A Biblical Study of Lust, Part I
Lust. We’ve all experienced the “out of control” feeling when the powerful pull of lust takes hold of us. At the basic level it’s very physical and we may feel the tingle in our sex organs. Yet, we know it’s more than physical. It’s also a matter of the heart. To be specific, it has spiritual implications. As Jesus expressed in Matthew 5:28, “I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (ESV).
We struggle with that statement. Does Jesus really mean that looking is the same as doing? Or that gazing at a woman, in effect, violates of one of the Ten Commandments? And women, just because the verse is written from the male perspective you aren’t exempt. As with most Bible passages the corresponding truth applies equally to women.
Lust. Even the word itself has an evil ring in our ears. Like many other four-letter words it sounds dirty. But we also know a normal part of our human nature is to look at members of the opposite sex with at least some interest or desire. So how do we understand Jesus’ words? To what extent is it natural and acceptable for us to look? And when does it turn into something contrary to God’s design for us?
To notice beauty such as a glowing sunset or a glorious flower is almost automatic for us. Scripture even urges us to set our focus on “whatever is lovely” (Philippians 4:8). And in Matthew 6 Jesus himself urged us to pay attention to the beauty God has built into creation. His specific comment was about wildflowers, noting that “not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.”
God isn’t opposed to us noticing the beauty of His physical creation. This includes the attractiveness of the male and female form, which He designed. So what factors turn it into something that’s out of step with God’s plan for us? Let’s look in more depth at that familiar Matthew verse, along with six other Bible passages on the topic of lust.
I John 2:16 gives a great summary of the three basic ways we can fall short of the glory of God: “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.” We may rush to assume that “the lust of the flesh” and “the lust of the eyes” refer only to sexual lust. While they do include sexual desires and longings, the scope is broader. John is saying that, in whatever sphere of life, if we are driven by our selfish desires and our own pride, then any actions that result will be contrary to God’s will.
Perhaps the difference seems subtle. But there is a distinction between noticing a woman with this attitude “I (selfishly) like what I see and I want to have her.” Or instead with the attitude, “I praise you, Creator, for the beauty you designed in that woman. But I know she is not mine to have.”
The first ingredient that will make lust negative is a self-centered and prideful attitude. If we are honest, most times when we notice the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex, there’s a considerable measure of “my desires” involved! But to be fair, that’s also true about virtually everything we do in life. Everything is tainted to some extent by our selfish desires! With God’s help we strive to minimize our selfishness, but it will never completely vanish in this life.
Job 31:1 is a well-known passage related to lust. Job says, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; How then could I gaze at a virgin?” As a man, I’ve made that covenant with my eyes many times. But still, my eyes have a mind of their own and they always break the covenant! If Job’s eyes cooperated with his covenant, then they were more noble than mine!
Seriously, it is beneficial to set boundaries in every area of life. Especially for what we will allow our eyes to linger on. After all, Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light” (Matthew 6:22).
In dealing with sexual attraction we do well to know our own areas of weakness. We should make a plan in advance of steps we can take to reduce our vulnerability when we are in a risky situation that puts us at risk. Those steps may be subtle and almost invisible. But if we use them, they can be effective in keeping us from being pulled into lust.
Boundaries can be helpful. But in our human weakness at times we will violate them. We look to God for forgiveness and for the strength to start again with renewed effort. And of course, we know the real issue is not with our eyes (external) but with our heart (internal). Which leads us to the next passage.
In Mark 7:20 Jesus said it isn’t the things outside of us we need to worry about, but from what is inside. Yes, the external action of lust may cause problems. Even just our act of looking may offend the object of our view, or others, or our spouse. But the greater spiritual concern is the source of those actions: the condition of our heart.
One of God’s primary desires for us is that we learn to be content with what He has provided for us (see I Timothy 6:6). Our looking can reflect our lack of contentment with what God has given. It can reveal that our heart is not at peace with God and His provision. We would do well to deal with our internal issue of contentment first. Then we can set external boundaries for our looking.
