Watching Others Get Off (L)
(L) – This post contains strong language.
Hey everyone! I have a lot of miscellaneous personal information, and some serious questions. I would love to bring these things up to a mentor, but I just don’t think it would go over well. My mentor, God bless her, is my aunt. My former youth pastor and his fiancée also have a similar role. Maybe I’ll eventually get the courage to talk to someone about it.
I’m a virgin, waiting for marriage and all that. Like most girls my age (19), I struggle with wanting male attention. The Girls Gone Bible podcast has actually helped a lot in that regard.
Anyway, I love watching videos of guys stroking themselves while complimenting me (or rather, the viewer), or giving a JOI. Not going to say who, but there’s this really yummy British guy with a beautiful cock and an amazing accent.
I justify it by telling myself that there’s nothing wrong with masturbating, so watching others do it is probably okay. But honestly I’m young, and maybe naïve. I just like watching men stroke their cocks, and I feel like I’m falling to lust. Let’s be honest: a nice, rock-hard cock getting pleasured by its owner is so hot. I probably wouldn’t get on a camera and do cam stuff with a stranger, or even a friend, but isn’t that kind of the same?
Sometimes I watch other girls too. And though I do find it sexy, I mostly started this to see how they stimulate their clits, etc. (In fact, I chose my clit sucker toy based off of a NSFW review.) But it has definitely turned into me putting on videos of girls playing with themselves just to watch for the naughty entertainment of it. I wouldn’t call myself bisexual, but I guess I do think girls are sexy, just not… well, I’m straight, and yes I know that for a fact. And although it wasn’t sex, I have “experimented,” and that’s a topic for another discussion, maybe.
I’ve never done full penetration, even with one of my dildos—not vaginal anyway. *Wink wink.*
Anyway, I’m all over the place. Any advice? Thanks!
P.S. I’m glad I found somewhere to discuss this stuff. The world just tries to get me to fuck whoever, and it seems the church just wants me to suppress my desires. I want neither.
Also I have a date soon, fingers crossed. I’ll tell you how it went, maybe in the comments whenever this posts.
Hi EmmaC,
This is a great question, and one that many people struggle with. To get to the core of your question, I don’t think it’s wrong to watch people masturbate. In some sense, it’s no different than reading masturbation stories here. (IMHO)
In a broader sense, though, we do have to be careful with the sources we use, because there’s a lot of stuff out there that just isn’t healthy.
It’s the same thing with watching people have sex. I don’t even think (All) AVE is wrong. Again, it’s no different than reading about people having sex here, but the source does matter.
There are several problems with porn industry in general, not the least of which is the fact that most of the performers aren’t married.
In addition, most of the sites have unhealthy material readily available just a click away.
From your comments, you seem pretty wise and well put together, but I do strongly advise caution, especially if you, (like all of us), struggle with temptations that are not Biblical.
Hi EmmaC, thanks so much for writing in! It’s great to have this online community to be able to bring topics like this! I’ve actually done lots of thinking around questions like this, and I think some of my conclusions may be similarly aligned to some of the things that you said or alluded to. I apologize if this is unconventional, but would you be willing to have a longer form communication about this topic? I’m conducting very informal research for a potential future project that I’m considering, and I think your input would be really great…if by some crazy chance you’re interested, I can be reached at […]
[From MH: Sorry, but as a policy, we do not facilitate the sharing of private contact information. But feel free to continue relevant discussions on our site! You can even submit a post for publication if you'd like a place to discuss your research and project more specifically.]
I’d love to. Feel free to ask away. Sorry it took so long to get back to you my church had a woman’s thing going on. But yes. Talking sounds fun
Hey sorry that my comment got cut off. I didn’t realize I was violating T&Cs here. My bad! I guess what I will say is that to your question, my personal opinion on this topic is that what you’re doing isn’t wrong. I struggled for a long time with the temptation to watch explicit content and pleasure myself and also trying to balance that out with trying to be a good Christian, and it really effed with my head for a very long time and frankly caused me to have significant self esteem issues for years. Literally years. After awhile, I started reevaluating my beliefs and came to the conclusion that I am a sexual being because God created me to be that way, and that acting on this isn’t sinful. Ever since I shifted to that perspective, I actually found so much more freedom than I’d ever known before, and if I’m honest, I felt God smiling on my change of heart. Now, I do choose to engage with erotic materials from time to time, MH being among them, and I feel absolutely no shame or judgment in doing so. I just simply recognize that I am acting out on one of the most beautiful parts of God’s creation, sexuality, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. Also, just my opinion, but I tend to believe that some of the theology around sex only being for marriage to be a little bit weak, especially since there are some very notable examples of biblical “heroes” who definitely slept with women who were not their wives, and yet we have no record of them ever being condemned for these actions…with David and Bathsheba being the exception, because David stole another man’s wife. Anyway, hope this helps. Would still love to have further dialogue with you!
Also…I’d love to hear about your date. If it’s happened already 🙂
It did happen. Three actually happened. I didn't like him from the first one but he was hot. Just pushy about sex. And I didn't consider letting him fuck, but he almost got road head… he didn't. He did get a hand job in the car after date three and there will be no more.
and yeah. I know what you mean about other places. I like MH because they align with my morals. but I also read on literotica and I found a blog that was hot, but there's no posting happening but it was called […] I think it was a wordpress or some type of blog like that.
[From MH: We are aware of that site, and prefer not to share it due to its blatantly unbiblical pornographic content, and misalignment with our mission. Frankly, Literotica falls into the same category for the most part, and would fall under the same non-sharing policy, but many readers are already aware of it, and it does have at least SOME redeeming content.]
Sweet Emma,
You sound like you're very grounded in your faith and that's a good thing. You are weighing things in the balance and you have already said boundaries for yourself what you will and won't do. Trust these things!
At my age and being married as long as I have I can't imagine what it would be like in this day and age to be single or for that matter as some have to do live in a sexless marriage. My heart goes out to each.
I can tell you that at your age I had already been fooling around. And although raised in the church was not necessarily as serious about my faith as you. When I had met M. my future husband at the time, we had started having sex by the second date. He being much more experienced than I was actually teaching me new things almost every time we had sex.
I am not advocating this. But I do want you to approach life with this that your sexual life will be one of exploration when you get married. That you and your future husband will be willing to try it new and different things. Be open to this as long as it's within the boundaries of monogamy and The boundaries set out by scripture.
