Bereft
Bereft. So many things can be lost and mourned. For me right now, it’s intimacy. It’s gone. Dead. Mourning a loss can take many paths, but all of them center around the same basic stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Acceptance may be the hardest one. Acceptance means that I have to acknowledge the truth.
Lovelorn. Unbeloved. Unappreciated. All the synonyms apply, yet a marriage remains that, apart from a miracle of God, will alway leave me void. And the needs. I still have needs. They didn’t die with the intimacy. And it’s worse than that, really, but I don’t like to talk about it, even to myself. Screaming internally so the neighbors won’t think I’m crazy, I wander around the house hoping this need will pass. It doesn’t. Shit. My chest hurts and I’m fuming. Sometimes the anger doesn’t pass.
I look outside and watch the traffic. I wonder if they’re in good marriages. It doesn’t matter. Here I am. A cold shower. I need a cold shower. I already know it won’t help. A workout. At least it’ll make me tired. I throw myself into the weights, punishing my body into sweaty pile of exhaustion. It helps a little, but the fire is still burning. Now what? I read some stories, but I’m not in the mood. I’m tempted, but I don’t. A memory. What’s a good memory? Oh, that one. It’s always that one. I don’t even know if it’s real anymore. It doesn’t matter.
My heart’s not really in it, but I need some relief. Alone, I strip completely. Sitting naked on my bench, I use both hands and play with my balls and my cock. That feels good. Mmmm. She’s laughing. She’s being coy, even. Sexy. Another memory. She’s wearing that black lacy neglige. We kiss. I’m running my hands over her body and she moans. It’s hot. Fucking hot. Yeah, I’m into it now.
I kiss that spot behind on her neck and she melts. It’s a lot of memories now. I strip her and feast on her tits. That drives her crazy. She reaches for my cock, and I let her. She tells me how big I am and asks me to fuck her. Not yet baby. Not yet. Having my own agenda, my lips move down over her belly. I can smell her now. That drives my cock wild. She smells good. Like sex itself embodied in a scent.
I tease her with kisses around her mound, almost, but not quite touching her sweet pussy. She’s begging me now. “Please.” I hear her in my mind, and I take another long inhale, drinking in her aroma before I reward myself with her taste. Yeah. She writhes beneath my tongue and strings obscenities together as I bring her closer and closer. She makes a familiar sound and squeezes my head while she bucks through it.
I wipe off my face and crawl over her. She’s drenched in sweat and panting. I like this look. I cover her with my weight and line my cock up with her hole. Yeah. I remember that. Sheathing myself inside her velvet wetness is an inexplicable joy and I love it. My thrusts are slow at first, but her whimpers, the sight of her beneath me, and the primal urge to fuck make me lose control. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is open. Noisy pants are the only sound she’s making. Her body shakes under my thrusts and it puts me over the edge.
My hand is wet. Full and dripping. The smell of my own cum reaches my nostrils. I open my eyes. I’m alone. Bereft.
KM, this is so difficult to read in some ways, as its pretty much my own story, which is why I think I follow your writing so closely. Its also beautiful to read, because as painful as this is, you've not given up on your Intimacy! your wife may not want/need it, for her own reasons! but you do, and while there are gaps, its healthy, and wonderful that you have found an outlet here, in writing, in sharing, in reading and in self-pleasure. When something is missing, its easy to focus exclusively on that. Its also easy to fill the void with work, play, sports, anything to divert our attention from the pain! I do all of that too, but what we need to aim for is something in the middle! we can't ignore the void, but to focus on it completely will consume us. So, like you, I create a world inside my head, one of self-pleasure, of memories, or aspirations, and while its not perfect, I feel empowered for recognising, and taking care of my needs, proud of recognising what my body craves. One thing struck me reading this; for many women (and for me too), my desire for intimacy is born out of a sense of connection on an emotional level. As that is gone, so is the intimacy, so I don't think I'd desire it now even if it was offered! but I know if my husband wrote something like this, it would melt me in so many ways! would you consider letting your wife read this? maybe, if she could see the hurt, and how memories of her fuel you, she might see things differently! Thank you, for writing so honestly about a reality some of us experience; you are forever in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi starlight,
Once again, your comment is filled with insight. My heart breaks for you, because that type of insight can only come from experience and the wisdom that grows from a strong heart.
