Loneliness During the Wait

So I am going to ask a question that is different than usual. I'm a Christian guy, 26, and still a virgin. I'm attractive but have never really had a lot of success with women. I'm putting myself out there but haven't had any luck; either they weren't into me, I wasn't into them, or we just didn't get along. Lol.

At this point, I don't know what to do. Sometimes I masturbate when I'm lonely, but it's not really a solution. I'm not sure there is one, but when it comes to romantic loneliness, that desire to cuddle with someone or kiss or even have sex, what advice do you have to deal with the loneliness?

4.25 avg. rating (84% score) - 4 votes
4 replies
  1. MiSWRAPP says:

    Hi, WakaWaka 123,

    I recently did a deep dive into loneliness because I too was struggling with it. The twenties are an interesting time!

    When I read through Matthew, Mark and Luke, I noticed a pattern...Jesus often sought out loneliness. He would slip out early in the morning and late at night to pray and spend time with God.

    I think of loneliness as opportunity to steal away with Him. (Now when I am single and even when I am married one day, because a spouse will not cure loneliness completely.)

    Matthew 14:12-14
    (After John the Baptist was beheaded)

    Luke 6:8-12
    (After Jesus heals on the Sabbath)

    Mark 6:46-50
    (Before Jesus walked on water)

    Mark 1:34-38
    (After Jesus healed many people)

    Luke 22:39-41
    (Before being betrayed in Gethsemane)

    There are other verses, but I like these five because they show how Jesus went to God to deal with life, grieving a friend, harassment from the Pharisees, trying to train his disciples, casting out demons and dealing with betrayal. Jesus truly is a high priest who empathizes with us.

    ...

    I run a blog where I write reflections on the many ways that I see God in my daily life (this was one of these things I wrote about on there). I have been blogging since I was 16 and it has helped me cope with loneliness and connect with God on an intimate level. If you do not like to write/read, maybe you could make music, paint, collect comic books etc.? I believe that any hobby/creative thing that we do can serve as a coping mechanism. Plus, you never know who you might meet while pursuing that hobby! I know those things won’t cuddle you or kiss you back, but I am sure that your future wife will love to read/see/hear all about what you did while you were waiting for her (I know I would!).

    Hope this helps and I will be praying for you!

  2. RMD says:

    Loneliness is hard, but lonely marriage is much worse. Don’t allow loneliness drive you to a bad decision in whom you date and marry. Never settle, but instead wait for the one you can’t live without, one who gets you, who meets each part of your soul. Make a list of what you need in a wife based on who you are, your ideals, goals, likes, desires, and make that your objective measure of who you are looking for. Once you do this, think of where a girl like this would be found, then look there. Online dating is great, but you must know who you want and need. My wife and I married 8.5 years ago. I’d been divorced and she was a widow. We met on a Christian dating site. We each had a list, and on it were the only criteria we would use to find a spouse. Two of the sixteen things were these:

    - Someone who is passionately in love with Jesus and with broken people.
    - Someone who love missions and has been on at least one missions trip

    I replied to only one woman because on her profile there was a picture of her in a worn tee-shirt in the middle of twenty orphans in the bush in Ghana. I knew I had found her. I met her needs and she met mine, and we have been deeply in love ever since.

    Know yourself, then look for a woman who will fill every part of you and you of her so neither of you will be lonely in any part of your soul. Most of all, pray for your wife now, wherever she is, that God will protect her and bring you together at the right time. Focus on being the best man you can be so you will be ready for her.

  3. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    I do with all my heart believe that God brings people together for his own purposes. I believe marriage is sacred and meant to grow us in Christ-likeness, both of us, and that sometimes loneliness is, too. Try to look for the lessons you can learn on how to be more like Him each day, whether alone or with a mate. Ask how being lonely now might help you be a better spouse and friend, or better able to comfort another when they are later going through what you have faced now. Most of all, don't isolate yourself. Make friends and find opportunities to serve others with your time and efforts. Not only will this feed your soul and help you feel less lonely, but it also will help grow you into the man of God that your future wife will be most attracted to. And who knows if those very friendships and service work will be the path to finding the person who will serve alongside you for the rest of your life?

  4. Honeymooners says:

    God has your spouse out there for you. My husband and I met in church as kids. Are you in church? What are your hobbies? What can you focus on now? God brings people together and everything is done on His timing. Develop relationships and friendships with people if you can.

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