I can't say as you that I am not bisexual. Those who know me here I've heard my story above my attraction to other women. However, although having had opportunities and been very very close I have never had another experience with another woman.
And yes although [married] I do occasionally look at things online that I shouldn't. It was still at times together and I do so alone as well. Again this is something I do not recommend for it it's a slippery slope finding yourself pulled into an algorithm will lead you down paths where you didn't intend to go. I don't know what it is that you're using to watch others masturbate. Whether it's something interactive or just something filmed. But I can empathize with your feelings about how much of a turn-on it can be. But then that's the allure of pornography. The fact is our enemy capitalizes on our weaknesses and these things are presented to us in various means through other people. If there is a way to make money on a person's weakness people will do it and pornography can be one of those things. And the condition of the fallen soul is that it easily succumbs to these things and easily falls into a need and becomes addicted.
I can tell you that in our marriage quite often my husband and I will masturbate in front of one another and mutually. I can agree if it is very erotic. But one of the downfalls of watching others do so is comparison for the husband you find may not be the man that you find the most of a turn on and you will find yourself seeking those things out.
So my warning to you is to walk carefully. I can understand the needs that we have as human beings believe me. I find myself jilling everyday to something. And if I'm honest sometimes it's other people.
But I can tell you this as well I am always honest with my husband about. We had to go through a very traumatic time in our marriage to get to that point. But I can tell you honesty and open sexual conversation between husband and wife is an essential part of a marriage. For the two of you to have a satisfying sexual life together you need to be able to communicate with one another everything and anything that's within you as far as your sexual desires go.
Above all things follow what you know to be right.
Lady L. 💋❤️
EmmaC,
First of all, I think that you are wise to seek counsel from others — especially others that have more time in their Christian walk, and who have the benefit of years of marriage experience.
The nice thing about this site is that members are free to express themselves, and to do so at the "gut level", and yet also cite Scripture to back up their opinions. When someone goes "into the weeds" with their opinion, most likely there will not be any Bible quotes in support of that opinion. Thus, take anything said here "with a grain of salt" (including what I say; look it up for yourself).
All of that said, from a man's perspective, I think that it's GREAT that you enjoy the visual aspects of a man's dick and watching him stroke it. I enjoy masturbating, and it would be nice to find a wife that enjoys watching me do it. In my opinion, that would be two thrills in one. (My dick is only average length, but it is above average thickness.) In that regard, the ideal would be a wife that enjoys watching me jack off, and enjoys watching me cum so much that she will finish it for me by jacking me off onto her face and/or tits.
But… you are wise to be cautious about watching videos of strangers doing it. The main purpose of porn sites is to lure people deeper, eventually pointing toward perversions. For example, you said that watching videos of men masturbating has led you to watching videos of women masturbating. And, although you can "educate yourself" that way to some degree, you have already said that you find it "entertaining" also. That is sliding toward the sin of homosexuality.
There is an online church that has a category on its site for "Love and Sex". There are not many posts there, but the ones that are there are spot-on — well supported by Bible quotes. Although you will find the posts more "liberal" than most sermons in most churches, they are also more "strict" than some of the comments on this site. From what I have read of your questions, that seems to be a good source of advice for you. (I have posted such links in the past, although I try to keep it to a minimum.)
https://ancientfuturechurch.online/?cat=63
Regarding your "wink, wink" comment, one of the posts on that site examines the topic of anal sex. (Yes, it is in the Bible — but not "in so many words". As the post explains, it is "between the lines".) I happen to agree with the post that anal sex is a sin. But, I also understand that a strong sex drive can lead people to experiment with their bodies (and their spouse's body). My first wife was kind of insistent that I fuck her in the asshole, although I didn't really want to. Eventually, though, I gave in and did it a couple of times. It was not for me, and she stopped bothering me about it. (She had a great ass, and I really enjoyed pounding her pussy doggy-style. But, not "the other way".)
I hope that you find my comments, along with the comments from others, helpful.
Thank you. And yeah I’d love to be the type of wife to encourage her husband to stroke it in front of me and then I could finish him myself wherever he pleases.
And while I have fucked my ass with plugs, not full length dildos, that wink wink comment was for oral and yeah I didn’t even think about that meaning anal, But rereading it, it seems to only mean ass fucking myself haha.
Thank you for your comment. Muah
I checked out that website and it definitely gave me something to ponder. Thank you for sharing! And thank you to MH for allowing that website to be shared. I found the part about anal sex being an abomination very intriguing and food for thought. My husband and I have tried it and didn’t greatly enjoy it, but I digress. I do not judge others that choose it within the bounds of a god ordained marriage but I implore others to read it and see what God says to you about it. That pastor interprets scripture as best as they can and quite possibly could be right, but plenty of people think they interpret scripture right and are completely wrong. Blessings and great sex to you all!
It is so nice having other single young ladies to discuss things with here! I couldn't remember if you are a newcomer or if you've posted some things before, but welcome anyway! Your questions are natural and I am in a similar boat. I too have greatly enjoyed videos of guys jacking off, especially if they're talking dirty, though I prefer not seeing their faces so I can imagine my unknown future husband instead. Now I really like listening to ramblefap audios, just listening to a guy masturbate and talk and groan and gasp. Oh my!
Your specific question about lust is poignant. Jesus says that looking WITH LUST is sin, but He doesn't condemn the looking. I think He's addressing heart intent. If you are watching these videos in order to learn about male pleasure, and to appreciate its role in your own arousal and pleasure especially if you are married one day, in my opinion that is great. But if you're desiring to have sex with the guy in the video and lusting over his body, I don't think that's right. I always turn my desires in those scenarios to a future marriage context; if I'm admiring the body or the voice of the guy I'm masturbating to, I transfer it to my imaginary future husband, with whom only I will enjoy sexual things. Placing that desire on him, whoever he is, helps me not focus it on anyone in a video or ramblefap. Plus, I find as a Christian that it's not too hard to avoid desiring random men whom I would never entertain as a suitor in real life. A lot of the guys making this kind of content, whether it's on mainstream porn sites or NSFW Reddit forums, are not pure-hearted, Godly men. So if they're automatically out as an option, I don't spend any time wishing I could be with any of them.
