My Own Personal Warning – A Sexual Nightmare
Hello MH family.
So I wanted to say something about this for a while. I remember back a couple of months ago, there was a question about would it be wrong to have married couples share a room together and then sleep with their own spouses in the same room…something along the lines of whether or not it’s the same as this website or something like that. Anyways, we pretty much handled that question in a nice way. We were respectful, everyone who commented on the question, but even then I felt like we didn’t really just come out and flat say ‘No. It’s wrong. Don’t do it.’ A lot of the answers were more of cautionary tales that it could lead to swinging, a few said that it is the same as watching porn, just because they’re married doesn’t mean you aren’t lusting after him or her. I even mentioned that even with this site because of the graphic nature of the stories, sometimes I, myself, need to be careful. There have been times where I have gotten envious and had to step back and pray about my own feelings before anger built up at my wife because she’s not doing what she’s doing.
A friend of mine, who runs his own marriage sex positive site, once asked me about what do you do with the sinful feelings that sprout up in your sex life or in your spouses sex life, because, while yes, you’re one with your spouse, what they want to do may not be what you want to do. He mentioned that his wife had fantasies of her own where she was taken by multiple men and he was watching and that turned her on. My own personal fantasies I’ve thought about threesomes with the wife and sometimes wondered what would it had been like if I hadn’t waited for my wife. I personally didn’t have an answer for him because I don’t know what to do with these sinful fantasies myself. The best I can do is I talk to my wife about them, she’s not in the same boat as me and vice versa for him and his wife, he doesn’t think like her and so even with talking there isn’t much closure to the feelings.
My wife and I have jokingly entertained my thoughts about it, we asked the who, what, where, when questions and it mainly boils down to who could I trust to be in the same bed as us, the honest to God answer is no one. While I may think of some names, the answer is still no one. And for her she says there is no one in this world she could trust enough to be around me like that–as it should be
Anyways, I wrote all of that because generally if I just let stuff like that just sit there it all boils around until it manifest itself in it’s own ways. I’ve always been a huge fan of dreaming in the bible. Many of the great messages including Revelation have come through the power of dreams and I still believe in that awesome power today. Dreams can tell us things.
Well I just woke up from this sexual dream…more like a sexual nightmare. Long story short in this dream my wife ends up having sex with another man at some sort of sex party. And one of her sisters organized it, and so when it was over she asked my wife how she liked it and I just remember seeing this sad almost disgusted look on her face before she looks down and there is a rather large stain on the bed from her squirting. It was one of those dreams on where you look in from the outside and for a while she didn’t realize I was there, and then, out of nowhere I was and I run off upset and she tries to call after me…ugh, excuse me because even as I write this I’m suddenly feeling really sick again…
All my feelings, anger, betrayal, disgust, even though “it was just a dream” those were very real to me and it made me realize we don’t understand just how much damage breaking that sexual bond with our spouses can really do, not only to us but to them. I haven’t even talked to her about it yet, and don’t worry I will. Sometimes its just easier to have her read stuff instead of me speaking it–the perks of being a writer. But I always let her check my post before I post them. But I wanted to share this with everyone because we always focus on the positive aspect but I just felt like when it boiled down to a serious question about whether or not doing something different was okay we tip toed around it instead of saying No! Absolutely not!
You see in my fantasies of threesomes I’ve always envisioned the wife and I with another woman. I’m not into the whole two guy thing. And until this dream today I don’t think I really got the gist of her telling me she couldn’t trust another woman around me. I didn’t even compare them to my own feelings of another man until I saw them for myself. What do I mean, well I’ve always wondered if I just got blessed or am I really that good. I remember one of the comments on my stories was “I can’t believe your wife can squirt that much” and even before that comment I’ve always wondered did God just bless me with a woman who would hopefully satisfy my ego that has been ruined largely due to porn, or am I really that good in bed? Anyone who has read my stories knows that multiple orgasms for my wife is a given and so is squirting most of the time. And thinking about that dream…seeing that stain on the bed not caused by me…it just opened up more doubt and fear.
I think I had my own sexual nightmare of seeing my wife with another man to finally get me to realize I need to stop entertaining my what if’s sexual fantasies because I really don’t want to know. Even those feelings I had, those adjectives I used, still don’t even come close to how I feel right now. Pray for me and my wife if you will. I finally understand a little bit of where she’s coming from when I try to entertain my fantasies by talking them out.
But that’s my own personal warning. I don’t know who I’m talking to or who will read this, but I feel like someone out there needed to hear this warning (the perks of being a preacher, as well). I also feel like we needed to be asked this question: What do you do with those sinful fantasies? How are we supposed to get rid of them and put them away?
I pray that if there is any one out there entertaining these thoughts they have to the point they want to go and live them that this catches you first. That you understand you don’t want to feel those feelings for real, you don’t want to make your spouse or your significant other feel those feelings either. I said those feelings I have feel real, but even then I know they’re not completely real. If this dream had been a reality I can only imagine the damage that would be done to me. It scares me.
So MH family. Let’s open the floor up. How do we deal with these feelings? And please, I solicit your prayers for me because I’m seriously messed up right now, and like I said, it was only a dream. Doesn’t change how real it felt.
–UpCA
Upcoming author wow what a powerful story, you certainly got me thinking about a few things. I will be praying for you and your wife stay strong and definitely sit down and talk this over with your wife and then you both talk to the Lord as a couple.
