Is this Normal?
Hey, guys! I would like to ask for your help. Ever since Jake (my husband) joined the fire crew, I have been feeling the need to be manhandled. Like being tossed about, choked and pushed against the wall/bed or tied up. Sometimes it is hard to get Jake to go as far as I want him too but with this I know I am 100% safe, and that Jake will never take it too far. Do you think I got this way because of fear that he may be hurt? I know Jake does like to be in control when we do have some hot play, and D/s is his favorite type of play, but I am always feeling this urge to be dominated.
Have any of you ladies out there ever felt this way?
Do you think it is healthy to feel this way?
If anyone could help answer my questions I would be grateful.
Cameron
Not sure anybody would call it being “manhandled” but on occasion my wife will request that I “pound” her extra, extra hard while I’m on top of her in the missionary position. While doing so I will also cover her mouth with my hands so she can’t moan or speak…in doing so my wife will try to “speak” more and more and bear hug me harder. She doesn’t try to push me off or escape or anything that would signal to me to stop so I just roll with it.
As I pound her harder and harder I will talk dirty to her and call her names (like whore or slut) – per her request from previous times we’ve performed this sort of act. Usually I will just pound her from top (like a machine) until I climax adding some extra hard and exaggerated trusts at the end asking her “if she likes it!?!?”.
Afterwards, she’ll tell me she enjoyed the extra manhandling and found the name calling quite a turn-on. You may not call it manhandling but my wife seems to enjoy it and it adds extra “spice” on occasion in our sex life.
Thanks for replying Booyah, I too will request that I get a little something extra from time to time lol but my problem (if it is one) that that I want it all the time. As far as name calling I like it too.
Take care and hope to see some of your stories.
Hey Cameron, I believe the desire to be dominated by your muscular hubby is perfectly normal and healthy. How far you like to take it is personal taste I guess but be careful not to get hurt. I don’t have my hubby yet but I too have a desire in me to be overpowered/dominated by my strong and sexy future man – I personally wouldn’t go as far as choking or tossing me around but that’s personal preference. I’d be in for some playful wrestling though and being lovingly pinned down (nothing too serious though ’cause I got almost suffocated in school once while having an “I bet I’m stronger than you are” face-off with a classmate as a kid in school – the boy and I wrestled it out and he put me in a sleeper hold and was laying with all his weight on me – I was pinned down on the floor between the wall and him on me and I couldn’t breathe anymore… I couldn’t speak and he didn’t even notice it – he was busy proving he was stronger. Thankfully the teacher came in time! Childhood memories.. Lol).
Bottom line: I believe the desire to be dominated by one’s hubby is healthy and normal (and with dear Jake being a fireman now… Sweet Heavens! Of course your sexy fires are burning wildly 😉 ). I’m looking forward to the day when I’ll find myself in the strong arms of my own manly man. God bless you and take care!
Thanks P.F.C., I was thinking you got married or some thing lol had not seen a post in a bit. Thanks for you words, they mean a lot.
Take care 😉
Dear MH family, my friends, I’m beyond excited to share with you that a young man has reached out to yours truly this morning, answering my Qs to start up a convo, sending me some initial Qs back… I am so happy about this, I’m leaping for joy in my heart. Let’s see how it goes. But so far, I like the Qs he chose to ask me and his answers to mine fit me well 😀
That is wonderful PFC! Keep us informed. God bless you my sweet friend and stay horny!
Dear Passionate,
I rejoice with you in this exciting opportunity! I will pray for God to give you
wisdom in all of this. God is going to bring a special man into your life who
will worship side by side with you! God bless you. You are a special lady.
I can’t wait to hear about what you find out. Either way – God is leading
and guiding. You keep focusing on being the right gal! LH
Dearest LH, thank you so very much!! Will do 🙂
This love that God pours upon me through you all is amazing! I am so in awe. Thank you all for living by and for giving out Christ’s love the way you do!!
Prayers are sweetly welcome and very much appreciated! I’ve prayed to God that He would be the One, who directs my steps, especially in this endeavor and season, watching over me closer than ever before, shielding me in the process as well as divinely opening the way for the one that He foreordained to be by my side. I’ll keep you posted 🙂 God bless you, LH!! Much love to you always!