Your second topic of watching women do sexy things is one I really don't have experience with, but I'd apply the same principle here. Learn things where you can (it sounds like you were trying to educate yourself on clitoral stimulation, which is awesome) and appreciate the beauty of female bodies and arousal. God made both! I personally don't get any turn-on from watching women; I'm very visual, but only when it comes to men lol! But if that's something you enjoy, wonderful! As long as you steward your thought-life and don't allow admiration and self-pleasuring to become lust.
Sorry for the long reply! I hope it helps you in some way. The Lord guide you and keep you on a pure and hot path to personal pleasure and future marriage. Best wishes on your date too, girl!
You make some very good points there, especially this one:
" Jesus says that looking WITH LUST is sin, but He doesn't condemn the looking. I think He's addressing heart intent."
The word there in Matthew 5 in the Greek is epithumeo, which at its base means a very strong desire. It is often translated (esp in Paul's letters) as COVET. That means to desire something so much you intend to take it away as your own. Our Lord's words seem to indicate the 10th commandment about not coveting your neighbor's wife or maidservant. IOW, wanting to take them as your own sex partner/spouse.
So my understanding is that the bar is pretty high as far as lusting being "adultery in the heart."
Just getting horny from watching does not seem to rise to that level.
This is going to be a controversial subject. I believe the human body is greatest of all of God’s creations. The nude human body, male and female, are so very beautiful! Bodies come in so many interesting and beautiful varieties.
I also think that a kind soul increases our perception of beauty. Well, it increases our perception of beauty if WE also have a kind n loving soul.
I draw nudes sometimes. Many artists do. I am grateful that Pope Julias II saw beauty in the nude artwork of Michaelango. The Sistine Chapel is stunning & very inspiring!
That being said, I would be reluctant to endorse watching a lot of porn for arousal purposes while masturbating. Your admiration of people’s physical nude beauty is normal and uplifting. But I would worry you are rather out of bounds jilling to watching others masturbate.
That being said, there IS something to be said for sexual education. Learning how to erotically please yourself & how to please your spouse (or future spouse) is certainly important. There are a few tasteful video series n websites that teach relationships and how to make your sexual relationship fulfilling for yourself & your spouse or future spouse. These include clear sexual videos. I would think that moderate viewing of these – or even maybe limited viewing of these is acceptable.
Thank you for being so straight forward. Like really, I appreciate it. I think part of my problem is I want other people to tell me there’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever so I can continue to justify it.
Man, why did we as humans decide marriage wasn’t for teens. I’d love to be married already (I’m 19 btw)
I actually absolutely agree with you here Emma…society did the youth a disservice when they started making it socially unacceptable for young people to get married young. Its also a problem with our economy when you can't start a life and a family at the age of 18 because you can't afford anything and you can't live on your own…2 social norms we lost in the last 100 years was people getting married young (my grandma got married at 16 before she even graduated high school) and girls marrying guys that were 5-10 years older than them, right out of high school. It used to be that a man would get established with his life or join the military and then go find a girl coming out of high school. Now that act is considered predatory and no father would want his 17 or 18 year old daughter going out with a 25-28 year old guy…it doesn't help that most 25-28 year old guys are still acting like high schoolers anyway, but the point remains that even if there was a Mr Perfect that was that much older than a girl coming out of high school, it would be stigmatized. It wasn't always that way, and I think it has done society a disservice overall…now instead of just getting married young and starting a family, we have hookup culture and max and people aren't getting married at all. Overall, net negative.
Love the prompt and your honesty. I've been in similar situations before I was married and wanting to know how to please my future wife, so I turned to AVE to learn. If I'm being completely honest, I have learned and used a lot of what I've seen. I've been able to bring pleasure to my wife in ways I don't know if I ever could have before. I used to borderline study and obsess over clips of how to give oral sex because I was really committed to bringing my future wife to blissful climax. I checked just about every kind of site I could, trying to learn the most comfortable and pleasurable ways to make love to my wife. I have conflicting thoughts regarding it and I'm sure others on this forum would have better suggestions than me, but my first thought is don't beat yourself up about it. I don't think it's a good idea to let it control you (ie: can't go to bed at night unless you log on and watch AVE just to relax, although I admit I did that for years…), but the curiosity isn't bad or unnatural. It's pretty normal. And the desire to see a strong thick cock cumming is equally normal (personally, I am more inclined to watch girls orgasming or a couple 69ing, but the point is I understand your concerns. My only advise is to not let it become an obsession and definitely get out of your house and mingle with real people. The guys stroking their cocks online won't ever give you the orgasms your future husband (hopefully) will give you. Go meet real people and see where that takes you. Let your desires to please and be pleased get you off the computer and out into the mix so you have opportunities to meet your Mr Right. Who knows….maybe he's online stroking and looking for ways to please his future wife? You'll be the super sex couple in your friend group!
Awww thank you. I do plan on being the sexy wife lol
I have no doubt you're gonna be a fantastic sexy wife for your special someone. Your desire to know how to please and desire to watch him please himself will turn him on, I promise. You're gonna be the fantasy of every dude in your friend group…I remember after my brothers and cousins and friends started getting married, I told them my wife loved to suck my cock…I was the envy of every guy! Of course, those days have long past, but for a few years there, she couldn't keep her mouth off my rod and I loved it. I loved it more tellin all my friends she was such a vixen too. I'm sure your desire to learn how to be a confident and erotic sexual wife by watchin some AVE and learning what turns you on and gets you wet and feels good will only help your future marriage. Learn how to suck cock the best ways possible. Learn how to give a fantastic handjob. Get yourself a dildo and fuck yourself with it in every position you can to learn how it feels from different angles. My wife masturbated before we got married and it freakin helped a ton for her to have some understanding of what she liked and didn't like. One of the unspoken truths of marriage, especially for Christian guys is when you get married, there is no owners manual for the wife you just committed your life to and it can be outright hell trying to figure out what makes her feel good and want you. My wife loved to suck my cock, but she didn't love it when I would eat her out. I studied porn for almost years trying to learn all the tricks so I could be better at it, solely for her. I think I got better cuz we have had some really awesome 69 sessions and i've laid her down lots of times and just drank from my own well as the good book says and taken her to climax after climax. But when we were first figuring it all out, I didn't know what I was doing and she decided quickly that she didn't like it when I sucked on her. That was so fuckin damaging to my psyche I can't put it into words…it was so frustrating. Fortunately, she had a way to get herself off that she had learned before we were married and it helped a ton in the beginning when I couldn't figure out how to make her cum. She already had an idea of what to do and how to do it and I followed her instructions and we got her to cum over and over again. Since those early days, I've gotten better. Unfortunately, she's also gotten less interested in the fun stuff…such is married life. Ups and downs. What I can say for certain is that your desires to please and knowing what you like will help you in your marriage. And when you finally meet your Mr Right, you'll be so ready to spread your legs and let him ravage you and your desires will be to have him fill you up to the brim over and over again. Nothing but blessings on you sweet EmmaC
"My wife masturbated before we got married and it freakin helped a ton"
I have been insistent in telling young people, "if you are not masturbating yourself regularly, you are not ready for marriage".
