What Women Want
I hate generalizations. I don’t assume that my thoughts and feelings, likes and dislikes, wants and needs represent the majority of women. But, for the sake of getting the ball rolling on a discussion of What Women Want (sexually), here goes:
See Me
Do you like it when I wear a certain style of clothing? Tell me. Have you noticed that I’m growing my hair out? Say so. See me bent over cleaning out the car in a pair of snug jeans? Whistle your appreciation of the view. I love that I catch your attention. It makes me feel confident that my body pleases you, and that makes me want to do so even more.
Touch Me Often
If you want my body to respond to yours, remember to spend lots of time in physical contact with me. Caress my shoulder as you pass by. Wrap your arms around my waist and kiss my neck while I’m washing dishes at the sink. Hold hands with me while we relax in front of the TV. This every day, loving contact gives me a thrill. It “primes the pump” for me to respond later when things get more sexual.
Talk Sexy To Me
When you verbally convey your desire for me, it turns me on like nothing else! Make me feel like I’m irresistible. Tell me how beautiful I am to you. Say that the smell of my skin turns you on and that you melt when you see how much I desire you. Above all, tell me that I’m the only woman for you! Let me know that if you had to do it all over again, you’d still choose me.
Fondle Me
If you can’t always say it, then show it! Pull me into the pantry and kiss me, ravaging my mouth with your lips and tongue, then slip away and leave me dazed. Run your hands under my shirt and down past my waistband when you find an opportunity for a hug. Caress my ass when you catch me bent over. Remind me often that you relish looking at me, touching me, and exploring me. Show me how hard it is to keep your hands, lips, and tongue to yourself. But leave me wanting more, too.
Be Forward and Flirty
I love it when you throw humor into our sex life. I like the lighthearted sexual banter that we engage in when the kids are in the next room. Like when I ask what you want for supper, and you say, “pie,” wiggling your eyebrows up and down. I love it when you come home from work and ask me how many times I came today. It makes we want to have something to report! Also, it’s so cute when you add sexy emojis like eggplants and peaches and donuts to our text messages. I also love those stickers on Telegram! You make being sexy fun!
Bring the Heat
I love the way you give me a flash of your stiff cock when I’m doing something that turns you on. But that usually only happens at home. Let’s find ways to take that further.
When we are in public, find secret ways to communicate your desire. Catch my eye from across the room and give me a smoldering look that speaks of your hunger for me. Take my elbow and whisper in my ear what you’d rather be doing to me right now. (It wouldn’t hurt if you threw in an earlobe nibble while you are there.) Take my hand under the tablecloth and guide it to your crotch, or reach for mine. Trust me; I will be wet for you by the time we make it home!
Accept Me
There may be things in my upbringing or my past that hinder me from exploring certain sex acts. I try hard to hear you on those issues and consider your viewpoint, and I need to know that you will do the same for me. I’m not saying that I’ll never change (you have seen that I can and do), but it’s a whole lot easier if I know your love and desire for me don’t depend on it.
At the same time, it’s important that I can express and explore new ideas that do appeal to me and not fear your judgment. If they don’t work for you right now, that’s okay. It’s you I love. And that love does not hinge on the sexual appetites you satisfy for me.
I love that I can tell you all my fantasies, even the weird ones, without you thinking badly of me. It’s fun when we play them out, knowing that – if they are against God’s Word – I never want to actually do them in the real world. And it blesses me so much that you trust me enough to share yours and let me give you those things in our “pretend” times. Dressing up, role play, even just talking through scenarios with your cock pounding into me, can get me off in no time!
Be Trusting and Trustworthy
To comfortably explore new sexual possibilities, we have to be able to trust each other. I have to know that if I express pain or discomfort, your first response is going to be a question. “Is it too much? Did that hurt? Should I keep going?” (Unless we are doing a scene or playing out a fantasy; that could ruin the mood.) If I use a safeword or sign, I have to know you will notice and heed it. You build that trust when you express your concern for my pleasure, well-being, and comfort. I hope I do the same for you so that you will trust me with your body as well.
