A White Loveland In Alaska
In early 1986, I went with my husband to Alaska and boy were we excited! We were staying in a Grand Hotel with a vintage touch and our surroundings were plentiful with hotels, restaurants, shops and ski resorts. My Aunt was celebrating her 50th birthday, and we were all going to surprise her.
Prior to my aunt’s party I went shopping with my sister at Food 4 Less, and we saw how covered the town was in snow. We got back as the fog set in and hid in the hotel restaurant with everyone else.
My cousin led my aunt into the hotel restaurant and we all came out and yelled “Surprise”! That was fun.
After all the dancing, we retired to our rooms, but the night wasn’t over for my husband and I. He loved the dress I wore to the party and all it took that night was for me to cross my legs sexily, and unbutton my dress open, and he immediately got an erection.
I stood up to kiss him and he responded well my embracing me back and kissing my neck. I slipped out of my flats and we sat on our bed. We started with a gentle kiss on the mouth. I watched my sexy husband lift his singlet over his head before kissing me again and slipping his hand into my dress, feeling my bra-less breast. He proceeded to unwrap it gently from me before eagerly, yet carefully stripping my panties off.
Naked, I pulled the covers back and lay on our bed as he watched with excitement. My own excitement intensified as I watched his hands work his pants to the ground, followed by his boxers.
As he came over to me, he watched me spread my legs.
“You’ve truly mastered the art of spreading your legs, sexy.” Said my husband seductively, as he lay on me, caressed my cheek and kissed me. I felt his hand reach for his man part and gently insert it in my wet, aroused ladyplace as he wrapped his arms around me.
I gently touched his face as we shared sweet, delicate kisses.
I listened to his breaths of pleasure as he thrust inside me. I felt his smooth, manly toned body, slowly running my hands up his back and savoring the feeling of his sexy skin as we kissed and caressed one other.
His sweet, gentle kisses on my cheek caused me to have orgasm-like tingles and he started going a bit faster, as I clutched him, while I listened to his passionate grunts.
My husband then buried his face in my neck as he went harder. He briefly felt my breast before going a little harder and bringing me to orgasm. I vocalized in ecstasy as my orgasm spread all over my body, my pelvis responded by bucking up and meeting his thrusts accompanied by ecstatic cries. As I enjoyed my intense orgasm, the twitching of my pelvic area brought him to climax, making jerking movements inside of me, and sweating as he vocalized.
After our orgasms subsided, my husband kissed my neck and held me tight before he rolled off me. After taking a moment to catch our breaths, I turned to cuddle my husband, and he rolled me on him and kissed my head. I rested my head on his manly chest and smiled as he stroked me.
So hot and sweet! I really enjoyed this story. Got me wet!
I'm so glad for you, darling! Thank you for your comment, and how's things with you? God bless you, sweet heart <3
Hi Harper,
It's been a crazy (almost) ten weeks! I honesty can't believe that I'm pregnant and engaged!!
Yes, I'm engaged and after ten weeks of mourning, I really think Jake can make me happier and be my husband. The kids are great! I'm almost six weeks pregnant so the morning sickness has started to slow down by the days.
How are the twin grandchildren?God bless you!!
The twin grandchildren are very well, thank you my darling <3 Congratulations on the engagement. When do you plan to be married? Now honey, I'm not judging you or anything but are you sure you're not maybe rushing things? I just don't want to make a mistake, but if you're absolutely sure, then go for it! God bless you too, dear.
I'm glad to hear and don't worry I knew that some people may ask that.
I'm very sure that I'm making the right choice. We are thinking about getting married in a few months or after the baby is born, we want to wait a while and have a longer engagement. We just don't want to rush into things so soon.
Jessa,
It is so nice to hear from you! I have been wondering how you have been. WOW! Lots going on in your life! May you take every step with wisdom <3
Hi Jessa,
I'm glad to hear you are doing well. I don't want to sound intrusive or step on anyone's toes, but if you are confident, happy, and secure, then just keep doing that.
I somehow managed to neglect reading this story for a few days Mrs. Harper. I love this whole paragraph,"My husband then buried his face in my neck as he went harder. He briefly felt my breast before going a little harder and bringing me to orgasm. I vocalized in ecstasy as my orgasm spread all over my body, my pelvis responded by bucking up and meeting his thrusts accompanied by ecstatic cries. As I enjoyed my intense orgasm, the twitching of my pelvic area brought him to climax, making jerking movements inside of me, and sweating as he vocalized." Very sexy!
Why thank you so much! I love it too, I remember very well how that felt! He's still a sexy man, my husband
Really hot story Mrs. Harper! I loved it. Thank you ma'am.
Thank you, my darling <3
This is the story I was talking about that I read Mrs. Thornton when I was admitting I read it on my post.
Its so beautiful, I love your writing style! π
I'm so glad, thank you so much and God bless <3
Yes mam!
I like how you share other aspects of your life and share some of your deeper thoughts. I beeline it will help me be more perceptive with my future wife!
I want to be a husband who is astute and perceptive of his wife and how she feels!
Good for you, buddy! I'm so glad there are still men like that, so caring
Thank you Mrs. Thornton! I don't know how it is going to be since I'm not there yet but I believe I can be more prepared now.
Any deeper thoughts from the perspective of a woman that you can share with me? Somethings that you can think of that us men are so often blind to and should figure out… things that maybe you, yourself have felt or maybe some other young lady you have talked to that has voiced things that they wish their husband or boyfriend would pick up on but don't want to say anything, wanting them to figure out?
Well… not sure to be honest. I can't really think of anything, I mean by husband isn't perfect of course, but he's wonderful <3 I think nowadays people have this "Hollywood" expectation of people and it's rather sad. But that doesn't mean we should try, we certainly should. Romance means a lot to women, and we need that emotional connection. Someone else said that woman need to feel loved before sex, and men need sex to feel loved.
You need to listen too. Communication is important, and just because you are the husband doesn't mean you can be a dictator and mean and stuff. Remember Ephesians 5:25? Very important. Too many men have abused their God-given roles. Sorry if I'm a little obscure, I'm better with specifics. I told my daughters the same things prior to them marrying their husbands.
I understand and appreciate it very much Mrs. Thornton! π
I had another question for you but wasn't sure where to post it since my post has become so full and kind of cluttered…
May I continue to ask you some stuff?
Of course you may! I like questions!
By the way, my husband thanks you for the birthday wishes π we both enjoyed his birthday!
Thank you Mrs. Thornton! I appreciate it! The question I have came to me after I read one of the stories on here about a wife wanting to be "ravished" by her husband… does that ever happen to you? Is it better to be more "ruff" or does it depend on the situation and how each person is feeling?
I think I talked to you about how a close friend of mine (much to both of our embarrassment, I believe) opened up to me about being nervous for me that because of my genital nature, that my wife might feel unwanted. My friend said that even if she doesn't always want to have sex with her husband that she wants to feel desired, that she wants him to feel like he wants to be strong and have sex with her.
And then I was wondering if women ever feel sudden urges like men do? That they want to have sex just like men do?
Tell him I said that he is most welcome and how can I not join in the celebration of another precious life God blessed the world with…?
And if he is willing, I also have a question for him… Did he ever have troubles before he was married with urges and felt like he needed to masturbate? If so, is it normal to suddenly need to do so again shortly after?
This has happened to me a couple of times. I have become more comfortable with masturbating. I feel a lot less guilt which I am thankful for! But recently, I went ahead and read a couple of stories and allowed myself to release. But then shortly after, not sure how long but it was around 30 mins to an hour, I felt another urge. This time it was even stronger than the first. I wasn't sure if it was okay but I needed to do something so I read another story and released again. But this time it was even more powerful than the first! Is this normal for a guy or am I just weird…?
Hi, JAM777
It does depend on the situation. It's happened to me quite a few times, including on my next story which I'm hoping will be published this evening! I hope you enjoy it!
Anyway, when you say "genital nature" what do you mean? I don't want to embarrass you, son but I think I can help you better if I know what you are talking about. of course, women usually have lower libidos, but I'm not one of them. But it helps if the wife feels desired.
No you're not weird at all, son. My husband had touched himself some in his youth and I've done that too. But since we were married, we NEVER masturbated at all, because we've had so much sex (at LEAST 3 times a week) we've never felt the need to anyway, and for us, orgasms are so much better with sex so in other words it's one of those "once you experience this you never want to go back" kind of thing. Our sex orgasms were so much more intense that we "never went back".