Having sex is part of the marriage covenant, you/we need to be sexual.
Libido does not turn on the moment you say "I do", it needs preparation.
As a married woman, one of my delights is I get to enjoy dear hubby wanking himself, I love it. And I love letting him see me with my hand up my skirt in my "honey pot of myrrh".
Couldn't agree more. Its hard sometimes I think for young Christians after they get married (especially coming out of purity culture mindsets) when everything you were told you shouldn't/can't do is now all open season. I was a horny 20 year old and my wife was a timid good Christian girl. She really didn't know much about sex other than she didn't want to be physically hurt in the process of intercourse and she was adamant about not doing anal, but she had masturbated in high school and before she was saved, she did discover she liked sucking dick. When we were first married, it was so frustrating for me not knowing what to do to get her to want me or at least get her to want to do with me the stuff I wanted to do. Part of that is for sure just immaturity on my part, but again, coming from a Christian purity culture upbringing, I was frustrated before I even got married! It was a learning process, but I am convinced that if she hadn't masturbated before we got married and had some "go to" things I could do to get her to climax, we might not have lasted…
I spent all of my teenage life wrestling with porn. Full on porn of the mainstream variety. From mags to videos. No internet, but I had a car & found where I could buy & rent it at age 16.
My introduction to Christ & porn was almost at the same age. Around Kindergarten, 1st grade. Both left a tattoo, or stain, on my heart. I was taken by both.
It seems I can't shake either, if I wanted to. But, faith says I can if I have to.
The porn issue was a huge struggle. But, I now believe my struggle was because of my immaturity. Self imposed. Up until I was 25, & married, I wrung my heart & hands over it. I fervently prayed & cried over it regularly. Then I stopped crying over it. But, I have never stopped praying, though my outlook, & prayers are different, now.
I tried to get church people to engage my struggle with me. An accountability partner, mentor, how bout just a friend who understood, but nothing. I found no one that would or could. I came close, but they didn't pan out.
I cannot talk to my wife about it. I see all kinds of scripture that says bear one another's burdens, but the church does not see my problem as theirs. Yet, God says if one suffers we all do.
At one time, I was confronted with my lazy christianity. I became a Bible first, church second christian. Meaning, I am saved by the word of the one who went to the cross for me, not what the church wants to tell me. This was my most major life change that started seeping into everything.
But, this didn't mean perfection. I still have my flesh, as God's word tells us. So, porn still happened, but now I was into the word as a steady diet. I looked into scripture for everything.
Porn still happened. Masturbating still happened. But, I no longer felt stuck. And, I knew I could find answers, power, & security in Jesus, that would never be taken away.
So, God's Spirit, & my flesh conflicted. But, I was on my way to maturity. Well, some may question that, but…
Then I found MH. I was already forming new thoughts on sex, nudity, & porn as my walk with Jesus developed. But, the MH community helped me challenge my deep rooted immaturity on these topics.
We don't always agree with each other but we can allow security & support. We all seem to have a real understanding of where we each are at in the journey.
So, now, in the porn dept. I do make a concerted effort to stay away from Big Porn. The porn industry. I tend to view more marriage, self posted, websites. I do not masturbate or frequent porn as much as I used to. But, it is still there.
And, like you, & many others on here, I filter my desire through scripture. Which means I too find reasons that some "porn" viewing is not a sin. I find no, Thou Shalt Not: look at nude bodies, see other people's sin, or watch other people's sex in the Bible. Plus, I find that just looking is not lusting. Lusting has to do with the act of sin. Knowledge is not lust. Acknowledging is not lust. Understanding is not lust. Fantasy is not lust. Even times when my flesh would say, "I would do that, or that looks very edible," is not me lusting to commit sin. Smelling the doughnuts & knowing the sweet taste of them does not mean a person wants, or will, eat them. I find God defines what sin sex is & I am not one to do that. I find viewing sexual acts is a liberty like drinking alcohol & not getting drunk, & eating food sacrificed to idol without raising a question of conscience. Plus, I find no obligation to always share what I allow in my faith with others.
This all gets tempered with not causing another to sin, or fall in their walk. Plus, my old way of thinking can still hold a grudge. But, this is where I am.
I am much more at peace & feel I really have solid answers to stand on. It's not for everyone, & I am open to God's Spirit correcting me thru the Bible, or another believer. But, this is much better than years ago. I can work with this.
Ohhhh, and as far as the accent.
When I hear a woman with an accent I quiver.
Mel B !! Well dont get me started. But since I learned shes bi.
,💞💦💞💦💞💦😜😜😍😍
Hi, EmmaC!
First of all, I’m a brother in Christ who is now married. I didn’t have a date until my mid-to-late 20s, and got married in my late 20s (to the woman I had my first date with, my best friend lol).
I was a virgin until my wedding night, but did view porn and listen to erotic audio a lot while single.
My views on this are mixed, but first of all I congratulate you for seeking to wait for marriage to have sex. As for the porn issue, no, I don’t think it’s inherently sinful to view others enjoying themselves in a non-sinful way (masturbation IMO is not sinful and is natural).
However, just as an example, it is very possible to condition ourselves toward a certain thing sexually. Let’s use a hypothetical situation – what if a woman views and enjoys herself to this British man with a beautiful cock, as you said, but the man God brings into her life to eventually marry is Russian, or Korean, or Nigerian, and looks very different from the British man? And what if his cock isn’t classically beautiful, but is curved or bent? Then, the woman may struggle initially to “enjoy” him, and he may feel different than she expects a man to be like.
