Is There Such a Thing as Wholesome Erotica?
My wife and I have discussed this recently and we would appreciate any insight or recommendations from the MH community.
One, we’re really enjoying our intimacy, and MarriageHeat has contributed significantly to it. So thank you! We just had a baby one month ago; even this post-partum season has been wonderful! We are closer than we’ve ever been.
This begins my question:
A few weeks ago we watched a movie together that had an unexpectedly sensual scene, wherein a woman was seen topless. We both reacted in arousal and began to kiss and fondle each other while the scene unfolded. Long story short, we had some memorably erotic sex, and it was influenced largely by the nature of the scene we watched. Afterward, we talked about it, and to my surprise, I actually felt really good about seeing something erotic onscreen, which is something I’ve never felt before. Typically, we are very circumspect about the movies we watch, avoiding anything raunchy or unwholesome.
However, this was different. And it got me thinking. I struggled with porn as a teenager, and after having been saved and redeemed, my habit has been to avoid anything pornographic at all costs. It became somewhat legalistic for a while, but MH has brought balance to my life…I don’t “fear” erotic content anymore and now understand that lust and arousal are not the same. I still avoid porn, but I have to admit that watching something erotic with my wife was a new experience that only improved our sexual intimacy, and there’s wasn’t even a trace of lust. It was probably the first time I had ever seen an onscreen woman naked and with arousal and desire that was only for my wife.
So here’s my predicament — My wife and I are interested in the possibility of viewing some sort of erotica together, due to the potential excitement therein. However, we are NOT about to turn to the world’s version of such…pornography and the like. Porn these days is so full of immorality that it’s repulsive and flat-out sad.
Nevertheless, we would love to know that, out there somewhere, people who appreciate monogamous and heterosexual intimacy have produced erotic pictures and videos featuring anonymous, married couples enjoying each other’s bodies for our education and the enhancement of our intimacy. In a way (I get it), this seems like an oxymoron for a Christian. But, doesn’t it sound great to have access to some sort of erotic imagery that isn’t sin on film? I hate that what seems to be the only erotica out there is adultery, fornication, polygamy, or homosexuality. I would feel much better about seeing any kind of graphic nudity or sexuality if I knew it was produced by people who are against secular pornography.
Anyhow, I’m not entirely certain as to how I feel about this at all, but I’m interested in hearing some opinions. All in all, IS there such a thing as wholesome erotica? If so, is viewing it okay? If any of you have recommendations for this interest of my wife and me, we are open, but still wary.
PS. What do you all think about imagery/video of solo masturbation? I’m not so sure about it, but it does ensure that the person filmed is not engaged in fornication. However, my worry is that such content could easily be produced by people who do not have the kind of respect for godly sexuality that I would prefer to see.
I would be concerned about it becoming a “slippery slope.” I have felt the same way as you. There has to be wholesome porn out there. You are looking for porn you know right? Just a different kind. You said that you had issues with porn as a kid. You have gone from avoiding it altogether to reading stories here to now wanting porn. Do you see the progression? The only thing about your situation that seems different than most is that you guys are both into it. Most of the time it is just the man. That’s why I am conflicted. I guess continue but make sure it isn’t either of you doing it solo. It sounds like some of this could be newer and because of that you’re going to be hot and heavy for a bit then calm down probably.
We just produce our own "erotica" in the form of homemade sex tapes. An idea to consider?
That is a really good idea to consider. It's what we did! Lost of it! If we did it, we got pics and vids of us doing it.
Besides something to look at that's hot, explicit, and not porn, it's a whole lot of fun to make! And if you don't get the shot or the angle you wanted, well darn, you have to try it again!
Also is fun, when you get old, and look at all the acrobatic moves we could make! Or….things like 6-pack abs, that now aren't! LOL!
MarriedtoaHotbabe, it's
Bluegrassbabe. I agree with you, that's what we do. But strictly private videos for our own inspiration.
ps, Guy says your site name should be his!
I was going to suggest homemade videos also. My wife would not view another married couple having sex, thinking that viewing another married couple having sex would be sinful. She doesn't like watching us have sex, a little self image problem. I, on the other hand, am less inhibited and see how it could be a learning experience to view another loving couple give to one another. Song of Solomon paints a pretty vivid picture for me. We have farm animals, she has no problem watching mating of the animals. I tell her, it is like watching animals have sex, but she can't bring herself to view another couple. I could be very wrong in my assessment. Erotica paints a picture in my mind, so watching the story play out wouldn't be much different, "I think".