I’m sorry that we share such a mirrored path; sorry because I know what you go through, and as strong as you are, the pain is still there.
I applaud your self-care and your attitude during this unfortunate season.
I understand what you say about the connection, but it’s not as simple as that in our case. I wish I could explain it more, but I really can’t.
I don’t really see a path in life that would ever allow me to share this with her. Again, I wish I could explain, but I can’t.
You are also in my thoughts and prayers and it always brightens my day to see a thoughtful comment from you.
All my best – KM
Oh, this just breaks my heart. I continue to pray for your marriage. There are so many things I don't know about your situation, so I can't offer advice, but I will keep going to the Throne on your account. This is a hard question, but…do you think it may have reached the point of separating? Biblically, there are a couple of reasons for which Christians can divorce, and I don't know if you qualify for that. I'm just throwing it out there.
Hi LLL,
I am truly grateful that you mention my name when you pray. Please continue to pray for me, because I truly need it. I will also continue to pray for you.
You pose a fair question, but (as far as I know), I don’t have the Biblical grounds for a divorce. I wish I could explain more, but I can’t. Maybe in one of your prayers, The Lord will give you insight.
I would have everything to lose, and nothing to gain.
Though anonymously, I consider this a friendship. If we never meet in this life, I look forward to meeting you in the next.
All my best – KM
KM I think you (along with Atlantic Man) bring a much needed balance to this site's perspective, considering a lot of the stories seem a bit over the top and I'm not sure how much I trust their veracity sometimes. Your experience and those of men I know in real life, are truly heartbreaking. These aren't good or healthy marriages. You're all in my prayers for wisdom on how to rely on God to Provide, Power and Protect your lives.
I do hope that whatever you've shared here is also shared with friends in real life, because they're the ones that know you. This site can only do so much, and it's not a proper substitution for the support that I think you're in need of. Also, you can go to marriage counseling by yourself…
Hi FM,
I truly appreciate your comment and your prayers. Please don’t stop praying for me.
I don’t have anyone IRL that I can share or talk with concerning my situation. From the outside, we look like a normal couple, have roles in church, and have raised functional and healthy kids. This site is the only safe outlet that I have. I write a lot of fictional and fantasy stories, and that’s fun. They all have a piece of me in them; something I want, something I need, or something describing what I want our relationship to look like. Stories like this, however, are altogether true. I take only enough literary license as necessary. It’s the only way I can get things off my chest. I’m rambling, but I do appreciate your thoughts. Have a blessed day.
KM I could tell this story was truthful. It seems that for everyone that offers you helpful advice you have a reply for why it wouldn't work in your situation. Even here on this story: "…but (as far as I know), I don’t have the Biblical grounds for a divorce." What DO you know and how much research have you done? It seems like the longer the stories continue it's spiraling into self-pity, and I don't know how long that can continue, but that's not for me to say. It's uncomfortable to watch. I don't want to end up in a marriage like yours, it scares me greatly.
On the other hand with the perspective of the groom as a Christ stand-in and his bride as the Church, I really get the sense of how God must long to have more connection with us. Especially how the lukewarm Christians must hurt his heart with their going through the motions on Sunday while never practicing their Faith the rest of the week. Whitewashed Tombs indeed! In that way you really are reflecting the love of Christ on your marriage by continuing to pour love out on your wife.
But Whitewashed Tombs might apply equally to: "From the outside, we look like a normal couple, have roles in church, and have raised functional and healthy kids." I think the Church NEEDS to see this kind of dysfunction beneath the surface, but as long as people are too afraid about their image of "looking perfect on Sunday," I doubt anything will ever change. Especially important to see that church leadership are not perfect and have the same problems that everyone else does. As a leader you have the responsibility to set a good example and here is a perfect opportunity!