I’m not saying you’re necessarily sinning, but I’m just saying I think that viewing such things can lead to problems later, not to mention it can be very addictive.
And that’s just my opinion on tame videos of amateur performers masturbating. Of course there’s much worse, sinful, and even abusive things posted online and I’m not talking about that. But even the tamer stuff can probably lead to issues. I’m just saying it so you will be prepared and consider all the different factors.
In general, I think erotic audio is a bit safer than video, but everything has its problems and its risks.
Praying for God to give you wisdom, and I also agree that finding Christians you trust to sort of bounce ideas off of is important. I’m glad you’re here!
I would like to add something. In this realm of believers viewing "porn," masturbating, & watching others engage in sex. Some, even myself in the past, will say, imply, or suggest that this kind of activity is in regard to a future spouse. Some things that get said are that it is good to know what your body does, for your future sex with your future spouse. Or, It is good to learn about sex so you know how to please your future spouse. Or, it is ok to view some activity as long as it doesn't change you from engaging your future spouse.
I would agree with all of these thoughts. Scripture does tell us to guard our hearts & take every thought captive. And, God did create Adam & Eve to have sex. Yet, we act as if sexual feelings, of any kind, are strictly forbidden outside the marriage institution. Not all the time, but a lot.
Please, hear me correctly. What I am about to say does not replace this concern, but I place it in addition to it.
Adam was a man before Eve came along. Eve was a woman before she was given to Adam. Yes, the sexual direction of the two is toward each other. No mistaking that. But, first comes the person, the individual. We should expect to be who God created. First.
There is no getting around the opposite sex, but we can miss one important aspect to who we are. We are an individual with sex parts. I'm not talking about learning to be a good sexual spouse before you meet them. I am saying we should embrace & fulfill being a woman, or a man. On our own. First.
Generally, speaking…
We act like an erection should never be seen out of context of marriage when we are all single before married. We act like a pre marriage orgasm is only sanctioned if the person has a focus on being married one day. It is as if we are secretly hiding guilt of created individual pleasure behind marriage. A single woman has nipples that get hard, a clit that feels good to rub, & a mind that all the sex sensations register in. The same with a single man.
I read scripture implies that when we come into puberty God is indicating we are of age to marry. Once we have the ability to make a baby we are at the age to marry. Yet, evolution, fear, & laziness has crept in to make sin more important. We teach teens to be children til they reach 18. Where Bible teens were marrying, killing lions, & being Kings. So, today we have an epidemic of single people, as their will, or against their will.
We have every reason to engage ourself as the person God made, before we even think about being married.
Again, I am not replacing the concern of marriage prep. Just saying I do not see a sin in appreciating being the person we are, first. A man should engage his sexual self to fully appreciate & fulfill being a man. A woman should embrace being a woman, before she marries. This means she knows & experiences herself. Not to train for marriage, but to just BE who she is. Embrace the sexual you, as well as every other aspect of you.
There is nothing wrong with being an individual. Dare I say, it will be a sure, & confident, foundation to build the rest of your life on? Married or not.
Enjoy your clit! Enjoy your erection! Enjoy your sexual sensations! Enjoy your sexual imagination! Stop hiding the created you behind the intent to be married. Our sexual self is not a sin. We are created this way BEFORE we are married! Enjoy your God & yourself sexually. Be a full fledged woman, or man, without guilt.
I hope I am explaining this correctly. Because, it is different than training for marriage. There is nothing wrong with touching yourself because it is who you are. Feel all the aspects of your body simply because it is you. You can be proud of what God made. You can be amazed by your fearfully & wonderfully made body. Your. Body. Yes, this is an aspect of learning about yourself. But, it is not that. It is embracing yourself as a specimen of sex & a lot of other things. Have fun with you. Know, fulfill, & be you.
Plus, along with this we are allowed to enjoy this aspect of us, in those around us. Godly boundaries must be obeyed. But, as long as they are we can enjoy the created aspect in others, too. No guilt, no pretense. Just enjoy, because God made it that way. Take some Godly pride & humility & be in awe of our God, embracing exactly who He made you to be.
Then…you will be much better suited to plan for marriage.
Wow, I love that sentiment! And honestly, I needed to hear it. Putting my masturbation and sexual exploration in a prep-for-marriage context has been my mindset these last few years. But with health issues, especially mental disconnect from reality and people, I've realized that I might not be meant to marry. If so, I need to not stake my whole sexual existence on a man and a marriage that I might never have. It's okay to enjoy myself just for myself. Thank you for bringing that up. Though I will admit, I long to share my sexual secrets and pleasures with a wonderful man because it can be lonely to bottle it all up and have no confidante for those topics.
When I was an early teenager – decades ago – I admit to masturbating to magazine photos and pin-up girls. Then in my late teens, I jacked off to seductive poses and exposures of women in Playboy and Hustler.
Now I’ve stroked and cum to stories on MH; stories of heterosexual, erotic Christ-centered couples or individuals (enjoying their own self-love). I’ve also masturbated to the audio of a woman or a couple having sex.
Is it a slippery slide or is a natural, God created urge in me to enjoy being stimulated visually or audibly? Yes and no.
I have watched videos of individuals masturbate (women and men) and couples masturbate and fuck. I admit that watching real authentic people masturbate and fuck is a super turn on. I don't lust; it just stimulates me.
Is it a sin? Yes, if I put myself in the scene with one of them and I crave and am addicted to it. No, if it inspires me to project my sexual desire toward my wife or own satisfaction. That’s my humble opinion.
MH and TMB have improved our marriage bed immensely. In part because I have ‘watched’ others – women, men, and couples enjoy sex to its fullest – monogomously and anonymously.
By the way. That p.s. part. I had three dates with that guy since I wrote this. I never should have. He really just wanted to fuck and he was so hot. I didn’t, I did give him a little ‘tug’ as he drove me home on our last date. But I’m not seeing him anymore.
Good on you for not continuing with that guy. As a fellow virgin as well, I know the temptation to just want to fuck. But I’m glad I’m still a virgin.
Good for you for holding to your convictions, and for realizing that if he wanted sex it would be wise to not keep seeing him. As to giving him an hj – have you thought about what boundaries short of not having PIV you want for dating, and when to progress the intimacy? That might help you with sticking to your convictions and knowing if you should end things.
