Husband Material?

As a young and single Christian man, I have a question: what is it that a single, sex-positive Christian lady would find most valuable and appealing in a prospective husband? I don’t really know very many girls—hardly any actually, and none that I could foresee any kind of a romantic future with. So I feel kind of out of touch, if you know what I mean. And there are so few these days, both men and women, that seem committed to the kind of Christian lifestyle that is the basis for a healthy marriage.

I know that most of you are already married, so maybe you could tell me what it was about your husband that made you say yes. And if you are single and still looking forward to finding Mr. Right, I’d love to know what’s on your criteria list.

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17 replies
  1. LovingMan says:

    I am a man but I’ll tell you what mattered to my wife. She cared that I was committed to Christian values. So although I was sex-positive, we only kissed before we married. She wanted a husband who was kind and treated others with kindness. I was underemployed when we met but I was working hard and although my income was below par she knew that I was willing to work hard. After our marriage I was eventually able to get a better paying job in my profession. Once engaged we talked about sex and we read a book together written by a Christian sex therapist. As a husband I strived to be patient and loving and that included sexual issues. By the way, before we met and even while dating we were each getting therapy and that helped us both be ready for what’s been a successful marriage. Not perfect but truly wonderful! Another thing is that many women care that a man is passionate about something. This is not referring to sex but passionate about a job, a hobby or something. We were both scientists so that was a common passion we shared.
    Our fields in science were different but we both respected each other’s expertise. Melodie appreciated that I loved her mind and intelligence, not just her body.

    • DefiantArtist says:

      Wow, thank you so much for the insights! And may I say I have greatly enjoyed your stories here!
      I can definitely relate to the less than ideal income; something I'm hoping to change. 🙂

      Thanks again!

  2. Hotnorthern says:

    I believe I fall into the category of a single or unmarried, sex positive young woman. What I am looking for is a man is will take initiative and pursue me (I’m lucky that I am dating someone who has done just that!), someone who is a man and not still a boy caught up in boy activities like sitting around playing video games every spare minute.
    My biggest beef with Christian men over the years (I’m 30) is that they don’t take initiative and pursue women. At least 50% do not. Many if not most of the married girls my age pursued their husbands hard core. I’m not that type of person. I’m reserved and shy especially if I like someone and don’t know how they feel. It doesn’t matter how many times people would say not to be shy and just basically throw yourself on them because they are shy too. Sorry not happening. Why are women demanded to get over their shyness and not men? I feel like men have gotten lazy about women in general. They expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter. It’s like there are so few Christian guys and they know they can choose whoever they want mostly because there are so many more girls and so they don’t bother trying to impress or woo, or they are terribly picky and looking for perfect? I wish I knew. Of the single guys I know they don’t seem to take any initiative. So guess who managed to win me over? A non Christian incredibly kind, respectful, gentle man who has gently and tenderly pursued me over the course of the last year. I’ve come to love him dearly and I pray with all my heart he comes to know Jesus because I so want a Christian home. He grew up nominally Christian and is open so we’ll see where it goes.

    It does hurt that the two best male friends who I’ve ever had are not Christians. Christian guys don’t even want to be friends, apparently they are scared you’ll like them.

    • DefiantArtist says:

      I hate to say it, but there don't seem to be a great many really good strong Christian guys out there; something that really needs to change, I believe.

      Thanks for your response, and may I say I hope your man comes to the faith with all my heart. Keep up hope!

  3. Sarge says:

    Male perspective.
    Being a gentleman, a true listener, being able to make adjustments in your lifestyle, respectful, kind, gentle, supportive, never speaking ill of her behind her back, be playful but mindful not to over tease, and be honest about your past/present/future.
    When it comes to sex, never ever push anything on her that she’s uncomfortable with.
    We were married nearly 34 years until my wife passed away.

    • DefiantArtist says:

      Thank you for your answer, and my condolences for your loss…may she rest in peace. Excellent advice, I think, and I hope to share a lifetime with someone like you did. Thank you!

  4. kdm1984 says:

    I met my husband-to-be back in 2004; married in 2016 after a long engagement. He's not actually a Christian, for my parents didn't require him to be one (they believed people can be saved by Jesus after they die, so they never worried whether people were converts or not). They liked how clearly devoted and committed he was to me. He's very noble and principled; you can take him at his word. While not Christian, he respects my beliefs, and he's one of those non-theists who thinks people would do well to live more by what Jesus taught, even though he thinks Jesus wasn't divine.
    For me, all I required was a guy who was handsome, noble, principled, could be depended upon to do what he said, someone whose character I never needed to worry about. He's all those things. We just had our first child on January 5th! He's already a devoted father. I couldn't be happier — except, I hope he is called to the faith someday, of course. Then everything would be complete. My family, my church, and I always pray for his salvation. We have hope it's possible because of 1 Peter 3 and how he has consistently acted toward me for almost two decades now.

    • DefiantArtist says:

      As my Dad likes to say, where there's breath there's hope! And congratulations on your firstborn!