Verbalize
When we are making love, it makes me hot to hear you tell me what you like. I enjoy hearing you describe what I look, feel, and taste like to you and what we are doing to each other. Do my crotchless panties frame your target just right? Does my tongue feel good making those little circles on your frenulum? Want me to hum while I have your balls in my mouth? Is my pussy so hot and wet that it makes you want to fill it up with your cum, but you also want to keep going forever? Say it out loud. Use all the sexy words we save just for us. Grunt and shout. It’s such a turn on to me.
Play with Me
Let’s get some (more) toys! I like when you use them on me and on yourself. And I enjoy doing the same. It took me a while to warm up to the idea again, but I like all the playthings we’ve invested in. They help keep our sexy times fresh and stimulating. (Yes, women can get bored, too. But we might not admit it. We think it will hurt your feelings because it would hurt ours if you said it.) Let’s keep branching out. But not too fast, okay?
I could list specific pleasures that I want from our sex life, but those are so individual. I felt these would apply to a general audience and, if expressed, could open doors to better marriage heat. Am I right?
Ladies, what can you add or what would you change? Men, what questions do you have for us?
CHL
Amen girl!
Thank you CHL. After 25 years our sex life is in desperate need of a re-do. I love my wife and she is the fantasy of my masturbation. Unfortunately, solo mastubation is it. Any suggestion how to reignite the sexual passion?
Wow, that's a tough one. Have you talked with her about why she's okay with no sex? There are so many things that can play into a diminishing sex drive: hormones, stress, depression, nutritional deficiencies… Or maybe she just doesn't understand your need to feel desired.
Pray for her, your marriage and sexual health. If that seems weird, remember that God designed sex specifically to represent the perfect union between himself and his people. Of course he has an interest in seeing both husband and wife live out that symbolic selflessness and passionate desire.
For me, there was a time when I could take or leave sex. It was very hard for me to reach orgasm (clitoral was the only kind I recognized) and trying and failing became depressing. So I just met Rez' basic needs, got him off as fast as I could, and went back to focusing on kids, bills, volunteer projects, etc. until he "needed it" again. What I was missing was the fact that he was bored silly and felt unloved because I didn't express any desire for him other than showing mild enjoyment during sex. And that made it hard for him to make those advances, so our sex life dwindled. But so did our closeness and communication. It took a long time for things to get back on the right foot, but other changes took place in that time as well. Kids got older, living arrangements improved, and my hormones seemed to rev up, too.
So my best advice is to pray for her, followed by a series of loving, honest conversations about sex. Tell her you feel like you've failed to communicate well with her about something very important to you both: your relationship and the needs you both have. Without casting blame, help her understand how sex with her makes you feel about yourself and how it "fills your tank." Ask for a chance to help her learn to love sex the way the Bible describes it. And don't give up; It's never too late.
Whew, really long. Sorry, but I hope something in there helps.
So so true CHL!
"Men, what questions do you have for us?"
Thank you for this. Thankful to see I'm doing some of the things suggested in this list, and grateful to have a couple other things to work on besides.
A question: I've heard before that a wife becomes more 'in the mood' if her husband helps with housework. Is this true, or does it just 'depend' (like so many other things in life 🙂 )?
Wait, lttlb? The author of the Marie and Lisa stories? Welcome back! At the risk of gushing, I read all your stories in one sitting when I was first introduced to MH and wish there were more! (Hint, hint.) In fact, wasn't one of them the first to include anal sex back in '13. Guys and gals, go read them!
I can only answer for myself, of course. Hopefully, others will chime in, too. Helping out around the house isn't a "turn on" for me (unless maybe Rez did it naked?) But it does reduce the stress in my life, which can improve the likelihood that I'll be more receptive later. And if we are doing the work together, that's another opportunity for flirting and maybe even fondling. Wouldn't work, though, if I had any inkling that it was being done for that purpose and not simply as an expression of love.
If you've read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you'll know what I mean when I say my love language is acts of service. That can backfire sometimes since I often used to take Rez doing a job for me as a sign I wasn't serving him well or often enough. I came to realize it was a lack of self-confidence on my part. He got around it by noting that I was super busy and asking *how* he could help. It's his love and concern for me that melt my heart, and free me to enjoy his other "services".?
Thank you.
CHL…. what a fantastic piece of art. Thank you so much. Such a blessing to read. Exciting! Revealing! Intoxicating!