Thanks so much GG! It touches my heart so deeply to see how you all are so supportive of me and so loving towards me and so encouraging, how you all are so heartily cheering me on! It warms my heart to no end to experience this love from you all. Thank you!!! <3
I will keep you informed 🙂 2 other young gentlemen I've reached out to have looked at my profile too upon receiving my Qs to them – that made me happy in itself also – they haven't responded yet but they haven't passed me by yet either (and, for that alone, they get special brownie points in spirit from me). The young man, who was the first to respond to me now, is from what I know so far a good fit… he likes the shy, thin tomboy type – I like that he has blue eyes, is 6'0" tall and a bit athletic… we both like lots of together time in a relationship… I asked him about his verbal intimacy skills ('cause you all know I'm big on good, open, loving communication, especially in marriage) – he sweetly opted for "I'm still learning to be verbally intimate but my skills are improving" (which works well for me)… I loved that he asked me about whether I consider myself physically affectionate when in a relationship, which I was more than happy to answer to 'cause that is a big point to me as well in the relationship I envision to have with my future love – I'll love to cuddle and snuggle up, hold hands and share sweet touches/kisses… as we both like to have lots of together time, chances seem to be good that he may share my desire for loving closeness too. 🙂 Let's see if he gets back to me again after reading my answers to his Qs. Either way, I'm super grateful and excited about it all! 😀
Love you much, GG, MH!! God bless you all!
Girl, I wish I got married! *insert burning yearning single lady look on my face here* hahaha 😀 Just kidding. You can be sure I’d have informed my MH family about that wonderful news in a post or comment. (Plus, I promised to share with you how my future man will have proposed to me – I won’t forget about that, my friend 😀 ). You’re all my besties – my married MH Christian best friends. You’re important, you mean much to me. I’ll have a party with y’all on here when the day will come 😀
Cameron, thanks for missing me when I’m gone and for cherishing me the way you do! I love you dearly back, my friend. Head on over to the “Yummy Pussy” post if you wish to know what’s been going on in my little world lately – I’ve shared it in detail in the comments upon CMLove’s lovely note over there to me. Leave a comment, if you like, there too – I love to hear from you all! 🙂
God bless you, my dear!!
Hey, PFC! I’m sorry i didnt reply to your sweet and wonderfully informative reply to my comment! We’re in the process of moving acrosss states so i won’t be on MH as much as I would like for the next few weeks but i did want to say congratulations on your step of faith and I think it is so beautiful and exciting! May God continue to bless you as you follow where He leads. He greatly uses those who are most available to Him! Love you all, MH family! Talk to you soon!
Dearest CMLove, I love how all your comments are always filled with such love, for God and for people. I’m grateful to God that He made you to be you. You’re beautiful!
If I can be all honest here in my MH fam, I’m so torn in myself right now… On one side, all of this is exciting and beautiful in itself and I feel good with where I am and the steps I take (because at least I do something) but on the other side it doesn’t take too long and I get gripped badly by feeling so pathetic, crushed and just hopeless… I’ve always believed that men should be the ones who are to pursue a girl, that men should show interest first… but again I’m left with having to take the initiatives, having to take the first steps to just start conversations. This is the story of my life… always having to initiate something ’cause otherwise mostly nothing will move… always pursuing but never close enough to reach my destiny. It hurts to experience when even those who call themselves Christians, putting all the fancy qualities in their profiles they’re looking for, don’t even move to have a conversation with one (doesn’t mean that you’re in for life by just striking up a hello and sending someone some friendly words to get to know the other person – as if they could know whether you do or don’t have the qualities they’re looking for by just looking at snippets of you, your past and where you’re from in your profile page). I’m pretty much on the brink of being out of faith.
Anyways, to all those who hold me with love in their hearts, I’m deeply grateful for you! You make my world a little brighter by the love you have for me. Thank you!!
If I could send one wish out to the MH community, then I’d ask you to make someone in your little corner of the world, in your life, feel loved today – just do some extra loving act of kindness for someone… Love is really what it’s all about. In Love is where we find quality of life. Give it. It doesn’t cost us anything but a little effort of the heart, a little caring compassion and a little time. God bless you all!!