Proverbs 6:25 says, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.” Most of the proverbs have a parallel structure. This means the second phrase restates the same truth in different words. In this case, giving in to lust is compared to being taken captive. So another way to measure the seriousness of lust in your life is to ask, “To what extent does it control me, and captivate my thoughts and my actions?” Indeed, the next pair of passages describe a man and a woman who started by looking but ended up with lust controlling their actions.
Genesis 39:7 is a part of the story of Joseph. It says, “Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. ‘Come and sleep with me,’ she demanded.” Admiring his physique may or may not have been bad. But she allowed the looking to control her actions, and that was definitely wrong.
II Samuel 11:2 is part of the story of David. It says, “From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful.” Okay, there’s a beautiful woman who is nude and on display in front of you. Every man’s eyes will be drawn to that! Again, the looking may or may not have been bad. The point is, David allowed it to control his actions. He went on to commit adultery with her and have her husband killed. Now, there’s lust that truly took control and caused some serious damage!
So another question to ask is whether your looking is controlling you, or whether you are in control of it.
Finally we look again at Jesus’ words from Matthew 5:28, “I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (ESV). The words “with lustful intent” are key here. We have to ask when we are looking at a member of the opposite sex, is it our intention to engage in sexual activity with that person? Is that what we are picturing in our mind? Are we considering ways that we could arrange for that to happen? If our looking is propelling us toward action then it is definitely a negative thing.
In part 2 we will look at another passage, Leviticus 18. There, the King James Version repeatedly speaks about “uncovering the nakedness” of another person.
For part one, I leave you with two sets of questions. First, I invite you (men and women) to respond in the comments section to one question each. Your response can be as simple as “male, 7”, but you may also want to add some comments or explanation. Then below that are other questions intended to stimulate your further thinking on this topic.
Men, on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as high), how much do you experience lust as a spiritual challenge in your life?
Women, on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as high), how aware are you when a man is looking at you “with lustful intent”?
Questions for personal reflection or for discussion with your spouse:
What other biblical passages have helped shape your spiritual understanding of lust?
Think of a time when you were aware of being the object of lust from someone else. What did you do (if anything) to avoid a negative outcome? If you were married, did you discuss the event with your spouse?
How would you distinguish between appreciating the beauty of another person versus looking with lustful intent?
If you are married, when one of you “gets turned on” by a third party, how effective have you been at capturing that sexual energy and utilizing it in a positive way in your marriage?
Is it possible to lust (in a negative way) toward your spouse? What factors might cause your sexual desire for your mate to be negative rather than positive?
To answer your question if it's "possible to lust (in a negative way) toward your spouse? " I would say absolutely, unequivocally, NO! Your spouse belongs to you, and he/she is rightfully yours. I'm married to my husband, so my desire for him can't be wrong, and he's married to me, so his desire for me can't be wrong. Does that make sense?
We also need to remember that according to Romans 7:7, lust = coveting, and you can't covet what's rightfully yours. Covetousness precedes any kind of theft. What happened with David & Bathsheba was that he allowed himself to have the intention to steal another man's wife. I believe Matthew 5:28 talks about a married woman because the word "adultery" is used, and if you slept with another man's wife you violated his property – BIG trouble!
I'm probably gonna get backlash for this, but I don't care because sadly, most Christians today don't have a clue what lust actually is, and are blindly following the prudish, oppressive interpretation that they've been taught. We do live what we learn, but sometimes, we have to break through what society or tradition or the like say.
When Christ said that a man commits adultery in his heart when he “looketh on a woman to lust after her” He was talking about a man coveting a woman. In other words, he is having the desire to seduce her into sex outside of marriage. Christ in no way is condemning a man for being sexually attracted to a woman or him noticing her beauty or him even imaging what it would be like to be with her sexually. He is condemning a man thinking about adultery or fornication which is the act of a man unlawfully possessing a woman.
HST, to a large extent you summarized my point…that looking only crosses the line to be "lust" when it becomes a deliberate plan to obtain what is being observed. Looking with appreciation of the beauty is not wrong…unless and until one acts on it. Now there are ways of looking that may not be appropriate, and the viewer needs to use good discretion and common sense.
