The Big Question – What Does He Want in the Bedroom?
Allow me to start off by saying that it is Godly for your husband to want sex. He was created that way. There is nothing wrong with him having a healthy sexual appetite. There is also nothing wrong with him if he enjoys it, if he wants to try new things, and if he wants to do it as often as possible.
But the big question is, “What does he want?”
I want to give a few answers from my male perspective. I am sure that the men and women reading this will be able to add other things. I would love to read them, so please do add to this list.
1. The most important thing is that he wants his wife to WANT him. There is nothing as good for a man’s ego as the fact that he feels desired by his wife. It gives him that Superman feeling. A man who knows that his wife actually wants him and desires to make love with him, feels as if he can conquer the world. If all the other points in this writing fall flat and this one remains, he will survive! I want to shout it from the rooftops: Ladies, Show Him That You Want Him!
2. He does not want to feel ‘serviced’ out of necessity. Sympathy sex is terrible. He hates to feel that she is just doing it to get it over so that she can carry on with her life. That is the ultimate death for a man. Often, when a man seeks sex with his wife, or tries to point out that sex is an issue in the marriage, there is not enough attention given to his voice. He is downplayed. Ignored. Or worse, ridiculed. He is made to feel ashamed for his healthy sexual desire. Yet, he is speaking about something and desiring something that is completely biblical. It is expected of him as a husband. He is not being unreasonable because he wants sex with the one person God has told him (Yes, commanded him!) to have sex with.
3. He wants his wife to come to the party. I am talking about her actually showing up. I do not want to feel that she is absent and busy with her shopping list while we are making love. I have never in my life been with a prostitute, but that must be what it feels like. I want her to take an active part in our lovemaking. I want her mind and emotions to make love to me and NOT just her body. To make your body available, but withhold your heart, enthusiasm and attention. Well, that is almost as painful as if you didn't even offer your body. At least that's what my feeling is about it. It would be more satisfying to masturbate alone.
4. He wants to experience that she is enjoying it. Men are inclined to see life as a competition or a challenge. I have really no pleasure in just having an orgasm. That is not what sex is about for me. I want my wife to enjoy it so much that all the neighbors must know my name. I want to hear her enjoyment. I love it if my wife gives me feedback during and after our times of lovemaking. I want to know how I can improve in what I do and how I can give her more pleasure. She needs to help me understand what is arousing for her. And I need to be willing to let her show and teach me.
5. He wants to be able to talk about sex. He wants to feel free to say what he wants. He also wants to hear about what his wife wants. He wants to tell her about stuff that he would like to try. Most wives can drive their husbands wild by whispering something naughty in his ear. We have a bottle with about 60 intimate questions about sex. It is a great way to open conversation to draw a card at least once a week and chat about the question. Here are a few examples - *Name one thing that really turns you on. *Please tell me about your favorite memory of us having sex. *Tell me about something you would like to try that we have not tried before. *How often would you like to have sex/make love? What is your ideal?
6. He wants variety. Here the adventurer comes out. “Let’s have sex in the garden.” “I dare you to make love to me with the curtains open.” Or “I want you to go out with me for dinner without a panty.” And another favorite “Let's make love in the change rooms at the clothing store.” You can have your husband eating out of your hand if you come up with some of these wild ideas. Even if they do not actually happen. The fact that you would come up with such a wild idea will have him on edge for a week. Men are quite adventurous and become bored with same-old, same-old. Men want a wife that makes suggestions about new things to try or just being naughty in some way. That is a very exciting bonus for most husbands.
Allow me to end with this statement, "I believe most sexual struggles in marriages can be healed and redeemed and made into something amazing."