God bless
Keep working at it. Write some things out and discuss with your wife as needed. It’s just a dream, the brain is just working things out. It’s normal, especially while resolving bad teachings with new insights.
Thank you for posting this, UpCA. Entertaining sinful fantasties are a serious issue, for both the husband and the wife. I think prayer and openness to God and our spouse is the only healthy response. My husband also struggles with sinful sexual dreams from time to time and, while i cannot empathize, i see what it does to him….often lasting a couple of days, and i know the toll it takes on his emotions and physical health. You and your wife are in my prayers. May God bless you with peace, grace, and courage! And may we never forget that blessed truth that God is “greater than our hearts” (1John 3:20)!!!!
It couldn’t have been easy to have written this, and I’m so sorry about your nightmare 🙁 but I know your wife loves you like you love her. May God guide you all 🙂
This may sound really weird but Jake and I have founded that it has worked for us. We right out our sinful thoughts on paper or in a word page, and then if it is on paper burn it or delete it. This is more of a symbolic thing to do but we founded it works.
We’re sorry to hear this. Stay strong. We do the same as Cameron.
((((((. Hugs and prayers ))))))
Wife and I always share our weird dreams; good, hot, kinky, terrible, scary. “where did that come from?” For the bad ones, we talk it over and then usually screw our brains out. Seems to clear things up.
On the sexual fantasies. We both have them from time to time. To be honest, they are exciting but God forbid they ever become a reality. We do have to hold each other accountable a not ever cross that line.
Prayers to you brother. It was only a dream. Peace to you. You’ll feel better after talking to your sweetheart.
Thanks UpCA, you have brought light to an issue that I feel a lot of us may deal with or have delt with in the past. I believe Cameron said to write the dream down and burn it which is a good way to physically see it put to death. Another way to get rid of it is (this may sound weird but it works) call your spirit to attention by simply saying “Father I ask that you call my spirit to attention and I command my soul to take a back seat”. See we as humans normally live in our stylish being although God communicates with our spirit. After calling spirit to attention then ask God to take his spiritual eraser and erase that memory from your mind. I have done this multiple times with nightmares and God always removes them. Keep in mind that satan is going to try to tell you that it wont work but it has always worked for me. I will be praying for y’all!
Soulish being not stylish. Stupid auto correct.
UpCA,
I would encourage you (and everyone else) to read a book called “The Fantasy Fallacy” by Shannon Ethridge. Basically she says in this book that we can use our fantasies to learn about ourselves. Even the more disturbing ones. Actually she would say ESPECIALLY the more disturbing ones. So whether you have a fantasy to be gang raped or watch your wife be gang raped or participate in an orgy or a threesome or whatever, she says we don’t have to be afraid of these fantasies. Instead we can examine them (with a clear head and the Lord’s help) and actually learn about ourselves and our sexuality. Sort of a “devil meant it for harm, but we can turn it around and use it for good” situation. So I would encourage you to read that book for further information on this. I thought of that book as I read your post. So you should check it out. Right now Amazon has it for just $.01 plus shipping! Usually that’s about $4 even. I bought it when it first came out and spent a lot more than that and I don’t regret it one bit. But for $4 you should definitely check it out. Let me know if you do and what you think when you read it.
So I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has commented on this and for the advice and the prayers because they have help.
Shout outs to Cameron for the idea of writing/typing and burning/deleting those fantasies and HH I will pick up that book.
But to everyone again! Very much appreciated to me and the wife and we thank you all for the support. I’m doing a lot better 🙂 but every once in a while it shakes me up. It’s definitely helpful to have a God fearing wife and a fellowship with my MH family here 🙂
I’ve had sexual nightmares before which shake me up, pray through it, and many people made great comments that I would have made lol Glad to hear you’re feeling better. God bless!
Thank you 🙂
My MH friend God, PRAYER AND SEX GO TOGETHER LIKE THE FATHER, SON AND HOLY SPIRIT. I am living proof that praying and trusting God about fantasies anything God , JESUS will help you overcome. I of course will be praying for you as well.
Thank you! I really appreciate it 🙂
We all have different levels of healthy tolerance, and some can keep fantasies in a “healthy” zone better than others. So it is good to couch this in the framework of personal life story – and not so much a “we should all” thing. That line of right/wrong exists, and that line is in an entirely different place for each of us based on our experiences, addictions, etc. But I’m glad you have figured out a problem area in your relationship and are working on solutions.
Thank you. We really talked about it and it cleared up a lot of stuff for us 🙂
I don’t know how you make those fantasies go away, but I think your introspection is a part of the solution. I have heard men joke about “the one penis policy” when it comes to threesomes. They are very happy to think of having sex with two women. However if the alternate is proposed, one woman with two men, then their disgust rears up. Hypocrisy.
As my husband’s committed lover, I would feel inadequate and less sexual with him if I knew he wanted more than one woman (or man) in our bed. It would hurt my desire. Maybe when the fantasy drifts into your mind, imagine your wife in the room doing what she would actually do – crying and packing her things rather than hoping in bed and moaning while you fondle the other woman. Maybe that’s the answer actually; Answer the fantasy with reality. Because the reality is not so sexy.
She Writes, this was a great answer!
Totally agree with Blondie and She Writes!
Thank you, SW. I appreciate it 🙂