Safety of Monogamy Question
This has been on my mind for a long time, and I keep forgetting to ask the question, so here goes!
Obviously, we know that God’s design for sex is the best, and His way brings its own reward. I’ve always heard—even from secular sources—that having fewer sexual partners is the safest route to take. Certainly, if asked, I would promote staying pure while unmarried, and staying faithful to my spouse once married.
But I want to know for a fact: if two virgins get married, are they 100% safe from sexually transmitted diseases? Is this true?
I’ve always thought that it was one of the rewards and protections for honoring and adhering to God’s intent for sex, but I’ve never actually heard it stated outright that monogamous couples are completely safe from STDs.
Is this something we can claim when we promote waiting for marriage? I’d hate to be telling people, “Hey, only couples who wait for marriage and stay faithful are never at risk of getting sexually-transmitted infections or diseases, so that’s the way to do it,” if in fact that isn’t true.
Information on this topic would be greatly appreciated!
People who wit until marriage are 100% safe from most STDs. There are a few exceptions, for instance:
– AIDS can be transmitted via contaminated blood. Blood banks test the blood nowadays so it’s highly unlikely from blood transfusions.
-Addicts who share contaminated needles can get AIDS that way.
-Herpes simplex (in the mouth/ on lips) can be transferred via kissing to someone else’s mouth.
-Herpes simplex can be given to someone else’s penis or vagina via oral sex. Then it’s called herpes complex.
-Human papillomavirus (HPV) can be transferred by oral-genital contact and sometimes deep kissing. And some people (10%) can get oral or genital cancer from some highly resilient strains of the virus. There is a vaccine that is effective for preventing the cancer from HPV.
So most STDs are avoidable if you have sex only with one partner. If you n your spouse never French kiss anyone but each other and only have sexual contact with one another then your chances for getting a sexually transmitted disease is pretty much zero.
My university Biology professor told us that if all people on Earth were 100% loyal and sexually exclusive (only having sex with their partner) then STDs would be wiped out in one generation.
He also said that married couples should never have oral sex if either spouse has a sore or sores in their mouth. This prevents herpes from spreading from mouth to genitals. When the sore(s) clear up you are safe to resume oral sex.
While condoms protect against most forms of STDs, condoms can break or slip off. HPV can be transmitted via places the condom does not cover.
I hope this answers your question. FYI, I have an extensive Science background so I think I know about this topic.
Thank you! That is very helpful! Well, I am safe so far because I've never even kissed anyone lol. It would be my hope that I married someone who had waited as well for all sexual and intimate acts.
While I am certainly no medical expert, yes, to the best of my knowledge two virgins who marry are 100% safe from sexually transmitted diseases.
My understanding is that STD's occur because of unsanitary hygiene accompanied with different chemistry from multiple partners. Even if couples don't practice the best sexual hygiene, as long as the only sexual excretions occur between just the two of them, there is no danger of STD's.
If I am completely off base, I would love to hear from someone with medical knowledge on the subject.
This is from ChatGPT
If someone is truly a virgin (no sexual contact of any kind), then the odds of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) are essentially zero—because STDs are primarily spread through sexual activity.
That said, there are a few important nuances:
When the risk is basically zero
• No vaginal, oral, or anal sex
• No genital-to-genital contact
• No sharing of sexual fluids
👉 In that case, you can’t get an STD from nowhere.
⸻
Rare exceptions (non-sexual transmission)
Some infections can be passed in other ways, but this is uncommon:
• From mother to baby at birth (e.g., HIV, Herpes)
• Blood exposure (sharing needles, transfusions in rare cases)
• Skin-to-skin contact for some infections like HPV or herpes—but this still typically involves intimate contact
⸻
Important clarification
Some people think they’re “still a virgin” but have had:
• Oral sex
• Genital rubbing (“dry humping”)
• Skin-to-skin
"if two virgins get married, are they 100% safe from sexually transmitted diseases?"
Yes, that is the idea. This is why, commonly, no defense against disease is thought of as a factor when any newly weds marry. If condoms are used it is for pregnancy, not disease. No one is ever scared of any newly weds, let alone 2 virgins, getting an STD. Yet, it can happen with any two nonvirgins marrying. Two virgins are guaranteed not to get an std.
Yet, we do live in a sin corrupted world that may surprise you. Two virgins would not be free from sin's consequences, or complications. I personally do not know every virgin to have married another virgin. I would gather finding out the literal answer to your question to be impossible. Yet, human experience & what recorded facts we have would show that yes two virgins have no risk of giving one another an std.
Good question.
As above, the answer is that some STDs (STIs) are transferred by skin to skin contact.
Teaching sexual abstinence before marriage has to include oral, genital rubbing and hand. The risk with a hand is low, but if there are cuts and everything not perfectly clean, that risk of transmission may be low, but is not zero.
