Being Watched (L)
I have always had the fantasy of showing off my wife. I was exposed to the theme in porn—and as a married Christian, I don’t watch those videos any more—but the idea is still in my head. I wouldn’t want her to have sex with another man, of course, but the idea of a friend “accidentally ” seeing her naked around the house or my wife wearing very revealing clothes around them turns me on like crazy.
Is that okay? Please let me know if you have ever done this, if so share your story or opinion. Thanks.
[Editor’s note 3/8/21: We recently became aware that some responses to this post contain strong language. Rather than remediate at this late date, we decided to give the post an annotation. In the future, though, we ask that comments meet the language level of the post for the sake of those who could be helped by your input but stumble over the use of certain words.]
Well if you both adopt a lifestyle of holy nakedness around the house, where as a matter of habit neither of you is clothed at home, such “accidents” are bound to happen, and it won’t be in a sexual context. Context is what would make your friends feel awkward. So just be in-home nudists and be comfortable with it.
No, this is not okay.
I don't think nudity is sinful if the context is not sexual, but longing to expose your wife's body is shameful and degrading to her. God knows what it is best for us, even when following our heart's desires looks titillating and pleasurable, it is better to walk in His ways.
Brother, I pray for you, may the Holy Spirit make you forget these thoughts of voyeur.
Love your wife ardently and give her the better orgasms ever.
I hear you my friend! I too had deep desires involving sharing (visually) my ultra-hot wife years ago, and in a moment of sexual heat between the sheets while I was servicing her, I mentioned to her my fantasy of “exposing” her discreetly to others. She wanted to know more, but not until I finished my meal (her juicy pussy that is!)
So after she had a shattering orgasm, accompanied by a tribal scream unlike any I have ever heard from her before, I laid back and told her what really turns me on, while she began sucking my hot, throbbing cock. I was just honest, telling her I loved her so much I just wanted to share her magnificent body with select individuals.
What followed was amazing… She asked me WHO I wanted her to “flash” and how we would do it. I mentioned a couple of guys we both knew, and she smiled. She added that she may add one guy to my list, someone she had been attracted to in the past. "WOW," I was thinking, "this is awesome!"
You see, by letting my wife in on it, it became very special and very hot. We would go to stores and choose sheer tops and sexy clothes and have fun putting on shows with various guys, always culminated with an “accidental “ move that would expose a breast or reveal skin above the sexy stockings she wore.
I may follow-up later with a couple of stories involving strangers that were crazy fun.
Needless to say, after we arrived back home after one of our adventures, we would fuck like rabbits, and there was a lot of screaming going on!
Bottom line is, turning others on by playing with your wife can be mutually beneficial!
Do you ever worry that you are causing your brother to stumble when you show off your wife to your friends? Are you concerned that things could progress to something other than just looking? How do you maintain the boundaries?
The lines that we draw for our marriage on things that the Bible doesn't forthrightly address, for us, have to be mediated by the Prime Directive: Love.
I agree with you Funjames. My wife, Jan, is normally reserved however that all changed a few years ago when we went on holiday to Spain with a much younger couple of friends, Lisa and Chris who were in their late twenties and had been married for two years.. By the second day of the holiday, Lisa persuaded Jan to wear a thong bikini. Jan was in her early forties and had a great figure. I was as excited as Jan was at the attention she drew at the poolside. It got better later on when we went down to the beach and Lisa dared Jan to go topless, a very common practice in Europe. After much hesitation and encouragement from me, she did. It was magnificent; we were both so turned on that we fucked like newlyweds that night. Exposing herself and dressing very sexily is an occasional treat, but we love it.
@naughtypair, This story needs to be fully written. I want to hear MORE about this couples’ adventure and the new freedoms for your wife. It’s already got my loins at full mast!!
We have been caught several times, without doing it on purpose, but that can come with loving sex outdoors. I'm talking more than just being naked by the way. We actually try not to get caught, but sometimes it didn't work out that way. We do like the stories we can tell about it later, and they are always something good to get us both horny, but trying to be seen is not something we do, and I wouldn't suggest it.
Hi, well in my opinion you say you “don’t try to be seen,” yet when you are caught having sex outdoors you admit that when you discuss it later with your wife you both get horny. I’m not being argumentative, just pointing out that you have your own brand of exhibitionist desires. Very healthy.