Oh yes, well if we're talking about staring or "gawking" then that's just rudeness. But yeah, intent has to be there. Fantasies are thoughts with no intentions attached. When is the next part coming?
Interesting…
I know that something I have been struggling with is the random sexual dream I have when I haven't had a "release" in a while.
The dream tends to be pretty graphic and I feel like I have betrayed that person and God when it is someone I know.
For instance, I have had dreams about a good friend of mine before. The one that messed with me the most is where we were in a library or something. She was wearing the typical "teacher/librarian look" that I consider to be very attractive and beautiful. Glasses, dress, and high heels.
But anyway, we end up kissing quite a bit and then the dream changes and she ends up bent over a table or sitting up and we are having passionate sex. The dream always gets murky here which is a good thing I guess. (The "camera" of the dream will show my friend's face but the act itself seems "out if focus") Like my mind doesn't know what it would look like properly but either way it messes with me a lot!
It just seems so wrong. The worse part is that on some small level I think I enjoyed it… 🙁
I know I can't completely control my dreams but it just seems so wrong all the same… I hate it
I’m really looking forward to reading part 2. This is a topic that I have been interested in for a while now. What exactly does it mean to “lust” after someone? Why does it seem so normal to be aroused by beauty if it’s so wrong? Currently, I believe there is a huge misunderstanding in this area. Lust can’t mean arousal because there are many things that cause this. Maybe it is addressed in part 2 but do people think that it is wrong to be aroused by looking at people of the opposite sex? And where is the line? Are erotic photos ok? I would love to hear other perspectives on this as we wrestle with this topic as Jesus followers.
I think erotica is fine. My wife and I occasionally watch ethically produced erotic media together (which we pay for, not steal) as part of foreplay, or while we we make love. It's beautiful to see the human form and so hot to see others' (consensual/ethical) sex. It's the same thing we do in written form here. I can honestly say there's no lust/coveting involved. Just appreciation, beauty, arousal and spiced up sex with my bride.
I have yet to find any [consensual, ethically produced] erotic content as per lenos' comment. If it is out there I have not seen it.
Harper, I sure hope you don’t get backlash. I totally agree with you… First that there’s a lot we have to “unlearn” from our past. Much of the way this topic was handled when growing up was (I believe) incorrect. Second I agree with your understanding of lust & covetness.
In fact, I would even take your ideas a step further. Let’s say my friend Kip had an iPhone X, and I really like the features and now I want one. That is consumerism at its finest… but is it covetness? Is the desire to have an iPhone X wrong or sinful? What if I even found myself daydreaming about holding an iPhone X in my hands?
My conclusion is No. And I don’t think it’s coveting, unless I devise a plan to take something into my possession in a way that isn’t above-board (e.g. stealing, credit card fraud, shoplifting, etc). Even if that plan is NOT implemented, I think the plan itself is coveting or “lusting.”
So I don’t think it’s wrong to be sexually attracted to other women. I don’t even think it’s wrong (and I know this is quite controversial) to have sexual thoughts or daydreams. However, when you start wanting those thoughts to be played out, and you are devising plans in your heart to cheat or take what’s not yours, then you are lusting. There is a stronger weight with the word “lust” than most people want to acknowledge.
Agreed, our Christian culture has usually said that any kind of looking at the opposite sex with appreciation of the beauty is lust. I don't think that definition can be supported from the Bible, and over the years it has produced a lot of false guilt and unhealthy attitudes about sex.
Hi PacMan!
Yes, "unlearn" was the word I was looking for, thank you! Of all the words to forget 😛 There is so much more I could say (in agreement) on what you're saying too. As for the backlash, I've gotten it before which is why it's sort of expected, but I'm ready. I admit that with topics like these I'm very passionate, so much so that my "passion" can be mischaracterized as anger. That said though prudery does make me angry, because it's a form of oppression, and oppression can cause psychological problems. God bless 🙂
That's why we have grace.