That is one of the reasons I insist that all your premarital sex should be with your own hand.
(And of course because self-masturbation is a way to offer and give thanks to God for the gift of your bodies and sexuality).
I followed YouthRenewed's comment to Glorious Nipples.
https://marriageheat.com/2021/09/04/glorious-nipples-pt-1/
I do like that Fearless Lunk and his bride were so open about having orgasms, even "quickly filled my khakis with warm cum". this is positive, however, before marriage it should be with his own hand, not grinding on his girlfriend as she was at the time.
Sarah K
I think the grinding is fine, to get each other horny. It's the same as grabbing butts and boobs and being topless together. But then yes, discretely orgasm to your own hand after you get worked up.
Looks like I'm safe! 😄 This does get me thinking about whether I would consider marrying a guy with a sexual past. Obviously I believe people can be redeemed and start fresh, but if there could be lingering consequences of a guy's sexual experience that could affect me, I'd proceed cautiously. And yes, as Patient Passion said, discuss getting screened and looking at treatments if there was any STD present.
Yes but only if you don't kiss or touch each other. My husband and I waited and didn't even kiss until our wedding day. Herpes can be spread through contact.
This is why God tells us to wait..being virgins protected us from a lot of heartbreak and suffering.
A woman waited but lost it before marriage and got HIV. He was her first. I feel so bad for her.
Honeymooners' anecdote brings up a good point: marriage and monogamy themselves confer no protection from past sexual encounters. So if someone sleeps around, and later repents, begins waiting for marriage, and becomes monogamous, there may still be STIs present from that past sexual immorality, which could then affect a virgin spouse after marriage. Because of that, it's very important that two people who are dating get to know each other's sexual history.
If one or both have had ANY sexual contact whatsoever, even kissing, I would highly recommend STD testing before marriage. It'd probably be wise to do it even before engagement. For me, that knowledge does factor into the decision of whether or not I want to marry someone, and I would want that knowledge before we get engaged, in order to minimize the publicity and potential family drama of a late breakup. And it may still be a good idea to do the testing even if both people claim to be virgins, simply as a matter of establishing trust and certainty that both are safe.
In some ways, it feels a little shallow of me to say that I might break up with a woman over an STD, because I think we'd all agree it's generally disrespectful and wrong to treat people worse because of their health issues. But when those issues are a direct result of irresponsible choices (as the vast majority of STDs are), it's fair to say that actions have consequences, and difficulty in future relationships is one of those fair and natural consequences.
Plus, as someone with some chronic health issues, I seriously cannot afford to knowingly add more. I also wouldn't want to endanger our future children, as some STDs do. And frankly, I'd already be very wary about marrying a non-virgin, even if STDs weren't a factor. It's not an immediate dealbreaker, but it's a major point of concern, and I'd have to be convinced of her total repentance and complete commitment to sexual purity in order to even consider moving forward in a relationship with a non-virgin. But if you add STDs on top of that, even if I didn't already have existing health complications, it would be very hard to knowingly afflict myself with that for the sake of a relationship.
That also brings up the question of treatments and cures. I also don't really know how curable different STDs are. I haven't researched that, because I'm not at risk for one. But if I found out my hypothetical girlfriend had an STD, whether it was curable or not would be a substantial factor in whether or not I chose to continue the relationship.
Anyway, I started rambling a bit, but hopefully those are some useful thoughts, even if not directly answering the original question. These are important things that people don't seem to think much about in relationships, but they need to be thought about more!
Hi LLL I believe that your question occurs to a lot of people. Me too. I have done my research in this very carefully before ChatGPT and I learned that yes Indeed its true that if 02 virgins have not had sex it is a 100% assurance to safety from sexual infection and also a big milestone to attain sexual satisfaction inside marriage.
The Bible's definition of virgin is someone who has not had any sexual relations or sexual acts whatsoever with another huma being. As far as sex toys are concerned then its technical virginity. But people have fallen into sin in the name of technical virgins & to be honest I don't think MH has the time & man power to moderate every comment. But they do their best!
Biblical virgin means: no oral, no vaginal, no anal, no mutual masturbation with or without a toy, no dry humping with clothes on, no touching below the neck (according to Debra Felita). Debatable whether kissing is included. I don't think it is. But kissing before marriage has shown to break hearts and cause heart burn even more than other's who are virgins even with their lips.
Now porn could cause some problems, including excessive masturbation without porn. On MH many people, virgins & married claim to use sex toys. This too can be a factor that can cause problems between 02 virgins because sexual stimulation trains the genital nerves for a specific sensation which could be difficult when married to re-do & re-train the brain to orgasm or satisfaction. Human nervous system prefers familiarity via practice or multiple repetition. I do feel insecure about both above average/large dildos & pocket pussies. As it conditions the woman/man's brain only for a specific sensation & can make sex inside marriage a challenge, more than it should be.