Interesting.
My wife and I have an exhibitionistic streak for sure and recently I shared a story of one such experience we had. There have been others…. That said, I don't fantasize about other men seeing her naked but we do occasionally enjoy feeling like we're being watched together. She looks hot in a bikini and I do enjoy seeing other men check her out when we're at the neighborhood pool. We also enjoy creating our own sex tapes but no one else watches them. That said, my wife will occasionally venture into public, such as for date nights, without panties but it's more to create some fun for us and give me access.
I totally get that. Everything we do together is designed to warm up our engines for sex – and if others enjoy the view that’s great! It turns her on to see men check her out and for me it’s like an out of body experience.
When her full rack is standing out proud, nipples bursting through the thin material top we chose together for “date night,” heads turn and when we get back home we fuck like crazy. She hit a record three orgasms once. I shot two big loads also.
Very Hot! I believe part of your overall love for each other includes sometimes showing others the hot woman you married and witnessing their reaction. It’s like an out of body experience. I know in our case my wife makes love like a starving lion after knowing that I – and a chosen few other men (and women by the way) have given her a hungry stare and sometimes seeing a crotch or two expand with a hardon!
And when she feels beautiful and sexy she gets much more bold and creative in bed. She literally sucks me deeper when she’s really turned on, and she is more vocal.
As long as we manage it properly, and we do, we see it as a win-win.
While I def understand the fantasy and desire of being caught or watched (to any degree), it’s a def be-very-careful situation – at least for me. In the heat of the moment, our mind isn’t exactly clear on such things – and that’s where it can get dangerous.
Now, I’d love for my wife to be more confident in herself and her appearance (I once told her, “If you were as confident as you are beautiful, you could boldly go outside in nothing but a pair of ‘**** me’ shoes and it’d make sense, and be everyone's lucky day lol) – and while there’d potentially be a thrill of seeing someone else check her out, I wouldn’t want her to show off (dress/clothes wise)beyond her comfort level or have us be a stumbling block for others.
I totally agree – and you hit the mail on the head with “comfort level.” Pressure to perform ruins an experience before it begins. I suggest the two of you decide in advance what you plan to do together and enjoy the teasing game.
We have done the no panties thing many times and it’s always awesome. I usually find a way to get my fingers wet during dinner and drinks, and I love knowing how ready she is to be fucked.
Does anyone think that Christ would pimp his bride (expose her): the Church?
I get the enticement, for sure, but that is only because as a human I am mortal, fallen, having sinful flesh, and unbearably ignorant. What I do find as a running theme on this site is the notion that what is ok and what is not ok within the marriage sexual relationship is acceptable (and good) if it's agreed upon by both husband and wife and that anything Bible scripture related is for individual interpretation only. What do Christian's do with the following scripture:
From Ephesians chapter 5:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Where are the […] men in this world who think nothing of themselves but for the honor of the nobility bestowed upon them as a man but to live to die for his wife?
I must agree ABP. When we decide that something is "okay" because we both agree to it, then we are defining what is good & evil. Voyeurism is sexually exciting and exhibition (for some of us) is a turn-on as well. However, there is a vast difference between a beauty pageant (which I don't watch) and flashing unsuspecting strangers. Some things in life one cannot resolve. Whenever I wear my Sunday-go-to-meeting slacks, my junk is very much out front and quite a visible bulge. I am just anatomically more forward than some guys and those thinner dress pants accentuate my anatomy. I, most often wear jeans or shorts, depending on the weather. But when it comes to times when I must wear the dress pants, folks just have to not focus on my stuff. But, there again, I deliberately gravitate away from the dress pants for that reason. To purposefully flaunt is to entice with the understanding that the recipient may be encouraged to sin. Just because a couple like to be playful and get a sexual rush from it while the visual recipient has enjoyed a fleshly moment does not make it within the boundaries of God's word. Too often, we humans desire to determine our moral code and then find a passage or two that can seem to give allowance.
Just as long as we all realize this works both ways. There is a lot of moral code that is very man-made… built on “principles” rather than true Biblical instruction. Also supported weakly by a couple of random verses. I’m not trying to convince you that your approach to morality is right/wrong. And I would like the same amount of respect. It’s fun to debate these things and hear different perspectives, until people start saying things like “MY morality is Bible-based while these other people are just willy nilly creating their own worldly moral code.” In some instances there are people who enjoy things while others claim they are wrong and destructive. There is freedom for this to happen… and that’s according to COL.3:16-23.
