Sex Isn’t Shameful or Dirty

Sex.  Society sees sex in one of two ways. Shameful or you must have sex with a lot of people to know what you like. Many times, parents and churches teach that sex is a dirty secret or something to be ashamed of.

I want to say that sex is beautiful!  It’s healthy. It’s love. It’s two people together as one. However, only within marriage. See, my parents taught us about sex and God. God created sex, so sex is good but only within marriage. I remember as a little girl I accidentally walked in on my parents doing the deed. Yikes. 

So many parents would yell and shame their child. However, my parents didn’t do this. Instead, they both sat down and had a talk with me. They told me since they were married, sex was healthy and part of being married. God wanted them to have sex. Sex is a thing married couples do. God has a purpose for marriage and the family. Genesis 1:28.  Marriage between a husband and wife is a good thing.  Children are a blessing from God and are created via sexual intercourse – also a blessing from God. I was created by sex, two becoming one. We all were. 

 There is a special bond married couples share. Physical bonding is important. It’s a way to show love, respect, and share each other. Kissing, touching, sex are all healthy within marriage. God wants married couples to do this. They want my parents to do this. It was uncomfortable hearing this as a kid, but it’s important to know.  This carries on to your adult years. I was told at the time that one day I might have a husband and I too will enter the bounds of marriage. I too will one day share a special gift with my husband. It’s normal and healthy,  but sex is private between husband and wife. So next time I should knock and understand privacy. Parents need privacy too.

 I don’t remember how old I was at the time. Maybe 10 or 11 years old. I do know the next year I decided to give my life and purity to the Lord. This conversation stuck with me. Even on my wedding day and even now. The conversation my parents had with me was an important one. I remember hearing so many of my own friends have trouble liking sex or having sex because their own parents or churches treated sex as a bad dirty thing. So many parents and churches treat sex as a dirty bad thing. Parents even shame their children for seeing something natural and something God wants. Sex is loving. 

Was it gross catching my mom and dad in the act? Yes. I was mortified. However, my parents taught me sex is what married people do. It’s what parents do. They love each other and sex is a gift you give your spouse. It taught me to have a healthy view of sex. Now that I’m married and I’m having sex, I’m happy my parents taught me this healthy way to look at sex. I hope one day to pass this knowledge on to my own children. I hope they never ever catch us in the act but if they do, I’ll explain to them the same way my parents explained it to me.

Yes, parents, it’s embarrassing for your kid to catch you in the act. But sex isn’t shameful. It’s beautiful. It’s healthy. Parents have sex because they love each other and it’s healthy. Kids need to hear and see this. Not you having sex but knowing sex isn’t dirty or bad.  Yes, parents have sex because you love each other and God tells us sex within marriage is ok. 

So next time your child catches you or might catch you don’t panic. Treat sex as something beautiful within the bonds of marriage. Talk with your child. A Christian upbringing especially regarding sex is important in this society. My parents kissed in front of us as kids. They still do. It’s a way they show their love. Parents are their child’s first teachers. Teach your children love, respect, and about God. 

There’s a special relationship married couples have that their kids need to know about. If you treat sex as a dirty bad thing they’ll see it as a dirty bad thing. When they do get married they might still believe sex is a dirty shameful thing. Don’t set them up for this. Sex is beautiful, it’s wonderful, it’s bonding, it’s God-centered because He created it for us to enjoy within marriage.

Be physical. Yes, physical in front of your children. Not sex but kids needs to see physical affection. My parents would hug and kiss in front of us. I always heard my father tell my mom he loves her before leaving and my mother tell my father she loves him. Being physical teaches kids what a healthy Christian marriage looks like and sets them up for a healthy foundation.

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18 replies
  1. Lori D. says:

    I have to agree, sex isn't dirty, it's a wonderful union between a man and woman, a mother and a father.

    My mom and dad never kept anything from my brother and I as we grew up. They talked to us about everything; holidays, school, money, friendships, dating and yes even sex. I think I was 12 or possibly 13 when I saw this happen. One day after waking I went to the kitchen for breakfast after using the washroom. I saw my mom and dad hugging but it wasn't the normal hug I was accustomed to. Dad wasn't wearing a shirt, just a pair of summer shorts. And mom was just wearing one of dad's dress shirts and because it wasn't buttoned up, I could tell mom wasn't wearing a bra nor panties. I think I said something like "Ahem" and "What are you doing?" to catch their attention. They said good morning to me and said they were just talking but then kept kissing and running their hands over each other's body. I giggled and told them they should get a room. My dad looked at mom and said "Lori's right, let's get a room", and they left. While having my milk and toast I could tell from the noise coming from mom and dads bedroom, they weren't talking.

