Selfless Sex

It started as it so frequently does: I was horny and my wife was tired. It was late Wednesday after Awana, she wanted to get some bills & cleaning done – I wanted to make love to her. I felt rejected before even attempting to initiate & settled into a brief video game while she took care of some receipts. When she finished ~10 min later, she appeared to be frustrated that I was playing while she was working. She left to work on dishes. I shutdown and followed her, desiring to be useful and to be with her. We did some dishes and she started cleaning.

This is where I was foolish – I am always more foolish when I feel rejected and horny. As she cleaned, she asked me to do specific tasks and as I finished each, she asked me to do another. Being the brilliant husband that I am, I assumed she was trying to keep me busy so I would not return to video games.

I had no intention of gaming and was resentful of her: “Are you waiting for me to finish each thing so you can give me something new to do!?”

That did not go over well and there was little conversation as we went to bed. While I put the dogs to bed, she brushed her teeth. When I returned, she was nearly naked, putting on her pajamas. I glanced at her slender waist, sexy legs, boring panties (she’s been spotting since the miscarriage), and her sexy breasts in her black bra (my favorite) – and, yes, I caught all of that in a glance. She had a frustrated expression on her otherwise beautiful face. I felt rejected again: she wouldn’t want me tonight.

I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth without making eye contact. She had put toothpaste on my brush. I felt loved: when I came to the bedroom and changed, I said “Thanks for pasting my brush. It is a nice way of saying ‘I love you’ even when things aren’t great.”

As I climbed into bed, she wrapped her warm legs and arms around me and put her head on my shoulder. I was hard – annoyingly so. We weren’t going to have sex tonight. I was rejected, my wife was tired and we don’t do make-up sex. My penis throbbed, pulsed, twitched and ached for her. I tossed and turned in her embrace trying to get comfortable. There was brief conversation about whether or not we were sleepy – I said, “No, just tired.”

She touched my manhood, which had obstinately pushed out of the fly on my pajamas. “Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked, clearly aware of my state. I said in a somewhat needy, unmanly, hesitant and in all other ways regrettable tone: “Fire my cannon?”

She started to massage the head of my penis gently with her finger tips. I began to massage her scalp & back whispering “That feels so good.” My wife doesn’t like to distract herself during sex with things like kissing, so I pecked her cheek once then continued to rub her back, as she massaged, moving imperceptibly from gentle fondling to an energetic hand-job. As I convulsed in my orgasm, squirting semen into the sheets, I held her and silently thanked God for my bride’s selflessness.

We snuggled close that night and I slept very well – waking in the morning feeling refreshed and loved. I think it is often overlooked how much an orgasm can help a person sleep. I have read that many, myself included, masturbate (for me, very selfishly) just so they can get to sleep. My wife’s touch is far better and that experience was very healing and connecting for me. It is amazing what a snuggle and quick hand-job can do.