The Sex Education of Lindy (A)

This post mentions anal masturbation (A).
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[Note from Marriage Heat:  This story is primarily about teaching a young woman about the importance and joy of married sex to be shared one day in the young woman’s marriage with her husband.  The young woman is 18, NOT a minor.]

 

The Sex Education of Lindy

Carol here:

I was very pleased to see on the MarriageHeat website a discussion about training our children to honor God with their sexuality. I think that it is vital that children be taught to save themselves for marriage. We must counteract the a huge amount of secular disinformation out there that is not only immoral but is also very confusing.  Often our children grow up filled with shame, deeply conflicted about sexuality. So I believe that parents (or other concerned adults) need to be proactive in teaching our children about God’s design for marriage. Our discussions need to emphasize that sexuality is God’s idea and that, in marriage, it is healthy and pure. We must strongly emphasize that for the obedient believer, sexuality can be creative, liberating, incredibly pleasurable and fulfilling.

I think that even though it may be uncomfortable, our training must include open discussions about masturbation, the limits and freedoms of sex in marriage, and as they get older, a fairly detailed and healthy discussion about sexual technique in the marriage bed. Naturally, I am concerned that children should not be exposed to sex too soon. They should remain innocent for as long as possible. But make no mistake as they get older, the “world” will be informing and shaping them more aggressively than we know. They are bombarded with influences from books, movies, music etc. They are never as innocent as most parents think them to be, so we cannot afford to be prudish in these areas. If we don’t inform and influence our children, the world gladly will. I would actually be pleased if older teens were logging onto MH with their parents supervision and reading about the passion and freedom of godly married sex.

Our own children are both happily married and out of our home. I would rate the job we did with them at a 7 out of 10. Not bad, but we could have done much better. I recently had a chance to revisit my mentoring skills in this area with the daughter of a dear friend, and I would be interested to know what your readers think of it.

First, a bit of background. My husband and I are heavily involved in our church youth group. We have very good relationships with the kids in a ‘parental’ sort of way.

Lindy, the girl in question, was part of our youth group, and is the daughter of a close and dear friend of mine, Evelyn. Chuck and Evelyn got married as unbelievers and had a rough time of marriage for several years. Chuck had an affair that nearly destroyed their marriage, but eventually they became believers and now they have a fully restored relationship. The difficulty is that Chuck and Evelyn are extremely conservative and closed when it comes to sex (an overreaction to their pasts, I think.)

The results really began to show in Lindy’s life as she reached her teenage years. Evelyn came to me, very distraught, with a series of explicit notes she had found in Lindy’s room. It was obvious that Lindy was becoming more and more sexually active. She began to withdraw from our youth group, and later admitted that, while she was technically a virgin, she and her boyfriend were engaging in heavy petting to the point of orgasm. Evelyn pled with me to speak to Lindy. She had no idea how to talk to her daughter about sexual things. Lindy is a truly lovely and vivacious girl, and I didn’t want to see her life ruined.

Since I had a great relationship with Lindy, she agreed to a weekly Bible study where we would also talk about life, womanhood and many other things. We would talk and laugh, and she really opened up to me. But sadly I found several things out: Lindy thought that: 1) most Christians were dull and repressed when it came to sex;  2) they believed sex was dirty except for procreation; 3) Christians were ashamed of their bodies and their sexual natures; and 4) this was unnatural and hypocritical and would never allow her to have the life of real romance, passion, and excitement that she craved. The repressed Christian view of sex just would never allow it.

Wow, I had my work cut out for me!

About this time, something happened to really open her spirit. Her boyfriend, (not a believer) cheated and  betrayed her. She was crushed. I used this to explain that God had a wonderful plan for her. If she would commit to a Christian lifestyle, I believed God would honor that by supplying a Christian husband and lover for her in His own good time. He could provide her a man who would truly love her, and they could have both a fervent Christian home and a romantic and highly passionate, sexual marriage as well. She wanted to believe me, but was filled with doubt. She was deathly afraid that she would end up with a dull, sterile marriage with little sex or romance—the kind of relationship she felt her parents had.