Also, since you said that you struggle with male attention – flip that and try and work in ways to assert yourself. Use your allure to tease him and feel more powerful. If the guy isn't pushy and you actually like him, take control to make him do what you like. For instance, give him a "tug" or a butt squeeze when he kisses you or touches you in a particularly nice way. Whisper something sexy in his ear. Get him wanting YOUR attention to HIM!
I think most of us singles can relate in some way. As a single man, share a lot of those same feelings. The body of a woman is intoxicating and sometimes I just want to see a woman’s body in all her beauty. I want to view and admire a beautiful pussy.. not because I want to fuck that person or pussy specifically, but to appreciate the female form. I would love to spend hours just admiring tits and pussies and bodies, but I usually don’t feel great about it in my spirit afterwards. And that’s not even counting more explicit things like masturbation or sex. I would love to, cause I just love everything about the female form, but I tend to stay away personally.
There’s probably tons of other examples on MH, but this is what I try to do while masturbating: https://marriageheat.com/2023/03/11/the-new-leg-day-routine/
I think of my future wife or read stories on MH. I find that I feel better afterwards, than if I view any photo/video content.
However, I do love how much you admire cock. To have a wife that would adore and love my cock is something I long for. That she can’t wait to touch me, stroke me, and watch me shoot my load is such a tantalizing thought. And I would definitely return the favor and adore her pussy. Learn how it moves and responds, learn the best ways to pleasure her, etc.
Also in your post you hinted as doing anal with your dildo.. how did you enjoy that?
It's good that you recognize that gratifying your own desires doesn't sit right with you. Channel that into desire for a woman to marry. Once you're dating a woman, you can show her through physical and verbal affection how her form attracts you. In the meantime, jack yourself off to relieve the tension.
Emma C,
Did you click the link that I posted in my comment?
Those articles are more explicit than most church sermons, and I think that they get right to the point of some of your questions.
Emma C,
By the way, because you said that you are new on this site, here is my introductory post from late last year.
https://marriageheat.com/2025/01/11/introducing-turnedon47s-story-with-a-poll-question-about-pornography/
And, because you like to watch a man masturbate, here is a story that will help you "watch" in your mind. 😉
https://marriageheat.com/2025/06/13/pilot-and-co-pilot/
I'd like to know what you think of it… in detail, please. 😉
To be frank, I think watching those videos to masturbate is wrong. If nothing else, there's a real danger of that displacing actual intimacy. I think you going on dates is a more constructive outlet for that. Again to be frank, if you like the guy and he's respectful of your convictions, each of you getting some handfuls of ass down the back of underwear and him ravishing your boobs with kisses and touches (after undoing your top/bra) would build actual intimacy with someone you are actually getting close to, rather than an on-screen personality. It might also help with getting some practical release as well some experience for how to please each other as man and woman.
I have to admit that your views confuse me. I completely respect that you oppose AVE, but I don’t understand that view coupled with your approval/endorsement of premarital fondling and sexual release.
I am also a bit confused. I see the benefit of engaging with an actual person rather than just watching a video and masturbating on a social and mental benefit level, but if coming from a Christian moral standpoint, wouldn't engaging in actual physical acts before marriage be possibly more dangerous than watching AVE and masturbating, on a spiritual level? I guess the question is, is there a moral line you cross when actually engaging before marriage with sexual activities that although are not penetrative cock in pussy sex, would still be considered "out of bounds" vs being alone in your room with a dildo or fleshlight and porn? Is anal or oral sex ok in those scenarios?? From a Christian perspective, I don't really follow the logic…I know from a psychological standpoint, it would seem the physical engagement with another person would be better than porn and masturbation, but I'm not sure if Christian morals allow that? If that's ok, then what would stop a married man or woman from engaging in similar acts with people who aren't their spouse? It's not "FULL" sex, it's just a release or exploring or whatnot. It seems that in that situation, it would be better to use AVE and masturbate rather than engage with another person outside of marriage? This has always been the frustrating part of Christian morality…it seems like there are weird double standards or at least inconsistencies…things that morally are not right, but psychologically would be right vs things that could be damaging psychologically long term but would be "the lesser of 2 evils" morally…Is the actual answer, "suppress and don't do either?" I grew up in the 90's…that was legit the entire premise of purity culture and "I kissed dating goodbye" and all that [stuff]…I am interested in understanding your statement more
Because the premarital fondling and sexuality is building towards marriage and expressing feelings for each other to empower each other. In preparation for marriage.
To be clear, I believe anything with bare genitals is to be reserved for marriage. I could see maybe some bare exploration of them when engaged and the ceremony is imminent. But why not wait? I think fondling and exploration of other parts of the body are acceptable. The goal should be to please the other partner.
Oh EmmaC how wonderful you are learning more and more sexually and enjoying it. My mother taught my sister and I about sex when we were about 10 or 11. She explained that masturbation is a good and healthy act. You should not be afraid of it. We both started doing it on a regular basis at close to 12 years old. We both loved it. I grew up in a nudist household so we saw naked bodies on a daily basis and how they were never naughty or dirty.
I decided to stay a virgin till marriage, but also have fun. I got into college and invited special dates to my dorm room. […]
My point is that seeing another perform a sexual act is not always sinful. Watch out for overly conservative people who judge you. My experiences taught me to love a man's cock, suck it and stroke it. By the time I got married I was very enthusiastic for sex and we fuck each other with wild enthusiasm. Some days we sit on the patio and masturbate for each other like old times.
[Edited by MH: Despite not involving penis-in-vagina intercourse, these are still clearly sexual acts. We believe these acts should only be performed by married couples, and so it is not in alignment with our values and mission to portray them in a positive light outside of marriage on our site.]
I have to agree with MH, sucking or stroking cock is for in marriage, not singleness.
I do want to praise your mother for teaching you about sex and masturbation, it is indeed good and healthy, good on her for allowing/encouraging you and your sister for enjoying is God given gift of your sexuality.
My apologies. The boys I engaged with for fun helped me enjoy and learn the wonderful joy of sexuality. It also led me into learning before marriage. Since day one marriage with hubby we have had extremely satisfying and loving sex.
However, I understand your side. It is your website and I can honor that.