What excellent questions, Mercury7! I agree with your points and can tell you've thought this topic through and gone to the Word for your answers. I completely agree with Harper and Pacman and you. Unfortunately, many Christians have been the cause of great "ungodly guilt" and it's so hard to see. But your words were so well articulated and I could feel your passion for honoring God in your post. Would you mind if I "borrowed" some of your arguments in the future? I would give you full credit of course! Thank you for posting and may God continue to bless you as you follow Him!
CML, Thanks for your positive comments. Yes, you have permission to borrow from and build on the ideas I presented. I just give two words of caution: first, be sure to build your understanding on the Word, and not on the imperfect understandings of humans, whether from me or someone else. Second, I'm a little concerned about your use of the word "arguments". I trust you mean that in the sense of "positions" or "ideas" and not in the sense of "ammunition" that can be used to attack someone else. Not only do our views need to be based on the Word, but our demeanor must also be in line with the character qualities that God desires us to have.
Mercury7 – I love how you put your September 18th comment. I heartily agree that our thoughts and interpretations must be wholly consistent with the Word of God. I think humility in us presenting our best biblical insights on this subject will admittedly lead us to know our limitations.
I would add one thing: Even though we can often identify problems in other's views – we should approach this with a humble, careful attitude. For example, I'm convinced that from Plato to Augustine – the ways of seeing the purpose(s) of sex was generally incomplete at best and flawed at worst – unbiblical. It has led to a flawed traditional view – as many Christians did not get out from under the Platonic presuppositions from the past. What has come after has been a historical challenge for many in the church to teach its way out of. There has been ebbs and flows of progress. Yet, there is still work to be done, conversations to be had, things to be written and improved upon. I think many of us who love the mission of MH want to see it happen faster. Yet, I hope those who write with strong opinions here (including myself) – that we would also show respect for our brothers and sisters who have studied before us, who have lived before us. I think on subjects of this importance – that it is important to utilize the best lexical sources, biblical commentators, conservative scholarship, and conservative writers on sexuality. After we have shown the fruit of understanding what has driven the conclusions of our other brothers and sisters – I think we are in a better place to write persuasively and with love. No, we don't have a PhD to write well and accurately. Yet, the wisdom of Proverbs 18:17 serves us well: "The first to state his case seems right – until another comes and cross-examines him." There is something important to be understood about the history of particular interpretations. If and when we identify flaws in thinking and application – we point out the error. We demonstrate how the Bible teaches an alternate understanding. A good rule of thumb: When you have an interpretation that no one has had in the history of Jesus' church – it is a good idea to be humble. It doesn't mean you are necessarily in error – but you likely are. That said, attention to different doctrines has received more attention or less attention in different eras. Not everything has been written on. So, we still have work to do. May God guide us and lead us by His Spirit – and may we not lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). I love this forum and all the contributors. This is not a shot at anyone. Just a reminder in the spirit of Mercury7's wise words. LH
Thank you, LH, for your detailed and thoughtful response. And thanks to all who have joined in this discussion that I hope is helping each of us clarify our thinking (or I should say, "discern God's thinking") on this matter.
I think one reason the church has often taken a very restrictive approach to sex is that as believers we do understand how powerful and damaging our sexual drive can be. The statement James makes to describe the dangers of our words seem equally accurate to our sexuality, "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." (James 3:5). We all have seen that truth played out in the lives of others – or perhaps even in some ways in our own lives, when lust ignites a fire that can prove difficult or impossible to put out!
By my original post, I certainly do not mean to brush off the fact that whenever we deal with visual attraction we are in a sense striking a spark that comes with great risk. And as Solomon so aptly asked, "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?" (Proverbs 6:27)
We often wish God had given us simple black and white rules about everything – but that isn't how He deals with us. Instead He wants us to live not by a rule book but in a relationship with Him, and He wants us to grow in our personal maturity.
So what are the boundaries for looking, and when does it turn into lust? I think those are individual decisions that each person must wrestle through by way of prayer, careful study of the Word, and honest evaluation of his or her own weaknesses. Where I draw those boundaries for myself is probably not the same place that is appropriate for you to draw them for yourself.