My husband didn't have a girlfriend before he met me and as such I never had a boyfriend until I met him, and we never went further than kissing, hugging & holding hands, then when we made love for the first time, it was SO WORTH THE WAIT! Neither of us had any troubles. Thank you for that lovely line, my husband and I are flattered. God blessed this world with you too.
Hello, Mrs. Thornton
Well, I got something to look forward to! π
(Oh and how do you know when it is supposed to be posted? I waited for over a month for mine to be posted, lol)
Okay, so you all (depending on the lady and depending on the circumstances) do want to be.. I don't know how to put it with out it sounding wrong or kind of disrespectful to you all… but easiest way to say it is "man handled or ravished?" And do ladies actually desire sex at all…?
I might have developed a bad idea of it but it always seems like guys are the ones who want sex that often and that ladies wouldn't care if they didn't have it that often at all…
I apologize for the typo, I actually meant "gentle" nature. I am not sure how it became "genital." And no worries I'm not embarrassed, just thoughtful. I meant that because of my gentle nature, that I wouldn't want to push or hurt her. That I would not instigate anything… Does that make better sense?
And okay, so it's not unheard of to feel such strong urges? Before I would torture myself until my guilt would outweigh the urges. That I would bash myself until urges were suppressed or gone. But since talking with you all, I have been praying and slowly becoming more comfortable… And I just thank God for the ability and the blessing of it all and look forward to the day I get to share it with that one and only special blessing of a lady God decides to bless me with! π
I look on the dashboard, and my latest one was supposed to be posted at 6:08pm yesterday. Oh well, the admins are in charge here, and they do make the effort, so I am very grateful for that.
Of course women want sex – you're talking to one who does! And the ladies on here do, and some have a low libido, some high, and some in between. It depends on the mood too.
Yeah I thought "gentle" was what you meant, sorry about that. The urges are natural, son and it's no use repressing them because they're here to stay. A libido is a blessing.
JAM777,
When I refer to wanting to be "ravished" it really is about wanting my husband to really take control and show me how much he needs me. I don't mean ravished where I am forced to have sex without really being in the mood – consent is still important, even in the confines of a marriage. I would love for him to express how much he needs my body, how he enjoys my body, how sexy and beautiful I am, how much he wants to pleasure me as well as himself, take control of how he wants that mutual pleasure to play out, and even to be somewhat rough – not rough to hurt, just that balance of forceful that lets me know how badly he wants me. Think primal.
I don't have a husband who is very bold or aggressive and I guess I would consider him gentle as well. Through most of our marriage he had been fairly silent in the bedroom and that is frustrating to me. I didn't always know if what I was doing was pleasuring him. Without the verbal affirmation, it affected my self confidence. He also usually kept his eyes closed, which is fine because he was enjoying the pleasure but eye contact is important too. And when I was pleasuring him, he kept his hands to himself and affirming with touch is just as important to me to let me know what I am doing is bringing him pleasure. He has really began to understand how important this is to me and he has made improvements and I now know more how much he desires me, but it is a work in progress.
The beautiful thing about sex is that it can take on different forms. There are times you take it slow so you can absorb all of the feelings and emotions, there are times it is frantic because you are horny or you need to be quick, there are times you have sex through a difficult time so that you can feel joy in a time of trial, there are times it is for pure release, there are times it is playful, there are times it is about experimenting, there are times that it can be about role playing, there are times it is purely about the other person, other times where it is all about being sexy as heck! And so on! I would love to have a husband be more aggressive in the bedroom. It would bring about a whole other realm to our love making and that excites me!
Hey Jam777, I believe you shouldn't worry at all about your gentle nature. Honest to heart, your gentleness is most attractive to a woman like me – from what I've come to know of your being and heart, I'll tell it like it is, I wouldn't wanna change anything about you. You're awesome – and to me it is exactly that gentleness, that sweetness about you, that caring heart you have that makes the difference. I am also a woman who enjoys imagining being a little overpowered by my future husband here and there as we would enjoy some sexy playtime together in marriage… but truly, dear friend, your gentleness does not contradict in any way being a little "tougher" here and there in sexy playtime with your future spouse. Obviously I can only share from how I imagine it to be or believe it to be but I believe you'll see you won't have to worry about getting a little overpowering, and I'm sure you'll enjoy it yourself because you won't be alone… your beloved will be with you and you will catch the love in her eyes and you will catch how she wants you and how the passion sparks fly between the two of you in those playtimes… it will come naturally, and you'll just have a good time. Your gentle nature though is an invaluable treasure – this is what irresistibly attracts a woman like me to you and it would be your gentle nature that would make me fall in love with you. Your gentleness, sweetness and caring self are the key to a woman's heart like mine. As I said, you are adorable, and in my eyes that doesn't make you any less of a manly man – quite the contrary, that makes you a mighty good man. So, don't worry, be who God made you to be, dear. God bless! π
Hello Mrs. Thornton,
Oh okay, I thought so but wasn't sure. And okay, I'll try not but it is still relatively new to me. I have learned to just enjoy it more and thank God for it.
I just wasn't sure… Sometimes I feel it so much that I release more than once in the same day, sometimes several times. I just wasn't sure if that was normal and if I shouldn't do so…
Hello Mrs. Juicy,
And oh, I knew that. I just wasn't sure how to word my question. And I know forced sex rather inside or outside of marriage is still rape. A friend who I led to the Lord is having a hard time with her family because she shared with me that her father had raped her mother several times while the mother was trying to cope with the loss of her father. The husband wanted it and she wasn't responsive so he just took her anyway… π
So I know it isn't right for a husband to ever take his wife by force when she doesn't want it!
And so ladies want to feel "overpowered" by their husbands from time to time?
And okay, that makes sense. So being more verbal helps ladies a lot…
And when it is aggressive, does it ever hurt you? I read a couple of stories where the husband was being very aggressive and the lady said it was actually starting to hurt but in a good way… What does that even mean?
Also read a couple of stories where the wife was sore down there the next day, is that common?
And I'll be praying for you two, that the walls will come down and you both will be able to see and understand in a whole new light! π
And wow! I never thought of all those different things and ways to make love before… It kind of causes me to be excited for the future! π
Hello Passion,
Thank you for your caring words! I appreciate the affirmation, it means a lot to me! And I hope and pray that one day that special door will open! I am thankful for the gentleness that God has instilled in me. I want my heart to match His heart! You should check out the song called "Your Heart" it has a sub name talking about it being about David.
Once again, I thank you all for your willingness to answer my questions! I have some more but I want to think and pray on how to ask them first!.
Hi, JAM777
"Hurt in a good way"? That doesn't really make sense to me either – I know that some people like having pain inflicted on them, but I don't!
Also it's not rape if both parties are consenting. There is a difference between passion and violence, so don't hurt your wife. My husband was never aggressive, passionate yes, but was always taking care not to hurt me. Some women can get sore, but I never was. And that horrible father has no business forcing himself on his wife, that's abuse, and the Bible tells men to love their wives, remember. You don't rape anyone at all, let alone someone you love
I'm glad you are excited. I hope you have lots of amazing sex! Married Christian couples should be having the BEST sex lives! Bless
Yeah, I didn't get it either… she was saying that; "he is really going at it now. I don't know what has got into him but it is actually starting to hurt some but in a good way." Or something like that… I paraphrased some.
And I have absolutely no intention of hurting my future wife. Which is why I have asked so many questions. Getting a lady's perspective has been very beneficial, so thank you! π
Thank you for that Mrs. Harper! I have never had anyone say that to me before! Lol!
That will be great but I want a marriage that honors and glorifies God above all else!
Absolutely! Putting God first is a no-brainer! Different ladies like different things it's all a matter of preference. I get that you wouldn't hurt her, but maybe you should have the talk shortly before your wedding, so that you both know what you fancy.
You are so welcome, and feel free to ask many questions if you need π God bless you, son!
Thank you so much, Mrs. Thornton! π
And what talk?
The sex talk – to know what and what not to do on your wedding night.
Oh! Okay, yeah, that will be an interesting conversation… Though I believe we will be so close by then that it will just be the logical next step and just flow naturally!
Yeah, my husband and I did that but weren't tempted, and our wedding night was so beautiful! I feel it's important, just maybe to it outside on a bench, and of course make sure no one can hear you, but I think outside is better so you're less likely tempted to sin.