I emphasized that a relationship with a non-Christian boy was a recipe for disaster.  She still believed though that Christians were almost non-sexual and that their marriages were flat. I could tell she was starting to look over the boys at school again, so I decided to go all in. I asked if she would commit to a study of biblical marriage, romance and sexual themes for the next few months. She reluctantly agreed, thinking that it would be boring and mundane.

I knew that I had to hit her as hard as I could with the powerful passion of God’s design for marriage and sexuality. We began to study the Song of Solomon, and I really emphasized the real and raw sexual and passionate nature of it. I showed her over and over that sex and passion was God’s idea, not the devil’s! She was quite shocked and amazed.

A few weeks later, we met at my house for our study, and I  presented her with two vibrators in a gift bag: one smooth, one in the shape of a penis. She was taken aback, but I determined I was going to give her the full experience of a Christian view of sex if it was the last thing I did.

We talked about masturbation, and I explained that it was not a sin, and she accepted that. Here is where MH comes in. I explained that one night each week, I would send her one or more erotic stories (usually from MH). I would ask her to think about the story and imagine that she was doing this activity with her future Christian husband. As she imagined the scene in great detail, she would use her fingers or one of the vibrators in a way that I instructed and masturbate herself to orgasm. When she was done, she was required to briefly explain to me by e-mail what she thought was most exciting about the stories, what she thought about during masturbation, how her orgasm felt, and what exciting ideas this gave her as she anticipated married sex with the partner God someday led her to.  She would write this up, email it back to me, and then she could go to sleep. She was an avid journal writer so this came quite natural to her.

At first I had a hard time getting her to be transparent and open in her writing, but I assured her that no one would ever read these emails but me. She slowly began to respond. The intense sexuality of Christians at MH really opened her eyes, and she really began to get into it.
Her mother would NEVER DREAM of taking this bold approach, but I felt it was what she needed, and when she saw that I was not ashamed and that other Christians really enjoyed their God-given passion, she was deeply affected by it.

I had her envision and we talked about her future wedding night, different sex positions, oral sex, anal sex, and exciting her lover with passionate “dirty talk.”  I talked with her about how men identified with their penis and semen, and how they needed their wives to be accepting of this. I spoke of being a “hot wife” who would come to crave her husband’s cock and love his semen, allowing him to come on her breasts, on her face, or in her mouth, if he desired. We talked about swallowing, lingerie, tying each other to the bed, acting out fantasies with her man, and all the things they might choose to do to keep their sexuality fresh and spicy.  All of this would be with a man who would love and respect her.

Lindy loved this. She really changed he mind and attitude about “Christian sex.” She got involved in youth group again and began to own her Christian spirituality. We began praying for her future husband and how God would lead them together.

Below I will give you a summary of some of the assignments I gave her. I will not reveal what she wrote back to me, because I promised it would always be confidential, but you can imagine how she passionately responded.

Example 1

Lindy, Tonight I want you to lock your door after your parents are asleep upstairs. I have several stories I want you to read. They are about foreplay followed by regular sexual intercourse. Read them slowly, imagining every detail —what do these Christian couples say, do, and feel? Think about how this will be you someday.  Read them through once and then go back and read them again, gently masturbating as you think about every sight, sound, taste, and feeling they experienced.

Now take off all of your clothes and move to your bed with only your night light on. I want you to think back through the stories, reliving them in your imagination as you stimulate yourself. I know you can bring yourself to orgasm very quickly, so I want you to take your time, savoring the excitement. Linger just on the edge of climax and pause before building back up to orgasm several times. As the characters in your love scene talk, I urge you to say the words right out loud in your most passionate voice, the way you will speak to your husband-lover someday.

As you come to your climax, lift your legs into the air and spread them very wide. You are going to leave them spread as wide as possible until you come. Put the penis-shaped vibrator into your vagina and firmly and slowly pump it in and out, imagining that it is your husband’s warm stiff penis. What does he whisper in your ear? As you begin to orgasm, I want you to talk right out loud for the entire length of your climax, saying something like, “I’m coming, honey! Fuck me harder! Fuck me, baby! Oh, Fuck! Oh, Fuck! Fuck!” Say this right out loud, over and over—your sexy and passionate words will excite both you and your lover.

