Sex Advice for Single Woman

Sex Advice for Single Woman

Sex Advice for Single Woman

So I don’t know if I’m doing this right, I’m new to posting on the platform though I’ve been quite the reader.

Marriageheat.com has helped me. A lot. It has made me look forward to Christian marriage and sex in it. Married sex is not exactly a topic around here; you only see pornographic pictures and videos online, I don’t know, they just don’t feel right. The images and nudity on MH are sexy but not obscene.

But Marriageheat.com has helped me look at sex from the God perspective. The posts on masturbation helped alleviate my guilt because I don’t want to sin.   This site is the only platform that offers me anonymity and Christian advice on sex.

I’m almost 20, virgin, Godly, Catholic and religious. I’m am a spiritual coordinator of the choir in church.  I’m  saying this so you understand me.

I want to remain virgin up until marriage, well, because of God’s stance on premarital sex,  and several wedding night posts make me just want that.  The new feeling, mistakes, anxiety, anticipation,  excitement and all,  I want that.

This post is getting long.

Sex Advice for Single Woman

OK, so I met a guy recently, and we have been dating for say two months.  We are still getting to know each other, at least on my part, (he’s already talking engagement and marriage). But for now,  I can say he is a good guy and thankfully hasn’t let my religious beliefs cloud his sexuality. (one of my prayer points since I started Marriageheat.com).

Here is my situation. I did say, no sex and all its cohorts before marriage.

I agreed to kiss for compromise.  Kissing led to touching,  touching to fingering,  fingering to dry humping,  dry humping to cunnilingus.

Fingering and him going down on me turns me on. His gentle control turns me on. Several times he has said that his satisfaction comes from my pleasure. That turns me on.  I had to beg/force him to remove his shirt. Oh-la-la, the guy is hot!  At times,  I think of it, and I’m turned on.  I masturbated with him on the phone,  I kept moaning, and he had to leave the bathroom, saying I was killing him.

I don’t know if you get me, but it seems as if all my reservations and sexy things I wish to do for my husband, I am already doing this to him. I like the feeling, but I feel guilty. Help,  am I wrong?  How do I stop or shouldn’t I?

Help an aroused young Christian.

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12 replies
  1. Jenne says:

    I am from a small village in Friesland, NL. A place we are moving soon too. We are finishing our time in South Africa. We now have a baby. We will back to my village before Christmas. My father has a goed job for Hans with the ships.

    When I was a single, I masturbated to the thought of my future husband. I did not know about MH, so I saw erotic films, which are common on our TV in the NL. I masturbated to scenes where my husband directed my sexual actions and other sexy things. MarriageHeat.com is amazing. I agreed. This is a place for practicing Christians to have pure imagination and still be fully sexual. I love the moderate pictures. I like the new "slider" pictures. I would even be goed seeing the woman's nipples, which I think are beautiful and not pornographic. That could be my NL sensitivities. Our beaches are topless in NL.

    When I met Hans, I wanted to wait too. Kissing led to other things, but did remain virgins. What helped us is that we did not wait too long to actually get married. We talked about the important things. I was more spiritual than Hans. He started praying with me and he too really got close to the Lord. That actually made me even hornier. One time when he was praying with me, I got so wet and horny I actually went to the loo to masturbate. There is something so sexy about a spiritual man!

    My advice, find out if your souls are mated, then get married. Marriage sex is amazing. I have written some of my adventures before the youngen arrived. After our move to Friesland, I hope to share some stories again.

  2. OneCouple says:

    I have to agree with you all the way Jenne, MH is a great place for hot horny Christians to be sexually stimulated ! My wife and I feel the same way, enjoying erotic sex in a Christian marriage is simply the BEST ! Thank you for sharing, btw, where in South Africa were you located, if you don't mind me asking ? God bless you and Hans with the new adventure !

  3. NotMadMax says:

    It may sound trite or old fashioned to say that the Bible speaks against sexual activity outside of marriage. We may want more freedom in this modern ago. My belief is that Scripture is unchanging and that Jesus and Paul's words on staying chaste before marriage (and faithful within marriage) are as true today as when they were spoken/written.