The attitude of "I'm trapped," "there's nothing I can do about it," "there's no one I can talk to," "I'm alone," that voice is not of God. Listening to that voice is allowing the Enemy to get a foothold on you and is an attack against your marriage just as surely as anything that's happening TO you.
I'm not saying you need to get a divorce, just warning you that it might come to a breaking point because you waited so long to get help. So I say again, marriage counseling. You don't have to get your wife to come with you to start going on your own. Or heck, regular counseling, inner healing, whatever you need. Now that I'm in it myself I see how much good it can do.
Hi FM,
Your response is fair, and I appreciate your impassioned thoughts.
1. By, (as far as I know), I mean that I don’t think she’s having an affair. If she is, she’s doing a damn good job of covering her tracks. Her having an affair is the only way I could divorce her without losing everything I hold dear.
2. Counseling. I know I need counseling. I would love to be able to do that, but it’s something I would have to conceal from her, and that would be difficult. I haven’t figured out a way to pull it off. Even a support group would be nice, but I haven’t figured out a way to do that either.
3. I’ve done quite a bit of research and am fully aware of the state of our marriage, her mindset and what that means, and how it’s all affecting me.
4. It’s not self-pity; a few years ago maybe, but not now. It’s a fair and accurate awareness of reality.
5. I really can’t disagree with some of some of the other things you said.
6. I don’t want to scare you or anyone else, because “God hath not given us the spirit of fear.” But if my perspective can give you and others encouragement to maintain a clear mindset when seeking a spouse, to seek and accept God’s will for your spouse, be willing to see someone for who they truly are, and accepting of the fact that they will not change, then all the better.
I do appreciate your prayers and the prayers of others FM, truly I do. I empathize with you and the other singles who desperately want to find that right someone to spend your lives with. There are many examples on here of couples who have and are doing it right, and I want that for you all.
All my best – KM
KM thanks for your reply. My fear is being used for my earning potential and then punished for things I didn't do, but also for waiting for something so long that it's a complete letdown and that sense of entrapment that might come along with it. Again I appreciate your writing and especially your point in #6 as I think your perspective and experience is sobering and it's something that I need. But I guess I really don't understand this fear you have of your wife and what ramifications her knowledge of you seeking help are, for your marriage or yourself. From my perspective your responses seem like determination to go it alone and I don't think that's necessary.
If the MH admins approve the link, you could check out hishealinglight.org/ and a program they have called Healing Journey. There are in-person classes in nearly every state as well as online. You could at least pass it off to your wife as a Bible study to reset your mindset and grow closer to God, which is all true as that's the goal (not specifically about marriages). Beyond that I guess keep praying (I will as well) and keep writing. As Mark Lowry said "Even the worse of us can serve as bad examples," and I don't think you're that! But you do have a lot of knowledge that could be imparted to singles in a way that really helps inform our decision process in choosing a mate, and doubtless couples out there could learn from your experience as well.
Tough one, Kingdom Man, but I do know what that's like. My marriage to my first wife was like that for the last 20 of our 26 years. What made it especially hard is our sex life was fantastic for those first six years. On a scale from 1 to 10, it was a 12 – her words, not mine. She's been gone three years now, and I'm not sure I'll ever know what happened, not all of it anyway. Part of it was surgery and (at the time) life-saving weight loss. Part of it, I think she was just hard to please. Part of it was me, I'm sure, but I'm prone enough to self-blame without putting more of it on myself. I refuse to do it any longer, especially now, in a new marriage that has shed some light on this.
What also made it hard was we would have a resurgence once in a while, that would last anywhere from two to six months. Then, when a week, two weeks….and more….would go by, I'd have this sense of dread of another "here we go again" drought.
Well, toward the end she said she didn't care what I said about her once she left here, and I guess now it's coming out where it wasn't "safe" before. Plus, I kept holding onto hope for another mini-resurgence.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I don't know that reading this will help – it might actually make you feel worse. I'm just saying, one man to another: I know.
I’m sorry Maxlove, that sounds really tough. I too, was very prone to self-blame for many years. More accurately, I guess, I was prone to believing everything she said about me.