That makes sense to safe guard but can just talking about it cause so much temptation? And I don't even know what there really is to talk about besides just how the other person feels about it and when they feel about the wedding night…
That's why I think it should be done where you're least likely to be tempted. My husband and I never thought we'd be tempted because of our fear and faith in God, but you can't be too careful, so that's why we talked about it outdoors, then I went my way and he went his. And remember, shortly before your wedding is best, like up to a week before so you can remember better.
Oh okay, I understand. Thanks for the advice Mrs. Thornton! π
Anytime, JAM777. May God keep you
Thank you, Mrs. Thornton! Seriously, I can't express how much of a blessing and a help you have been..! I really appreciate your willingness to answer questions and talk to me about all this!!
Oh and I wanted to ask your opinion on a couple of things, if I may…?
Of course, ask me anything you want, son! I'm so glad I could help with other things. So yeah, ask away! π
What's your thoughts on when it is appropriate to pursue a relationship?
The reason I ask this, is because I have held myself back from pursuing anyone due to the various things and situations I am in. Such as debt and my financial income. I don't pursue anyone because I don't believe I am worthy to do so…
And there are a couple others but I can't remember them at the present. I'll ask later, if I remembe…
Well I think that depends on the people for a start, but don't wait too long otherwise it may never happen then. It's like being a parent, I suppose, you're never really ready to be a parent, because of all that needs to be done. In relationships, you have to sacrifice things too. Nothing's ever perfect, but get out of debt if you can as that's vital.
That said though, if you are in debt, you should get out of debt ASAP, and for your own sake as well. Don't ever tell yourself you're not worthy to do something, because you most certainly are, hun. You have the right to life and joy. I'm on MH everyday so ask what ever you like anytime π
Thank you for saying Mrs. Thornton. But I'm just meaning that I wouldn't want my sisters, cousins, or friends to date someone in my position so why would I lower such standards for myself….? I would become a hypocrite…
I want to be a position where I could actually marry the person before even date them.
And I'm definitely working towards being debt free, it's just difficult with student loans…
And thank you so much! I'll ask more questions, but I want to think on them first.
One that came to me recently is due to a story on here I found… two couples were having sex in the same room… how do you feel about being in the same room as someone else who is having sex? They were trying to keep quite but it seems it was hard to. And I know from experience how awkward it can be… it's happened to me a couple of times. One of the couples was my own parents. They thought we (us kids) were asleep…
I understand what your saying, but try being friends and then you may see something happening or not, either way at least you'll next.
I don't agree with two couples having sex in the same room, it seems wrong to me. I think your parents were wrong to do that I mean, I'd be SO embarrassed one way or either! I wouldn't want to be in a room with someone who's having sex and certainly not have sex with my husband with someone else there, it's just wrong, I fell. I'm sorry that's happened to you.
No problem, take your time, son. God bless π
Sorry, that was meant to be "you'll know", my apologies. Have a blessed day!
Thank you Mrs. Thornton!
And that makes sense, I'll just keep on living the way I feel Christ wants me to, serving and patiently waiting for God's direction.
The thing that gets me is that girls just don't see me in that light. I am seen as "safe" and someone they trust. Not as a husband…
And yeah, I was thinking the same thing… that while yes, it turned me on to read, I'm not sure it is practical…
The story was about two couples; one of the guys is a cousin to the girl of the other couple. They got stuck with the same hotel room and the ladies agreed that both would want to have sex with their husbands and that they didn't have a problem with the other two having sex in the room, discretely (no lights on and not being loud).
And if you don't mind me asking, have you and your husband ever been "caught" having sex?
Well done for wanting to live how God wants, but remember, it's not what you do for God, it's what GOD did that gets us to Heaven, son.
I'm kind of surprised at those girls, because you'd think they'd see a potential husband, because a Godly husband will want his wife to feel safe. Trust is important too, while we should ultimately trust God most.
Well that makes it even more wrong if two of them were related by blood, what were they thinking? I wouldn't want to hear a family member having sex!
Funny you should ask that last question because there was a post "Embarrassing Bedroom Moments" where I talked about that. We weren't "caught" necessarily, but when our younger daughter was 14, she and her friend talked about how the friend found something in her parents' bedroom that was sexual, and then our daughter told her about finding a used condom in our bathroom rubbish bin! The friend's mother overheard the conversation and it got back to us. We weren't mad, we explained that married couples any age can enjoy sex and that you shouldn't gossip because that's a sin. Of course, we were embarrassed but it passed. We enjoyed sex anyway! God bless you, son!
Amen! Well said! π
And I know, I know my salvation is assured. It's what I do now with it, do I waste it, selfishly keeping this gift to myself or do share and declare, being living testimony for Christ..? That answer shouldn't be just said or proudly proclaimed…. the answer is found in my heart, my mind, and my spirit, proven by how I walk. The greatest of Examples was set by Christ, not through words alone, bit by His every action, revealed in the Scriptures and personified at the cross of Calvary! I am but a conduit for that grace, mercy, truth, and love. And an instrument of that Will. π
And yeah, and I find myself thinking the same things and the same way; I would be so embarrassed. But then again, I can't help but think of those who have virtually no privacy or means to make their act of love "incognito." Like the Israelites, they couldn't attain any sense of privacy while living in the wilderness in tents.
The times spoken of of my parents was similar…
If you and your husband were in a situation where you would have to live in close quarters for the foreseeable future, with no means to attain privacy, would you forgo making love indefinitely…?
You got me there, JAM777. We certainly would not want to stop, ever. I never really thought about that to be honest, because right now we have a house, and our granddaughter has her own room. To be honest maybe you need to actually be in a situation in order to have an idea about what to do, so can't really give you a straight answer on that.
I'm glad you want to live for God, and may He keep you safe, son!
Hey Jam777, just quickly wish to second Harper on this "I'm kind of surprised at those girls, because you'd think they'd see a potential husband, because a Godly husband will want his wife to feel safe." – I too cannot understand these girls… it really hits me when you shared "The thing that gets me is that girls just don't see me in that light. I am seen as "safe" and someone they trust. Not as a husbandβ¦" – How can they not see a husband in you?! Seriously, you bring so much husbandly material to the plate! There is so much I see in you that is just simply invaluable, so much that would be such a blessing to have in my life and by my side if we would be in a romantic relationship. And, honest to heart, if I would happen to know you in person, and I would see that you are a man that I could trust for real and if I could feel safe with you (knowing that you would be a man who respects me as a woman and as your potential lady)… that would be the most important criteria to me to consider venturing into a romantic relationship. Feeling safe and being able to truly trust a man is what every woman in her core seeks in a man above all else (unless she is deceived or so). I can't understand these girls… you are a wonderful man, with a heart for God, a gentle soul… a man where a girl like me would be able to feel safe and protected and cherished and loved… and all of these beautiful qualities wouldn't exclude you in my eyes as a husband, quite the contrary, they would make the difference, they would draw me to choose you. I'm sorry that those around you fail to see the fulness of the beautiful treasure that God put in you, that He created you to be and makes you to be for Him. You're awesome, Jam777!! Your future bride will be so blessed to be able to call you beloved, husband and head of the home you will one day build together. God bless you, dear, and much love to you!!! I would choose you π
I understand Mrs. Thornton, I appreciate it all the same though!
And wow, Passion, I don't know what to say to that… thank you for your kind words! I hope the great quality I see in you, your loving spirit, will be shared by my future wife! π
And I'm not sure… the last time I "pursued" a young lady, it didn't end well. There were several reasons, but ultimately, were too many red flags…
How far away she loves (I live in Nebraska and she lives in Missouri), her family not being behind it (which is huge to me, I don't won't to cause any estrangement), her mom having a bit of a problem with interracial relationships (she is white and I'm black-white mix), and the biggest one was playing with my emotions.
I don't hold anything against her since she is the same as I, a sinner saved by Grace.
But I felt my Father above, said no.
But anyway, that's how that is.
I also believe a large part of it, is my personality. I'm an oddity, even amongst Christians. I just think differently, lol!
Once again, I say thank you for your kind and sweet words! You have a great heart and I know you going to be a precious gift to a man one day. A living testimony that speaks to all who witness of what grace is; getting what we don't deserve! π
Thank you so much, Jam777!! You are such a blessing!! I love the maturity to be found in your character and heart! I love the beautiful faith you have and how you give and express love! You're awesome, dear!
