will be a place where people really smell the aroma of Christ even more. Onward and upward – but God's grace. You really encouraged me me. That was not a typo – the first me was me. The second me was you. 🙂

    God bless you. LH

Comments are closed.