Now, I want you to write back to me describing your favorite parts of your imagined experience.  Describe what his cock looked like. Was it shiny and wet? What did it feel like in your mouth during foreplay. What did it feel like when he licked your clitoris? What did you say to him?

What was your climax like?

Tell me in exact words what you said to him when you had your orgasm. Did you actually say it out loud as instructed?

Thank God for His creative power, for marriage, and for the wonders of love and lovemaking.

Email back your report, and then have a good sleep. Sweet dreams, Lindy—Love ya’ !

Example 2

Dear Lindy,

How’s it going, girl? I want you to go to the kitchen and warm a small cup of milk. Put it in an insulated mug. Tonight’s stories all feature oral sex—giving and receiving. I think the last one is especially exciting!  Follow your usual procedure of locking your door and reading and then slowly re-reading while gently stimulating yourself. Now move to your bed and lay there naked, as you think back through the stories, remembering the details of what they did and said and felt, dwelling on what excites you the most.

Imagine performing fellatio on your husband.  Suck on the penis-shaped dildo, and use your other hand to rub your clitoris as you imagine what you will do to him. Your husband will love it if you actually play with your clitoris while you suck him, knowing that it turns you on! Imagine sucking up and down the warm shaft until it is wet and so hard. You take your time and stroke up and down his hard, shaft while you lick and suck around the head and frenulum with your wet tongue and lips. This is making you so wet and turned on! As you look up at his face, you relish the rapture in his eyes as your sucking gives him so much pleasure. What do you say to him, Lindy? Do you say, “I LOVE sucking your big hard cock, baby! It turns me on so much!” Think of some other things to say that will turn you both on and say them right out loud, the way you imagine you will say them to your lover-husband someday. He begs you to keep sucking until he comes, and you agree because you love it when you can taste his orgasm, and you know how he just adores coming in your mouth. Lindy, imagine what it feels and tastes like as his cock swells and how he groans and trembles as he spurts over and over into your mouth. Now imagine that he tells you he wants you to hold his come in your mouth until you begin to come yourself.

Lindy, put some of the warm milk in your mouth and hold it there as you finish, imagining that it is your man’s love cream. I want you to spread your legs very wide. Imagine he is just devouring your pussy, thrusting his tongue all the way into you and then rapidly licking up to your clit to suck passionately. Now I want you to use the vibrator on your clit. Turn it up quite high, and as you are about to come, leave it directly on your clitoris. Sometimes when your lover licks you, it is so intense it seems unbearable, but you can’t control what your lover is doing, so you just enjoy it. The vibrator will simulate this intensity of keeping your legs spread and letting him lick you over the brink. Lindy, your assignment is to keep the vibrator on your clitoris as long as possible—the entire time if you can bear it. Keep bucking and thrusting your hips up and down into the vibrator, imagining that you are thrusting your pussy up into his mouth as you react to and relish his hungry licking and sucking. As you explode in orgasm, swallow the milky come in your mouth, perhaps letting some of it run out of your mouth and down your lips and face. Now you can moan out loud, and say something like, “Oh, baby, I’m coming! Keep licking, baby! Oh fuck. Fuck, oh Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

As you finish, lie there as your breathing comes back to normal. This is the married passion and pleasure that God gives us as His gift. Thank Him for it.

Write to me about what you loved the most about your imaginary tryst. What did he feel like and taste like when he came? What did it feel like as he licked you to orgasm? What did you say out loud as you came? After emailing me, have sweet dreams. Love you! Carol

 

I’ve gone on too long. I probably did twenty “assignments” like this about regular intercourse. I did 10 or 11 about oral sex in different situations. I did 6 or 7 on anal sex (where I had her use the penis shaped vibrator to gently ‘masturbate’ her anus in several different positions while she used the other vibrator or her fingers to bring herself to orgasm.) Anal was a very good way to illustrate to her how adventuresome Christians can be when it comes to married sex.

I had a whole list of single topics: Sex on the beach, sex in the woods, at night in the backyard, favorite fantasies, etc. I had Lindy make up these scenarios, and she became increasingly open and passionate about what Christian married sex could be.  Lindy seemed to own and enjoy everything, getting very eager to be married. I think she is going to be a very passionate and sexual Christian wife and lover.