I’m glad that you have found happiness in a new marriage, and I hope you continue to grow and heal. I really appreciate your last paragraph, because most people just don’t know.
All my best – KM
KingdomMan, I have read this post every day since you wrote it. I have wanted to make a comment, but what dos a person say. I am not about to sit here and tell you what is wrong or what you should do, this issue is way to complex. I think one of the reasons I have carried your pain with me is because how well I know it. You have done a very good job, in a number of your posts, at explaining something that is hard to put to words. I have been married for just about 41 years and my amazing wife struggles with Intimacy Anorexia, (IA). I have spent years and many thousands of dollars studying this issue. I even have a certification as an IA coach and have worked with many couples. KingdomMan, I think one of the things that has helped me the most is being able to see that my dear wife was also carrying a pain that was so deep she could not speak of it. I love the way you continue to press in. You continue to try everything. Some people may ask why? It’s simple. You love Jesus and you love your wife. You are an amazing man and I pray you continue to press in and keep your course. Let me also say I have enjoyed your stories. I sure wish I could have coffee with you. Blessings, Mokey!!
Hey Mokey,
I’ve never heard of IA, but I’m sorry for the struggles you and your wife have faced.
I also appreciate the encouragement. “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!”
I think I would enjoy that coffee.
Part of me just weeps as I read the comments and your responses, KingdomMan. Another part of me is angry, angry that things go this way, and angry that there seems no way out and nothing to do about it. Looking at my own parents and seeing their ongoing disconnection, I'm reaching a point of just letting loose. Maybe there needs to be loving confrontation in our situations. Maybe as a family we need to rebuke the devil and tell him to get his claws off of us in Jesus' name. I'm tempted to just up and pray, out loud, for my parents, in their presence, over and over until something cracks. God did not intend marriages to go like this. Someone needs to do something. You said that you can't fully explain your circumstances and that you have no one to go to, also that you can't even go to counseling with her knowledge. To me, that seems very red-flag-ish. If you literally can't make a move, something is very wrong. Is she holding you under any kind of blackmail? Even emotionally? The Bible says there is no new thing under the sun. So your situation can't be the first of its kind. I'm going to pray that you are given a clear route either to leave or to be restored to your wife. Please pray for me too as I address my own family's issues.
Hi; me again! KM, I just wanted to add to the comment from faith-manages, about seeking counselling. Honestly, I can't recommend that enough! as FM says, you could do it on your own, and need not keep it from your wife either. I started counselling early last year and it has helped hugely! my husband knows about it, he finds it weird, but I billed it to him as a point regarding general well-being, mental health etc, which it is! sometimes, it focuses on the marriage, and other times, other aspects of life, and it helps hugely. I've also shared aspects with close friends, not necessarily the full picture, but enough that I have a tiny number of people I can be more open with. Such people would ideally be in church, but they don't need to be, they could be friends from work, from the gym, from anywhere, close but perhaps not close enough to become a conflict with your situation at home. Its important you have support networks, whatever you decide to do. I've not made any final decisions about my own situation, I believe the lord will guide me if/when the time is right to change things, so I wait, try to stay strong, listen to my heart, and act accordingly, building my strength till then. Regardless of what you do or don't do, support is critical. Its a sad fact that the majority of churches do fail their communities in this regard, but not all do, and there are even online/virtual church communities which can fill some of that gap. As FM says, this sight can only do so much, as it is essentially a one-way conversation, and while people like me care deeply and pray for you, please do make sure you are actively seeking and trying to build, the support you need, it will make the world of difference to the strength with which you meet the challenges; now and in the future.
Hi starlight,
Your advice is sound and I always love hearing your perspective. Whether you realize it or not, you have a LOT of wisdom, and I appreciate you sharing some of it with me.
I’m SO happy that you are in counseling, and I’m SO happy that it’s helping you! I’m also happy that you have a group of friends that you can share with. I absolutely agree that both of these are essential. And you’re right, The Lord will guide you as long as you continue to surrender to His will.