Playing with another's emotions is an absolute no-go, especially in romantic relationships. That touches on what I'm not yet sure about with Alex… I have no idea if he is serious about the relationship or just takes what could be available. I believe the best but am aware that I could be wrong about it all too – only God can know for sure. We will have the opportunity to find out if this relationship we have shared so far has a chance, for Alex and I will meet when I'll be back in Texas at my church home in November. We will spend 2 weeks together – which should give both of us enough opportunity to discover the character of the other. As he has still not shared his full name with me or how he looks, I am trying to be a bit more cautious than I would have been had the communication not dried up the way it did. I have a good friend in TX who is a cop and always takes great care of me while I'm in town. I have informed her about it all and I will let her know about every step I will take with him (letting her know when and where Alex and I will go and checking back in with her after every meeting)… she gave me clear direction to not stay over at the place he will stay at… I wanna wait till marriage with sex while Alex keeps a stance of "we can go as far as you want", making sure that it's my choice but obviously not sharing the same firm stance on it for himself as I hold about it… so, I have to be guarded about myself. My cop friend told me that if anything is going on that I am uncomfortable with when Alex and I are together, then I should immediately 911 her through text. She will watch over me and do what she can to keep me safe. My bodyguard, so to speak, an angel, for which I'm way grateful! π But, as I said, I believe the best and am for now super excited and nervous to meet the man behind the mails – a personal "You've Got Mail" scenario… lol… hopefully I won't end up hurt… but nothing ventured, nothing gained… prayers are very welcome π
When you say "I also believe a large part of it, is my personality. I'm an oddity, even amongst Christians. I just think differently, lol!", I must admit this intrigues me greatly… From all that you've shared with us here thus far, I can tell you straight from my heart that you are someone I would absolutely love to get to know further and be friends with. I would love to discover the man of faith you are, Jam777… or should I say Gem777 'cause that's just what you are: special, unique, adorable, blessed to be a blessing, fascinating π God bless you deeply, dearest friend!!
You are most welcome my friend!
And wow! I'm praying for you! Please just be careful! I know it is just my belief but I don't think any man who says "we can go as far as you want" should be a consideration. Nor would I consider a lady who says that….
To me, sex before marriage isn't a debate or an argument… it isn't up for discussion, God says no…! So it's like trying to tell gravity to push instead of pull or the sin not to raise. It's irrefutable… God decrees it so it is absolute….
And what intrigues you about it?
And thank you Passion, I appreciate that greatly!
And I too believe that it would be a blessing to get to know you more. I love your heart and how much of God's love shines through it. I don't believe anyone can speak the way you do and not have Christ's love in them! It's another thing that is irrefutable, the love of Christ can't be contained! If you are full of the love of God, you are going to overflow!
Another song comes to mind. Look up the song called "Live Out Loud" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I think it will be a blessing! ?
You are absolutely right, dear Jam777 – about your belief and God's position on sex.
"And what intrigues you about it?" – You as a whole… you are fascinating to me… when you call yourself an oddity, I get so curious because God made you uniquely and intricately and He set you apart, so that you would not fit in but stand out for His Glory, and so when you say this, knowing already some awesome bits and pieces of your precious heart and core through what you've shared on here, I am all the more drawn to wanna discover the uniqueness He put in you… I would just love to discover this amazing "odd" masterpiece He made you be, beautiful layer by beautiful layer. π
Thank you so much, sweet friend!! There ain't no greater compliment you could have given me than for Christ to be able to have His light shine through me thanks to His work in me. What a blessing to get to be His vessel – even in my wandering or confusion! Under continuous construction by His Grace. Thank you!! If you wouldn't have any objection about it and would want to be friends and would be ok with getting to know one another, then I could let the MH admins give you my email, so we could communicate directly. Take your time, think it through and let me know.
Also, thank you for the song suggestion! I checked it out – a goodie, for sure π Thank you! Love and blessings!
Don't tell me you're giving it another try with Alex! I mean I don't wanna be harsh or anything, sweet heart it's just this is what abusers do. I knew someone who was in an abusive marriage and it went a little bit like this. They hurt you and then they "woo" you back. It's a vicious cycle sweetie, and I don't want you to end up more hurt then what you've already been through.
Also "Go as far as you want" is a another BIG red flag! God says no sex before marriage, and that is final. I wouldn't give this guy anymore of your time, because he's clearly not where God wants him to be, honey. I can't force you to stop seeing him, but I strongly urge you not to, because there is someone out there better for you, sweet heart. I know you've got that cop protecting you, but it's not just that it's also that he is not having Godly attitude about this. here are many false Christians and false converts out there, be careful. Please, heed my warning. I love you and God bless you
There*
Amen Harper! We all want God's best for Passionate. LH
I have another question and though for you Mrs. Thornton…
What do you think about bikini and the like…?
I personally see them as the same thing as underwear…
In fact, sometimes they cover even less than underwear does… which is why I haven't been to a public pool in over a decade…
What are your thoughts on this? On how much a woman reveals to others outside of her family…?
Am I so weird to not want to see the skin of the parts of a lady's body that belongs to her husband or future husband only…?
You're only doing something wrong if you're coveting (Romans 7:7). You are designed by God to see a woman as being desirable. Our whole bodies need the sun (for Vitamin D) so why shouldn't we wear bikinis? I haven't worn one in ages because of the cold climate we live in but I have in the past. I wore tankinis, too. I wouldn't call you weird, since I know you some π Blessings
JAM777,
I hope you and Harper don't mind but I am going to weigh in on this. I have several points to consider. First, a woman can be sexy and desirable to a man no matter what she wears or what she does. For instance, I remember once when we were newly married, I was reaching back to put my hair up and my husband got turned on. Why? I was fully clothed but my back was arched causing my bosoms to push out as I was reaching back. It wasn't intentional, but I can see how he thought it was erotic. I didn't do it for attention, but I got it and all I was doing was something innocent.
Second, how should we dress as Christians. It is a hot debate and one to consider. A lot of people believe that we should dress modestly. But what does it look like to dress modestly? Some will only wear dresses, simple hair, no jewellery, etc and others may dress in the latest trends but still be just as covered. So you have opposite ends of the spectrum on that.
Third, we are told many times in the Bible that we are to judge based on the heart of a person on not anything else. So we shouldn't judge on appearance, and that doesn't just include clothing. Hard core Christians can be covered in tattoos, piercings, makeup, glitter, boldly dyed hair, flowing robes, cowboy boots, stiletto heels, clean shaven, bushy beards, tailored suits, Bohemian shirts, tight fitting gowns, uniforms, etc. So if we judge based on appearance, we are not basing a person on who they are.
Fourth, I understand where you are coming from. If a woman is in a bikini, it is difficult not to notice and possibly be turned on, but as I said in my first point, a woman could be fully clothed and still evoke sexual feelings from a man. I don't think there is anything wrong with wearing a bikini, but I do understand your point that her body is for her husband and if she is showing so much to the public, does it somehow take away from intimacy with her husband. But the same thing could be said of a man. Men wear swim trunks and that is little more than what a lot of men wear as boxers, so they are just as much exposed as they are in the bedroom. Plus, as a woman, I notice a man too in what he is wearing at the beach!
But if you are uncomfortable, then that is personal thing. I get your point and it is valid but know that just because a woman, or man, wears a bikini or bathing suit in a public setting, it doesn't mean that nothing is left for intimacy between the two of them. Just because a man can see a woman's cleavage, it doesn't mean that he knows how it feels, it tastes, it looks like completely bare, how she reacts to it being touched, etc.
I always joke with my husband, we are married, we aren't dead! I can freely look at a man or woman and notice what parts are attractive to me, but I don't react to it. I just say, "I am just enjoying God's creation!" And it's true – I don't let it go further than that. I think it is ok to notice and validate that, it just shouldn't go any further. It is all about the coveting, the lust for another that is dangerous, but you are the only one who can control you heart, with the Lord's help. Maybe you should expose yourself a little more to those areas so that you can adapt. Is it a self control issue?
Lust is the same thing as coveting (Romans 7:7), if he's turned on by a woman he's not doing anything wrong.
But you do make some excellent points, Juicy π
Some excellent points, Mrs. Juicy. I didn't think of serveral of some of those points. And I cover up with a shirt when I swim with ladies. I wouldn't hold ladies to a standard I don't follow myself.