    Ephesians 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

    Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

    1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;

    It's easy for things to go farther than we intend at the beginning. A real man respects the boundaries the woman gives.

  4. Adam Rose says:

    I think you should focus on two things.
    Love and respect.
    Right now what your future husband needs is your respect (a hugely important thing for a guy, even more so than love). Respect his leadership. Respect his body. Respect him enough not to take things too far. (Your bodies do not belong to each other yet)

    Now your guy should love you more than his need for sex (not saying he doesn't). He should be willing to sacrifice his desires on order to keep you pure and safe.
    Basically what I'm trying to say is. You should focus on overcoming your desire for him, (wich is a good thing) with your respect for his purity. And he should love you enough to happily wait for your wedding night.

    Now i have to get harsh… If neither of you has the patients to wait for marriage it indicates you do not love and respect each other more than you desire each other. (Not saying it's true, just warning you) That is not a good foundation for a marriage and will cripple your relationship greatly in the future.
    I write this as a warning because i have seen others make this mistake repeatedly. It never ends well. If you have premarital sex it undermines you relationship later in life.

    On a positive note…
    Do not be ashamed of your sexuality or your desires for him. It's perfectly natural. As a single young man myself i long to find a horny young woman like you to marry some day. It's really hot that you desire a sexual relationship with your futur husband. God made you to enjoy all his gifts that includes sex. He also expects things to be constrained within marriage where the greatest sex exists.
    I'll pray for you. God bless you sister.

  5. J G says:

    1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

    I'm not saying rush into marriage, but if you are facings significant sexual temptation you may want to seriously consider speeding up the journey towards marriage. Sex does belong in marriage, and there is research that shows that merely orgasming with someone can create a chemical reaction in the brain leading to you being connected in a way that I believe was intended for marriage. That means that penetration doesn't have to happen, it can come from mutual masturbation, or oral.

    I would say that if you think this man is the person you see yourself marrying that you should stop sexual activity and start to move towards marriage where you can enjoy each other fully, freely and without guilt

  6. Happy Man says:

    I think a big part of the problem is people used to get married at a younger age and when they started having their sexual desires go crazy they were already married so they didn’t have to deal with the idea of waiting.
    I think it’s very hot and sexy that you are learning to enjoy you body and that you are deeply falling in love with someone.
    Getting married will bring you much closer and your sex life will only get better!

  7. PacMan says:

    Real talk. The Bible gives some good overall guidelines and directives… most of which have to do with motives and heart issues. The Bible does not condemn all sexual activity outside of marriage. Yes it says fornication is a sin, but there is no other true definition of that word other than PIV intercourse. Anyone who tells you differently simply have their own human interpretations of certain phrases like “sexual immorality.” So from a Biblical perspective, I don’t see anything inherently wrong with the heavy petting and such.

    But there is a “however.” There are some red flags. 1) You are 19. You drew your own line of conviction at kissing only, but you dissolved that line quickly. This seems like a dangerous trend. It seems like every line you draw dissolves the next time you meet. 2) You describes him as a “good guy” but not as a “Godly Christian.” There’s a big distinction. I read somewhere this wonderful idea… a physical relationship is dynamic and growing, but it should never outpace the couple’s spiritual growth together. The Bible also talks about avoiding being unequally yoked. 3) All this in 2 months? Wow. I would not call that a good sign. This goes back to what others (and the Bible) say about the lack of self-control. 4) The guilt is also a sign of conviction that this is not what you want the relationship to be founded on.

    To shoot straight: at the pace you are compromising your own convictions and the speed of this physical relationship, you are on a fast track to “going all the way.” From an outsider (which is a good perspective), I would be surprised if your final convictions last another 2 months.