[From MH: Thank you for your understanding! Although we disagree with the way you learned, we are glad you share a satisfying sex life with your husband! That's what our site is all about!]
Emma,
1. God created you beautiful. Sexy. You ARE beautiful and sexy.
2. Your body belongs to God. As you touch yourself, thank him for creating every curve and interesting pleasure spot. He created physical and initimate pleasure.
3. Go on a Christian dating site and have a friend help you screen the candidates. Be willing to be hands off on dates but be also accepting that God can lead you to marriage very quickly.
4. We should want both — pleasing ourselves and pleasing God. Never sacrifice God's best for immediate gratification.
5. I married at 19. She was younger. We have loved our sex (and regular life) for 30 years. Trying to please the other yet asserting ourselves too.
6. Wet. Gotta wake my love!
LLL,
I just went to that other site that you mentioned.
I heard some audio from a woman that is also on this site.
It was short, but nice. Thank you.
Emma, I must applaud your bravery in posting what you did. Not an easy confession.
I am all for understanding the mechanics of how the other half lives and gets off. I have suggested to some on other sites the quick vids that Wikimedia has on masturbating. It may even help in deciding what kind of penis you prefer. But not primarily as an aid for their own release. It shows several types: 20 somethings, old geezers like myself, long, short, thin, thick, circ'd and uncut. There is even a vid on frenulum masturbation. The only thing it seems to lack is ethnic diversity, they are mostly white guys.
That said, I am not comfortable in advocating the ongoing use of such imagery to aid in your own satisfaction. Once the education part is fulfilled, IMO that should lessen the frequency of watching such things. Once you get married, you will only have one to watch, not a few dozen.
On another note, I TOTALLY understand the curiosity part. I will have to (sometime) tell my own story about finding out about girl/woman masturbation. A total shock.
My ten cents worth, (who am I kidding – some of my words are gold).
EmmaC, if you haven't read this, do so, my gift to you: https://marriageheat.com/2024/06/02/masturbation-as-sexual-purity/
We need to be clear as to what is sexual sin and what not – where the line is.
As my mother often said, "pussy and penis are for self and spouse".
The bible specifically lists fornication and adultery as sins, never masturbation.
Sexual contact with a person you are not married to is out, intercourse, oral and manual. Ditto for media. When it comes to media, ask this question, what if what I just saw, I came across live, whether it be seen through a window, out in nature or somewhere. Is it sexual sin, or not? If you see a couple fucking or engaged orally or manually with each other, you do not need to ask if they are married, it is in marriage where such behaviour is acceptable.
Regarding you watching guys stroking. Solo, was he sinning, he was masturbating, so no.
Did you see sinful activity, you saw him masturbating himself, which is not sinful, so no.
What is your response?
You got turned on and that led to you masturbating yourself, is that sinful, no.
Is you masturbating yourself, good, bad, or neutral?
If you read my link above, you will know masturbation is actually good, I encourage you to keep sexually pleasuring yourself, including, if/when you are married.
Can there be danger? Yes, if you desire to express you sexuality with fornication or adultery, and as said before, giving a guy help with hand or mouth is crossing the line.
PS, as a Christian woman, be like the Shulammite – she is a woman of purity and masturbation.
Sarah K
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. The simple fact that you're considering your actions and looking for advice puts you way ahead of most people your age. Those are valuable things to do, and I encourage you to continue intentionally seeking ways to live a better, more God-honoring life. I'm a single guy (late 20s) trying to follow the same path of righteousness and preparation for a thriving marriage.
As for your topic, I have mixed thoughts.
I personally have mostly stayed away from AVE. I'll admit I have recently explored it a little, focusing on married couples to the exclusion of all else, because it feels wrong to enjoy anything that dishonors God. But even with that strict limitation, I still don't watch frequently, and I'm not sure if or how long I will continue, as I can feel its potential to affect me and my future relationship(s) in unhealthy ways.
To address your specific examples, personally, I would feel gross watching a video of a woman pleasuring herself while speaking to me as the viewer. It feels like a form of sexual interaction that is highly inappropriate for two unmarried people. Likewise, if I was dating a woman who was watching what you describe, I'd be uncomfortable with that. I'd feel like she's desiring the guy in the video, when she should be exclusively focused on me.
It's not just a matter of desiring, as we'll all find other people attractive beside our dating/marriage partners, and I have no issue with that. It's about interaction. I have no issue with my dating partner being curious about male sexuality—I would encourage that! And I don't think I'd have an issue with her watching a man masturbate, or watching a married couple have sex, as long as she has the right heart posture, and is focused on thoughts of her future husband rather than whoever's in the video. But the more engaged she is with the man in the video, the more unhealthy it would be.
The more personal it is, the more inappropriate and uncomfortable it is. If she watches him masturbate while thinking of her future husband (potentially me), I'd have very little problem with that, if any. If he's looking into the camera and speaking to the viewer and she's turned on by that, that's a red flag for me. If she's on a live video call masturbating with a man other than me while we're dating, that would probably be an immediate relationship dealbreaker. And if we were already married, it would be a severe, affair-like blow to our relationship. So it totally depends on the type of content and the stage of the relationship.
There are a couple principles I'd use in determining what's right and wrong here. First, if the acts you're watching are explicitly biblically wrong (homosexual acts, multiple partners, adultery, etc.), don't watch it. I don't think it's ever right to enjoy something that God hates. Second, if it pulls your attention away from your spouse (or future spouse), it's unhealthy and shouldn't be watched.
I will also note that I think whatever "tug" means in your follow-up comment, even in the most innocent possible interpretation of the word, it is much too far for a 3rd date. But with that said, it sounds like you made a good decision to not date someone who only wanted you for sex.
Hope that all sounds reasonable and helpful.