And so you all don't find it wrong or weird when a guy sees you in a bikini?
And thank you for sharing ladies! π
And what do you mean by, "expose myself a little more to those areas."
Dearest Harper, first of all, thank you for speaking your heart and mind and for the great love you have towards me!! I deeply cherished the care and concern all those I can wholeheartedly call MH family to me have towards me. Harper, you have actually perfectly expressed the fear I struggle with myself about this whole matter… and in all I will share as follows I will be all open and honest with y'all…
After my last major discussion board on here on the Alex matter, my venting and the correction I received, I had humbled myself, apologized to Alex for anything I may have done wrong, words I may have spoken harshly, any uncalled for pressure I may have applied, anything of the kind, which one of the MH readers pointed out to me would have caused what started out so sweetly to turn into what it became then… I did it because I wanted to do right, no matter what another did/will do or not… back then, at that point, I actually was preparing to let the relationship drizzle out, just be there to talk whenever he would wanna talk, as a friend but nothing more… I wasn't expecting much out of the relationship anymore – I stopped laboring for his love, I just let it be and was ok within me if it would just drizzle out and be gone at some point by itself, naturally… I was still kind and loving whenever I wrote to him but was cautious to not be flirty anymore. Then the Oktoberfest came up and I knew it was something he loved, a passion of his, and so I wrote him a loving email informing him that it has started and I sent him pictures of the parades and stuff that I took a few years back. He was elated about that! The conversation picked back up and it was sweet to have an actual exchange again. He began to call me sexy anew in all of his mails, and I cherished the gesture, the endearment. In all this time, I didn't expect him anymore to come out to Houston to meet me. I didn't bring it back up because I was fine with it, whether he would come or not. It wouldn't have broken my heart anymore. So, I've made a wish come true for him and let him experience through me the Oktoberfest a bit, sending him pictures of this year's beautiful Wiesn and some videos I recorded with my phone. He got flirty in between and I did too. One day, he sent me a mail asking me where I was because I hadn't sent any new mail for a few days… I found that endearing as well as funny, considering that he has a habit of being gone for weeks at times and not keeping much in touch with me in those times. Anyways, I would lie if I would deny that his wooing of me – his calling me sexy, fantasizing about me, flirting with me, replying to me… his desiring me – didn't soften my heart. Then, he told me that he was checking for nicer hotels in Houston – that's when I knew that he would really come… despite all that had been, he would come out to meet me.
Harper, you are actually not alone in expressing concern to me about Alex and I… as I said, I have informed my cop friend about it all… I reached out to her because Alex wrote me recently that he'll stay at his aunt's summer house, which is 30 mins from church and better than the hotel, and that we will have it to ourselves – reading it I didn't feel safe about this… I'll be honest, the thought that came to my mind was that he said that because he may be planning to have sex with me… and that's not what I want, that's not how I've imagined this to proceed… I don't wanna judge him for it because I have had my own major moment of weakness a few months ago, as you all know, where I was about to plan for it to happen… but anyways, that news was the reason why I reached out to my cop friend and asked her what a summer house is and that's how my friend and I got to talking about it and I opened up to her… I wanted to give Alex the benefit of the doubt and replied to him that it's of course ok if he wants to stay at his aunt's and that it sounds like he will be close by, which is cool, I said. He replied back to me that he meant for us to stay there together, instead of the hotel, and that we will have the house to us alone. I told my cop friend about it and she said:"Don't you dare stay the nights there! You don't know enough about him in that respect… you don't know if he will force himself on you!!" I replied back to Alex, thanked him for the kind offer but said that I don't think it would be wise to do that at the stage we're in… I wrote him a lovely reply (I have a hard time not being lovely – that just goes against my nature) and asked him in the end to tell me if he made that offer because he'd hope or planned to have sex with me, I asked him to tell me about his intentions. He replied back to me that he just thought that it would save us both money and that we could go as far as I want, that it's my choice. He was loving. And, to be all honest, he was absolutely right about it saving us money – about 2500 Dollars, to be exact, as far as it concerns my stay. I wrote him a loving reply back and talked it up directly, telling him that because we haven't met yet, I can't know yet by experience if he is a man who would respect my boundaries if we would be to ourselves face to face… would he be ok with my no or would he force himself on me or try to seduce me into it. I told him that I believe in him (because I choose to believe the best) but considering that I don't know anything yet about himself that would allow me to know whether he is really who he has shown himself to be towards me and whether he has no (criminal) record or so, leaves me with not much space for the trust such an offer would take. I asked him some more questions about the house, including things my cop friend told me to get out of him. Thus far, he hasn't replied back to any of the questions I had asked, which troubles me again – but he did care to answer me right away that I don't have to be at the house, that the hotel is a nice hotel, or that I could swing by the last couples of days too. I take that positively… 'cause he doesn't push for me to be at the house. He never pushes for anything. That's one thing I appreciated about him. To pick my initial point back up though, dear Harper, my cop friend too expressed concern towards me during our open conversation – she was telling me to keep my guard up because he is a guy and will try to get sexual for sure and I had told her that I was hoping for cuddles and maybe kisses and she expressed that she was worried that with me and Alex things would not be consensual… she is worried that he would seduce me into more and not take no for an answer. Does wishing to cuddle and kiss make me bad, does my desire for being held in loving embrace, feeling loved in word, heart and appropriate touch make me a bad girl, a bad Christian?
That being shared with y'all, I wanna say this out of the depth of my heart… Do I wish that I could rather meet up with a nice, gentle-hearted, clearly God-centered, innocent guy like Jam777? Yes, I absolutely do. I sincerely wish that I could just have Jam777 fly in to Houston and meet up with me, so I could get to know him in person – with him, I know I wouldn't have to worry one second about whether it would be safe to meet up, safe to be in a room with him… with him I could feel safe to enjoy our time together, not worrying about whether I would get taken advantage of or whether I will get subtly drawn into losing myself… with him, it would certainly all be different… but that's all wishful thinking – dear Jam777 seeks a girlfriend that would be close to where he is, which I cannot offer for now… It's wishful thinking to hope for a gem like he is. Alex is not what I had envisioned when I dreamed about the love of my own that I might one day be blessed with – he is not as godly as I had hoped the one who'd love me to be, he is not as communicative as I'd need it to be… but he is the only man who has thus far considered me to be sexy, willing to be with me, willing to desire me, willing to give me a chance. I'll say it like it is – I'm torn. I know it's not ideal but it's all I'm given… it's all I've got. I don't wanna bring myself in harm's way. I don't wanna be abused. So, I wanna ask my MH family to please tell me what I should do. If he wouldn't care at all about me, he wouldn't come – right? He is coming to Houston for me, out of his own willingness, and I'd feel so bad if I would have to be harsh now… I got two hearty little surprise gifts for him that I will bring with me, which I know will probably put a smile on his face…
What am I supposed to do? Feel free to weigh in, MH – be gentle, if possible.
You should be with a man just because he finds you sexy. I suggest you stay away from him, and I feel very sorry that you feel you don't deserve better, YES YOU DO! There is a better man for you out there. You know how God tells us "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14)? I believe that's what is about to happen if you don't act otherwise.
Honey you are clever, I know you are bright, but this may be a grave mistake. Remember how I mentioned the cycle? This is the honeymoon phase, and don't apologize if you've done nothing wrong. He's NOT the only man out there, I'm sure there are still plenty of men like JAM777 in today's world, there's plenty of them. I believe Alex is showing you this "nice" side of him to make you stay, and it may momentarily feel good, but in the long run this could have devastating results.
It's NOT wishful thinking to wish for a man like JAM777, in fact, JAM777 is someone on here we talk with and you might be given a chance to meet. You CAN meet up with a nice, gentle-hearted, clearly God-centered, innocent guy like Jam777, and believe you can. You said you have fear and struggle, so I say that's a sign, get out while you can. I don't what you to end up like that woman I knew. Your cop friend may physically protect you, but it isn't going to change his morals.
Somehow you were able to exchange contact details with Alex, I'm sure you can do it with JAM777 too. I could be wrong, but give it a try. You deserve better than Alex, give yourself a chance to meet someone else. He doesn't deserve you. Of course, desiring to feel loved be embraced and all doesn't make you a bad Christian (though technically no one's good except God) but there's a difference between that and actually doing it before you're supposed to.