My own set of circumstances is a little different. I know that I need counseling. I want to go to counseling, but my wife doesn’t agree that it’s necessary, either individually or as a couple. I would have to keep it from her, and I don’t know how to do that. Unfortunately, my sphere is small, and there’s no one close enough to me to share the intimate details of my marriage. There are a couple of people that I make passing comments with, but it’s just surface level stuff when I need to get something off my chest.
I honestly wish that I could take some of your advice, and some of the advice of others. I’m not being difficult or stubborn in not doing so, truly.
Your comments are always helpful, and words cannot express how grateful I am that you pray for me.
I will also continue to pray for you in hopes that you find peace, happiness, and fulfillment.
I also consider you a friend, and if time and circumstance do not allow us to meet in this life, maybe in the next we can sit by the crystal sea for a while and celebrate being in eternity.
Sincerely, and with all my best – KM
KM, I love that you prioritize the opinions of your wife, but when it comes to your mental/emotional health, I don't believe they should govern your decisions. After all, if the roles were reversed and she thought she could benefit from conselling but you did not, would you forbid her from seeking it? As the head of your family or a leader in other areas of life, you must know that sometimes—after considering all the advice and opinions of the other "stakeholders"—you have to make an upopular decision that you believe is for the good of all. Can you be the best husband, the best man, the best person and child of God possible without the support you agree is so important? I beg you to stand up for your self; "put on your oxygen mask" and set the example for her. My prayers are for and with you.
Hi CHL,
There’s a lot of sincere wisdom in your words, and honestly, I agree with you. To be fair, I have shared all of my opinions, and she knows what I think. As I’ve said, I know that I need counseling, and I will earnestly pray that God will provide a way for me to do that. If the roles were in some way reversed, I would insist that she seek help. I do sincerely appreciate your prayers. All my best – KM
I think I would enjoy sitting down with each of you, Kingdom Man and Mokey, one-on-one, as three guys, or all of the above.
Although each of our current situations and experiences with intimacy and intimacy problems is different, we have all experienced it. In spite of everything that went down with my first wife, I do not regret staying with her to the very end, if only because it was the right thing to do. Both of you guys' faithfulness should get you a medal of some kind, and Mokey, your dwelling with her "with understanding" sounds like that in the truest biblical sense.
(Although I've been told, probably truthfully, that I had ample grounds for walking away. Even my current wife, for whom I have ZERO intimacy complaints, has all but said it, repeatedly.)
Being on here has taken an unexpected turn for me – for the better. I hope we may be able to lift each other up and continue to do so, whether brother-brother, sister-sister, or brother-sister (or vice versa! 😉). I'm drawing strength from this, and my prayer is that you and others are too.
Hey Maxlove,
I agree. I think I would enjoy sitting around with you guys talking, laughing, and sharing. We probably have more in common than we might think.
Although I don’t know the whole story with your first wife, (and I’m not asking), I do know that you were strong for doing what you did, as are others for doing something similar.
Though anonymous, I appreciate the support, and I hope that I can reciprocate.
Kingdom Man,
You and I are in the same boat, brother. It's been a real struggle. We used to have a normal sex life and then it slowly went to nothing. Would love to encourage you. Are you on Song of the Believers? Let me know your handle and I will reach out. Iron sharpens Iron.
I’m sorry for your struggles texasman76, and I appreciate the encouragement.
I’m not on SOTB. I hope you can find help and support there, though.
Hi KM
I get it. I cry with you. I mourn with you. But, if you're like me, tears don't come anymore.
It's hard to speak into a post like this. It is genuine, though, & it is real. You've been through it. I appreciate the post & your replies. I want to encourage.
What you are going through is the rule, not the exception. Those people you wonder about, those other marriages? They might have a good marriage. But, they would have some burden you don't carry. This side of Heaven is broken, as you know. NF, sings, "There's millions of us just like you." We all need Jesus. I suspect you know this.
If you're like me you are familiar with the seasons. Times when it is all her fault, then your fault, then no one's fault, then both your fault, & back again. You've searched your heart. You've searched what words she has said, what actions she did. Seasons when you're down, then up. Today you have it licked, it's no longer a problem. Tomorrow it's all back with a vengeance.
