Hi there to the MH community,
I greet you in peace and love.
I want to start by saying that I like the way marriage sexuality is promoted here, and I can absolutely say, after reading a few posts here – but also, investigating how beautiful marriage is in the Bible – that I keenly look forward to married sex!
I am now single, however. I do have a girlfriend with whom I am in a long-distance relationship, and we’ve been sexually active before, but haven’t gone all the way. However, I put a stop to our sexual intimacy because I felt it was not right, and she understood; but it has knocked us a bit.
That is not the point, though. The inquiry I come to you with is that of self-pleasure.
I have raging hormones, and I am very easily turned on. In the past, I’ve given in to porn and excessive masturbation because I have not been able to control myself. However, recently, a month back or so, God taught me how I could never hope to keep the law and that I’ve broken it in so many ways, but that He sent Jesus to pay for my transgressions.
After years of being a Christian, only recently have I come to know just how much Christ did for me! And He has shown me how to repent; He has given me the strength to resist temptation. I’ve abstained quite a bit from masturbation, and I’ve decided that pornography is no longer to be in my life; it is a damaging sort of erotica. And I feel good—well, I did, because only very recently did I masturbate again, but without the usual porn that I used to watch.
What I mean by feel good is physically so, I felt quite vigorous and energetic, but recently, I just desired to play again, because I was just so horny. But I’ve come to appreciate the benefits of abstinence greatly.
This is where my inquiry comes in. Sex is meant for marriage; we can all agree. But how does masturbation fit in? It’s sexual satisfaction without a spouse, which seems short of God’s plan. Yet, of all the sexual prohibitions in Leviticus, Deuteronomy, and those mentioned in the New Testament, masturbation does not seem counted among them. So, what part does it play? If we say that it is just to relieve sexual tension, then is that not a form of “self-reliance” instead of relying on God for sustenance?
And if it is for pleasure, is it not a desire of the body? But food can be a desire of the body, sleep as well. Do we not need these things? If so, and it is then right for pleasure, then is mental sexual imagery a sin? Or is erotica, be it any form (as long as it portrays married sex), a sin? The introductory post on “Singles Masturbation” says, “MarriageHeat welcomes the opportunity to help singles ‘get off’ on monogamous sex.” “Getting off” is sexual, for pleasure. So do you think such a thing is acceptable?
Furthermore, what would be your opinion on erotica featuring other singles masturbating? I know it may sound strange to ask, but my reasoning is that if masturbation is not sinful, then getting off on others doing it may not be wrong, as long as it doesn’t lead to the desire for the person outside of sex.
I’m an incredibly horny person, I will be straight-up honest. And sometimes I just want to get off to something sexy! I love nudity; I love the thoughts of sex. I’ve loved seeing sex happen in videos, I love watching women masturbate! No, I’m not condoning the porn industry, but I hate damaging erotica that showcases sex outside of God’s laws. But is there good erotica, like what I’ve mentioned? I don’t desire the people I see in the videos; I just like getting off to them.
I don’t think it’s right that my girlfriend and I send each other nudes because that might lead to a premarital sex desire. (Perhaps we could send nudes though if we can direct our pleasure to thoughts of marriage with each other, but this seems risky). It seems safer to use “good erotica,” if the things I mentioned earlier can constitute as that.
My questions are earnest. I realize that I might be approaching this from a law perspective rather than a grace perspective, but if Jesus came to fulfill the law, it would make sense we look there to how He wants us to live. I’m not trying to justify any wrongdoing, but I want to express my sexuality in the healthiest way. I realize that there have been tons of scenarios like mine, but I hope someone can help.
May you go in peace and love,
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