Sorry that was meant to be shouldn't** – You shouldn't* be with a man just because he finds you sexy
Thanks for weighing in, Harper! I believe it was right for me to apologize in this case because I may have just not been aware that I may have done something that may have been uncomfortable to him. And he was sweet, and said that it's ok, that we all make mistakes. Alex is not an unbeliever. He hasn't shared much about himself yet but it may just be that he is not so much into writing and more in personal conversation, I don't know… I will be able to find out about that when we'd meet. I always end up feeling bad when I zoom in on what doesn't go too well with me in what he does or where he stands – there is good things too… I understand that it's not that much of a biggie to most out there but it is very special to me to have found a man who'd find me sexy for real in how God made me, the way I am. That is an invaluable treasure to me. I have fear when I think about all the bad things that could happen… like rape and what not… then again I am prone to fear when heading into situations that are completely new to me, and meeting up with a man is such a situation, so I cannot trust in my fears. Sure, Alex is not the only man out there, but I don't think there are plenty of them more godly ones out there. As I said, I would love to get to know Jam777 but I also don't wanna hurt him – What if it wouldn't work out? What if I'm not the kind of godly Jam777 would seek? What if I'm not the kind of woman he'd seek?
I have been pondering around some more and would tend to give meeting up with Alex a chance… he could show me if he would finally open up about himself, I could give him the presents I got for him… if it won't flow well together in person, then this would end it all up anyway… we would have a proper reason to let it go without anyone feeling left behind or hurt or whatever… I don't wanna hurt or play with anyone's feelings. If he doesn't say anything to the question I asked though in the next few days, I may confront him though once more.
What is the honeymoon phase? Thank you so much for your kindness and love, Harper! I appreciate your heartfelt care and the points you have shared! God bless you!!
If it didn't work at least you'd then know. You never know unless you give it a chance.
The "honeymoon" phase comes after the violence in an abusive relationship. The man can apologize, do stuff give gifts, all of that lovely stuff and be sweet to the woman but it's only a matter of time before the tension builds up and the violence explodes again. The honeymoon phase is like the calm after the storm.
You are certainly right, Harper. Thank you!!!
I've tried something different this morning… and I realize that I will expose myself a bit much personally by sharing the way I do but sharing gives me the opportunity to consider and reconsider my pondering and hopefully come through the exchange with my friends in Christ on here to better clarity and perspective within me and hopefully then to making the right choices… So, I've tried another approach in the attempt to receive answers to my questions, the basic info that I'd just simply deserve to know… I haven't written a big mail, as usual, in which I'd elaborate and try to convey how being left in the dark feels to me and such… Since I was thinking a lot about him with all the pondering yesterday, I decided to send him a quick "Hey π What's up?" when I woke up and the reply came promptly, saying "Not much, sexy π You?" and so I replied back in a bit of a flirty manner "The same… haha… been thinking about you, and about how I could just lovingly shake you for liking it so much to keep me in a state of guessing lol"… no reply came back right away and I got a fancy idea to make this approach playful – thinking maybe playful will bear better fruits… so I backed my point up by adding "Oh wait! Come to think shaking may not work too well… after all you're not a milkshake or a booty… I may just tickle everything out of you…" – a reply came promptly anew "Oh really? Lol
How would you do that?" – then I said some flirty sentence and he replied "Details…." – he was playing along till then but not giving in and I ended up playing by myself again, so to speak… 'cause he just left the conversation with no ending after inquiring for details… no "Goodnight" or "Talk to you later" – this is the kind of attitude I can't stand about him. And if I'm gonna be all honest with myself, I cannot turn a blind eye to it, for this will not change. If he communicates this way now already, he will continue to have such attitude in the future. You all are probably right that this would not go well long-term and I will have to deal with it rather sooner than later. My cop friend told me in our conversation that the fact that he refuses to share most basic info about himself tells her that he purposely seeks to hide something about himself. On basis of this, I will write him a mail and tell him that this relationship isn't working for me this way, the communication isn't working… I'd say that we could meet as friends, if he still wants to (then I could still give him the gifts)… this way, I believe, I could handle it… What would y'all say?
I'm so glad you're heading my warning, sweet heart. You maker mistake now, the long run effects could rear it's ugly head with devastating results. Maybe you can be friends with him but MAYBE. When is this meeting supposed to happen? See what happens and maybe a friendship will blossom but only God knows.
I'm pressed for time so I can't read and comment on all of your two's responses but I want to just way something real quick.
Passion, I don't recommend meeting this man in person at all. And I don't recommend meeting anyone in person that you only know online by yourself no matter what! I appreciate how much stock you two put in me but I say that you shouldn't even meet me in person by yourself! This has to be a rule kept across the board no matter how well you think you know them in order to keep you as safe as possible!
Too many accounts of kidnap and rape have occurred due to "blind" meetings to ignore this immutable fact…!
Your safety and honor must be protected with all diligence!!
I'm out of time but I'll get back to you ladies with your other posts once I have time to read them. I apologize but I have quite a few ministries I serve in on Sundays, not to mention church itself. So I hope to get back to you once I have a chance.
I absolutely agree 100%! PassionateForChrist, if you're going to meet him, DO IT IN PUBLIC!!! And where it's crowded, I don't want anything to happen to you, darling. Even one account is too many! I love you and God bless you.
Thank y'all so much for caring so heartily about my safety!! I plan to meet in public, and only where I know my way around – which means, my church and lunch places around there. I also will not eat or drink anything I'm handed or haven't had in sight myself – which I wouldn't do at home either. I'll ask my cop friend to join me for the 1st meeting – I'll have it be a lunch, then it should not feel uncomfortable for anyone – she was eager about checking him out anyways. The meeting will be around mid-November. God will be right there with me too and I'll make sure to lean into and on Him, to trust in Him and listen to the nudges of the Spirit, as best as I know how. I'll make sure to be prayed up before meeting up – to be the love I'm called to be and to stand firm in God. In God's Presence it's all gonna be alright – He is in control. He is still on the Throne π Thank you so much Harper – your love is precious <3 I'll keep you updated then, so you won't have to worry. π God bless you!
Let us know how it goes, PassionateForChrist
PFC,
I have been thinking about you and you situation and really praying on whether to reply or not, or how to reply. I know you are seeking confirmation and advice from this community but I know that there are those on here, myself included, who are hesitant because it is a very sensitive subject to approach with someone you know only in word. But this is my gut and what I have pondered over – don't meet him. There is something so not right in this situation – everything is not right with this situation. You don't know his name, you don't know what he looks like, you don't know how old he is,you don't know what he does for a living. If he is your beloved, or trying to become that, then why has he not shared basic things about himself? Is he who he says he is? How would you know? You have been vulnerable towards "Alex" and allowed him to see you in picture and in through your heart and while he has exchanged some "heartfelt thoughts" with you, he knows just enough to share with you to keep you captured.
In this day and age with our technological advances for communication, why haven't the two of you video chatted? Or had a phone call? I think you deserve a real time chat with this person before you meet him – or rather a hundred real time chats. If he doesn't agree, then that is such a huge red flag and you need to flea. I know that you desire to fall in love with the heart and that looks don't matter. I agree that we do fall in love with the core of who a person is, but you have to share what you look like with the other person. If you are deep in feelings with someone, why would you hide that? The excuses he may come up with as to why he won't communicate over video or phone don't matter. It doesn't matter what sweet words he writes to you, it would a ploy to get you to fall further into what I believe is a total game to whoever "Alex" is. He knows your vulnerability to words, to seeking love, and it seems he is using that to his advantage. And I am uncomfortable with him allowing you to "go as far as you want" and him offering to let you stay with him for free. No gentleman, Godly or not, would suggest such behaviour, especially because you really don't know him – I know that you know his words and what you think his heart is, but you really don't know him when he has played such games with you, won't allow you to see him, etc.
You are trusting, and that is a noble and good quality, but don't let that desirable attribute be a weakness and lead you into a dangerous and unhealthy situation. I know that you desire love, we all do, but this is just seems to be some sort of facade so it is all smoke and mirrors. Real love keeps no secrets, doesn't play games, leads you on false journey's.
