Discussion Question for all MH readers
I enjoy reading interesting MH discussion topics, so I would like to suggest one of my own:
For male readers: (1) On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your individual satisfaction/pleasure level after a bedroom sex experience? And (2) what could your wife do to/for you to boost the intensity of your orgasm? And, finally, (3) would you feel comfortable discussing the answer to number two with her?
For female readers: (1) on a scale of 1-10, what is your current level of pleasure after a bedroom sex experience? What would you love to have him do more, or less? (2) If you were to give him one honest tip on how to give you a more intense orgasm, what would it be? And (3) Would you feel comfortable discussing tha answer to number two with him?
Final question for both sexes: How often do you masturbate (1) alone? (2) with your spouse participating with you? (3) While your spouse is only observing?
Let’s be honest everyone and maybe your comments will validate lovemaking habits for some and inspire new ideas for others.
THANKS!
FunJames, nice set of Q’s. Could be some lengthy responses.
(1) On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your individual satisfaction/pleasure level after a bedroom sex experience? – average 8, with over/under depending on circumstances (tired, hurting, needed more foreplay, stupid ED, etc). In all, I adore sex with Queen, and couldn’t imagine life or sex without her!
(2) what could your wife do to/for you to boost the intensity of your orgasm? – be more “externally enthusiastically engaged”.
“Engaged” right in the moment, as if whatever we’re doing right then is her only goal in life, and takes priority over moving to the “next step”, or, God forbid, chores! “Only goal in life” may be extreme, but engaged goes a long way!
“Enthusiastically” like a cheerleader on energy drinks! No, that’s too much, but my personality is more enthusiastic that hers, and so that’s my native language, that I need to hear.
“Externally” so that I can experience it. That is, if she’s loving it and concentrating on the feelings, all inside her head, that’s great for her, but my experience is that I’m forcing her and she’d rather be elsewhere. I know that’s not true, but I don’t need to be tempted to think it.
(3) would you feel comfortable discussing the answer to number two with her? – of course, and we do discuss these and a billion other sexual/heat/passion topics all the time. We are determined to maximize our passion fairytale and talk is essential!
Final question for both sexes: How often do you masturbate
(1) alone? – I don’t masturbate any more given “limited ammo” and not wanting to waste any! That being said, when we were dating and apart (before marriage), she was the glorious reason for many explosive M-sessions! Between then and now, being married, we’ve had sex enough to “calm the beast!”
(2) with your spouse participating with you? – we don’t tend toward mutual masturbation (MM) because we so love playing with each other’s equipment. While Queen is hot AF caressing her beautiful pussy, my brain is like “Hey, can I try that?” So any MM session quickly ramps up into delighting in each other! Aw, shucks!
(3) While your spouse is only observing? – she says she loves to see me stroke my cock waiting for her to move from shower to primping to bed to make love. I love doing it to tempt her, and because my cock gets a dark red when I’m really turned on, and the contrast with her fair skin as she comes to bed is pretty hot!
Masturbation is a great thing in this married context, and as long as it drives you and your spouse together, say, to lust for each other with unquenchable fire, then how good is that? Am I right or am I right?
“Lust for each other with unquenchable fire!” – ooh, this is going to be a great Magic Monday!
Great job with your candid comments and no, your remarks are perfect!
Iammy, great comments and happy hunting!
As always, you really nailed it Hubbie!
Well, I guess Jim and I started this so here's my answers:
1. Honestly, 10. 2. I might suggest Jim spend a little more time licking and penetrating my asshole with his tongue. He always does this last to ensure safety. 3. I always feel free to discuss ANYthing sexual or anything, really. and he responds positively.
Final Q: 50% jilling myself, 30% with Jim, 20% Jim watching only.
Wow! You two are amazing!
Q.1. After sex experience, a 7.
Q.2. Be a little more playful during sex. Rubbing my balls right before I orgasm would increase intensity a lot.
Q.3. I am very comfortable discussing sex with the wife. She isn't always accommodating though!
Masturbate alone – Pretty much never
Mutual masturbation – about twice a month
Masturbate while she watches or helps – one to three times a week.
(1) On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your individual satisfaction/pleasure level after a bedroom sex experience?