Well said PFC! And don’t lose heart! Follow where God leads and dont be afraid of the silence! As in the story of Elijah, that’s when God speaks the most! Love you girl! You got this!
CMLove, YOU are AMAZING!! Thank you for having spoken these words! My dear friend, you’ve given me a whole new perspective here, which so blessed me as I meditated on it yesterday. Admittedly so, I was quite frustrated at heart yesterday – all the more am I grateful for the pure and precious love that you’ve sent my way, that I’m blessed to find on MH, helping me to get my perspective back in proper order! Silence is by far the one thing I can handle the least well. It highly confuses me and, though I fight against it in mind and heart, it usually propels me into a trip to the jungle of insecurity and dunks me into inner clouds that make me believe that I must have done or said something wrong somewhere, somehow. Silence in relationships – not the normal silence where you just enjoy moments to rest and relax – but the kind of silence that stands out (the long, unusual, persistent, seemingly unending void of communication where there was communication before or the like)… this silence raises my inner stress level to no end and it is always a fight to not be torn apart by it for me when faced with it in a relationship. To me, silence has always heralded something bad, something negative. But with what you’ve just shared here, my dear, I can give silence a whole new significance, a new (positive) meaning in God. That may become a game-changer for me as I’ll apply and hold on to that new perspective with God’s help! Girl, you’re awesome!!! God bless you so very much!! Thank you for believing in me the way you do!!! Thank you for helping me to keep my spirits high when I feel overwhelmed!!! Thank you!!!! God bless MH for being a place where one can personally encounter the heart of God on so many levels, in so many ways!! It is all possible through the hearts of all of MH’s beautiful believers. I love you, MH!!
He replied back again! 😀 Phase 2 of the guided communication process has begun: sharing our must-haves and can’t-stands, our make-or-breaks. Don’t know what he replied back exactly yet ’cause I’m out and about right now – but the notification that he replied back already has just sent me into girly over-joy 😀 😀 *feel free to picture me here like a kid on Christmas Eve*
Passed phase 2 quite well… We got pretty much the same make/breaks. Phase 3 is about Diggin’ Deeper. 3 questions of our choice that the other has to answer freely. I felt like being in a test at school again when the site said I had 60 minutes to answer them before I’d get logged of automatically… They sweetly added twice “But have no pressure!” (If they knew that my biggest challenge in any test at school was finishing in time… I usually milked out every second I was given as I worked diligently at everything in my path… At times I ran out of time… In those cases what I had answered was always excellent and then the end of the test was blank on paper as the remaining answers were still in my pretty head… Lol) 😀
Again, I must say I love the Qs he chooses – I like that he chooses the important ones, the ones that would touch the core of a relationship. I’m looking forward to his answers to the ones I’ve sent him back this morning (and yes, my friends, true to myself, I’ve milked the whole 60 minutes I was given to answer… and finished in time. Yay me!! 😀 ).
Love and blessings, as always!
Dear Passionate
I have just read all your comments on this thread and I so appreciate your sincere and loving heart
I just want to encourage you to be who you are in Christ. God will work to show the man for you what A precious jewel of a heart you have!
Just be yourself and communicate the best you can – as you trust the Lord
I’m sure your communication with him touch on your churches and what you both believe
God bless you dear Passionate
Praying for you! LH
Dearest LH,
How could I ever thank you enough? You are so very precious to me and have grown very close to my heart as an example of what it means to stand in faith and to strive to live in close accord to the Word.
Yes, I believe that’s what will come up next – when we will have completed Phase 3 of the guided communication process… we can then continue conversing freely, in unlimited length, with each other through private messages over eH’s system. If he still wants to talk to me, I believe that’s where we will exchange then what we believe and about our churches. I’ve mentioned to him by now the one I belong to 🙂
Every now and then I pause and meditate on the fact that I’m actually talking to a guy with both of us having the prospect in mind to maybe, if we click, actually go on dates… this is so crazy!! If we do, that 1st date will actually be the very 1st date of my whole life! I almost can’t believe that I will actually come to see the day where I could say “I’m going on a date.” Ha! Amazing!! My precious Lord is undoubtedly working forth a personal miracle here. So amazing is our God!! 😀 God bless y’all!!!