Lindy went off to a Christian college last fall. She is on the lookout for God’s gift of the right mate. I keep urging her to be patient. When she came back after her first semester, she asked if we could resume our “marriage lessons.”

I told her that I felt it was time for her to continue to mature on her own. I don’t know that I can teach her anything more. We still get together and talk—about boys, life, and spiritual things. And she is praying hard for the “right man.” He doesn’t know how lucky he will be!

 

Questions:

Was my aggressive approach a good thing? In this situation, I felt I needed a very bold and direct approach since she was on the verge of shipwreck. It worked out better than I could ever have imagined. It might be too strong for a more typical 18-year-old. Would this kind of approach work with other kids, or would it be too much? Thoughts?

This worked well because I was a trusted mature friend, but not a parent. I think it might be too intense for some children to get directly from their parents—just too awkward. Am I right on this?

I would be interested in your opinions.

Love,  Carol

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25 replies
  1. Riley says:

    Hi Carol!
    As a 19 year old Christian pursuing a life that is pleasing to God after unfortunately losing my virginity 2 years ago, reading this has been very interesting.
    I certainly feel that this approach can be helpful to lots of younger women who are mature in mind. I guess my only fear is that continuing to fantasize to such a degree could lead to impatience and then mistakes being made before marriage. Or (in my case) fantasizing has lead me to feel quite lonely when I come to the realization that I am not sharing that experience with my husband, because I don’t even know where he is right now- and sometimes it can get quite frustrating haha! I trust the Lord's timing but it is such a great fear of mine that I may never find that person, and if it is in the Lord's will then I will certainly still worship Him, but it’s overwhelming.

    I myself struggle with the idea that if I do meet my future husband and we are in a relationship, that I will be overcome by desire and want to rush into things for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense?

    I came across MH one day while browsing the web, and I am very glad that I did, because it is very enlightening to the joy and pleasure that is found in married sex.

    I think that the way you handled the situation worked out well for Lindy, which is great! It is certainly a bold approach that I have never heard of or been exposed to, but I think it’s important for young single women to have someone they can openly discuss their questions, concerns, and fears with!

    • hornyyetholy says:

      I’m going to second that, Riley. We younger college-age Christian singles need someone who, like you said, we can openly discuss those things with. Also agree that it was a bold approach, but it certainly appears to have worked!

  2. Fearless Lunk says:

    I applaud your teaching style. It is clear that Lindy had a hard time accepting her faith IF that meant a future without good, hot sex. It’s quite possible that without your intervention, she would have never returned to the youth group or decided to attend a Christian college. I actually think you should even find ways to continue the lessons, even if most of it is a recap. She obviously found someone she can trust… maybe the only person she can talk openly with about her fantasies and cravings. Why not embrace that? Even if it’s just for her to feel heard and understood. Also, now that she knows about MH, you should either invite her to be a part of this group, or ask her permission to share some of her responses with us (only if she’s comfortable).

  3. CHW says:

    Carol,

    You made the hot monogamy worldview and practice attractive to Lindy.

    You boldly helped her by influencing her to "think" and "act" differently than how sex is branded right now through media and pornography.

    I have been recommending MH for years since 2013 to teenagers. Just recently, one of the teens who is now 25 shared her journey with me and others at our home. (Restaurants are closed.) I was impressed with her transparency.

    She said that she was 17 when she was introduced by me to MH. Everyone laughed because they know that I have been recommending MH for years.

    She was one of those girls was not raised in Christianity at all and found it funny that I randomly recommended a "Christian sex site". Her impression of Christians is that were against everything human or fun. She said that she visited a few times, but moved on. She entered one of our universities.

    At the university she became sexually active. She and her dorm mates watched "female" porn. She said the porn was "grooming" her to be bi-sexual. She was masturbating to lesbian sex. She admitted that she went through a time of "twistedness" and same-sexuality. She said that she was actually struggling with more emptiness and depression even though she was enjoying the twisted state of things.

    About three years ago she remembered MH. She started reading some stories and found herself masturbating to committed heterosexual monogamy. She realized that "fetish" was something she really longed for. She actually was becoming attracted to men again.