Due to general infrequency and overall busyness of life, I would say *when* we have sex, it's usually pretty good to get the release I'm needing, but it almost always leaves me wanting more…kind of a source of stress for us lately.
(2) what could your wife do to/for you to boost the intensity of your orgasm?
I think if she was higher drive and wanted sex more frequently, it would greatly increase the intensity of the orgasm. When we were younger, it seemed we were way more adventurous and couldn't keep our hands off each other. Over the years, life, kids, work, finances, moving, age all started to weigh down on us and it's taken it's toll. Our best sex has been less about the specific acts (69 or other hot positions, locations, pillows or vibes) and more to do with mentality. When she's wanting me, it's hot and very satisfying. When she's doing it for obligation or it feels like requirement, it becomes routine and even borderline unenjoyable…
(3) would you feel comfortable discussing the answer to number two with her?
We have had many discussions regarding it and even sought counselling. That's a big part of why we're exploring this site. We've had some friends suggest we meet some more adventurous Christians and try to build up some heat to help with the mundane.
We will answer the questions for each of us:
Tom:
Q 1. in sexual satisfaction:
Usually an 8.5 – 9.5
1-2 x / month it’s a clear 10+
Q 2. Sexual Tip: My wife does all she can such as Kegal squeeze of my shaft during intercourse & licking + sucking + pinching my man-nips while she or I masturbate my erection. We love on each other’s nipples & sometimes do oral during foreplay. No suggestions except maybe oral sex a bit more frequently. But we have an agreement on that so I’m happy with how things are.
Q 3. We discussed your survey so we are very comfortable discussing sex.
Melody:
Q 1. On Sexual Satisfaction: Before my back surgery usually a 7- 8 because of the pain in my back. It used to be more like an 8-9 pretty regularly. It depended on how much back pain I was in. Sometimes it was just a 6. Still, there are times it was a clear 10. Now that I’ve had surgery to correct my back problem I’m hoping that after recovery the sex satiaction score will be consistently higher. Now I am having my husband suck my nipples and then I finger his man-nips as he masturbates to orgasm. I get to like a 6 in sexual satisfaction from helping my husband orgasm.
The last two times we had a full sex session (before my surgery) it was 10+.
Q 3. . We discussed your survey so we are very comfortable discussing sex. The survey discussion we had was really nice so thanks.
On masturbation: The great majority of our masturbation is with each other. Sometimes Melody will get Tom started and he’ll finish in the shower. We have a full lovemaking session every 3 days or so. On off days Melody helps Tom to orgasm usually while stimulating his nipples as he masturbates. Often after We both have come 1-3 times in a sex session Melody helps Tom masturbated to one more orgasm. If using a vibrator counts as masturbating Melodie uses one or two or three vibes in every lovemaking session. She’ll also often finger masturbate her clit during foreplay. She does not masturbate on her own. However we HAVE had phone sex with each other when we were apart.
Finally, to us the sexual satisfaction scale is exponential so an 8 is way more intense than a 7. A 9 is way way more intense than an 8. And a 10 is way way WAY more intense than a 9.
That was probably more detail than you wanted. But there it is.
Not exaggerating here when I say Patty is a solid 10 when it comes to bedroom lovemaking. She has unbridled sexual energy and often wears me out.
#2. I guess I would love her to be more verbal when it comes to her fantasies about men and women. I think some of her earliest experiences with men and women is extremely hot.
3. Of course, she is wide open to sexual talk and is very likely to play with her awesome tits while we talk, and will also slip her fingers into her wet cunt and bring herself to an intense orgasm.
Final: I masturbate almost every day with or without her….I’m guessing we do it together about half the time.
Q1: I give it a 10! i don't know of anything more I want, that I don't get!
Q2: Again, I can't think of anything to make it better. Sometimes she gets me going so much, I spontaneously blow my load, without so much as a touch!
Q3: We talk about sex often, so more talking is not a problem!
On masturbation;
1: we used to both go at ourselves alone, but since I retired and am not away from home all the time, we don't need to, so it's seldom anymore..
2: We often masturbate together, and watch each other. Sometimes simultaneously, and sometimes one after the other.
3: Sometimes I just get an urge to start something, and will come in the room, or onto the back porch naked, or get naked, and start beating off in front of her! The look on her face is priceless! Nothing like surprise sex! She does the same thing to me as well!