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness – and have a blast!! WE are all rooting for you dear Passionate. LH
MH, I so cherish you and I’ll be carrying you all forever in my heart. You’re special faith family to me. <33
Don’t let the fear of being “abnormal” cause you like D/s to keep you from enjoying sexual play with your husband, cameron! You two enjoy each other’s quirks and kinks, don’t worry so much about what is “politically correct” or whatever. It’s between the two of you in the privacy of your own marriage life and what’s important is that you play safe and play lovingly together. God bless!
Thanks you Silver, we always play safe 🙂
I’m glad you posed this question. I’ve been pondering a response since I saw it initially, as I too have thought about this basic question – not necessarily “choking” or in regards d/s (as I’m not into either) but the whole idea of very intense sex where the man is the aggressor and the woman is the “aggressee”. I think many men desire to pound/manhandle and I think many women desire to be pounded/manhandled. I think many are a bit afraid of embracing those desires, even if they don’t involve the more edgy things like d/s. That’s basically where I fall – I certainly have many desires that fall into the category but more involve aggressive sex than they do the extras you mentioned, but I still think they’re in the same vein. So, my advice is, as long as it is safe and isn’t making one of you feel truly uncomfortable, then I think it’s fine..
Hi, Cameron! I just love reading your posts! I just wanted to encourage you, as the others have, i think it’s perfectly pure and beautiful that you want to dominated by the man you have given your heart to. God knows what goes on in the hearts and minds of His children and, if we let Him, He guides the desires and makes them glorify Him! You got this, girl!!
Cameron-As a girl who has a long history of enjoying rough and submissive sex play, I can emphatically tell you that you are not alone in your desires. And I can also tell you that at least for us, these desires have never had any negative impact on our marriage. If anything, acting out these desires and debriefing them afterwards has had a hugely positive impact on our communication as a couple.
The only thing I have to say is to please be safe. You mentioned choking…there are ways to play choke and there are ways not to play choke. I feel like Silver at some point wrote a post about this and quite possibly she goes into it more in her book. So if this is a new area you guys are exploring, you might want to do a little homework before you get too carried away.
I’m really fascinated by your post, also, because these new desires seem to be so tied to your husbands new job. I’m fascinated because I am currently going through a period that is the exact opposite. After a death in our family several months ago, I totally and completely have lost all desire to be dominated in bed. I haven’t lost desire for sex, just for domination. It’s a strange little psychological thing that I just can’t figure out. I can’t figure out how or why the death has anything to do with my bedroom life. And I can’t figure out how to, or even if I should try to, get these desires back again. I wouldn’t care, but Walls seems to really miss it. We’ve talked a lot, trying to figure out what my little psychological block is all about. The best theory we’ve come up with is that maybe the death triggered feelings of being out of control in my everyday life….and that that makes me unwilling to surrender even more control in the bedroom. And that makes some sense….except the consciously I don’t feel out of control in my everyday life….but who knows what goes on in the deep caverns of our subconscious? Anyway. So, I’m really intrigued by your theory that your desire for rough sex is connected to your fear that Jake might be hurt. This could very well be! I have wanted for a long time to find out if anyone has done any actual research on psychological connections to certain fetishes…but so far, I haven’t run across any. It would certainly be an interesting area of research.
Sometimes when something happens to us or someone we love we can lose interest in something we normally liked because we are dealing with our grief, or we can be completely changed because of how we reacted to our grief. I’m praying for your healing and for your family as you all continue to grieve this loss. Losing a loved one does change you and it must be such a difficult time for you all. I wonder if your husband is right tho, concerning your kinky aspects. I wonder if maybe you lost interest because being dominated has adrenaline/thrilling undertones to it and maybe you’re interested in peaceful, safe, undertones right now.
I feel like maybe I should read a book about grief or something. Thanks for your thoughts, though. The idea about the different types of undertones was especially helpful.
In truth, we’ve been doing some experimenting with kinky sex again this week. One night it was amazing, just the way it used to be and all that. The next night it was dreadful. Then, a couple nights ago we had this really hot night where we flipped roles, something we’ve never really been very good at, and it was… Well… Wow.