I've been walking this. If you haven't, I am. We haven't compared notes, so, I know our details will differ. But, pain is the same. Different details, same heart. It's what Jesus came to save us from. We all have a sin nature. We all have a flesh. We are all ex-cons trying to live down our criminal past. My marriage & yours are not identical, but very very similar.
But, you are where you are, right? Why? Esther, was in a foreign land, under a pagan rule. Taken from family, & forced to be queen. Job lost all he had, & his wife didn't get what he knew. Hosea had to marry a prostitute, & take her back when she went back to it. Moses led an ungrateful people, so frustrated with them he acted out & lost his place in the Promised Land. Why? Because, God allowed it, or He said to. Yet, this isn't where we say there was a great triumphant celebration of good that erased all the bad. Moses died. Job's kids, & servants, died. Esther feared for her life & the lives of her people. Why?
God's end justifies the means. Judas was a disciple & crooked. Peter was arrested & beaten, eventually crucified. The just & unjust walk this earth. Some had bad marriages & some didn't. Some had sex & some didn't. Yet, we all have a place & a reason to be there.
KM, just like me, just like Esther, Job, & Moses…I sometimes hate it…but we are here for such a time as this. When christians want nothing more than to leave, satan throws a party, because the Gospel leaves with us. I am so glad to hear you say divorce isn't for you. I am so glad to hear your replies of steadfastness. If you were called to be gone you would've been gone already. But, thanks be to God you are not. Because, you wouldn't have strengthened me. And countless others here at MH. And even more you won't know of til later, maybe even Heaven.
Moses, at least, got all the younger Israelites to the Promised Land. Esther saved the Jews. And Job saw God & justice. I can say I baptized 6 different people, wife & kids included. I would bet my life God has done things through you where no other person would have. Instead of asking why me, I think God says, why not you. God puts people in places where He knows they can shine. He puts us up to bat because He knows we can hit it out of the park, or hit a run in. We all are the one that can handle what we go through. If we weren't God would not have us be there. Who else can love like Jesus, like you do? Like you will? No one, but you.
Notice that Moses was with Jesus on the Mt. of Transfiguration? This means the heart of Moses was more than the sin that kept him from the PL. Moses' sin did not keep him from God's grace, in Heaven. This means that God judges the heart. A believer's sin does not cancel the Gospel. If we want Jesus & pursue Him, He wants us & nothing tears us from His hand. God does not hate you. He is not punishing you, incase you may wrestle with that, as I do.
The substance of our lives influences. If Moses & others were not people of Godly substance they would be in company with Judas. But, they are not. Your wife can appreciate you, if not change, because of you. You now have the task of learning, like Job. Maybe, you are a perfect guy. I know many of us are;) You probably already know, may not need reminding. But, first, God wants you. Your predicament means God wants your eyes on Him. Not your wife. Job, even though he did not curse God, he never sinned in his ordeal. He still had to learn something very valuable. That God is, & all the rest is not. I am sure you are loving your wife as Christ loves the church. I am sure you are working on your discipleship. Yet, we never really arrive when it comes to being Christlike. Jesus said give to those who can't give back. Love your enemy & do good to them. Walk an extra mile, give an extra cloak, & turn the other cheek. All this applies to the spouse we are frustrated with for withholding sex.
You may never get sex, again. What if God wants that? David said maybe God wanted rocks thrown at him. Millions of people have not had sex, or are currently going without for many different reason. But, let it not happen without the attitude of Christ that said it is better to give than receive. Serve & not be served. Jesus never had a wife. Jesus didn't want to go to the cross. Yet, for His God, & Father, He did. He did it sinless.
I am not saying it is good & great to think of this. We are not sinless. We are not Jesus, & sex in marriage is not a sin, but is a good of creation. But, we live in a fallen world. This is not Eden. This is not Heaven. Sex maybe where the break is for us. But, God can heal. God does restore. But, that is His call. The restoration God wants us to focus on is salvation, ultimately in Heaven.