Nice Tulsa! Sounds like you two are good at sending each other’s signals.
You two keep staying hard and wet!
Level of pleasure 8, even 10 sometimes. it's been really good lately.
Satisfaction is different. maybe 6-8. Last time 10. We're usually strapped for time (kids) and he's usually tired. (overnighter)
And it can take a lot to quell my desire. I usually want to keep going after orgasm and he's usually spent.
It's okay. It keeps me hungry for next time.
To increase orgasms for me, it's usually a different thing each time, sometimes I'll ask him to do the thing, to touch my body where and how it wants to be touched in that moment. Sometimes, I won't. It depends on how breathless I am or how focused he is, or how I shy I feel in that moment, etc. I usually will try to let him know afterward if something felt particularly good or if I wish he would do X more. I want our mutual pleasure to increase over time.
I haven't been as satisfied masturbating by myself in recent years. I'll still venture into that territory and there's no better way to get to know your own body. But I usually only do it when I feel like it will benefit my sexual health, when I'm feeling a little dry, or I feel like it would be good to sort of get the juices flowing and clear myself out and restore my natural flora after we've used toys or lubes. And also often when I know I want to make love to my husband in the morning to sort of prime my body to be more sensitive.
I did recently read a mutual masturbation story on here that I thought was really hot. I tried to get my husband to act it out with me, but it annoyed him. I'll have to stick to just reading him stories and then getting creative and going with the flow.
We do use our hands on each other often during sex. He will often assist me in orgasming after sex. I don't often Jack him off to completion. I only sometimes ask him to watch me. I've made him some videos before. Sometimes he Jacks off into my waiting mouth when he doesn't want to come inside. We avoid my ovulation date. I hate condoms and birth control though. We're not trying for a baby right now, but I don't mind if it happens.
DPN, thanks for your candid comments! You seem to be very realistic about what you allow yourself to feel sexually, but it seems to me you aren’t really dumping your inhibitions and allowing yourself to experience full throttle, mind blowing orgasm. I’ll bet you are really hot, girl!
Having been married twice and now dating I think my responses here should be about sex with my second husband. Physically I would rate pleasure at about 6 most of the time. With the overall experience of pleasing him and the intimacy brings it to a 7-8 experience. Improvement in pleasure might have come from more sex talk, fantasies, use of toys, and longer time frame, had he been able. Yes, we were open about discussing and might have experimented more had his health not failed.
I’m not very orgasmic. I don’t squirt or have multiples but in the right mood enjoy masturbation alone often with unacceptable thoughts (to some people) or images, or reading about others like the stories here to raise my excitement level. No, we did not masturbate together. He did ask to watch me but it did not work for me and so it did not become a regular feature of our sex Life.
SecondMarge,
I'd love to explore what "unacceptable thoughts" you have. Obviously we can't share emails and I don't expect you to tell me here, but this is something that I often feel guilty about, and I'd have loved to chat with you about it.
SecondMarge,
I have an idea. I'd really love to chat because I need your insight on something, well a few things: I feel like you read my mind when you comment so I have the feeling you might understand should we chat. But maybe, if you could guess Fearless Lunk's email, we could connect through him? It's entirely up to you though, no pressure at all!
We may live in Similar Worlds. It would be interesting to discuss. Too bad MH is so against chat and this set up does not have the capability.
I have come to believe that any fantasy is okay to have and enjoy if it remains a fantasy. Especially if you come to the realization that sex is not a holy act, especially self-pleasure, which is no different than eating a meal, having a drink, watching a movie, playing a sport.
I have had fantasies that I might actually try in the right situation and others that make me very horny but I would not participate in. The only danger seems to be once you find out things you were told were wrong are not only not wrong but great fun, it might open you to something that might have negative consequences.
To be clear, we aren't against chat; it just has too much potential for misuse by bad actors, and we don't have the resources to moderate it. Others have taken that task onto their shoulders, and we are happy that many find like-minded friends through their forums.
Hi SecondMarge,
I appreciate your reply, it meant a lot!
If you'd be keen to have a "Similar Worlds" chat, then maybe try guess Fearless Lunk's email.