    • Honeymooners says:

      I'm happy your parents showed you what a good union of marriage looks like. So many hide it. I remember my mom and dad kissing and being grossed out. They told me this is what couples do who love each other. They didn't hide their love for each other. I remember hearing music as a young kid coming from my parents bedroom. The music didn't muffle all the noise but I do know my sister was born after. As an adult I now understand what they were doing. I'm happy parents don't hold back their love for each other. Kissing, hugging, and intercourse is part of marriage.

  2. SecondMarge says:

    People have sex because it feels good. Or occasionally some do it to start a family. But that is a tiny minority of sex acts. Same goes for the expression of love reason. Sex is about pleasure. Enough pleasure to keep us doing it even if it creates a child. Enough pleasure that we invent birth control. Enough pleasure that we find cures for STDs.

    But I do agree it is not dirty or shameful. I agree your parents handled you watching them have sex in the correct way. But we need to be honest if it felt like a root canal no one would be doing to show their love or in some misguided notion that it pleases God.

    The vast majority of sex is not even performed by married people. And married couples perform fewer and fewer sex acts the longer they are married. Does that mean they love each other or God less? Sorry to inject some reality and facts but like the old saying, Birds do it Bees do it. The Monkeys in the zoo masturbate. All for the same reason people do it. It feels good. Not because birds, bees, and monkeys are married or even know God exists.

    Describing things as all sweetness, blue skies, flowers and candy does not make it true.

    MH performs a good service. Not just to turn people on enough to self pleasure. But hopefully to help married couples with mismatched desire levels to find a better sex life. Those with great sex lives can show others how it can improve their lives and marriage, but only if we keep it real.

    Church attendance is dropping rapidly and those attending are primarily the elderly. We need a fresh and factual view of things that younger people can appreciate. That starts with admitting we get horny and need to cum. Not mommy and daddy just show love for God by daddy fucking mommy in the ass after she sucks his cock. Ok we can soften the words and use those on Songs.

    • Honeymooners says:

      I dont know about married couple doing fewer sex acts. I do believe society accepted premarital sex as the norm and the pleasure gets lost. Not just physical but emotional.

      I wish churches and more Christians would teach hormones are normal. We all want pleasure. Sex is one of the deepest pleasure. The biggest issue I've seen is shaming a God given response and not teaching how to deal with these responses. I've seen a lot of don't have sex and shaming sex but not any ways on how to treat sex.

  3. MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

    Good post. A few things:

    1) We have told our son we have sex. He knows mom and dad have sex. We think this is really important–that he understand sex is a part of marriage and his parents express their love for each other through sex.
    2) All humans want sex. Because it's natural for humans, we talk about sex openly with other couples. It wasn't always this way but in the past year it's been liberating to talk openly and honestly about it.

    • Honeymooners says:

      This is great! I think we need to be open with kids and not shame. I think we all should have these conversations

  4. kdm1984 says:

    Thankfully I never caught my parents in the act, lol! But they did teach it wasn't a dirty, bad, shameful thing. However, they also thought it was acceptable outside the bounds of marriage.

  5. LovingMan says:

    This is excellent advice! We really do need to teach our kids about sex in a more positive way. The way your parents handled it is perfect! Your post should be required reading for all parents who are people of faith. I’ve wondered why we Christians are so weird about sex. Sex is a great gift from God to married couples- not shameful nor dirty!
    In my opinion MH helps Christians realize that we can be true followers of Jesus and still love making love to our spouse!

    • Honeymooners says:

      Amen. Yes! Sex is normal for married couples. It should be treated like normal and I'm grateful my parents taught me this

  6. Frankie says:

    Wonderfully well written. Having been caught by one of our children, I regret we did not handle the situation as well as your parents did. You were very fortunate to have parents that mature.

    • Honeymooners says:

      I understand the embarrassment. I would be mortified if I was caught. In the moment you just don't know what to do. But I will teach it's normal and healthy maybe once things cool down and the shock wears off

  7. Second Chance says:

    I love this post on so many levels. Agree 100% my Dad was the same way with my Mum. He still is 🤣🤣🤣 hahaha

    I caught them once, although I was younger & unfortunately my Dad did yell in the moment to get out hahaha I think the shock of it hahaha

    But I was always taught marriage & sex go hand in hand, that it is the glue in love & expression for the marriage bed 🔥🔥🔥

  8. SecondMarge says:

    If God only made it for married couples, who made it for the others? Because they enjoy it as much or more than married couples. Sex makes a marriage better. At least in the early years, the child bearing years. Because marriage was created to protect mothers and infants.
    Keeping sex important during the later years of marriages is a lofty goal. Hopefully we do that for some here. But most here are the exceptions not the rule. As we age desire diminishes. There are also tons of sexless marriages between couples that love each other and love Jesus.
    Information and knowledge are not the enemy of Christians.

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