    To make a long story shorter. She met a Christian man who had just converted to Christianity. She converted to Christianity too. They were married a year ago and enjoy reading MH.

    Great post!

    [Reminder from MH that our content is intended for individuals 18 and over.]

  4. Grace911 says:

    Oh wow! Your approach is outstanding! Certainly not for every teen, but for those whom we know are or are going to experiment and/or capitulate, probably nothing less will get their attention and get them to really listen. I love it! I'm 71 and so wish someone like you had been MY youth sponsor when I was in youth group! Your teens ar SO fortunate to have you.

  5. King Arthur says:

    Good Advice. However, I would make sure that the girl is of the right maturity and mindset to comprehend such things. After all, I would agree with Riley, mistakes could be made if not careful.

    But, the boys need this kind of instruction too. It would help them to fantasize about what their future wife may do to/for them. 🙂

  6. ClimaXX says:

    Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
    Titus 2:3‭-‬4 NASB1995

  7. Peterpan says:

    This is a very beautiful example of sex education Carol. I wish I had someone like you at that age. The age just after you discover yourself, and hormones are kicking in. Although I do understand that Lindey was older at the time of your education.
    It is so important that you learn that masturbation and sex are normal and a God-given gift. And that both are there to enjoy. Thanks for sharing this positive story.

  8. MarriageHeat says:

    There has been some negative feedback about this post, expressing that the author somehow took advantage of her protege for her own sexual pleasure. We don't know why the people providing feedback didn't mention their concerns in a comment (kindly) but felt that dissenting viewpoints should be acknowledged.

    • Fearless Lunk says:

      I’m sorry someone wasted your time like that. I’m ALL for being sensitive and protective of people, but I cannot find ONE time the author took advantage of the protege in a sexual manner. That’s a strong accusation with no facts to support it. Plus the protege was 18 and an adult – it would be up to HER to decide if she was taken advantage of.

    • MarriageHeat says:

      Oh, it was no waste of time. The feedback loop is there to let us know how we are doing in meeting our goal of building and supporting a culture of hot, Biblical monogamy. And it now occurs to us that these notes may have been from people unwilling to share an email address with us to create an account so that they could leave comments.

      But thank you for your take on it, too. The positive opinions have far outweighed the negative.

  9. Lovinghusband says:

    I want to applaud your very thoughtful efforts Carol – and for giving us a window into it here on MH. Your efforts are admittedly trailblazing. You did a good job letting us know the specific context in which you were led to do this (including your knowledge of her family and relationship with them). You made it very clear that one size does not fit everyone in this regard. Like so many things, we must apply wisdom to each situation. I did not sense you in any way taking advantage of the young woman you were discipling. You were not ashamed and she picked up on that. Yet, you also did not recklessly lead her. Personally, I often have thought about how we should do things like you did. Your orderliness served her well – in giving her opportunity to give feedback. Lastly, your utilization of masturbation – and the very specific way you incorporated it was so well done. Again, I want to applaud you. Please give us updates as you deem would be appropriate – so that we can continue to see the fruits of your efforts. God bless you. LH

  10. LoversNtx says:

    While I personally think some things in this story were a bit over the top, I think there are some interesting threads here that you are touching on. Christian girls need strong leadership from the women in their lives specifically when it comes to sex, especially as they get older and are mature enough. Let’s not be naive to think that if they are not taught properly that they won’t learn from the internet or peers. As the poster showed, they will see Christian sex as boring and vanilla if it is hidden and not discussed, and will be tempted to explore what they see as something more exciting but in the wrong setting… but they need to learn they can have both a loving Christian marriage and wild exciting sex. You don’t have to choose. I like the idea of encouraging masturbation, helping out with toys. I also like the idea of going further like the poster has done, and being much more specific of the kinds of things that lie on the other side. Specific things that couples do in the bedroom that is so exciting. Explaining words and talk that are reserved for the marital bed. It is ok and exciting to say things like “fuck me” with your husband, while in the bedroom. Explaining things that please a man and ways a man can please you. I also like how you talked about a hotwife coming to crave a man's cock and cum, or semen. These ideas would otherwise seem so foreign, but if the seed is planted at the right time, and our daughters learn that is is good and healthy in the proper setting, the fruits will eventually bare out resulting in a closer loving bond with her future husband. If she starts a marriage knowing that semen is not gross and yucky, and willing to have it anywhere on her body including her mouth….. what a head start!! So again while the technique is not the way I would think one should go about it, I think the things that you are trying to teach are good.