But if not, that's ok and your reply did help a lot!
Nude
Nude, Gee Mail is difficult to guess. I use my name here but there are many companies that offer email. I would enjoy chatting. Hopefully someone will guess right and then share with those interested.
Amanda and I have enjoyed the stories here for many years, but dont often comment I am afraid. But, thought it would be good for us to answer your questions.
Me: Q1) It varies, from 6 to 15. Because I have the higher drive, Amanda will sometimes go-along and that leads to the 6. However, when she engages then we get to 15. Ha. OK, a 10 on your scale.
Q2) For me, I would say what boosts the experience is her excitement and engagement level. It isn't about the O, but the experience.
Q3) We talk about things very often so open communication about sex is key, and has been for many years.
Amanda: Q1) About an 8. I sometimes would rather not at the start, but always end up enjoying things in the end.
Q2) It isn't about the O. I would say that more non-sexual touching through the day–hugs, holding hands, back rubs, just contact that isn't related to sex–is desired more frequently than I receive it.
Q3) Oh yeah, I'll communicate with him. Nothing is off the table for topics for us, especially about sex.
Mutual masturbation is a very important part of our sex life, once a week on average. This will involve Amanda reaching orgasm this way followed by many different things, including intercourse. Amanda has a number of toys that she prefers to use for masturbation, including when we are together. On the days my sex drive is just higher, Amanda will focus on me, and we both bring me to orgasm, may once a week. Overall we have sex together 4 times a week on average.
Masturbation is mostly as described above. However, we have an open policy, but we always share with the other that this is happening, usually before. If not before, we will let the other know after. We have a simple signal to share this. There are no secrets about masturbation, or shame or guilt—we are wonderfully made by God. There is no pornography involved, but we do enjoy the stories here.
Amanda usually has solo sessions during long separation periods. I may do this alone every few weeks depending on our sexual encounter frequency. When masturbation became a regular item in our sex lives, we found it very helpful to manage different drives and share with each other what feels good. This milestone was a turning point in our sexual relationship. Amanda shared her first break-out experience with a story here years ago–Tearing down the Fence: https://marriageheat.com/2014/03/28/tearing-fence/
Re-read Amanda’s story of expanding her masturbation journey. I read it many years ago, but made me hard again!! And we love mutual masturbation… our favorite “position”!!
I loved reading Amanda’s story for the first time today. She seems very sexy and sensual. Is she more aggressive now sexually? I'm sure we would all love to hear updated details.
Female Q1. Always 10. Well to have something of more I’d love him to suck my clitoris as that sensation never stops.
Female Q2. There’s one thing my man loves and that is to only ring my mouth tightly around the head of his penis while laying down with arms outstretched and fondling his nipple. He turns his head left and right and then he spurts his juices in my mouth which he feels completely cleaned out afterward.
Female Q3. He’s very comfortable when I do that unique suck on him.
As for masturbation, I do it 3-4 times a week at work, very much daily at home, and quite often in front of him to show off, as well as him doing it in front of me or we do it mutually maybe twice a week or more.
On a scale… of course sharing orgasms is always a 10! But my overall “everyday” grade is probably a 4 or 5.
I’m not sure the orgasm can be boosted much, but overall passion would improve if wife would let loose and have fun during sex. I want her to WANT it more, and not always wait for me to try new things and add extra spice.
Yes, we have talked… and are currently talking about these issues. Sex is actually something that has been the theme of many “fights,” often eventually leading to fruitful growth (after hard work).
SuzyZZ, I just saw your post here. "As for masturbation, I do it 3-4 times a week at work, very much daily at home, and quite often in front of him to show off, as well as him doing it in front of me or we do it mutually maybe twice a week or more."
You should post a story on "Where's the Wildest Place You've Ever Masturbated" https://marriageheat.com/2023/02/06/for-discussion-wildest-place-youve-ever-masturbated/
Also, what's the most you've masturbated in a single day? Have you ever been really horny and spent all day naked and playing with yourself? I'm hoping you'll have some wild stories to share with the rest of us!!
(1) On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your individual satisfaction/pleasure level after a bedroom sex experience?