    I want you to avoid the heartache and loss you will experience if you give in entirely. So I have some advice. I would never advise you to get married now. 1 Cor. 7:9 (quoted earlier) is addressing betrothed (engaged) couples [it was arranged marriages back in the day]. I have no indication that this dude loves God with all his heart & soul. But I also want to leave room for grace and not tell you to break up. You are obviously enjoying each other’s company. So this is my sage advice (which seems practical). Put your clothes on and leave them on. The foundation of your relationship is physical, so you likely won’t be able to end that. So add some self control to the relationship. No taking off clothes and no touching skin under clothes. Draw the line there and stand firm on that line. You guys can still make out, dry hump, and even fondle each other outside of clothes. It will still be orgasmic and fun and steamy and sexual, but it’s very clear if/when THAT line gets crossed. If you don’t have the self control (or he doesn’t have the respect) to honor a firm line like that, then you should quickly end the relationship. Future you will thank you for living a life of conviction.

  8. PatientPassion says:

    You're going to have some conflicting opinions here, so I ask that you prayerfully consider them all and see the Truth through all of our imperfect interpretations of God's perfect law.

    As PacMan noted, the Bible is unclear on the precise acts that constitute sexual immorality. I would guess that this is partly because even back then, people had invented innumerable ways to sexually stimulate each other, and the early Christian leaders likely had neither the knowledge nor the time to specifically address them all. For this reason, among others, I would say we must be careful to uphold both the letter AND the spirit of the law.

    To reference him again, PacMan said "From a Biblical perspective, I don't see anything inherently wrong with heavy petting and such." I would respectfully disagree, not entirely, but in a cautionary way. If our standard is that PIV sex is the only thing that truly constitutes sexual immorality (not within a marriage of course), that leaves open a host of other things. What about gay/lesbian sex? There's no PIV sex occurring, but it's still a sin. I would argue that this is because there is still direct genital stimulation with a sexual intent, and I think the same standard can reasonably apply to straight sex. My view is that if there is direct genital stimulation (even if it's through clothes) with an intent for giving or receiving sexual pleasure, that has crossed the line.

    With that said, I agree that not all sexually-charged things are off-limits. For example, kissing is fine in my book, even if it progresses to more passionate kissing. Light touching is okay to me as well, as long as it's not directly on any primary sexual features (breasts for women and between the legs for both sexes). The butt is probably okay for touching too, as it doesn't give any direct sexual stimulation, but I'm personally not comfortable with that until a relationship is further along (around engagement for me). Generally I would say that if whatever you're doing is starting to get you aroused, it's getting dangerous. I don't believe it's wrong to get aroused, but I do think it's a valuable warning sign that you should slow down with any physical contact, because you're approaching a state where you have less self-control.

    Of course, since PacMan is right that the Bible is unclear on most of the specifics, I cannot point to a certain verse that I can use to enforce my personal views on others. I would simply ask that you pray honestly, seriously and frequently about this subject. Ask God to open your eyes and your heart to His Truth, and ask Him to guide you through this area that has the potential to be either a minefield or a blessing.

  9. Adam Rose says:

    Yes trust in the discernment of the holy spirit. Prey, seek godly council from older Christians who've been through the dating scene.
    We don't know the details of your relationship but we want the best for you.
    I urge caution! Slow down and pray.

  10. HoneyNugget says:

    Please slow down. As a woman who waited it was the best gift I ever gave my husband. Trust me, it's worth it to wait. Have boundaries. Seek God. Pray together. A man who loves you will seek out God and want to lead you to God. If you feel you're ready get married and come together as one. I was raised to treat sex as sacred. You wouldn't cheat on your future spouse right? Don't let Satan over take your relationship with God.

  11. likaself says:

    To quote someone else. Sexual contact of genitals is for self and spouse. Therefore no mutual masturbation, no oral, no humping. Okay is kissing, making out, breasts. Masturbating oneself is okay.

    I note that this story is from four years ago and there is no follow-up comment from sexychristian.

    Looks to me like this boyfriend is not really a 'good guy', but a charming skillful manipulator. I have seen it often. Charmers like this have multiple women, they do not have your best interests at heart, they are selfish and have learned what buttons they need to push to get what they want, and they make you think it was all your doing. They push the boundaries back one step at a time. Once 'conquered', the girl usually gets dumped, and he moves onto the next girl.

    What is needed? Education; foreknowledge is forewarned. And masturbation needs to be encouraged.
    Although I don't believe it is sinful to self masturbate together for anyone, prudence dictates that if it leads to crossing the line and sexually touching each other, masturbation should be done apart.

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