  11. Good Night My Love says:

    It made me nervous, partly because of my professional training. Despite that, I think that for newlyweds, or engaged women, it might be good education.

  12. beyondSexTrueLove says:

    Hi, Carol. I have a few words to say and be sure these words are one warning:

    1. First: I think your approach could be taken in a way less intimate; there are so many books about sex (without pictures of real people naked) and if you had given them to her, she would learn so much.

    2. Second: I don't think it's a good think to put sexual fantasies in someone's mind. Believe me, this girl would create her own fantasies, and there is the possibility her future husband has not such fantasies and the girl would get disappointed.

    3. Third: Sex fantasies are dangerous. I myself am still slave to some sex fantasies. After reading that the girl wanted to "resume" your “marriage lessons", I feel that she could have created some need of having you dominating her. Though I know this was not your intention, it could be the case.

    4. Fourth: I need to say something: I am bisexual and was a porn-addict, I gave my life to God because I really wanted to do this, no family support, no fear of rejection, no evangelical background. I do live this way because God wanted and I wanted. This girl, unfortunately, didn't wanted to be a Christian because she would have to give up her sexual life. If someone has this sort of viewpoint, probably this person will have difficulties in times of tribulation.

  13. ParkerJen says:

    I love this so much!

    To answer your question, NO! the aggressive approach was perfect. Younger people need structure and guide rails to learn how best to approach any complicated topic, and your approach was perfect in mine and Parker’s opinion.

    I also agree with other comments I’ve seen about how this would benefit young men. I know my daughter AND son would benefit from this type of education!

  14. Watts2 says:

    A most interesting read, Carol. I am sorry you have gotten negative replies, even if they are on the admin side of things. I applaud your chutzpah in taking such a bold move and congratulate you on reconnecting that young lady with her faith in Christ. It would seem your risk paid off big time.

    The posting brought up a few questions and comments in my mind.

    Questions:

    1 – since she is now in college, and this clearly took a while to get thru all of that, she most certainly was much younger when you started. How old was she then?

    2 – Did you talk to her mom or dad about your approach?
    . . . 2a – If so, what was their reaction?
    . . . 2b – would you plan on putting her mom thru a similar course? (if she was willing)

    3 – given the success of this time, would you do it again?

    Comments:

    1 – IMO there was wisdom in the ancients having marriages in the early to mid-teens. I see the modern trend requiring marriage to be pushed back as a subtle attack of the enemy designed to entrap young adults and teens into unmarried sexual couplings.

    2 – It has been shown over and over that "Just Say No" does not work with sexuality. Even the Apostle Paul NEVER EVER said that if someone is struggling with their sex drive that what they need is more or better self-discipline. He said get married. Period. To do otherwise is to be fighting against God's design.

    3 – IMO There needs to be a curriculum developed for youth groups in churches that is sex-positive and has the support of the congregational and denominational leadership. I personally know of young people who gave up on their faith specifically over the "no masturbation" stance. Again, forcing young people to go without release is fighting how God designed us.

    4 – Tween and Teen believers are, by definition, our youngest and most vulnerable members of the Christian community. They do not yet have years of experience in dealing with temptations and the world system. We need to give them every advantage we can to help them stay in their faith.

    5 – What I would add to what you did (and maybe you did this but I did not see it) is to remind her to THANK GOD every time for those wonderful feelings of stimulation and orgasm.

  15. x&c says:

    Thank you all so much for all of your kind comments. Even those who have reservations–these are hard topics that require thought and discussion! I was really touched by the first comment from Riley. What a mature, and I think spiritual response. –And you are right, we have to be cautious with all of these sexual things and fantasies are powerful. I will pray for you as you search for God's will.
    I would love to do this with Lindy's mom. She is a dear friend and her marriage could certainly use it! I don't know how open she would be though–certainly not as open as Lindy. I did keep her informed of our progress. She really didn't want the details. Her husband wouldn't want to to talk about these things at all. There is one young married girl in the church whose husband recently spoke to my hubby about their sexual struggles. She would benefit from this but I don't know her well yet. This is a matter of prayer. Thanks again for all of your good feedback. Carol

  16. Committed says:

    First of all, what a post!

