Great Sex After Menopause
Let me start by saying I’ve always enjoyed sex. We’ve been pretty adventurous throughout our 31 years of marriage. But, things began to change in our sex life with menopause and the added stress of caring for aging parents. They started to go downhill.
The mood swings, night sweats, hot flashes, low libido and most of all the vaginal dryness just made intimacy next to impossible. I was depressed and missing that connection.
So I began a journey of research, determined to get my groove back. My husband was patient, but sex had become a chore for both of us. So much work for him to try and get me to orgasm. Then it still wouldn’t happen. It got to where he didn’t want to even get aroused enough to try. It just wasn’t worth it because it was not fun anymore. I would offer to please him, but he felt bad because he couldn’t please me or didn’t want to hurt me. Sex would usually end in frustration.
So I went to my doctor, got blood work done, and began some bioidentical hormones. I read a book ‘Sex for Grownups: Dr. Doree Reveals the Truths, Lies, and Must-Tries for Great Sex After 50’. It does have some helpful info but I don’t believe the author’s views on homosexuality and pornography would sit well with most Christians. For our anniversary I bought a book for my husband called ‘She Comes First: A Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman’ by Ian Kerner. I also bought one for me called ‘Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man’ by the same author. I thought we could both learn some new techniques!
It became clear to me that, to my husband, sex was always goal oriented. He wouldn’t stop until I had an orgasm. That was putting pressure on both of us. The Sex for Grownups book talks about keeping it fun. We began to just have foreplay and not pressure each other so much.
The book talks a lot about the need for menopausal woman to masturbate regularly to stimulate blood flow and increase their desire. Also to learn techniques and new ways that please you since some of the old ways no longer work. I grew up thinking masturbation was wrong. I never really learned how other than humping a pillow from time to time. It was during this time I found MH and began to change my feelings about masturbation. I even began reading stories to my husband!
I ordered a couple of vibrators and an APEX-M kegel pelvic wall stimulator. Each day I would tell my husband I needed to do my exercises and have some me time. Then I would close the door a little embarrassed. Gradually, I relaxed and explored, learning better ways to pleasure myself. This opened communication with my husband. I could now show him and be more vocal about what I liked and needed. In the past, I would try to tell him but not show him. That made him feel like he was doing things wrong.
The hormones and the techniques began to work. I was horny and would call my husband to finish me off after I got all worked up. Needless to say, he began to look forward to me closing that door. It would drive him wild imagining what I was doing!
That was just the beginning! Now sex is incredible and I can’t get enough!
So ladies, if you’re struggling in this area and complaining about how often your husband wants it, I challenge you to put the time and effort into getting your groove back. It’s so worth it.
I hope this information is helpful to those who are feeling discouraged.
I’m so thankful for a Godly husband who’s also patient and willing to put in the work to have a great marriage! I love you, babe! And thanks to MH for igniting the spark!
Southernheat, absolutely great post! Thank you so much for sharing. Masturbation does indeed have it's benefits. Stay horny and God bless
Menopause. Been there. Done that. But, I really liked the article. My wife can't take hormones because it may interfere with some tumor medicine she is taking. So, I masturbate often. 🙁
Hubby wanted me to give him credit where credit is due lol! The book helped him fine tune and put some new twist on his skills! All I can say is OMG he’s incredible! The benefits of long term relationships you know each other so well and things just keep getting better!
That is how it is with us. 31 years and we both enjoy sex more and more.
My wife had to have her womb removed and at 45 menopause set in. Intitially she used a patch, but she always continued wanting to satisfying me.
Thank you for your information. My wife has been going through menopause and some of the symptoms you mentioned. We have been trying to help each other and be patient with one another as we both are aging, but still loving sex.
Just be patient with each other Lovemywife56. Age happens on both sides We both have issues at times. It’s just easier now that we don’t worry about the outcome but enjoy the closeness and having fun along the way. Usually the outcome is great just sometimes have to get there in different ways. Just encourage your wife as she goes through this phase.
I know this sounds silly, but I sometimes enjoy her hot-flashes. We like to sleep naked, and she will throw off her covers when getting one of those, and I get to gape at her beautiful shapely form. MMM!
Thanks for posting the link to this story. Since so much of sex is in the head, overcoming early teachings has been difficult for me. Masturbation was one of the many no-nos taught by the church I grew up in. Now, I'm exploring and maturing into thinking anything other than cheating is worth considering. As I washed in the shower, my mind went to the sensations as my fingers moved over my breasts and other sensitive areas that brought me pleasure. I even intentionally touched myself in the place that excited me. But something in my mind stopped me before I got too turned on. But it was a start and I hope to get over my hang up. They say where there is a will there is a way.
Way to go Marge! You gotta start somewhere. I think your pretty amazing — such a great attitude. Just continue, it will get easier. Takes awhile to overcome things we’ve been told all our lives.
Thanks for sharing your story. I d learned to masturbate in my
Late 50,s. Really enjoy it. How do I get my older husband interested in joining me. I’m afraid that he’d be opposed to it. He’s very conservative about sexual exploration.
I'm probably amongst the very youngest here, (18 1\2) so menopause is many moons away, but this story particularly caught my eye as my mom is now just starting to menopause, and has experienced some changes. I mean, I have no idea what my parent's sex life looks like, (ick!) But I do like this story nonetheless! ?
Thank you for this writing. My wife and I are about to embark on this journey soon. I will look into these books.