Vocal wife during sex with husband ~ MarriageHeat

Not So Silent Night

My wife has always been a very loud lover. From our very first time on our wedding night, I was impressed by her audible responses. It is beautiful and a huge turn on for me. What is amazing is that it’s not just a willing expression from her. She really can’t help it. When it has been necessary to be a bit more incognito, I can see the struggle she goes through to be quiet. Of course, this just turns me on more, and I try to pleasure her even harder, increasing the difficulty of staying quiet. I am usually reprimanded later for this knowing action, but it’s worth it.

Now add the kids to the picture; five of them, spaced apart with about two decades between the first and the last. So there has been and will continue to be kids in our house for a long time. My wife has tried to be quieter depending on the time of day or night, who’s up or asleep, etc. it hasn’t always been successful.

Lately, our sex has been more intense and frequent, and while we don’t try to be obvious when others are home and awake, we have also been a little less concerned with it. I did a few things to decrease sound travel from our room, but there is only so much modification I can do with a rented house.

My wife shared with me an episode of the “Sex Chat for Christian Wives” podcast where they talk a little about this. One of the ladies said she bought all her kids noise-canceling headphones. But apart from that, they all seemed to share a common thought with how I’ve begun to think: shouldn’t we want our kids to know that mom and dad have great sex? How are we going to convince them of the message that sex is best in marriage as God designed if they don’t know that?

So now I get to my questions for all y’all. What do you think of not completely hiding the audible evidence of the blessing of sex God has given us? How do you handle it? If we’re going to take this approach, should we talk with each of the kids about it? Let them know it’s ok for them to put in the earbuds if it bothers them? Explain why we want them to know that we are deeply passionate for each other?

Then there are some added concerns. With our increase in sexual intensity has also come some increased “dirty talk” and other audible activities such as spanking (that riding crop makes quite the crack). I may not have a problem with the kids overhearing moans and groans or the occasional squeal or scream, but I don’t think I want them hearing “Fuck me harder,” “Pound that pussy,” “Oh, baby, suck my dick,” and so on. Even though we have been a little less concerned with the noise, we tend to still be quieter with the words. Unfortunately, that sometimes leads to some “What did you say?” moments that kinda ruin the spontaneity of the dirty talk.

So again, how do some of you handle this? Do you agree with the need for the kids to be aware of how passionate we are? Do we tell them what we think, and if it creeps them out, to put on the headphones? Are there other options we haven’t thought of?

Click on a heart to thank the author of this story!

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

We are sorry that this post was not one of your favorites!

Help us understand why.

15 replies
  1. MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

    My wife and I have actually talked about this. Just last weekend we went skiing and rented a 1BR condo at the resort and our son slept on the sofa pullout in the next room. We tried to be quiet but the bed did squeak a bit and there was plenty of heavy breathing. She often worries he'll hear us and we hope he won't but if he does what I've said to my wife is that the greatest gift we can give him as our son is a strong marriage…and passionate sex is part of that. So if he "busted" us, it could be a lot worse! That said, in our bedroom we do have some things that we worry he may discover so we make every effort to keep them hidden and secure. This includes dildos, lubes, and flash drives of videos of us in the act. Bottom line: I think it's a good idea to keep your sex private from your kids–no sounds, etc.–but at the same time it's good for them to know mom and dad are hot for each other because good sex usually reflects a strong marriage and a strong marriage is foundational to successful parenting.

  2. starlight says:

    I don’t have kids so, maybe not best placed to comment! But I’m not sure I’d be happy with kids hearing that kind of thing. Of course, it totally depends on the ages of the kids; if they understand what sex is, why its private/sacred and are menstruating/have experienced sex education from school/home etc., I guess its fine, but with younger kids, having no filter would be an issue for all involved, not to mention how news of mum and dad’s sex life getting out might complicate things at school/church etc.! Again, just my opinions; and I guess everyone has to do what is right for them.

  3. Tulsa says:

    We camp a lot. Used to always be with the kids along, and very often, with my folks, and her folks, and more family too. And, many times, friends. Because of that, we got really good at stealth sex! You can hear about everything through tent walls!
    Doing it silently added to the fun, like we were getting away with something! No doubt others heard something now & then, but that's fine. We heard an occasional moan, groan, or a slurp from another tent too!

  4. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    I never really thought about the "no filter" issue with the youngest ages, but we take the attitude that sex is a natural part of a healthy marriage and that there is language appropriate to the bedroom that isn't appropriate for other situations. We can both get pretty loud, but the couple of times a teen or pre-teen has mentioned later they could hear us, we let them know they could always go downstairs. (They tend to have earbuds in most of the time these days anyway.) We also tend to play music during our mommy-daddy time, which may mitigate. When we lived in a camper for a few years, we kept things a lot quieter, later at night, and more vanilla, but the inevitable rocking motion gave us away. We used any comments (only a couple from the eldest) as an opportunity for frank, matter-of-fact conversations. We know that kids don't tend or like to think of parents as sexual beings, especially with the way our culture makes it into something dirty or shameful—and it is, when not done God's way. But we don't want our son and daughters to think hot, kinky sex is something only unmarried people do or that getting married means boring sex. Instead, we want them to know that, in a committed-for-life relationship with the one person who knows and loves you best, sex can be at its wildest and most enjoyable.

    • LoversNtx says:

      I am glad that you mentioned some language being ok and appropriate for the bed room and other times not. I know my wife feels hypocritical when teaching and leading by example of not using certain words everywhere but the bedroom, but in the bedroom her favorite word is Fuck!! If the kids were to overhear some of the things she said this would be very confusing, so as they learn them, however, for them to know that there can be a time and a place is ok to know too.

  5. MattBZG says:

    Hi, I think putting the welfare of your kids first is a good starting place. Kids react differently. One of our daughters was repulsed by the idea of sex when it was first explained and didn’t want to talk further for quite some time… the other was fascinated and collected questions to ask us both over next while. I think being affectionate in public but reasonably discrete with sex life makes sense to me… they’ll work it out… putting on some reasonably loud music might be a practical help?’

  6. O-man says:

    Uhm… please don't expose the kids to your intiimate moments so much. What you imagine will turn out good for them could negatively affect them. Besides being embarassed they might begin to feel too free about sex and want to imitate/recreate what they hear coming from you two.

  7. Hotnorthern says:

    I don’t think kids should be able to hear it. Especially not spanking your spouse. It might be kinky to you but if a little kid heard that and didn’t understand it could be quite traumatizing. So I say flat out no, the children should not be able to hear. When they are older teens it’s probably ok if they can hear more as they understand what is going on.

  8. O-surfer says:

    Okay, my understanding of this question post is that SLN doesn’t want to overwhelm the kids with more information than they should have and whether there are “silencers” that have been effective. Y’all seem to be fairly ‘enthusiastic’ about sex here. How have you been able to keep the noisier/kinkier side on the dl at your house?

  9. Tnfarmer says:

    We've been busted so many times. Our daughter broke her foot once during a youth retreat. Under anesthesia she told all. She's married herself now.

    Depending upon age it's fine to discuss what's happening in the bedroom. It does help them know how much mom and dad love each other.

  10. LoversNtx says:

    If you have a very active sex life and the kids are older, it is going to be difficult for them to not start wondering and trying to figure out what is going on. This curiosity might lead to them finding out in ways you don’t want. I think is better to be more honest so they know what is happening behind closed doors and don’t have to guess and be confused. That sex is part of a loving marriage. Then you don’t have to sneak around and can be very clear. We are going to go have some mommy daddy time. At that point, if they hear noises they will know it is expressions of love between two married people.

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply