Inhibited Wife

Question for the ladies… how did you become erotic wives? I want to be that for my hubby but I have these inhibitions that keep me from doing those things like pulling over in a secluded area and making love. I am so concerned about being caught that it ruins the moment. And that goes for anything like that (sending sexts to my hubby, giving blow jobs, being more verbal in the bedroom, etc.). I want to be totally free and try new things without the inhibitions overpowering me. I would like to know specifically what you did to train yourself to be like this. HELP!!! ?

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15 replies
  1. BrownEyedMomma says:

    For me it was to just introduce one thing at a time. Choose something that is not as intimidating to you and do that until you are comfortable and then add something else. When I first started giving my husband blow jobs he liked it so much that it about drove him crazy and that was a huge turn on for me so it made me want to do it more.
    Also, this may sound crazy but I pray about it. I figure God created us to have pleasurable sex with our spouses so why not talk to Him about it.

    • sexymama2103 says:

      Thanks, BrowneyedMomma. That is so true is to pray about it because He is the best advice giver there is. Thanks for the reminder and your advice about trying things that aren’t as intimidating. ?

  2. hornyGG says:

    Hey sexymoma,

    I have been pretty busy with the salon so I haven’t been able to get on MH as much as I used too, or would like. So this is the first I saw of your post.

    Speaking for myself, if I can include myself in the category you mentioned. I love my husband Ben with all my heart and body. I love making love with him and seeing the pleasure in his face and feeling the love we share together when we are connected in that way. That above all helps make me cum.

    I love sex and orgasm, who doesn’t? But my feelings for Ben and his for me, make me feel like I can let go and be sexually ” free” with him. We are always open with each other about our desires and needs. I feel that is so important in a marriage. TRUST and a strong faith in the Lord are also key elements..

    I hope this helps with your question in some way. Maybe other couples will have a better explanation. Always good to hear from you! God bless and always stay horny my friend.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Hi GG,

      Just to help this along maybe a bit – would you point to any key moments or aspects in your relationship with Ben – when you both crossed over into a greater freedom with each other? That is what I think all of us want – if we can get there with our spouse. You two have an openness and freedom with each other that is awesome. Was it always that way? Are you just sexual clones? Who got the ball rolling in talking about things that pushed the freedom envelope open even more? Both of you? Are you both open about the same? Or one more than the other?

      I know you have written on things that touch on this – but I think these kinds of answers would hit the center of the bull’s eye.

      God bless you and merry Christmas to you and Ben!!! LH

  3. hornyGG says:

    LH, by dear friend. I hope all is well with you and your family.

    Well let me see. As you know Ben and I we’re both virgins when we married. So there was a bit of a “feeling out” period as you can imagine. Regardless of the learning curve , making love with Ben always seemed natural to me.

    I don’t know of any “one” thing that turned on the particular light you are referring to. But if I had to pick a moment that could be looked at as kind of a tipping point for us, it would have to be the time in our first house when I first saw Ben masturbating in our living room. That incident I guess you can say opened us up sexually.

    Ben and I love each other very much and trust each other to no end. I honestly believe that trust in your spouse and keeping an open line of communication is the main key.

    Ben has always encouraged me to be open and honest about what I want in our marriage both in and out of bed. We share each others desires and fantasies. If I want to fuck I feel comfortable in telling him so. Same goes for him. Like I said earlier, LOVE, TRUST and COMMUNICATION are the keys in my opinion. You have those then you have what you are searching. But it takes time, it doesn’t happen overnight.

    Gotta get to work! Hope this helps a little. Can talk more but no time. God bless you and your family and have a very Merry Christmas. Love ya.

  4. Eva says:

    I have a confession. I’ve been trying for a couple days to write a response to this question. But every time I do, I end up writing a two page long response that I’m pretty sure is a whole lot more than anyone actually would want to read. And plus, I keep being afraid that I’m making two many assumptions about you in my response and that I’m going to end up just being way off base rather than offering any substantial help.

    So, i was thinking that maybe I should ask a couple questions first. For instance, have you ever been uninhibited with your husband or is this an ongoing thing? What was your sexual past like before you married? Did you ever masturbate before marriage? Did you ever share any level of sexual intimacy with anyone else before marriage? How long have you been married? And what kind of sex ed did you grow up with in church? In school? In your home? And what kind of value judgements did your church/family teach you to view women and their sexuality? Was it always viewed in the negative? Did they act like a woman’s sexuality didn’t exist? Or did they cast it in a positive life giving way? Etc.

    • sexymama2103 says:

      Eva, Thank you so much for asking those questions. And I would love to hear your 2 pages of thoughts on this as well.
      1. Have you ever been uninhibited with your husband or is this an ongoing thing?
      This has been an ongoing thing. I’m actually a little more free now than when we first got married. In the beginning I thought we had to have sex in the bed only, missionary position only and I was horrified at the thought of using a vibrator. And I was even more horrified at the idea of “dirty talk.” But now I’m more open than that as we do use those things regularly now and I don’t think it’s wrong. My problem is that I feel like I’m still holding something back. To use an analogy, let’s say sex is like a swimming pool. In the beginning I just put my feet in the water. Then I got in but just stood in the shallow end in waist deep water. And I’m easing in slowly. But I’m still not leaping off the side into the deep end and going all the way to the bottom. But I want to be like that! I read a story recently called “Sex Closet at the Christmas Party.” I want to have the freedom to be like her where I go to the party without panties and I sneak away with my husband and fuck him in a closet. Right now I just get too self conscience about A) not wearing panties and B) fucking in a closet at an event. I would rather wear panties and wait till we get home. And the times we have tried something like that, I was so nervous that it wasn’t any fun. And we just hurried up and got it over with. Or we stopped because it was too nerve racking. So it felt more like a chore rather than a sexy adventure. One time we even went away to a secluded cabin. I knew there was nobody around to see us, but I still got so nervous when we walked around outside the cabin. And we didn’t see anyone and nobody saw us, but at the time I was terrified of that. So much so that all we did was walk a ways from the cabin and run back. We didn’t try anything sexual. But I want to have sexy adventures. I want to dive deep into the pool of sexual pleasure. I want to be able to say, “We’re all alone and naked, let’s fuck outdoors.” But how do I overcome this hesitation? And it took 11 years before I was okay with vibrators and dirty talk and sites like MH. I don’t want it to take another 11 years just to find a little more freedom. My husband doesn’t want it to take that long either!

      2. What was your sexual past like before you married?
      I had a couple of boyfriends that I made out with but that was about it. When I met my husband we fooled around some before marriage (making out, grinding hips together clothed, his hand would go up my shirt) but after just a few minutes I would feel such guilt for doing that and I stopped it from going any further. That was about it.

      3.Did you ever masturbate before marriage?
      No. Occasionally I would grind my hips against a pillow or something and it would feel good, but I would feel guilty for doing that and I stopped. But I never had an orgasm prior to marriage.

      4. Did you ever share any level of sexual intimacy with anyone else before marriage?
      Just my husband with the stuff I shared in question 2. But never had sex and never had an orgasm.

      5. How long have you been married?
      It will be 13 years Feb 2016. That’s partly why I want some help moving forward. Like I said, it took us 11 years to get where we are now and all that gets us is the use of vibrators and some dirty talk. We both want to experience more freedom. And it’s the freedom in the attitude, not just the action. Like I said, we’ve done some stuff, but it didn’t feel sexy because I was too afraid of getting caught or seen or something. I want to be able to pull over down a secluded road and have a quickie right there without being so terrified. Or be at a party and sneak away and find a closet and have a quickie.

      6. And what kind of sex ed did you grow up with in church? In school? In your home?
      Haha…NONE! That has also been part of the problem. The only thing I ever got was, “Don’t have sex till marriage.” In school I had the basic health class on what to expect in puberty, but that was just how my body would change. It didn’t teach me anything about how to have a hot sex life with my husband. Or even with myself in masturbation.

      7. And what kind of value judgements did your church/family teach you to view women and their sexuality? Was it always viewed in the negative? Did they act like a woman’s sexuality didn’t exist? Or did they cast it in a positive life giving way? Etc.
      I would say it was a combination of they acted like a woman’s sexuality didn’t exist and it was viewed negatively. I wasn’t taught anything. Nor was anything modeled for me. I didn’t see my parents flirt or making out or anything like that. Sex was just something the woman did for the man. You know, the “wifely duty” that you are expected to do from time to time. But that was about it. There was no sense of a woman owning her own sexuality and expressing it through things like masturbation or seducing her husband. Sex is for the man when he needs it. Just do your duty then go back to life.

      8. Also, what is your favorite thing about sex?
      Connecting with my husband. I think that’s also why it’s hard for me to masturbate because it’s not with him. I prefer him to bring me to orgasm and I prefer to do anything sexual with him. So doing something by myself doesn’t turn me on. But I know that he gets turned on by me masturbating so I would like to be able to do that sometimes for him. But I have a hard time seeing that as still connecting with him since it’s still by myself.

    • Eva says:


      Thanks for sharing all of that. I went back and read some of your old posts too, so now I feel like I have a much better understanding of where you are coming from.

      So, you asked about how to become an erotic wife. And the truth is, I have a really hard time trying to figure out how to answer that question, because I don’t think it was something I became, it is just something I am. I was someone who was a very erotic person who embraced, enjoyed, and tried to understand my sexuality from a young age. I came into marriage already quite fond of my own sexuality, orgasms, and fantasies.

      So, for me, when I hear the phrase, “erotic wife,” I guess I feel a little bewildered by it. I see myself as an erotic person…and I guess since I”m married, that makes me an erotic wife too…but I feel like if I had tried to be an erotic wife without first enjoying my own erotic self that I’m not sure I would have gotten very far.

      So, obviously, you didn’t feel like you had the same freedom to enjoy your sexuality pre-marriage that I did. But I am curious if in this incredible sexual awakening you’ve started to experience in the last couple years if you’ve started to grasp at the amazingness of God’s creation of your own sexuality or if you are still primarily trying to experience it as a way to benefit your husband.

      And I feel like I’m talking myself into a hole here…because it is absolutely not a bad thing to be experiencing your sexuality with your husband. Obviously. 🙂 That’s kind of a really big perk to sexuality. But you say that you don’t really masturbate when he isn’t around and that you didn’t masturbate before you were married…and so it just makes me wonder if you’ve ever taken the time to let your sexuality be just about you. Because it is so much easier to give when you are giving from an overflowing abundance. And at least for me, I know I can give my husband more because I have a deep internal reservoir to draw from.

      For us women, sex is highly relational. And you talk about that when you say that’s your favorite part about sex. But I know for me, masturbation is a highly relational experience as well. Relational in the sense of my relationship with myself and my relationship with God. I do some of my best thinking when I’m masturbating. I get to know some of the thoughts in my own head in a way that I don’t get to when my husband and I are together. And masturbating for me is sometimes also about my relationship with God. Sometimes I pray about deeply personal things, or about things that are going on in the sexual side of our marriage. Sometimes I just use the time to worship God. The world has given us this idea that masturbation is a shallow, selfish pursuit. But I don’t think it is at all. I think it can be a deeply personal, spiritual, and life giving experience. And it’s an amazing way to get to know ourselves and to experience our own sexuality.

      So, to sum up all of that convoluted wordiness, I guess I’m wondering if spending some private time getting to know and understand your own sexuality better would ultimately help you in your sexual relationship with your husband as well.

      The other thing I’m wondering, specifically about the adventurous, spontaneous sex thing that you talk about frequently is if that is something that is a fantasy of yours or if it is mostly coming from your husband. Neither is bad and neither is a reason to not pursue it, but it might change the avenue of how you experience it. I know in our marriage, we both came into it with our own set of fantasies and fetishes and sometimes our fantasies just didn’t line up. That didn’t make either of us less erotic as individuals…it just meant that we wanted different things and that we had to work a little bit harder to fulfill each other’s desires. If the risky sex thing is his fantasy and not so much yours, that doesn’t make you any less erotic as a wife, it just means you have different fantasies. And that’s okay. That happens in all our marriages. If it is his driving fantasy, then yes, it is probably something you ought to try to learn how to accommodate, but if the thought of it isn’t getting you turned on enough to enjoy it, then that really isn’t something to beat yourself up about. It’s something to pray about. And it’s something to work towards a solution for, but it isn’t something that should make you feel like a failure.

      So, I don’t know if that makes sense or is even remotely helpful. I’m always leery of transposing my own stories onto someone else. Obviously your story is different from mine and obviously what I am saying might just not apply to you at all. But I do hope the best for you two. I’m really excited to hear about the journey you’ve been on the last couple years, and I pray this new found freedom of yours is an abiding and life giving part of your marriage as the years go by.

  5. PassionateForChrist says:

    Dearest MH family, I wish to take a short moment and thank you from the depths of my heart for this amazing love you have shown towards me always. You have welcomed me with open arms, and even more so with open hearts… I am such a complicated mess in myself and you have always genuinely cared about me – cared to help, cared to guide and cared to love. You are such amazing, true friends in Christ, who care to understand the path even someone as me is walking through… the compassion you pour out to one another so touches my heart and has me in tears, as I realize the greatness of this blessing to know you all. I am so blessed to have you in my life.

    I have just been sitting here, with this unceasing desperate yearning in my heart to find the love of my life… pondering how I’ve taken every step I could take… I even have taken up all my courage and have asked the pastors of one of my church homes if they would help me find a godly husband out of their congregation – there’s no way I could embarrass myself in a greater way from now on… I realize how pathetic this sounds and it probably is… but the heart wants what it wants, and I know I will need help. I’m drawn to wanna marry, to build a godly home with my future hubby… and I can’t shake this, even if fear pushes me back every now and then… I’m convinced that there is a personal growth I can only reach with the one He made me for… no amount of single preparation can make me overcome some things that are within me… I don’t wanna be in this same place next year that I am in right now… I wanna outgrow myself… I wanna step into my destiny… I wanna find myself in the arms of a serious Christian boyfriend that will really love me – and even as I write these words it is unbelievable to me how unimaginable of a miracle this feels and looks to be in reality for me. I just hope that I better learn quickly what God wants me to learn in this season of desperate singleness, so He can finally bless me with the one. I’m grateful that my MH fam has never answered my (nor anyone else’s) desperate cries with a superficial “if you’re desperate for a relationship, that’s a sign you need to still stay single”. I’m grateful that your married hearts are big enough to have deep compassion on the single’s heart and that you have a love that seeks to help carry the burdens that we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives, one way or another. I am so grateful to have you all by my side! To be able to receive your love, your care, your wisdom from what you have experienced in your walks, is such a blessing, for which I thank God for. Thank you for your friendship and love in Christ!! May He bless my MH family, this unique community of thoroughly loving brothers and sisters in Christ!

    With deepest love and gratitude,


  6. William M says:

    Your situation sounds very much the same as my wife and mine. We’ve been married about 15 years now and her background was very similar… no masturbation prior to marriage (she’s still uncomfortable with it), no sex ed from parents or school beyond “not before marriage”, etc. My background was very similar, but being male there were certain urges that couldn’t be supressed (but no sex before marriage). It has only been in the last 5 years that she has become more open sexually, and really only within the last year that I would say there has been significant growth in the openness. She has always been inhibited, and your comment about feeling like there’s something holding you back really struck a chord and made we want to respond. She and I have had that same conversation many times.

    My suggestion would be, besides a lot of prayer, to read and study Song of Solomon. I certainly wish that I had thought about it years ago, but one really fantastic resource I found through MH was which my wife and I both read thoroughly the explanation of each chapter of Song of Solomon under the Erotica section. There is such intimacy and freeness expressed in their sexuality, and when you see that depicted in the BIble, it is obvious that God intends for those enjoying sex according to His plan to enjoy the same freedoms.

    For my wife, it has taken a lot of frank and open talks between us, and her being able to relax and try one new thing at a time. I find that if we can go away for a day or two, the sex gets much hotter. Going into marriage, I never realized that sex was a learning process and just assumed that everyone was as horny as I am. Now, we’re trying to figure out the proper ways to talk to our daughters as our oldest is almost 11, and we want them to understand this gift far better than we did as they go through the uncomfortable young adult period.

    All the best to you, and God bless. The takeaway: read Song of Solomon, study it’s very graphic meaning, pray, and pray with your husband out loud about it, and try one new thing per month. Enjoy the learning process, and know you’re not alone in having these feelings.

    • Lovinghusband says:


      I loved your thoughts!! It is great how God is guiding you both over time – in
      His time. God bless you and your family! LH

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