Carl and I met when a friend suggested I attend a “coping with the death of your spouse” group at her church. It had been a couple of years of suffering. I knew Carl was older, but not until he asked me to marry him did I realize how much. He is a good and handsome man, so age was not going to stop me from saying yes.
Even though we had both been married before, we did no more than kiss before the wedding. Carl is a caring and creative lover who thinks my pleasure is important. But as he entered his mid 60’s, he began to experience some forgetfulness. He would joke that it was lucky for him that my name was the same as his first wife’s. That way, it wouldn’t be awkward in bed if he called out the wrong name.
He enjoyed romantic and sensual conversation during foreplay and sex, talking about sex we had and locations where we made love. It was very sweet and sexy–except most of those vacations and sex acts were with his first wife.
Once, I told him of his error. He lost his erection and was so embarrassed. It took me almost a month to convince him to make love to me again. I have not said anything since, even about sex acts I don’t prefer to do. Some of the stories are a turn on, but I always feel awkward and distracted.
Should I accept things the way they are and try and enjoy things the way he wants them? It troubles me that, in his mind, he is not having sex with me but with his first wife. I can achieve a climax if I just go with it, so sexually it can be satisfying. It seems wrong in some way, but I don’t see an alternative.
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