Satisfaction – 2; Pleasure – 4
I've thought a lot about this lately, and if it was about my pleasure/satisfaction (which it is NOT), sex is not worth the hassle. In a typical 45 minute lovemaking session, I would say my wife gets 45 minutes out of it, and I get about 10 seconds. Most of that 45 minutes is giving her pleasure. And it is satisfying to bring her multiple orgasms through lots of means that don't involve intercourse. I do enjoy that. But for me, I have a real bad case of premature ejaculation. So that's my 10 seconds of it, usually right at the end. Give her pleasure for 44 minutes and 50 seconds, and then we both get some pleasure in the last 10 seconds. Yeah, I'm kind of being facetious in how I'm stating it, but it's not far from reality. It does feel good when I pop, just wish it lasted longer. I feel very fortunate that she is able to enjoy multiple orgasms. Even in the last ten seconds, I have no idea how she does it, but she's able to orgasm once again with me, virtually every single time.
Perhaps my wishes are set too high. I don't know what other men are capable of, but I'm pretty sure my abilities in the sack are near the bottom when it comes to this. I've read the stories on here, and it's hard not to envy some of y'all. I just wish I could spend that 45 minutes (or whatever it is) inside her the entire time. Shoot – I'd be ecstatic with even just TWO minutes inside her, so that it felt like we were actually mutually making love, instead of it feeling just one-sided. 😜
And maybe that's part of it. We get to the end, I get inside her, and almost instantly come. It sometimes leaves me the feeling that I've just cheaply 'used' her to get off, rather than to experience intimacy. Does that make sense? I hate that feeling!
(2) what could your wife do to/for you to boost the intensity of your orgasm?
Many things could be mentioned, but most of the time I don't want her doing anything to/for me because of the premature ejaculation issue mentioned above. And anything she does do just increases the likelihood of an 'accident' or shortens the time I'm able to have intercourse. I don't put any of this back on her; she's a wonderful lover — this is all my problem… although I guess it's indirectly also hers by not getting to experience intercourse how it should be. 🤷♂️ I mean, with her ability to experience multiple orgasms, I can only imagine the ecstasy she could have if I was able to do this properly for her, and I'm not able to.
(3) would you feel comfortable discussing the answer to number two with her?
We do talk about this issue periodically. She's been very patient and kind about it. It's probably just my male pride, but it's hard to continue hearing, "It's okay, hon" or "Don't worry about it." Or worse yet, the ones I really don't like to hear, are her saying things that aren't true about me, as if I'm some kind of 'good' lover or stud in the bedroom when that is far from true and I don't feel that way at all. Honestly, sometimes those words feel like mockery, though I know she's just trying to help and doesn't intend it that way. I'm just SO thankful she's able to experience orgasm very easily, as I know some ladies struggle with that. If it wasn't for that, I'd really be up a creek!
In some ways, I've wondered if this is part of the consequences of a porn problem I used to have. I almost think I've read about that somewhere. So maybe that's it. I don't view porn anymore, but it may have done something to me that has brought this about. So as much as I don't like it, I've basically accepted it as-is and just try to make the best of it.
I've at least seen what's possible in the stories on this site. 😉
How often do you masturbate:
(1) alone?
None.
(2) with your spouse participating with you?
Almost never. Maybe once or twice in the last 10 years? I don't know.
(3) While your spouse is only observing?
Almost never. Same as above.
Great question!
My answers:
1. Since we literally just had great sex only minutes ago I have to say a 10 lol. Actually the past year and change it's definitely been a 10. We have gone from twice a month to something sexual almost every day in the last year, and we love it.
2. Like Ron33 mentioned, she could possibly play with my balls a little more; other than that, everything's perfect.
3. I just discussed number 2, and she is practicing as we speak lol
Her answers:
1. Right now, a 15, since I already had 6 orgasms this morning lol.
2. As Creamy Patty suggested in her number 2, I would love for more anal tongue penetration.
3. I just discussed with him, and he loved the suggestion
Masturbation has become huge lately.
Many times watching each other, many times touching each other, and many times alone.
Sex is always a 10. Why bother if not 100%. There are some bucket-list things that would be super awesome but not having those does not degrade the value. BDSM is on our list as is a sex swing, sex lounge chair and some more toys. If she was more vocal, I would definitely be even more blessed but the current quality is still a 10!