As far as average size is concerned there is no scientifically defined measurement, as the average size of men, changes with geographical territory & available nutrition. Female genitalia is globally the same regardless of geographical territory, as the G-spot is only 2-3 inches deep, and the A spot (cervix) is typically 3-6 inches inside women. Some women with unusual height, above 6ft, 7ft (gigantism) have their sweet spots deeper in their genitals. This is an exception and far from the norm of female anatomy.
Most women, including the sexy confessions on MH have shown that cervix orgasms is not as easily achieved and requires a lot of mental conditioning, emotional connection, safety & bodily awareness during sexual stimulation. Most women find this uncomfortable, few women enjoy it & demand it. This is grossly exaggerated in pornography.
On secular websites I have read about couples fighting and even divorcing each other for being obsessively compulsively addicted (OCD) on sex toys and the stimulation by such artificial products, which causes the other spouse to feel neglected, or to not care anymore to satisfy the one who desires a sexual connection. The sex toy is weaponized inside the marriage and it can damage and cause major problems.
I am not in favor of women using dildos and men using pocket pussies, even though I do feel tempted to buy a pocket pussy, because just like you, I think of training my stamina to satisfy my future wife.
I do favor strokers or sleeves as long as they are not heavily ribbed or heavily detailed inside the cavity, which stimulates the penis. Most of modern day sex toys are ruining marriages and setting unrealistic expectations due to the nerves being conditioned/damaged by excessive stimulation which God has not created in humans like that.
The sleeve I use is bare minimum ribbed which helps me to keep jelking my cock, which is not below average, and when completely aroused can go up to 06 inches, and this helps me to keep erect especially at the thought that my future wife is getting fucked and stuffed = "sfucked" by my cock. I hope my future wife actually orgasms violently and screams hard as I fuck her and drink her pussy juices.
I think the verse in the Bible that says to stay away from sensuality is important to be self-controlled and balanced in this regard for the benefit of the marriage.
I hope my answer helped.
PS: […] You once mentioned another Christian website that has stories in it within Christian guidelines. Could you please share that in the comments. Thanks. Also please take of your pussy and, don't overdo it for your benefit & so that your future husband has a fair chance to satisfy you well & you-him in turn. […] Maybe we only will meet in heaven. LOL I am perfectly fine with that. Take care LLL. – Camo
[From MH: A few notes here:
First, we'll allow most of this comment this time, but the long discussion of sex toys is unrelated to the original topic of the relationship between sexual behavior and sexually transmitted diseases. In the future, please try to keep comments more focused on the original topic, or at least if you're going to take a tangent, please explain how you think they two topics are related.
Second, while LLL is free to submit a reference to the other site that was mentioned, we may or may not allow the reference based on whether or not we feel this other site aligns with our values.
Third, we appreciate you trying to respect our boundaries on not seeking private contact through MH, but we really don't want comments like "I wish we could date" either. To a lot of people, that will still feel like a sort of personal advance, and it's not the kind of thing we want on our site. We understand it can be a tricky line to walk, but as a general guideline: expressing desire for good attributes is fine, but expressing desire for specific MH members is not appropriate for our site. For example, this would be fine: "SexySingle69, you're such an awesome, selfless and sex-positive person. I hope to find a spouse with the same attitude you have!" But this would be getting inappropriate: "SexySingle69, you sound so sexy! I wish we lived close together so I could marry you!"]
Hey Camo, thanks for your response! I guess as far as virginity goes, I am 100% one since I've never even kissed anyone lol. Your observation about sex toys is thought-provoking and I can certainly see how someone could allow themselves to get addicted to a toy. Honestly I don't see the difference in using a toy or one's hands. No matter what one uses, sex with another person will be all new! I've wondered if I'll have trouble with that if/when I get married, but I think the mindset of preparing myself and understanding my body is the major component to sexual pleasure. If I'd gotten married at, say, age 20, with no knowledge of arousal or pleasure zones or any experience with penetration, sex would have been a disaster for me. Now at 30, I have learned my body's arousal patterns and signals, I can experiment with angles as I penetrate myself with my dildo, and I have a clear idea of how to guide my future husband in pleasuring me. That is just my two bits' worth!
I can't remember the website! There's a server called The Garden on Discord that I'm on, but it's more of a forum where people can chat and interact, not geared as much towards full stories.
"But I want to know for a fact: if two virgins get married, are they 100% safe from sexually transmitted diseases? Is this true?"
In a word, NO.
Do you ever wonder why if you see an ad on TV they say "Kills 99% of germs" or bugs or grease or what ever? Since they cannot absolutely guarantee there is no way any mutant bug can get thru, they are legally obligated to NOT say 100%. Even old ads for soap used to say "99 and 44/100 percent pure."
There are some rare bugs that are caught other ways (like some yeast infections) that can become a STD. DW and I went a few rounds with that early on.