So, I guess we are making some progress. Two steps forward, one step back, maybe. But I think I am starting to wake up again. 🙂
Sometimes it’s fun to be a bit abnormal ! Lol. Think of it as hot monogamy ” outta the box” . Love your husband and have fun together. God bless and stay horny!
PS; Hope this makes sense. Sounded good in my head. Lol
Thanks you all for your reply’s, and PFC congrats on how things are working out between you and that young man!!
Hey Cameron, thank you! Love you much, my friend 🙂
Sorry, I’m getting back to you all a bit late. Things have moved a bit in my little private adventure. The first young man, who reached out to yours truly, though a kind hearted young man, has turned out to be by nature of the thoroughly short-spoken type… as you all know, I am very expressive… unfortunately, I must say mutual communication turns out to be practically impossible with him, which makes this sweet young man not the one I could see myself spend the rest of my life with. I need a gentleman, who will talk to me in a good flow, freely, heartily; one, who is not afraid about my open and straightforward heart and who will take the initiative and lead me. Admittedly so, I was a bit down, as I realized that I’m back to square 1. But God is so good and gracious and has by that time caused 2 more young men to reach out to me. One of them, I am particularly excited about. We are messaging by now, getting to know each other. He talks to me – sharing a bit, asking questions, responding to what I share… he survived my first lengthy reply and even encouraged me to share further, if I like to, as he appreciates it and wants to get to know me better. He told me that he likes my heart and passion for God as well as my desire to have a Godly marriage. (That he’s perceived it made yours truly so super duper happy! 😀 ). We have the same vision about marriage, which I’m excited about. I like him much! The adventure continues 😀
Yay!! Praise Jesus! So excited for you PFC! You are continually in my prayers and i am so blessed to know you! Thank you for sharing your adventure with us! Looking forward to seeing what God does! Never forget He is always good and you are always loved by Him! Love you, sister!!
Dearest CMLove, Thank you so much for your love and for having me so covered in prayer! This is such a precious gift you give me. It means the world to me. Your love and devotion to God is so inspiring!! Thank you for always being someone who, through what you share, motivates me to dig a little deeper in my faith, who boosts me to keep pursuing, when at times I feel like I’m a bit slacking too much in one or the other area of my faith walk! You, my dear, are such a special blessing to me!! Love you much right back! <3
Be sure to try it in the firetruck, where it is naturally hot.
https://marriageheat.com/2013/07/11/smoking-hot-firetruck-encounter/
I am going to say that you two need to set limits and not to exceed them without prior communication. A safe word needs to be established one that wouldn’t normally be said. One that will stop the both of you so that you can regroup. My wife asked me to slap her for the first time in our eighteen year relationship and it was awkward for me. I don’t anger easily nor do I turn to violence so slapping her face is something that has never crossed my mind. So I slapped her cheek what I felt was plenty hard as I am a strong man and she asked for it again and harder. Since we have talked and we have a safe word and I asked her to slap me the way she wanted it because this is a learning experience for she and I. I know that there has to be a great deal of trust or she would not be wanting this and I have boundaries of my own I will not cross.
I think she a perfectly normal person with an above average tolerance/ like for pain.
Thanks for the reply Daniel. We do have a safe word when we play so no worries there.
I am new to this site but I feel I am in good company. It was a relief to know other Christian married folks have interesting desires. Reading these posts, well I don’t feel so abnormal now. Thanks
Lisa, welcome to the site! Glad you are here and glad to hear that it’s helping you feel better about your “interesting” desires. God created your sexuality and your sexual imagination, and I firmly believe he wants you to enjoy his amazing creation!
I hope we get to hear more from you soon! Introduce yourself in a post sometime and tell us a little of your story. We look forward to getting to know you!
Your desires could be coming out as he is gone longer. My husband is a fireman and he spends 24 hour shifts and the firehouse, on 24 and of 24. I miss him and find my inner desires are coming out because of time away. Yes, maybe I also am worried he will get hurt. But,, I find being manhandled brings out fantasies I have always had. He is gentle yet firm. We have set limits since I love to have his hand over my mouth and cant speak. Rape fantasies? Whatever it is we both go crazy. So don't worry about why, just enjoy.