I know God-loving and sin-hating Christians will disagree on this, and I applaud that!
Parker and I personally come down on the same side of this as FunJames.
He and I share the fantasy of other men seeing me and getting horny, but we don’t base our life solely on what turns us on, but what we conclude after submitting our turn-ons to scripture. We believe that lust requires covetousness, not mere arousal, and that hypothetically an onlooking man could take his thoughts too far, but that if he is aroused by me and my body, that’s how God made him, and if he covets my body, that is his responsibility!
Bingo!
That would be nice if you could absolve yourself of the scripture "Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother." – Romans 14:13
Are we suggesting what "we" do is ok because it's the other person's responsibility; that we have no responsibility whatsoever?
Scripture is replete with evidence showing that we have a great responsibility to our brother's and sister's, husbands and wives, and our children by how we live.
Who would the "onlooking man" be? Is he 13? Is he 17? Is he 18? At what age can a "man" sin in coveting the body of another woman? At what status can a "man" sin in coveting the body of another woman: can he be single, or does he have to be married? Can he be divorced? Can he be widowed?
Boiling the "what is ok and what is not ok" in the married sex relationship, from scripture, down to the definition (ever moving definition albeit) of "lust" and what it truly means is antithetical to theology: i.e. not at all an accepted standard for interpreting scripture.
I believe this verse, in the context of Romans 14 as a whole, is telling us not to judge another Christian's take on what is and is not permissible, and instead respect them enough not to do the thing that you *know* they believe is wrong in front of them, even if you disagree. You seem to interpret it differently, almost oppositely, ABP. You are saying that unless I *know* the person *does* agree with me, I should refrain from anything he/she *might* find offensive, right? I believe this has been the guiding principle in most rule-making about propriety to date, and it does have its merits. For instance, at a nude beach, one would expect to be surrounded by people who did not stumble at the sight of bare breasts and thighs. In a restaurant, one probably can't assume the same. However, I don't think that's exactly what Paul was saying.
I do think that verse 23 of Chapter 14 could help the OP and others here, though. "But the one who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that is not from faith is sin." In the next two verses (15:1-2), it says, "We who are strong ought to bear with the shortcomings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up."
I don't mean to imply that enjoying other people's appreciation of your spouse's appearance is condemned in scripture. But if you are wondering if it's okay to dress her skimpily and purposefully show her off to friends of yours or arrange an "accidental" viewing by a stranger, that does imply a sense of doubt on your part. If you knew that you were doing a good thing for your brother, your wife, *and* yourself, you certainly wouldn't be acting against your own conscience. But if you knew, for instance, that one of those people had a struggle with unfaithfulness and you chose to show off to him, I suspect you know that wouldn't be acting in love. And the defining characteristic of a Christian is love.
ABP, thank you for your follow-up! I don’t think I can respond any better than CHL, with whom Parker and I wholeheartedly agree.
CHL:
You're right! It is through love that I am bound by scripture to put down the desires of my flesh (lusts and temptations) so as to keep my wife holy and pure and to protect my neighbor.
That said, the defining characteristic of a Christian is not "love": it is Christ and our acceptance of Him as our Lord & Savior through faith and that as a result of our expression of faith we are sealed in Christ for eternity: that…is the definition of a Christian and that is what defines us as Christians: Christ.
We can certainly discuss what we believe is the defining characteristic of Christianity, and what are the differences between Christians and non-Christians. You wouldn't be saying that non-Christians don't love would you? I would submit that both you and I personally know non-Christians that are better "Christians" that we are.
An intensely eye-opening book:
Misreading scripture through western eyes
A great quote that I just recently read from C.S. Lewis:
"Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses."
Ponder this question: "Who loved who, right out of the Garden?" Weren't they both in agreement?
While I agree that Christ is *who* saves us, He himself said, "By this they will know that you are mine, if you have love one for another." This agape love allows us to curb appetites when feeding them is to the detriment of another. And I agree that there are many who don't claim the name of Christ who have this altruistic, benevolent love for others in greater measure than some who do claim it.
