Breaking the Silence

Before I start this story, I feel like there are a couple things you should know.

1) I made a very hurtful, destructive, and stupid decision early on in our marriage. I was unfaithful.  

2) I endured both sexual abuse and rape as a very young child up until puberty.

Okay. So now that I’ve divulged information few people know, let’s get to the story. I hope this helps someone or at least lets them know they are not alone.

As I said previously, I was unfaithful early in our marriage. It was very tough, but my husband and I worked very hard and cried out to the Lord for guidance many times to reconcile.  We were about six months past the affair and getting back to a good place when the unimaginable happened. A close friend of the family sexually assaulted me. He told me if I said anything, he would tell my husband that I had initiated another affair.

At the place we were, I knew my husband would believe it. So I suffered in silence for weeks. This happened more than once because I was so afraid my marriage would be over. I blamed myself. I was angry at the world, and I even considered ending my life.

When the situation came to light, my greatest fears were realized. The assailant portrayed what happened as an affair that I had willingly taken part in. I was too afraid to tell my husband the truth for fear he wouldn’t believe me. I was devastated. Again, by the grace of God and lots of work we were able to work things out. After we reconciled, I was afraid not only that he wouldn’t believe me, but that if he did, he would try to seriously injure the assailant. So I held onto this painful secret for nearly four years. I only told my best girlfriend about it (who encouraged me to tell my husband).

Finally, at the beginning of September, we were on a road trip without our daughter. For twelve hours in the car, we discussed so many things. At one point, he said something that brought me to my knees. He told me that after the second “affair” that he struggled for so long. I was in so much pain myself that I had failed to see how hurt he was.  He told me that he blamed himself. He thought that if he was “bigger,” I wouldn’t have strayed. At that moment I knew I had to tell him.

As I tried to tell him, I was sobbing. I told him I was so sorry for never telling him before. I explained why I was so afraid. I told him what drove me to keep something so important from my one true love and my life partner. By this point, he was also sobbing but hadn’t yet said anything.

He composed himself and pulled into the next rest area in the middle of nowhere. We were the only ones there. He left the car running as he got out and came around to open my door. I was confused, but when I got out he reached out to hold me. I fell into his arms and sobbed until I felt him pull away gently. He opened the back car door and helped me to slide over so he could join me in the backseat. Once there, he reached for me again and I melted into his embrace. My sobbing had slowed to a steady crying at this point. I laid on his shoulder with my eyes closed. Then I felt his breath catch. I looked up to see him sobbing again and I waited for him to speak. When he finally started to speak, I was still afraid of what he might say.

And then in the blink of an eye, I fell more in love with this man than I could’ve ever imagined. Tears were running down his face. He whispered, “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel as if you couldn’t tell me anything. I love you.”

I held onto him tighter and said, “I love you too, baby. More than you know!”

We each wiped our eyes and composed ourselves. After a moment he leaned in to kiss me. When our lips met, I felt a need for him that I’d never felt before.

In this moment of such devastation, I NEEDED my husband. I needed to make love to him. I needed the reassurance and comfort that comes only from joining as one with the gift God gave you as your spouse.

When he pulled away from the kiss, I told him I needed him to make love to me. He asked, “Are you sure?” I barely got yes out of my mouth before he crushed my lips with the most passionate kiss I have ever experienced.

He came up for air and said “I need you too. Badly!” As he said this I glanced down and realized he was now sporting a very full and hard erection.

I blushed slightly as I took his cock out of his pants and bent to suck it. He stopped me and said “Not this time, baby. I need to be inside you!” I straddled his lap and he sank into me. I rode and kissed him until he shot his full load of cum deep into my needy ladyplace. Him filling me with his cream was all I needed. I went over the edge myself and enjoyed one of the strongest orgasms of my life!!

We then cleaned up, kissed once more, and got back on the road. We held hands and enjoyed the afterglow for quite some time. Both of us relieved, satisfied, and more connected than ever.

Author note: If you or a loved one has experienced sexual assault and need help please contact The National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

 

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5 replies
  1. Tangosierra says:

    That was a moving story. Thank you for your vulnerability and trust of sharing that situation. I could actually feel the love coming out in your storytelling.

  2. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    I was crying myself when I read this! You are not alone my dear, as I said many times on here before, my husband and I both experienced this. I was molested by family friends and my husband was raped by an extended family member so believe me, we know. I confess, I don't understand everything about your story, but I do understand the pain being abused causes. I can't tell you how terrible I feel for what you went through :'(

    Did you report the rape to the police? Please do so if you haven't. God bless you, you precious woman! You are loved!

  3. ArtRutherford says:

    Thanks for Breaking the Silence. I was addicted to porn at one point and to Break the Silence with confessions to your spouse is indeed a growing and life changing experience. I applaud you.

  4. Slinger says:

    Thank you both for your kind words. The journey hasn’t been an easy one but the Good Lord has brought us through each hardship. Mrs. Harper, I didn’t report the rape. With no physical evidence and the time since the assault, I know there is nothing that could be done

  5. JAM777 says:

    My heart goes out to you and all that you both must have gone through and still probably go through!
    It's a blessing you were willing to share not only your trauma but also the beauty of you and your husband's beautiful time together afterwards! Thank you!

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