Amen, yes Mercury7, thank you for pointing that out. By arguments I did indeed mean position or stance. You're so right, God's Word is the ultimate authority and He is the one we need to seek if we need wisdom, in this and any other topic. You are glorifying God in your responses, you're humility and desire for truth shine through your words! Thank you for your reply!
Great analysis.
JAM777 Son, there is NOTHING wrong with what you are dreaming! Please, stop engaging in self-flagellation over your GOD-GIVEN sexuality! It's perfectly natural! And of course, you enjoyed it, God made you able to enjoy it, it's not illicit at all. You've been the victim of what I call prudish oppression. Much love, son. btw how are you doing lately? God bless
Hello Mrs. Thornton! Hope you all had a great trip!
I'm not trying to beat myself down at all. I just hate the fact it was of a friend who I don't and won't have a relationship with on that level. The reason why the enjoyment part messed with me is because she isn't my wife and my mind still said "that was awesome and it doesn't matter that she isn't your wife… love it anyway…!"
And I appreciate your support, you are such a blessing!!
And I'm hanging in there. Just got to keep trusting the Lord.
Hope you all are doing well! How's your granddaughter?
I think lust is great. Somewhere and somehow the concept of desire was twisted from the intent. No way shape or form do I believe God intended intense sexual desire, regardless of who it is by or for is the equivalent of adultery. Of course the heart does not think or lust so we can start with that flaw in the verse.
You are referring to Matthew 5:28? error there, just a shared euphemism. Despite also being the word we use medically for the organ, "[Heart (2588 /kardía) is mentioned over 800 times in Scripture, but never referring to the literal physical pump that drives the blood. That is, "heart" is only used figuratively (both in the OT and NT.]" (That's from Bible Hub.)
Our current understanding of the word is not the Biblical one. It meant the inner person, the self. "'the affective center of our being' and the capacity of moral preference (volitional desire, choice; see P. Hughs, 2 Cor, 354); 'desire-producer that makes us tick' (G. Archer), i.e our 'desire-decisions' that establish who we really are."
There is a cool article put out by Stanford University called "A History of the Heart." (I searched Stanford a history of the heart and found two, but the top (longer) one is the one I was referring to.)
Those are reasons we need to use our intellect and knowledge gained over the millennia when we decide what God expects from us. I understand some believe in literal reading of scripture but I think it is clear that is not the case. Once we are willing to change the meaning to make sense in today’s world we open it up to a wide variety of possibilities.
I believe it is important to use our intellect and nearly two millennia of Biblical study (more if we are considering the Hebrew scriptures) to try and understand the meaning of the word *at the time of its use* and apply that. Jesus knew the human "heart" better than anyone, and His meaning is the one we should apply to decide what we will do or not do if our goal is to please Him rather than just ourselves. In this case, He specifically warned against setting our hearts on another man's wife—another example of the importance of knowing the meaning of the word here translated "woman." If a man set his heart on a single girl, he could marry her and have her. Nothing sinful about that.
It comes down to being a good listener: The speaker, writer, and translator are speaking to us as through PlayBooster® Talk Tubes that reach through the sands of time. What the words mean or imply today is, in some cases, not the literal meaning a contemporary listener would have come away with (nor what a reader contemporaneous with the translator would have understood, so taking into consideration the date of the translation and what words meant at that time is important, too.) The only eye-witness accounts we have of His instructions to us were written in Greek, so anywhere there is a question, I think we have to ask what He meant when he chose *that* word or phrase to have come down through the ages to us.
In no way do I think we should use our understanding of those words or phrases to dictate to others the choices they should make. But neither should we shy away from discussing why we make the choices we do or considering the reasoning of others. So thank you for sharing yours.
CHL, thanks for your comment here. I always appreciate your insights and perspective!
Too bad lust has become a dirty word in English. In German it pertains to a wide range of desires whether good or bad, whereas in English it has come to pertain only to illicit sex. Also as mentioned, the Greek word in M528 means focused desire, not casual admiration. There is no sin in admiring a Porsche (king of the German Autobahn), but there is a sin in coveting it and contemplating improper means to get it.