I will be honest, in the beginning that you revealed that you and "Alex" were communicating outside of MH, I was excited for you but soon I felt concern but have yet to be this bold to express it. Through what you have revealed to all of us, I don't think there is anyone on this site who would think it is safe and wise for you to continue this "relationship." This could be ploy for kidnapping, for prostitution, for financial gain, or any of those other awful things. What if he is married? I am not even going to suggest that if you meet him you should follow "Plan X, Y, and Z" because I think that it is completely an unhealthy situation.
This was difficult to write and I am hovering over the "post comment" button but I will send this…………I will send it in love for you.
Dearest Juicy, Thank you so much for weighing in, especially as it was difficult for you to write up and muster up the courage to send off to me!! First of all, I want you to know that I am proud of you – for having taken that step and shared your gut, your take on this with me!! I cherish that deeply and am grateful for the direction I'm getting from you all about it here! I am glad I have had the guts to speak it up here on MH and open this up for discussion, for I have been pondering about it for so long within myself and have found myself tossed and blown between yes and no, stay and go, trust and fear… you get the picture. So, it is indeed extremely helpful to me to read what you believe and think about it, to take in what your guts are speaking to y'all about this situation. So, dearest Juicy, a great big thank you and god bless you for being strong and courageous here with me!!
I haven't seen your comment before sending off my latest reply to Harper… but here we go… That we haven't video-chatted or phone called isn't his fault – I'm not comfortable with making phone calls in general, I much more prefer the written ways of communication than talking over phone, so I would have never asked for it (I know I'm an oddity in this way but I don't do phone calls with strangers/people I haven't met) – and video-chatting is something I would have done after having met personally, as a means to stay in touch, because it's just something that I feel more comfortable with after having met someone in person first.
Dearest Juicy, you have shared some strong, good points, which actually speak right to what has been brewing in me about it all too… this persistent non-disclosure attitude he keeps up, which just sours the whole thing and is suspicious overall. You have yet again given perfect expression to the heart of a matter! I so love that about you, Juicy!! Thank you!!
Ok… I think what I'm gonna do is talk to my cop friend about it anew and tell her that you all are of the same mind as her and maybe she'll find a way to get the gifts to him without me meeting up with him (if he would still want them after I'll have expressed to him that given his persistent reluctance to disclose anything personal about himself to me, he makes it impossible for me to meet up with him, that we should better call it off)… we shall see how or if he will react to this.
Thank you for speaking up, Juicy!!! Love you much and God bless you!!! <3
Passion, I am so very glad that you are listening to reason with this and I know it has to be hard for you! But like I said I wouldn't even want you to meet up with me in any sort of vulnerable or dangerous situation nor should anyone. I don't believe anyone who has your best interests at heart would at all…
And I do appreciate your's and Mrs. Thornton's thoughts towards me but I have to be honest that I'm not interested in pursuing anyone online in any sort of romantic way….
I am extremely old fashioned in my beliefs towards this and most everything else. I believe in being friends first, getting to know them more before any sort of "deeper" step is taken. And that by time marriage is brought into the picture, the both of you are best friends and it is already obvious! I believe that a person will have one and only one best friend and that is the person they marry.
So I believe more in courting than today's society's view on this thing called "dating." I believe that even a girlfriend and boyfriend treat each other like a brother and sister in Christ. That no step towards sex is taken until marriage. That if you put into a graph that has a line between meeting and marriage and the line represents intimacy and the steps towards sex. That the line doesn't go diagonally up, it goes straight across till marriage then it goes straight up. I know I'm weird with my view points but it's there.
But anyway, I say all that to simply share a bit of my viewpoints and help you to see why I'm saying what I am.
I already have rather deep feelings for someone, according to my friend who is like my big sister I have for years, and though I don't think she sees me the same way, I haven't received an answer from God about it so I'm waiting for the Holy Spirit and serving while I wait.
But anyway, I believe you are an awesome and godly young lady, Passion! That there are a lot of bad guys out there, plenty of average guys out there, and not that many good guys out there. But I don't think any of that really matters with this, because God knows what and who is best for you. So why settle for good when you can have what is best for you…?!
I am not that rare, the only reason anything is "rare" is because you weren't looking in the proper places with the proper tools or the proper eyes. Diamond are rare anywhere but in a diamond mine! Let God lead you to that mine, give you the proper eyes to see find them, and then the proper tools to find them.
The only difference between me and any other guy isn't anything special in me, it is something that each and every single guy out there has; choice! I simply choose differently.
Another part to the diamond anology is that diamonds are only valuable because we choose them be so! A person who has the eyes and the heart will find treasure in whatever they choose to put stock in. So let God make that piece of coal (not so rare), into a diamond. This takes time, energy, heat, and pressure but it creates something truly beautiful. See while you are growing and serving the Lord, God is working on your future husband as well! π
I'm sorry for rambling, but I hope it helps some! Praying for you!
Hey Jam777, no need to excuse or explain yourself in any way, dear friend – I didn't expect you to do this anyways… Listen, you are a warm, gentle, God-fearing young man and your future bride will be blessed for life – no doubt about it. You go your way with God and will see Him bless you richly in the light and vessel He builds you to be for Him. No worries, you didn't ramble, you shared, as is your habit, from the substantial treasure God has placed in you. Thank you for the encouragement and prayers! God bless you! π
Thank you, Passion!
And I know you are going to be a great wife! π
Just keep Christ before you!
And I apologize if I hurt you or anything. It is not my intention. I just want to make sure you aren't being led on or think anything beyond.
And BTW, I came across your story/fantasy on here; well done Passion, it ignited a fire in me I couldnt contain! π
But in all seriousness, it was beautifully written! π
Oh boy, you almost made me blush! Haha You're adorable! Can't believe you've found my little piece of tame creative freedom from my humble beginnings on MH – Oh how nervous and shy I still was back then! Glad you enjoyed it π Thanks for all the loving kindness!!
No worries, Jam777, you didn't hurt me or anything. There's no need to apologize, you haven't done wrong. You responded perfectly – gentle yet honest and straightforward, just like it should be π I felt kinda bad about having asked anyways. Alex was in many ways the perfect match for me – none of us fits a 100% to another person, we all have edges and weaknesses that we will need to be gracious about in one another and develop understanding for… that's one reason why we need God in our relationships… I wish Alex wouldn't have that communicative abyss about himself but my friend will take care of it and we will see if his actions will match his words. God bless you, Jam777!! π
Thank you, Passion!
You have a beautiful heart Passion!
And what do you mean by "I felt kinda bad about having asked anyways?"
Oh, hey, Jam777 – sorry, I somehow missed this reply of yours… just saw it…
I just felt bad about having asked you because I feared that I may have unfairly put you on a spot… I find you to be remarkable and such a kind and awesome brother in Christ and here I come out of the blue, under the pressure of my embattled situation, and ask this question… I could have jeopardized the MH friendship we share on here with that question. "Julia, what are you doing to Jam777?!! Pull yourself together, for God's sake!!" was what echoed in my mind on and off after I posted it. I can be pretty clumsy at times.
So, I felt kinda bad about it because I just basically felt wrong in/about myself back then. π God bless!
Please don't feel bad, Passion. It is a blessing that you would even consider it.
You call me a gem, but I have to say you are a precious stone! You are definitely rare and I have no doubt your future family will be a precious set, one that causes anyone around you to be so rich and blessed! π
And no friendship meant to last could be brought to ruin so easily! π
Thank you so so much, Jam777!! π What a blessing! Thank you for speaking life and faith over me when I find myself stuck in more so seeing all that needs to still improve about me for the better than all that is already going for me by His Grace. It is good to remember often that His perfect love casts out all fear. When I'll focus on His love for me, all those fears and insecurities that keep holding on to me and bully me cannot stay attached to me. They will have to leave. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. In His Presence is freedom. Have a blessed Sunday, Jam777!! π
Ps: I have reached out to the dear MH Admins and you should hear from them sometime soon, I believe… Once you've received my email, it would be super kind if you could just let me know about it, so I could know the connection is established. Thank you for being a friend! God bless you! π
I agree with you, son. I myself don't believe in online dating. I always believed in meeting someone and falling in love naturally. Not that I'm judging anyone, and you've found love on the internet, God bless you and I wish you the best. But generally I agree that it's always the best. It's so great you're "old fashioned" in that way. You're not weird, son, my husband & I kissed, hugged and held hands while courting and engaged, and it was so worth the wait on our wedding night.