*blushes*
I have two ladies who proofread many of my writings and I asked one to respond to my writing about "What Men Want" and tell us "What Women Want." Here is her response. (Thanks Liezel)
WHAT WOMEN WANT
1. Love my vagina
Touch it. Kiss it. Play with it. My vagina is part of me, my inner self. I experience your love in a very special way when you love my vagina. There are many parts to it. Make love to them all. And when you do, be actively involved and do not just go through the motions.
2. Ask me for sex
It can become such a challenge for me to always initiate our lovemaking. Please be wild and ask me to make love to you. Be direct. Say it. “Come make love to me.” “I need to be inside you right now.” It means a great deal to us when our men can be vulnerable and tell us they need us in such a baser form.
3. Take control
I need you to sometimes just be the boss. Just take me. Don’t ask. Grab me. Take my clothes of or just open my pants or lift my dress, take my panties off and just wildly start making love to me. Show a bit of force, not taking no for an answer (within limits obviously) but be that rugged, wild guy, that knows what he wants and when he wants it. You can even tie me up and I will not complain.
4. Be blatant
Seduce me. As I walk in be the one to walk naked and just grab me before I can start with my chores. Lie on our bed and wait for me with a range of our toys or a can of caramel…. Get naked and walk up to me and start undressing me. Call me on the phone and tell me to come home and to take care of your needs. Just do it!
5. Share your fantasies with me
I want to know your sexual dreams and fantasies. No matter how weird or wild they are. I want to make them come true. There is great excitement for most girls to know that their husbands have some weird fantasy. We enjoy it.
6. Talk to me about sex.
Make it possible to share my thoughts with you. Help me to start conversations with you about sex and let us share our naughty thoughts.
7. Respond to my advances
When I touch you or say sexy things please respond. Think sexy with me. Make it easy to love you and to make love to you. Your body language and responses to my advances say so much. It is so easy for us to lose heart if we make advances and time after time we are ignored.
8. Send me dirty text messages
It is so exciting to receive sexy messages from you. Tell me what you want me to do to you or what you want to do to me. Send me pictures of yourself that you know would excite me. When I receive any sexy message from you my body responds immediately. SO TRUE, we start throbbing and by the time you get home, we will be ready to rip your clothes from you or wait for you…… naked.
9. Play with me by having foreplay the entire day
Let us do things the entire day to create an erotic atmosphere that will lead to great sex in the evening. Touching, texting, sending naughty pictures and messages. Let us play in such a way that we are hot and dripping wet by the time we get together.
10. Masturbate with me.
To masturbating together is a wonderful togetherness that brings a different scenario into our love making. Keep things new and exciting. We like new ideas, places and positions, get creative, don't become boring and routine…
11. Accept your own body
My dear husband LISTEN to me! Your body turns me on. Look after your body. Exercise, eat right, work out a bit, let me feast my eyes on you. Do not rob me of your body. Flaunt it. Think sexy. Show off what you have. Seduce me with your body. You are what Abba Father planned for me. You are my PERFECT FIT!
Yeah, I agree that much of what you wrote about guys applies to us gals, too. Amazing how much we have in common, isn't it?
Great ideas. Sadly, my wife is not really into most of what you are saying. We have had a little progress with toys. (Marital aids) but that's it.
Oh, Art. Praying for growth and good communication there. It's good to hear that she hasn't lost all interest in sex! Toys are a good sign!
I am an "Older" man in my late 60's and the information in "What Men and Women want" becomes SUPER important as we age.
Young couples have natural horneyness and can have "un-planned" sex easely, but as we age we need to put more effort and planning into it. The GAME needs two active players!!!!
Wanna play??? Let's play!!!
Good point, The Rose. Having a whole day of flirting and touching like your favorite author suggested might be a great way to guage, by her response, whether to take certain preparatory measures,huh?
I would add in that these desires in women are cyclical. Men could adhere to these 100% of the time, but we don't want these 100% of the time.
I love it when my husband fondles me, but not daily. I love it when he tells me his fantasies, not the day before my period….little things like that. I think men have a tendency to get frustrated because of our inconsistent emotions and engagement in something so rigidly focused on by them.
That's true! I should have had a paragraph titled "Bear With Me" for that time of the month. But we are all different. I'm pretty grumpy during the four or five days before I start, but I can also get pretty horny and sex can help me feel better. You just have to know your wife. It helps if you can keep track of when she's due for her monthlies so her hormonal responses don't catch you off guard. Not using it as an excuse, though. Still, sometimes being reminded (with an understanding hug) that my hormones are raging can help me rein it in and try to take things in stride. Or aim those emotional responses at a more positive target. 😏
Two question for the ladies.
