What Is Allowed?

Another great question from a Marriage Reader reader!  There is tremendous Biblical wisdom to be shared and no doubt that there will be a lot of great conversation.

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Hi all,

I am a newbie here but have enjoyed all the stories posted.

I have a question today. What is allowed in Christian marriage sexually?

Is it a case of everything goes between you and your partner or are there certain areas we should not go?

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16 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
    I take that to mean anything goes as long as it's just the two of you (husband and wife, married). The Bible does not place any limits on what married couples can enjoy sexually so your imagination is the limit. Go wild! 😀

    The Song of Solomon is a very good example as are other lines in the Bible including Proverbs 5:18-19. God bless!

  2. ClimaXX says:

    Hi Mariobev. This is such an important question. I hope my practical answer will be of some help.
    I believe that there are a few no-no's.
    1. No other person besides your spouse
    2. No animals
    3. Never hurt your spouse beyond what is acceptable to him or her. (From time to time my wife loves it when I spank her bum but I will never hurt her. Different couples have different levels of what is acceptable)
    4. Never infront of your children. (However my kids often see me holding my wife, touching her bum, kissing her…. but I will never touch her boobs in their presence)
    5. Never do things that are not acceptable to your spouse. (It is important to growin your repetoir of things that you can do. Always try to accommodate the more adventurous spouse)

    Beyond that… go for it.
    Oral sex – Yes
    Sex outside in nature – Yes
    Anal sex – Yes
    Fantasies – Yes
    Sex toys – Yes
    Bondage – Yes
    Masturbating together -Yes
    The list is endless….

  3. PatientPassion says:

    I'm not married, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I would agree with Mrs. Thornton and ClimaXX. My general principle for biblical sexuality is that anything is acceptable sexually as long as it is exclusively between a husband and wife and they both agree on it. For example, I don't believe it's right to engage in something as simple as oral sex unless both spouses are in agreement on it. On the flip side, even the darker side of sex (as ClimaXX mentioned, anal sex, bondage, and I would add even the power games of BDSM) are acceptable and even beautiful things if both spouses agree to it and it is done safely in a way that the spouses grow closer to each other because of it.

    On a personal note, I have fantasies that include elements of BDSM, and I hope God allows me to marry someone who will indulge those fantasies and enjoy them with me. I am well aware of the dark stigma around BDSM, but this is the key: everything must be done consensually and out of love for your spouse. I may tie up, gag and blindfold my future wife. I may spank her. I may do other things to put her in compromising and vulnerable positions. But it will all be to bring her pleasure and not harm.

    To reiterate the key point: everything is acceptable sexually as long as it is kept exclusively between a husband and wife and no one else is involved in any way. (Keep in mind this is simply the opinion of a flawed human being, not necessarily the law of God.)

  4. Dean316 says:

    Harper and ClimaXX (i dig that name) are both right, but surely there is a line in the sand when it comes to what's right and wrong in marriages. Firstly, don't do anything that you or your spouse wouldn't like and wouldn't want, nobody gets hurt, sick (you know what i mean by that) and such other things. The biggest thing for me is not to say or do anything degrading to yourself but especially your spouse. I don't think i have to mention what those are but that's still very important to keep in mind. I have a bit of a gripe with anal because i don't its biblically acceptable but everything else that ClimaXX listed is perfectly fine.

    God bless,
    Dean

  5. ClimaXX says:

    I think the idea of Anal sex or anal play will remain a difficult topic. The main focus for many people is that it is seen as a homosexual form of having sex and therefore should be avoided….BUT…..Gay people kiss. Should we not kiss then? Gay people masturbate together. Should we then abstain from that? Would anal stimulation be OK if done with a finger or toy as long as there is no penetration with a penis?
    We should rethink this and not give it away as a "No-No" before really thinking it through.

  6. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Dean316 I agree and disagree, we certainly should not force anything, but at the same time, if a spouse has a certain need, then the other should sacrificially fulfill that need, provided it's not "perverted", or unsafe

  7. hornyGG says:

    I agree that all is a go between a husband and wife in the marital bed. Sex between a man and woman in marital bond is satisfactory and blessed by God. As long as it is not forced upon, hurts or endangers your spouse. GO FOR IT!
    That being said, the question of anal sex has continually come up here on MH. Is it safe? Is it not?

    My husband Ben and I engage in anal sex occasionally and enjoy it. We use plenty of lube ( due to Ben's size, this is a must) and for added protection he also wears a condom. We never swap from anal to vaginal sex, thus the condom. If he wishes to penetrate my pussy, he can simply remove the condom and proceed.

    Anal sex is not for everyone, but with the right precautions it can be a different pleasurable experience.

    I would like to see MH include stories concerning Anal sex some day. God bless and stay horny!

  8. PatientPassion says:

    I've wrestled with my belief about anal sex as well, but I'm currently of the opinion that it's not biblically prohibited. I believe the sinfulness of Sodom and Gomorrah was rooted in forcible sex (rape) and homosexuality, not anal sex specifically. There are arguments that it's not how God intended sex to be, but that argument can be made about any aspect of sex beyond vanilla, missionary position PIV intercourse.

    As for safety, it doesn't seem like a huge issue if it is approached carefully. As long as a good pre-cleaning and lots of lube are involved, it can be quite safe and pleasurable too! From what I've read, both men and women can receive significant pleasure from external and internal anal stimulation. The area contains quite a few nerve endings with sexual capabilities, and men get prostate stimulation as well. For women, the wall between that area and the vagina is thin enough that they can actually feel indirect vaginal stimulation, which helps them slowly build up to a deeper orgasm.

    All that to say, though it's one of the trickier questions to answer, I believe it is acceptable, safe, pleasurable and a great option to add to a married couple's sexual repertoire.

    In response to hornyGG, I have several series of erotica that I plan to write, and though it's a ways down the road, there is some anal experimentation involved. Keep your eyes peeled!

  9. Crua Ar says:

    I'm with ClimaXX. Excellent question. Excellent response. Excellent advice: "It is important to try to grow in your repertoire." "Try to accommodate the more adventurous spouse." Within the biblical boundary, marriage should always be a discovery zone.

  10. D&D says:

    Agree with all!! I also would like stories on anal, so those of us who are interested can have a better understanding on how to go about it. So many other subjects that aren't discussed are freely in most biblical marriage sites are spoken here from actual married couples. This site has allowed us to welcome and encourage our more adventurous side to grow without the guilt or shame. Thanks MH

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