Is Jesus more important than sex? Can we forgive as Jesus forgives us? Can we be unjustly crucified by the ones we want to save & have a relationship with? I say, you & I, we all, can. How many parents give to a child who is not able to give back? Jesus gave to a people who knew better. They had it. They were capable of giving back to Jesus. So, giving is not just about inability, it is about giving to stubborn, & sinful people who won't give back.
We are on the path, good or bad. Jesus told us the road to life is hard. We can either walk it mad or glad. We can either want our reward here, or in Heaven. Church, today, is not a good place, but it is our body. We are called to walk. We humans hate inconvenience. We hate what we'd rather not go through. Pick at the hurt like a scab. We add insult to injury. Yet, the message of Gen-Rev is still the same. Jesus saves. We can keep walking a path of regret or we can let Jesus be our redeemer.
Paul said, "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind & straining forward to what lies ahead," Philippians 3:13
Paul replaced living to keep regret alive with living to make the purpose of Jesus live on.
Forgetting is a decision to replace the dread with acceptance of reality. We have all sinned & have to move on from living regret. Come what may.
Moving on to a right, good, & correct purpose is a decision. Living down words of blame, obsession, hurt, or past sins is hard to do. We all tend to hate it so much we keep digging it, & other's sin, up, trying to vanquish it.
Our lot in life is to become a person who can live with their past regrets, fears, & other's, in light of Jesus' forgiveness & nailing our sin to the cross. Beautiful people & things come from mistakes & sin, in God's redeeming hand.
Memories, ordeals, pasts, & present can come back, or never leave. Let them. The only vanquishing of them is a stronger you & me in Jesus, to handle any part of our day, by His Word. Faith doesn't have to retaliate. Faith faces it knowing Jesus will use us there. Faith is glad God has a way through that is not dread.
None of this in any way excuses any spouse for putting the other spouse through the sin of withholding. But, Jesus would have us be the best spouse they could ever have. Sex or no. We are to be holy as God is. Be a person of our word, as He is. Jesus & Heaven are far more better than sex here on earth.
KM, I know you know all this. I know you are trying. We see it. God sees it. Use Him. Walk & talk with Him through it. You are the one than can, if God can do it in her heart, make that difference of Jesus. Believe back, talk back against the lies with truth. You may never see how much your work is doing, but one day you will.
Thank you so much, I know I have received encouragement from you! Thank you, brother. God will answer your pain, in due time.
Psalms 77 may just be the greatest Psalm, ever.
Hi SCMM,
As I read through your thoughtful comment, a lot of it struck home. I’m sorry that we share some similar pain, but the wisdom you expressed throughout show that your doing things right. Not perfectly, perhaps, just like me, but you are continually seeking God in spite it.
I wish I could take your pain away, but all I can offer is the support of someone who understands. My thoughts and my prayers will be with you, and I hope that God will deliver us both, along with all the others who are suffering something similar.
What an excellent reply! So well put. So many great points! Thank you so much brother!
I would like to give a heartfelt thanks to each of you who have commented. Your words have not fallen on deaf ears. I will sincerely pray and seek God’s provision in finding a good counselor. I love you all in The Lord, and I cannot express enough gratitude for your taking a part in my journey.
My heart aches for the singles seeking their forever companion, the men and women who are in a similar position with me, and rejoices with the couples who are doing it right. I am also thankful for Missy and the MH team who work so tirelessly to provide this community. This is the only safe place for me, and I’m afraid I’d be a little lost without it. Blessings to you all – KM
My heart grieves for you Brother.
Unfortunately I have no advice to offer that has not already been given here. However I will join our brothers and sisters here in prayer for you.
Strength can be found in faith. Do not lose yours
“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” God is able to do immeasurably more than we could even imagine! – Matthew 19:26
In our darkest hours we can turn to God and He is able to repair the things that we cannot fix on our own. Rely on God to give you the strength to keep fighting! Remember, He has a plan for all of us.
Thank you Drachenfire. I appreciate your prayers.