Spending Time Together
As I approach 50, I wanted to share a few words of wisdom. My husband passed a few years ago, and I miss him dearly. We had 30 yrs of marriage and 4 wonderful forever-family children. We were unable to have biological children, but that didn’t stop us from having a wonderful family.
Early in our marriage, my husband and I set aside one week a year just for the two of us. Now that time has passed, I understand the importance of having an anniversary. It was usually near our anniversary we spent the week together, just the two of us, to enjoy the bond God gave us.
This week we basically devoted to having fun together like we were in our 20s again. This is very important in a loving relationship. Just one week a year to let go, be immature and enjoy each other. It’s important to have this more than once a year, but at a minimum, take one week just for the two of you.
I remember one such week a few years ago when we almost didn’t go during COVID; we really consider just a staycation. But at the last moment, we found a good deal at a resort that had all the proper safety policies in place.
I usually don’t drink, but that week we decided to let go and just be like the “rebellious” 20-year-old college kids we were when we first meet. We basically locked ourselves in our room and just had sex all week. We really opened up about our likes and dislikes, being honest with each other. By the end of the week, we had grown together sexually, spiritually, and physically, learning about our changing bodies.
I know this is not the best sex story, but I just needed to share. It’s important to share yourself, divulge your fantasies, and open up as one with your spouse before they’re gone. Have a wonderfully blessed week, everyone. Open up with your spouse and face the troubles of this world as one.
A story to live by here, thanks for the great advice!
(Hubbie here)
Dear SK97, thank you for your post, and even still, I’m sorry for your loss. The wisdom you shared from your life experience is valuable and dearly bought. Not “… the best sex story …” ? Pish-posh! It’s an important thought-piece, that should enable great sex in a marriage. Thank you and blessings!
“ I know this is not the best sex story…”
A marriage is about a lot more than sex. You knew that & shared about it here. Sure, we all drool, ooze, drip & gush over the blazing-hot stories posted on here; But the fact is those flames/heat are the product of a well-constructed fire.
It takes forethought, dedication & intentionality to build a great bonfire & keep it burning hot. Thanks for sharing & reminding us of this important truth.
P.S. – Sorry about your husband’s passing. Hoping you & the family are prospering.
As others mentioned, so sorry for your loss. And also to reinforce that it's true that a great story on this site doesn't always have to be about sex! But your story illustrates that you and your husband worked to first make significant time together on your 'get aways', and the passionate sex was a natural result of that. My wife and I went to our timeshare to celebrate our 40th anniversary during the year of covid, and it was one of the best times ever (and it included some great lovemaking, mostly initiated by my wife). Those experiences are always the best, and 'hottest'! As a conservative, innocent country girl (that's how she likes to think of herself), when my wife gets in one of her really seductive moods, she can really turn up the heat so to speak! But again, the reality is that for the first nearly half of our marriage, our sex lives were okay, but fairly plain, and arranged around getting kids to bed, housework, my work, etc etc. As we got older, and more experienced, we learned the value of making time for just each other. But it was still hit and miss until the kids were out of the house (not totally out on their own but out of the house). The empty nest changed a lot for us—-We became much more relaxed and able to thoroughly enjoy each other. As my current posted story illustrates, we eventually found things we enjoyed (physically) that we didn't even contemplate when we were in our 20s.. But again, all that came about because of a Godly, loving Christian marriage. One in which we love and respect each other, and have God on our side, and we enjoy much more of the physical and sexual gifts and opportunities he has provided to us! And your story is a great example of that. I think all of us would enjoy hearing more about your journey, whether it involves 'physical adventures' or just your introspective thoughts on marriage, etc. You sound like a really well grounded and great person. God Bless you and your children!
Stephkeeton, I for one, greatly appreciate this post – and I see I'm not alone in this. My wife of 26 years passed away at the beginning of 2021, so I know what that feels like.
Your story encourages me on so many fronts. As you say, and as others on here have commented, marriage is about so much more than just sex. Now of course, all of us here know that does not take anything away from what a powerful force sex is – or we wouldn't be here (literally wouldn't be here, lol), let alone posting the hot, steamy stories I see every time I'm here. As my current wife and I say, it's all about balance.
That's right, I am now re-married, to a passionate, beautiful, and *hot* sweetheart who loves God. This marriage is still young, and we're learning each other, but our sex life is just plain….out of this world!
I have posted three times in here, twice when my late wife was still alive, and one recently. To be honest, in 20-20 hindsight I was posting kind of hopelessly, pining for the love life my first wife and I had in our early years, before enduring sexlessness with brief exceptions such as our "second honeymoon" in Jamaica. Little did we know, she only had four more years. The good news is, she's forever with the Lord now.
It's as if my current Love and Number One (I call her both) is making up for that lover's drought, and she certainly sees it that way.
So to sum up, I've experienced both a sexless marriage and widower status, and neither one are any fun. AND, I agree: sexless or hot and steamy, cherish the time you have with your beloved. None of us know how much time we've got.
This is as important a post as any, maybe more so for me, having lost my wife, going on 5 years now. Her loss is as fresh today as it was when she went to be with The Lord …. But you adapt… But I’m SO thankful that we also had our once-a-year "our week"—and some years, as many as 3 weeks a year!! I hold those memories so close!! Don’t pass up the chance to enjoy your love, and make those memories!!
I lost my wife of thirty years 7 months ago and I can't seem to get over the hurt. Any wisdom for me you can share from your experience?
To_buy, I feel your pain. My first wife died 6 months after we married in a car wreck. It was 40 years last month, and I still miss her. The horrible pain and loneliness, the feeling of shouting in an empty room with no one to hear is gone. But who she was can never be replaced. I remarried an incredible woman, and we love each other deeply. I've had sex with only theese two women in my life, and they are both such a beautiful gift from God. But people don't replace people. My current wife is incomparible, and so was my first. But they are/were two different people. So living in love and joy with one, I still miss the other.
I pray that as you grieve—and grieve well and deeply—you will know that others who know that pain grieve with you. And that God, who is enjoying the presence of your beloved, also knows your pain and feels it even deeper than you do. Isaiah 63:9 "In all their distress he too was distressed… and He carried them all the days of old." Please read the whole verse, it is for you.