We can only be *tempted* to do something that's wrong, and *lusting* can be right or wrong. Love means doing what is right and good for another, and that takes discernment. It is easy for us to assume that everyone would be harmed or tempted by something that would harm or tempt us, but that isn't always true. One could argue that it's better not to risk it, but we can only decide that for ourselves, not others.
And thank you for the book recommendation; I got the audio version from Amazon. Looks like the author has another one about misreading with individalist eyes, as well.
At some point, we lightly discussed things very much out of bounds early in our marriage. Not sure why, and I don’t really believe it was much more than talk, but it was dangerous. Threesomes for what it’s worth.
What we’ve done is trade that in for something more permissible but that still turns us on. Ours is me watching her masturbate. It’s a variety of toys and positions but the real heat comes from me simply instructing her what to do. My wife is great in bed and has only improved with time (we are early 50s). The only thing she struggles with is verbalizing but for some reason if I’m telling her what I like seeing or asking her a vulgar question about what she likes, it just turns it up more. Occasionally we may film one of these sessions but we find the thrill is really in the filming. Most get erased quickly because frankly we’re not that great looking and the production quality isn’t great.
One variant of this is that we use a code word with a delayed gratification. Once the word is out, within the day, so it could be hours, she disappears upstairs while I’m doing something around the house or watching tv. Soon, the noises will distract me away (obviously I know what’s up but it’s still fun). I’ll walk in and enjoy the “catching” of her in the act.
So to sum it up, find a re-direction. “We shouldn’t do that but we can do this”.
Good luck but please don’t display your wife in this way.
Branecca7, there are proper times and places to show off your nude wife in NON-SEXUAL way and not risk causing someone else to stumble or for them to think that she is coming on to them.
Take her to a nude beach!
Fun James, here is the problem that I see. I like others think that to be seen by accident is different than intentional. One leaves God in the act, the other could leave God out of the act. Going to a nude beach would be fine as most likely you are not there to entice and have sex with others than your spouse. However, in my opinion, when other men especially possibly old boyfriends and or your buddies get the idea that your wife is coming on to them, it could cause real trouble. Young men under 70 have a hard time not fantasizing about what they are seeing especially if they think she is displaying herself for them and not just you. Picture King David looking over the balcony at Bathsheba on her own rooftop, bathing. Next thing he/she knew, he was sending for her. The rest is bad history for the king. She, with her husband away, probably wanted to feel sex as much as he did. Who could refuse the king? So, the best way to avoid someone coming on to your wife is to avoid the intentional situation to put temptation in front of friends and old boyfriends. You can think you are plotting an accidental temptation and that your friends will never know. But, that devil inside of all of us has a way of revealing bad intentions to our demise. Some doors are better left closed and only open to our imagination and not opened to the imagination of others. Now if you both are over 80, maybe it won't be so bad or have such possible bad consequences.
I read a story of a young man who took his wife to a swinger club and now deeply regrets it, as he can't get her away from the drugs and other dicks. That is just a thought for the rest of us who may yield to some other temptation for excitement.
Thanks catlover for your well thought out and insightful comment. I truly get where you are coming from and would take note if it weren’t for the fact that we do together with our goal being to generate major sexual excitement for ourselves and a guy we choose, and after a little fun we head home (the two of us) for amazing sex.
No harm, no foul.
On some occasions we have discussed our flirting show with our chosen guy and in every case they love it and compliment us for our fun openness. They usually leave telling us they are so horny they are going right home to fuck their wives hard!
My wife and I married when we were both in our 40's, and were very comfortable with out bodies. So, it was no surprise when she only wore thong bikini bottoms on our honeymoon. It was more of a surprise that she had removed my board shorts from the luggage and replaced them with a french cut thong for me.
But, no harm no foul. We had a wonderful honeymoon and have since enjoyed several nude beaches together. Are we nude in public? Yes. Is it sinful? No. Does it enhance our sex? Definately.
Sounds like a healthy attitude to me. Escaping the hang ups over nudity many of us have is a good thing.
"Sounds like a healthy attitude to me. Escaping the hang ups over nudity many of us have is a good thing."
I've read that nude beaches/resorts are an excellent way for women to get over their body hang ups/poor body image/self loathing and gain some confidence in their nakedness. Because no one judges or cares. Would you (or anyone else who has gone to a nude beach and/or resort) agree?