  5. lion hearted says:

    My wife & I have been married 35 yrs. After growing & traveling this journey together, the most valuable part is her relationship with Our Father. When each of you as a couple have a love relationship your Father, when you climb into Your Father's lap, feel His loving arms wrapped around you and you feel His breath on your neck, you are living in the tree of life. At times our journey has been bumpy. Three years ago that All changed for both of us, more so for me. We participated in a 10 week Freedom small group at church, I am free, no longer chained to my past. Freedom transformed our marriage and our lives. With a Google search, you could find one near you.

  6. King Arthur says:

    Well…it has been a long time since I have been a single. But, I think the modern woman looks for a single man that has intellect and spirituality about Jesus. This combination is the "chemistry" that happens between two people. I may be wrong about this, but I THINK that's what they are looking for.

  7. Heated Lover says:

    I am a single christian woman aged 37. I am longing for my husband to come into my life and us to start the journey of combining our lives as one flesh. I am looking for my future husband to love Jesus more than me. To be filled with His Holy Spirit and surrendered to God. I know that if He loves God with all his heart, that He will love me as much as Christ loved His church and gave His life for us. With that being said however, I am very sex positive, and as I have a very high sex drive (which is very uncomfortable when you are not married) I want a man who loves to have sex! I want to be pursued and ravished (in a safe way); in other words I wouldn't mind rougher sex every now and then. I guess you could say I want to be desired. I want him to hunger for me and to take me and fill me. I want to be filled with his body and hear his heartbeat as we snuggle after making love. I want to give my husband great sex! I have so many ideas and thoughts to try out after we are married. I long for him and want to show him in as many ways as possible, including rejoicing in our sex life and our bodies.
    I used to have this huge long list of everything I wanted in a husband, but apart from needing to love the Lord and love me, I am not so choosy now. I would like a man with a great sense of humor and someone easy to talk to, a good listener, compassionate, encouraging, loves kids, responsible, hardworking, thrifty, loves cats, someone who likes to cook would be a bonus! Physically speaking, while it would be great if he was like, this gorgeous hunk, I will be honest and say that is not necessary. I want to fall in love with his heart, not just his body. If he has a heart of gold, that is treasure enough. However, I would like someone who takes care of himself… and cologne would be wonderful too!

  8. LadyMoreau says:

    What I would find valuable and appealing is his faith and loyalty to the Lord. His wisdom and knowledge that only comes from diligent study of the Word and a love for learning. I value that our moral standards match to a reasonable degree. His affairs are in order. He is a man of his word. He is kind, gentle, compassionate, loving, trustworthy. He is respectful towards women while also honoring and protecting our relationship with healthy boundaries. He is emotionally mature. He is willing to work on problem areas and work together to make our relationship stronger. He understands that I have a purpose as a woman of God just as much as he has a purpose as a man of God. He takes the time to learn me and he loves me for me, not just my body and what he can get out of it. He admires my mind/intelligence, my nerdiness.

    I am not single. I'm going through a divorce after being married for 14 years to an abusive man. I also have 5 children. I do not assume or expect a man would be interested in me because of my history but that is what I value in a man.

    • DefiantArtist says:

      I'm really sorry to hear that…may our Lord lay His blessings upon you and your family. And I can't really speak from experience, but I would encourage you not to give up…there are good men out there still. Never lose hope!

      Oh, and thanks for the comprehensive answer to my question.

  9. Honeymooners says:

    My husband and I have known each other since we were little. Started courting as teens and I was 18 when we married. We also went to the same church.

    First, the love for God. My father in law is a preacher. My husband grew up with a love for God. God always comes first. My husband's love of God is the same love I have for God. Some of our dates would be Bible study and doing worksheets about Bible verses. His love for God is what connected me to him.

    Second, confidence. I'm shy. My husband is outgoing and loves being around people. Maybe that's part of being a preacher's kid. He wasn't shy about asking me out. He was very confident about it even if I would've said no. He straight out asked me if we could court because he had feelings for me. Which takes a ton of confidence. He also proposed with confidence. I love his confidence and that stands out to me.

    Third, forgiveness. It's hard, but my husband has a heart for forgiveness. He believes not forgiving means burdens and hatred are carried around. That's not fair for anyone. Yes, forgiveness is hard but forgiveness is for us. To heal our hearts. God forgives us, so we extended it to others for ourselves.

    Fourth, passion. My husband has passions he takes seriously. He learned two languages because it's his passion to communicate with other people. He has a passion for motorcycles and art. I love seeing his passions and seeing his dedication towards them.
    Sixth, honesty. Sometimes it's hard, but I love that my husband is honest. He shares his feelings openly. Many find this hard to do but honesty is best. That's how we work together and create change if something isn't working.

    Seventh, remembering. It still shocks me my husband remembers things I told him or we did. He remembers our first date down to the time. He remembers what dress I wore last week. He remembered my favorite things when we were courting. Remembering things about me makes me feel wanted and special. It's a small thing but makes a huge difference.

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