An Open Question For Married Ladies (Singles Also)
Hi! First, let me explain what prompted this question.
I recently turned 26 years old and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage and what that will entail for me in my role as a husband in the future, after I get married. With that in mind I want to be the best possible man I can be to whoever my beloved will be.
The reason I’m asking here is because MarriageHeat is the only place I know of to get answers from godly women that have a completely unfettered honesty. No taboos about sexual topics here (thank God).
“What do you wish your husband had known before you got married?” Or a better way to ask, “What do you wish all young men knew before pursuing their wife?”
Thanks, Adam Rose
P.S. Husbands feel free to chime in. I want to learn as much as possible. What is the one thing you wish you had known before marriage?
Any advice is appreciated: emotional, spiritual, sexual.
Don't let little things get to you. Also, even though the man is the head of the home, he needs to at least try to understand the woman, his wife. I don't recall there being anything I wish I'd known. Romance her, tell her you love her, do those little sweet things, a little goes a long way. But maybe don't wait too long, if you're engaged, i think it's best to marry soon after, lest you fall into temptation. Oh and when you do have sex, be careful the first time, as it can hurt for the woman. God bless, Adam
Adam you are on the right track. After 38 years I've some experience. First get two books I recommend, they are written by Christian psychologists
1 SHEET MUSIC BY DR. KEVIN LEHMAN
2 THE ACT OF MARRIAGE BY TIM (LEHEY SPELLING NOT RIGHT)
BEFORE THAT FIRST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER, SIT ON THE BED AND PRAY TOGETHER AND AS THE MAN (SHEPARD) BEFORE LOVE PLAT STARTS, AGAIN ASK GOD FOR HELPING YOU AND HER AS SEX IS A HIGH POINT IN MARRIAGE. I WILL END THERE. I HAVE TAUGHT SEVERAL MARRIAGE AND SEX CLASSES. WANT MORE INFO. FROM ME? GLAD TO HELP LEAVE A REQUEST FOR WANTED ALWAYS AS A COMMENT TO THIS QUESTION. I CHECK IN AT LEAST TWO TIMES PER MONTH.
Most importantly, save yourself for marriage, then discuss and talk openly with your wife about your sexuality, your different needs, sex drives, etc. Anything and everything goes between husband and wife, don't be shy, as long as you're both comfortable it's all good. In the mean time use masturbation as a release while keeping your thoughts pure – enjoy and God bless you !
I agree OneCouple.
Be ready for anything. For instance. Because of my wife's familial history bipolar disorder reared its ugly head. That along several other hidden items which did manifest until later in life. The result was she is now on a regiment of meds to keep her even keeled and balanced. Though she is better, her libido has suffered terribly. I love my wife and I've determined that it is far better to have her even keeled rather than a little bit of passion.
Be very careful my friend… Very careful indeed. Let God be God. You just be ready.
Thank you Art, I guess it does help a little bit if you're married for 20 plus years !
'One Couple' posted;
"Most importantly, save yourself for marriage, then discuss and talk openly with your wife about your sexuality, your different needs, sex drives, etc. Anything and everything goes between husband and wife, don't be shy, as long as you're both comfortable it's all good. In the mean time use masturbation as a release while keeping your thoughts pure – enjoy and God bless you!'
We believe this says it all so well. Couldn't agree more!
Thanks Annewin, God bless you and yours !
Man here – Marriage (and sometimes sex) gets better over time especially if you work on it and are committed to each other.- don't try it with someone who isn't willing to work on it for 50+ years with just you.
Marriage is awesome and a Godly wife is certainly a blessing, but dont place your happiness in marriage or in your spouse. Of course, one can be happy in marriage, but certainly not always. It is a question of degree. People will always fall short because they are imperfect. Your wife will fall short sometimes as well. I find a God-centered marriage is key. He never falls short. It also takes the pressure off of the other spouse. On a sexual note, expect that there may be differences in sex drive. If that arises, that can be tricky to manage. Amanda and I have different sex drives. It has created tension and resentment and problems. Like any problem, you have to work it out together. For a long time, masturbation was absent in our marriage. Now it is not and is a common sexual activity–together and alone. Talking that issue through and bringing it into our marriage bed has been a blessing. Expecting the mate to meet every sexual need at every desired time can be a lot of pressure for the low-drive spouse. Also, masturbation helps when separated for long periods. Anyway, prayerfully consider your sexual relationship and work through issues together is key. Keep God center of your marriage and acknowledge that a Godly spouse is a blessing from above. Dont replace His role with that of your spouse.
Great advice! I am humbled as always by this site's honest conversation about Godly sexuality.
@Wanted Always
I have read both Sheet Music and The act of marriage. Great books!
Psychology is one of my favorite subjects. Especially as it pertains to marriage, as that reflects Christ's relationship with his Church.
I am the only man my wife has had intercourse with, but I know that she had very extensive oral with a long time boyfriend before. She gave and received. She is troubled by it but I love all of her and value the fact that she saved her vaginal virginity for me.
After 30+ years with my wife (we married very young by today's standard), the most important thing I learned how to do was to say, "Yes, Dear". 😉 lol Pick your battles, most things that couples argue about really isn't worth the time spent doing it.
As a wife of 6.5 years and a stay at home mom of 2 littles 3yrs and under, I think the best advice I can give is to be sensitive to your wife's sexual drive as it can drastically ebb and flow depending on the day. Consider this, my husband works outside the home most of the week. He comes home, leaving all the cares and major responsibilities of his occupation behind. I on the other hand do not have the same luxury. As much as I feel fulfilled in my motherhood, home is not an escape from my duties– quite the reverse! For my husband, it seems like sex easily turns him on, and is a relaxing finish to a day if hard work, but for me, I actually have to "turn off" my brain from the day's activity. I cannot enjoy lovemaking unless I am completely focused in my partner. This can take some time and patience from my husband for me to unwind. I really appreciate it when he doesn't try to rush.
We are still learning! Always learning!
@Meg
Good call. I can remember those days well, but as we are nearly empty nesters, we've found the sex to be more frequent and hotter than ever. Hang in there, it gets better in….15 to 20 years. 😉
Sorry for the randomness of my last comment on this thread. I was responding to a question by someone who posted and their comment was in the "pending" section. It never made it to the comments, so out of context my remark about my wife's pre-marital experience must sound rather odd. My advice to you is to listen to your spouse, be willing to put his/her needs first or at least equal to your own, and regarding sex issues, be honest, unselfish and uninhibited with your desires and needs.
Hi Adam. I'm not married but I have been living with my boyfriend for almost two years now, and yes we have talked about marriage as well as all the responsibilities and expectations of each other. Jamie and I have been open and honest about our past prior to meeting each other (why hide things), we talk daily about literally everything, we share our hopes and dreams about our future together. So I can't think of a proper answer to your question. I could just give you my advice.
1) to make a relationship successful you shouldn't have to work at it, it should come naturally to a couple.
2) say goodbye to any taboos you might have.
3) little things should always matter.
4) it's nice to meet your partner half way but sometimes you have to cross the street .
5) don't lie to your partner.
6) don't cheat on your partner.
7) Jamie and I start and end every day the same way, even if we had a argument, we always say "I love you".