Here is my belief based on my experiences. I have struggled with sexual sin, most of my life. I cannot say, even now that it is all behind me. It will probably always be my one temptation. I am very voyeuristic. I enjoy watching others and hearing others. I have visited this website and others as well as Literotica over the years. I convinced myself that if it didn’t cause me to want to engage in sex with others that it was acceptable to Christ. However, I have discovered overtime that when I engaged in those activities, I found myself apart from Christ. If I was reading my Bible spending time in prayer and thinking good thoughts as the Bible commands us I did not desire to go to these websites. I finally realized that I was spending more time than I should pursuing these endeavors. My obvious conclusion through the revealing of the Holy Spirit is that this is sin. Spending time watching others, reading about others, and/or listening to others is not good use of my time. It does not benefit the body of Christ. It does not glorify Christ. Therefore, it must be sin. I suggest to you that you already know this. I believe you came here with the hope that others will affirm your desires or not sinful. I say that because I’ve done the same thing. However, anytime that I indulge in these activities. I was never fulfilled. It left me wanting more. If this is the same for you, you should run from it. I have been doing a good job in the last few months of eliminating anything in my life that causes me to stumble in this way. It has been months since I have been on this website. I have deleted my Literotica account. It made me feel so liberated. I have no desire to go back to that website or any like it. I do not think I will be a regular visitor of this website either. I pray that you search for answers from the Holy Spirit and are obedient to those answers when they are provided to you. May God bless you and look over you, which I know he will please be obedient to Him.
Emma, I urge you to read and re-read Sarah K's first comment above, it's right on the money! You need to experience pleasure in order to fully appreciate the gift God will one day bless you with.
Example: I myself have masturbated while reading some of her candid advice on getting off…and my sister has joined in several times also…
Hi Emma! You’ve posted a couple comments on my stories so I figured I should respond.
Very interesting post. I myself am a virgin being honest I’ve struggled with lust. I want to save myself for marriage and try my best to avoid porn and stuff that will lead me into sin. I’d encourage you to look to the scriptures for what God has called for singles. I 1000% agree that the church has been awful with teaching sex. In their inaction the world has come along and drug millions of young men and women our age into porn and OF and all sorts of actual sin.
There is nothing wrong with having a sex drive. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex. God creat3d these things for us but they are sacred. I believe you see this. I pray you find your plan the same way I pray I find my woman. I believe based off this you will make a man very happy one day! Just pray and grow in grace and humility.
Us singles must be the men and women the Lord has called us to be.
Praying for you!
Interesting way to come at the same old topic we have debated here for a decade or more. When does material that excites you sexually become wrong to view or read? Is same sex arousal really a sin? How are desire, lust, and covet different? And are they sins? Are oral, anal, masturbation of yourself or others sins? It is interesting how people have been indoctrinated into beliefs. Spilling seed was a sin when the population needed to grow. Are we still limited by the same rules in a very different world? Once man decided sex was mainly for pleasure not only for procreation, as some still believe, it opened a world of possibilities. Do I enjoy watching and reading about others have sex, masturbation or other forms? Of course we are built to. Regardless if we are married to them or not. Which of course leads to Christianity’s biggest flaw hypocrisy. Followed closely by guilt. Have your desires really harmed anyone or offended God? Has he turned you into stone? Bless MH for hosting the debate and letting many find out their actions and desires are shared by others and many don’t think they are sins at all. They are the natural actions and desires God wanted us to have.
Hi Marge. So we know specific sins to be sins because of scripture and because through God we are able to know right and wrong. Homosexuality is clearly a sin outlined in literal instruction and through action in the Bible.
The Bible doesn’t say masterbation is wrong in direct words but I believe it’s probably insinuated, maybe I’m wrong.
Oral is described in scripture… anal notsomuch but that’s a different topic in my opinion.
My point is simply that we are created by God with sex drives. Nothing wrong with a high sex drive, I have one lol. We are instructed to be in control and not be controlled by our desires. Sex is only for marriage.
That’s basically my point
It is all up to interpretation. What is in control? For some that is sex 3 times a day. For others it is 3 times a month. Scripture is rarely definitive on all issues. Often troubled by translations and usage of words being different now than then. Look at the debate over the years in the Catholic Church over birth control. There was no “Pill” when the Bible was written and the men who wrote it had no idea there would be one. If the Bible were written today it would have to be very different. In which ways regarding sex is open for speculation. Are we to ask why? Why were some things “forbidden” then that are in practice by almost all Christians now? Are we supposed to use our brain to see the world has changed or do we stone women for getting pregnant before marriage. Or do we just pretend it was a premature baby? Do today’s laws,medicine,and social norms have o affect on what we should not do? We have these great big brains for a reason.
Not be controlled by our desires. A focus on self control.
That’s what I want for myself and what I’d encourage for you emma, if you’re reading.
I completely understand what you’re getting at in your story and I feel the same thing. We are right around the same age so i think we both have faced similar things growing up in this sex focused world.
When I say control I mean self control over one’s desires lest they control you.
I support two women on Fanvue. I don't have to worry about immoral stuff. The one posts bikini thong pics. The other I buy masturbation videos.
Sorry I'm late to the party! I honestly find it quite flattering on behalf of the male half of the race that you find men masturbating so arousing. That was certainly not the attitude that society (and my parents) gave me growing up. I think that I've been on the other side of that myself, in fact I wrote about that earlier this year: https://marriageheat.com/2025/04/15/god-doesnt-blush-my-story-of-overcoming-shame/ I see perhaps a lot of similarities there, but from the male perspective.
As far as where you're going, I'm a bit leery to applaud your dating endeavors if they involve sexual contact with boys, but I'd also have to admit that I'm pretty out of touch with today's youth. Still, rewarding any male behavior with any kind of sexual gratification only reinforces bad behavior so I'd warn you to be careful. I hope that there are women whom you look up to who can give you solid advice there.
I find it sad that part of some Christian belief is the more you restrict your enjoyment, especially sexually the better you are. Nuns and monks devote themselves to God no sex, some even no talking. Who thought this was what God wanted? Nothing wrong with sharing pleasure with others by watching them or them watching you. It’s not coveting because there is no intent to make them yours. If sensuality is evil then stop enjoying sex and only do it to make babies. Sadly some Christian’s believe that. Sharing joy is a positive thing.
Good point Gina.
As to the nuns and monks/priests, my wife has said from time to time: (God speaking)
"Guys!! Its CelebRate, not celibate!"
Most of the comments are regarding the watch-er.
But, what about the thoughts of the watch-ee?
Women (when they are being honest) enjoy being viewed. But, for some reason, most don't seem to want to ADMIT that fact.
I'm curious about the thoughts of the woman that would enjoy being "the star of the show".
I don’t think it’s fair to say that women in general have an inner desire to be viewed, but certainly some do.