Bootylicious I would agree. At first you look, maybe feel others looking but very quickly it becomes the norm. I find men and women more appealing in clothes than nude. Once the forbidden aspect of being nude is gone it isn’t sexual at all.
This is something I have fantasized about, A LOT! I’m sorry to say I have acted on it as well. However, I am fighting the urge to do it again. A simple way to ask if this is sin is by asking yourself the following question: If Jesus was standing over your shoulder, would you still do it? I don’t think any of us can say that we would. We should all fight to resist sin, even though we are forgiven. We are expected to deny ourselves and take up His cross. Again, I am speaking from the viewpoint that I have the same fleshly desires as the OP, so don’t think I’m being judgmental. I get the fantasy, but just because some of us have the same fantasy, we can’t rationalize it.
There is almost nothing I would do if Jesus was looking over my shoulder except praying. Certainly nothing sexual.
My husband was thrilled with others seeing me. No big deal. Millions across the world go to nude beaches. Just puritanical nonsense that nudity is forbidden.
I don't know about nonsense. People believe what they believe for a reason. For instance, often in scripture, being publicly exposed is used to symbolize (or create) shame. There is the place [Jeremiah 13:26] where God describes exposing the shame of Israel and Judah (their idolatry or "adulteries") as lifting their skirts over their faces. And David's men had their tunics cut off at the buttocks—along with half their beard shaven—to disgrace them [2 Samuel 10:4]. So there is a reason to see nudity (at least involuntary nudity) in a negative light. We were created naked and didn't require clothing until we sinned, but now all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I can understand why Puritans and others would eschew it, though I don't agree with taking it to the extent of avoiding nudity between spouses.
I would most definitely have wild, passionate sex with my husband in the sight of Jesus. In fact, I believe I do.
Forgive my use of the word nonsense and maybe influence would have served my meaning better and not offended anyone. Look at what Muslims allow a female to reveal. Not far different then what Christian women revealed 2000 years. Yet almost no one suggests wearing a bikini is a sin. Had we grown up in much of Europe a woman being topless would not give us a second thought. Even on regular TV.
As we move from what was acceptable back then to what will be acceptable in the future some people are still at different points on the spectrum. We may chuckle at a bathing suit from the 1890’s yet still claim being topless wrong. Many good Christians are family nudists. No sin in that.
What would you do with Jesus [looking] over your shoulder? [T]he creator of the universe, creator of Man, creator of sexuality, creator of sex and masturbation?
The answer should be everything not sinful.
Years ago the daughter of a friend asked me if God watches her when she is masturbating herself?
I replied – yes.
Good, she said, she was pleased God saw her in her joy.
Be careful when saying what you would do with God watching. Would I have sex with my neighbour in the room watching – no.
With God – absolutely yes.
SecondMarge, Very good point about not doing anything in front of Jesus but praying. I still don’t think Jesus would approve of us showing off our wives. I’m not being judgmental, since I readily admit I get a thrill from doing it. I’m trying to not do it, and so far I’m doing well avoiding my desires to expose her.
I am impressed by the endless minute differences of opinions on these issues. No wonder we need dozens of different denominations to worship.
Sure seems like our thinking changes if something has a sexual aspect.
I love that we can all have these civil discussions, it’s so difficult for many Christians to keep God’s command of loving each other foremost in our minds as we talk about a slightly different (but not too far off) form of “loving” each other 😉 and it’s good to admit when you share the fantasy, even if you don’t engage in it!
We’re excited that you have chosen to keep your integrity! We wouldn’t want you showing off your wife, as my husband does with me, unless you had a completely clear conscience about it.
Also, loving the new attention to Christian home nudity!! As part-time nudists, our family has greatly benefited from the discussion here and on Reddit with a few of you!
Fantasy is a good thing. Rarely will the actual thing live up to the fantasy. If your friend “accidentally” saw your wife’s breasts, what would change? Absolutely nothing. He would know what he suspected from seeing her clothed that she has nice breasts. My husband enjoyed men and women seeing me braless more than on the nude beach topless.
Hi ParkerJen!
So, as nudists or part time nudists, who all has seen you naked? Do you stay naked when others drop by? Friends? Other family members? In-laws? etc. I think it's great when people are completely comfortable in their own skin. Always want to hear more about the nudist lifestyle! Hope you'll write more!
Booty