If a kinkier suggestion is made and you turn it down, is it ‘no’ forever? For example, during foreplay a husband asks to shave his wife’s pussy and her quick answer is ‘no.’ Should he ever screw up the courage to ask her again?
What have you said ‘no’ to that you wish your husband would ask you again to engage in?
Old Lover, those are two good questions.Especially the 2nd one…..What have you said ‘no’ to that you wish your husband would ask you again to engage in?
Reply
Old Lover, I don’t think answering no is always a permanent thing. I’ve answered no depending on my mood at that moment, time availability, etc. Thankfully my husband is persistent enough to usually express interest in the desired act and I’m never disappointed. I know if it’s something that he wants bad enough to not let it go, he’s going to make it definitely worth my while.
If you’ve actually asked your wife to shave her pussy, I sincerely hope she changes her mind and let’s you. Your comment especially caught my eye because my guy asked me that once and I immediately said no because I was scared that I might get cut (lots of cracks and crevices). A month or so later he expressed how much that would turn him on, so I let him do it! Oh WOW! He was VERY good at it and I enjoyed it as much if not more than he did!
Pee, fantasizing and masturbation are three things my husband asked about multiple times before I ever pursued. I wasn't turned off by it, but the timing was off for me. Now I like and do them all, often.
SH, the pussy shaving example was easy for me, because thankfully the first time I asked Anne during heated foreplay she breathlessly agreed. It was incredibly hot for both of us!
Thanks for mentioning the importance of asking or trying things at the right moment. Years ago, I touched Anne’s rosebud as she was about to cum. Now anal play on her is highly desired by her and it enhances the intensity of her O. Had I asked about or tried anal play on her at the wrong time, I’m not certain she would have been open to it.
Old Lover, sounds like you and your wife have similar interests to us! Since the recent MH anal sex survey, I’ve commented several times about our support and LOVE of anal sex. Hubby has always been interested and was persistent for years. I finally buckled one night a couple of years ago and tried it. I can’t tell you how I SO wish I’d have tried it many years earlier. I absolutely LOVE it! I plan to write my next story about our most recent anal experience. I was really happy to see that MH posted the first anal sex story recently. Take care and blessings sent.
Sultryheat, your story of being resistant to anal sex, then trying it and loving it sounds quite common, and I'm seeing it more and more. If you don't mind me asking, was there anything in particular your husband said or did that finally convinced you to try it?
I'm single, but I want to try things like that with my future wife. For many reasons I'll probably end up marrying another Christian, and I'm concerned that she will probably be very resistant to anything sexually adventurous because of the poor teaching (or lack of teaching) about sexuality in much of the Christian community these days. So I'm looking for some advice: What would you suggest someone do to reach out to a spouse who's resistant to trying something new? What factors finally opened your mind to trying anal?
PatientPassion, to be honest it was really nothing in particular that my hubby said or did. I truly just think it was how the creativity in our sexual escapades have just developed over the years together. We’ve just gotten more and more adventurous and creative with sex. Sex is great in the early years of marriage because you are discovering each other’s pleasures, but let me tell you that it only gets better as you age together. We’ve been married now for 25 years and our sexual comfort and enjoyablity is stronger now than ever. So, I would say to not get too far ahead of yourself with thoughts about anal, etc. Please just start slow, enjoy every touch and it WILL grow and develop naturally. I’m wishing you and your future wife a blessed life.
I rarely ever say no to my husband Ben unless I am sick. Usually we talk out anything new we may want to try sexually. I am generally open to anything for the most part. If we don't really enjoy it, we may not ever try it again or maybe try it again at a later date.
When Ben first mentioned anal sex to me, I was reluctant mainly because of fear. Ben's size concerned me . But after talking it over and the agreement that he would stop if it was painful or uncomfortable for me, I was willing to give it a shot and now love it.
Communication is the key to any marriage.
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies! Thank you for sharing with us. There is just so much mystery in your lovely bodies. Thank you, MH, for creating this platform where we can share such intimate things. I have learned so much since joining the MH family.
Respect ??????