    I won’t comment much on whether it was “right” or not other than to say I think there is a fine line here. Yes, Songs of Songs is dripping with sexuality but the Bride makes a strong point to “not awaken sexual desire until it is time.” Encouraging this level of sexual exploration without marriage immediately in sight could be problematic. Dwelling on sex makes you want think about sex more and the cycle strengthens itself. This is ideal in marriage as it draws the object of your sexual desire closer. Outside of marriage could lead down a different path. Only time will if Lindy ends up struggling as a result of her awakened passions.

    Disregarding any an ethical consideration, I think the method and approach was unbelievably amazing!

    I have always had issue with the Christians saying that biblical married sex should be the best and just expect that if you are a married Christian, your sex life will be great. For the vast majority of real Christians I have talked to, this is not true. How do you learn to be great at sex? Most Christian sex resources I have seen are so coy about the issue as to be unproductive. Take two people who have remained pure, and on their wedding night, they will begin the process of reinventing the sexual wheel. How do get over sexual hang ups or become comfortable with your body and embrace your sexuality? You won’t find any Sunday school classes on that topic.

    Sex education for the adult Christian. What a novel idea.

    I would second the idea of sharing the rest of your scenarios you devised. The two you shared are an amazing example of how to learn to think and be sexual. I would take it even a step further, with the amount of “lessons” it sounds like you have, coupled with your bible study on biblical sexuality and I would say your are well on your way to writing a book for Christian sex education. For the engaged or newlywed, it could really have an impact.

    Kudos to your openness and willingness to talk about and teach about such and important and sensitive topic. There is a huge need for young people to learn about biblical sexuality.

    They are going to learn about it. At least it should be from the right source.

  17. catlover says:

    I think what you did is nothing short of wonderful! We Christians have been stuck in a life fearful of the gift that God has given us and as such have been shamed and made to think we sinners are sinning to even discuss sex. Any of us wondering what our young children are seeing on the internet should just type the word sex in their browser. Then go on any of the so-called social platforms and type the same word or the words oral sex. We have buried our heads in an ungodly sand and have hurt our children; as well as many of our own marriages have been limping along with little intimacy. We have adults serving in leadership in our churches who still believe masturbation is a sin, so we can imagine what the children are being incorrectly taught.
    I know the Christian that you are, you prayed constantly about what and how you were to teach this young woman. I say woman! Do we not realize that many of our young girls are entering into the porn industry at 18. So, this young woman is not too young to learn about Christian sex. So, then, since you were teaching her by Scripture, it became God's Word that was actually doing the teaching using you as a conduit.

    May I give you a piece of advice though. Since her parents have not apparently come to grips about the false teaching of the church about sex; you be cautious telling about the lessons. Do tell others but with prayer for discernment; all Christians are not at the same level or even able to yet comprehend GOD's plan for sex let alone oral and anal.
    The churches though do need classes on the real purpose of pleasure as well as pro-creation sex in marriage. If you have a pastor that is on board it might be a good idea to approach him/her with the idea for such a class for both young and old, single, and married. We all need a refresher course.
    You mentioned that her father had an affair and the parents had to recover from it before they were saved. Maybe, just maybe, I wonder if there had been Christ and better communication and sex at home and…… Years ago I learned that if in a marriage a spouse, church leader, male/female, pastor or deacon or deaconess's needs and wants are going unmet there is an environment for an affair. The devil is standing by with temptation that seems perfect. His person can promise sensational warmth love and mind blowing sex for him/her.
    My favorite scripture from Genesis is: Satan says to Eve you won't surely die .
    The wants are prefaced by scripture and not ungodly desires.

    Forgive my writing skills please as I haven't written in years.

  18. finallyfree says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I highly encourage you to create a program for both males and females. As a guy growing up in the church I was told it was wrong to masturbate. I was not given any direction growing up about sex other than ask if you have any questions. This would have been so freeing. Thanks again.

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