P.S. God bless
I too always believed in meeting someone and falling in love naturally, as you say – that's how I too as a youngster dreamed of it to be (when I happened to dream about it) but the reality is that not everyone gets blessed or lucky to have it happen this way or actually to have it happen at all. QuΓ© serΓ‘, serΓ‘. Thanks for the love and support y'all! Love my MH fam and friends! <3
"The winner takes it all. The loser has to fall. It's simple and it's plain. Why should I complain? […] The judges will decide, the likes of me abide. Spectators of the show, always stay alone." π
Why thank you, PFC! Was that for me? I guess you know how I'm fanatical about ABBA! God bless them! And you of course!
Yes, it was. Thought I'd send ya some ABBA love π And I've got a few ABBA songs I myself love – The Winner Takes It All being one of them all-time faves π (Take A Chance is another but that didn't fit too well at this moment lol) God bless!
How I wish I could cuddle you! I send you biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig hugs & kisses <3
Thanks for the love! Love is a treasure that can't be measured. I cherish and appreciate every ounce I'm blessed to receive. Thank you!! Right back at you <33
Thank you, Mrs. Thornton! π
Hi PFC,
I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree with Juicy's comment. From a Christian man's perspective, there is nothing right with his distance and non-disclosure. I think you should stay away for your own benefit. Discerning from what you have posted regarding your communication with him, he is keeping something hidden. Stay away PFC…stay away
Thanks copen1! I've talked to my cop friend and she's gonna handle it with me. Grateful for those who serve in law enforcement!! God bless them!! <3
Amen Juicy!
Dearest MH family and friends, Alex has finally broken his silence and told me what has been going on… and I wish to let you know about it because I owe it to him. To cut a long story short, the gentleman on MH that criticized me back in the other post turned out to have been right in his assessment – Alex misunderstood me, took how I am in expressing myself the wrong way, felt cornered, talked down to and uncomfortable. That's why he opted for utter silence towards me, which caused me to just make it all worse, as I couldn't understand it and wasn't able to see what I did so terribly wrong and continued to be who I am, the diamond in the rough… I wish he would have told me what wasn't going right whenever an issue came up for him, so I could learn and become aware and grow and change for the better but he opted for silence and I couldn't see with his eyes… I wish he would have answered whenever I asked and encouraged him to tell me what was wrong, what I may have done wrong… he left me in the dark and I ended up making it worse and worse… Though there were shortcomings on both sides, I cannot take his as an excuse for mine. I had been given a shot at love by the Grace of God – it was the gem I felt it to be but I blew it because I didn't know how to handle it appropriately, as it is supposed to be. I can never make up the growing-up years where I should have learned how to interact with men, where I should have developed natural understanding of how dating works, how romantic relationships work… I can never make up for it, and unfortunately I'm not even gifted at it, as has become apparent now. Alex has been kind in breaking his silence finally and would even be so sweet to still consider meeting up with me – he said I could bring my friend with me and that it should be fun… he is sweet and amazing to be still positive about it but after the horrible things I did to him, the discomfort I caused him, the shameful mistakes I happened to make, how could I even stand face to face with him now? I cannot make them undone. I am horrible at relationships, at dating,… I have no clue about how to interact with men, and am not even gifted at it… he deserves better. I apologized to Alex for my wrongs, and hereby I also wanna apologize to the MH member who confronted me back then (I'm sorry I can't remember your nickname in full) – I wish you would have been more understanding of my end of the situation but nonetheless, you were right, and so I'm sorry. I also wanna apologize to my MH fam and friends – you're the greatest support and loving community a girl like me could hope for and have by her side – thank you so much for the depth of your love and all your appreciation towards me! I'm sorry for any inconvenience I ever caused through the mess I am – thank you for bearing with me the way you always do and just loving me through the way you always do! I'm also grateful that I can never be too big of a mess for God – I'm grateful He will always have a place for me. It remains true, I believe – I should leave the field of romantic relationships to those who were made for this, to those who are good at this. I would be more of a liability than a blessing, and I hate that. Thank you for your love and grace! God bless you all!!
I should learn not to share at the spur of the moment always… I have a way of becoming my own worst enemy and just putting myself down… Alex's mail hurt a lot because he made it sound like I was mistreating him "from the very beginning" (as he put it), when he was as invested as I was in the beginning (as you all could see from what I shared) and kept me holding on by not being clear himself… I was a crying mess yesterday…however, I'm in close touch with my friend about it all and when I told her about the most recent development (I shared with her the actual mails of Alex and I, for safety reasons), she came right up and told me to quit taking blame for everything because it's not all me, he failed to step up and be clear with me. I thank God for the friends He has blessed me with to walk this journey with!! She told me that something still doesn't sit right with her regarding him. Something bothers her about him. We are working it all up together now, and I just wanna say I'm so grateful for those who watch out over me and love me in truth and deed!! God bless y'all!!
PFC,
This is none of my business. I am not an expert. I do not wish to offend you with my opinion. However, I have to say that I agree with your cop friend….something doesn't sit right with this at all. Any man that is unwilling to accept responsibility should be discarded. Furthermore, the fact that he is trying to place the majority of the blame on you shows that he has a propensity for manipulation. Getting you to accept the majority of the blame is a step toward what would, in my non-expert opinion, become an abusive relationship. Play it over in your head. At first he was engaging, then he was distant and aloof, now he is blaming you… I encourage you to do some research. These are not good signs.
I agree! Please, please, don't go through with this Passion!
Your safety and we'll being is key here!
I agree, do not go through with this! Remember it usually gets worse, stop taking the blame yourself. Oftentimes woman do believe like it's their fault and it isn't. It you go through with this,A mistake, long term can rear it's ugly head with DEVASTATING results. Please, DON'T do this!
Dear Jam777 and Harper, thanks!! But I can assure you that you won't have to worry about it any longer π I am through with Alex. As I shared in my reply to copen1, I am at peace within myself about it all and not troubled anymore by letting it go. Alex hasn't spoken to me anew, which is perfectly fine with me. I have signaled to him that I can't see myself meeting up with him after what he finally dished to me. There is no use to it. If he meant what he spoke to me, then he has a problem with who I am and the fact is I will not change who God made me to be for Him – I am passionate about all things faith and God and about the beautiful church home God blesses me to have, I express myself the way I do, I love in big ways and will never hold back on living out of the love God puts in my heart. If the way I am makes him uncomfortable, then the best, wise and logical choice for us both is simply to part ways. And that's what I have decided to do. Should he reach back out to me in any way or show up unexpectedly, I will be guarded at all times and not believe whatever he will tell me from now on. For me, this is it. So, no worries, dearest friends, my eyes have seen the truth revealed and in Christ I am free. π <3
That is good to hear Passion! You deserve better than him!
And don't give up… Philippians 4:13.
And I would like it if we could communicate some if you can get the whole email thing figured out. But I want to make sure you don't think I leading you on. I have no intention of pursuing you but I would like to develop a friendship. I believe it could be a blessing.
Thanks for always being encouraging, Jam777! You're awesome π
Sure, I can take care of it and get my email to you. And no worries, I get it – pen pals π That's a beautiful idea! I'd be blessed to have a friend in you.
Dearest copen1, You do in no way offend me, dear friend. I cherish your (as well as all my other dear ones) caring support and loving concern in this case. That's what my friend told me too – she suspects manipulation and/or control issues at work on his part. It took me a bit to find my peace about it, to be ready to let go, but I'm personally ready to do so by now and it will not crush me anymore. The latter in big part especially because y'all as well as my precious friend have taken such great personal care of me through all of this. Thank y'all so much for that!!! You didn't have to do it, to be there for me the way you were, but you were and I pray that God would bless you for it. I'll cherish the beautiful memories – they are a blessing from God to me – and the rest, I'll leave behind. My excitement is in no way dulled by this as I'll be soon back at my beloved church home – I've gotten a way precious message today from a dear church friend of mine that totally made my day… I can't wait to be back with my church family and grow with God further and give Him my best, my all! π God always provides <3 #BeautyForAshes #LoveUnfailing #GodIsGood
Praise the Lord for helping you see sense, my darling I'm so glad you're not going through with this. I knew you would do the right thing, my dear. JAM777 is right you DO deserve better. God bless you, dear
Thank you, Harper!! π You have greater confidence in me than I do in myself in this season. You're awesome. Thank you! God bless you too, dear friend!!