In addition: My wife has difficulty bringing me to orgasm orally, though she has tried a few times. I have always thought that if she could see a wife that is proficient at giving oral sex, or wives give oral sex to their husband, she could learn a few things, and get me over the edge over and over as she wishes she could. Aside from that, she is a jewel sexually.
Questions to ask yourself. You walk in one day, you are home early, you don’t see your wife, you hear her though, you walk towards your bedroom, she is having sex, she is definitely enjoying herself, she is moaning, groaning, breathing heavy, gasping for breath, she’s loving it. You peek in, she is watching porn, the guy is a stud, he’s more fit than you, his dick is bigger than yours, he’s pounding his woman in a way you have never done before. Your wife is riding a dildo that is twice as big as you, it is longer, thicker, and she is thrusting it balls deep into her pussy that is so wet that sheets are soaked, you can see it from across the room. She does not notice you; she doesn’t know you are there. She cries out, “fuck me, fuck me, oh god this is so good”….
How does it make you feel? What are your thoughts? Are you ok with the idea? Is she imagining fucking that guy she’s watching? Do you know? Have you talked about it? You really need to talk through these questions and the answers you both have. It goes both ways, you both need to ask and answer these questions.
With that said, I believe that it is never the graphic imagery that you are viewing that is, or may be, at fault, it is what you do with it. Guns don’t kill people. Alcohol doesn’t make you drunk. Erotica doesn’t make you unfaithful to your partner; mentally or physically. Proceed very cautiously. Talk, communicate, and then talk some more. A lack of communication is unarguably, undeniably, wrong. Have meetings, make notes, agree with each other on what you will and won't do.
After that, the struggle begins: what to watch, when to watch, how to watch? One idea is a commitment to not delete anything on your browser/search history. Just an idea.
My wife and I have still not figured everything out. We are faithful to each other, there is no doubt about that. We do enjoy erotica. Our sex life is absolutely better now than it has ever been.
I think that many of us have thought about this. Is watching a video of another married couple sinful? I guess it depends on your state of mind. Educational videos like the Sinclair Institute’s Better Sex series is real couples and probably mostly married couples. They talk a lot about relationships etc. After reading your post I looked it up. There are some of their videos that sound like threesomes or swinging so they’d be out.
We watched one of the Sinclair Institute’s Better Sex videos years ago and it was helpful. The couple was married. There may be a place for that kind of educational sex video… in my opinion. But as has been said, you don’t want it to be a slippery slope into immoral porn.
Also, we make clips and take erotic photos often on a private photos & videos app. They are a blast to watch! I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. My wife, like firefly’s wife has a bit of a self image problem so I watch our clips more than she does. We have clips from massage sex, hotel sex, vacation sex, BJs, etc. Always just us. Sometimes (if I filmed part of our lovemaking session) I use our video to help write my MH story about that sexual encounter!
Is there? Here are a few more questions that should be considered: What about the people who make the porn? (PornStars) That direct it? That produce it? That sell it? Are their souls not worthy of Christ's love too? Do not they deserve to spend eternity with Jesus? I thought all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. They just sin differently than I do. Can they not decide about their eternal salvation? What's the difference if some of them are married and only make videos of them and their spouse? They're married. They have hot sex as a married couple. What's is the difference between sex for work and sex for love? What is the role of the sex worker? Should he/she not engage in that business. What do you do that you are paid for? Are they causing others to sin? What part does grace play in all of this? (I could go on and on, but you get the idea.)
Homemade videos could be the answer. But, what if your spouse won't make them?
It’s not a question of right/wrong, sin/safe… it’s more about beneficial vs harmful. Some couples can enjoy erotica of all types and it can enhance the marriage. Some can only watch certain types. And some see it as a path toward sin. Same is true with alcohol, gambling, shopping, etc. It can be a blessing to some and a curse for others. •• I do think we are getting closer to the day where we will (finally) have a married couples only porn site. Maybe even Christian marrieds. Porn is no longer the industry it was… most porn these days are made with iPhones and home equipment… recorded in bedrooms and not studios. It’s very normal for couples to film themselves with their phones. Not for everyone, but a small percentage are into the idea of exhibitionism and voyeurism. So there should be a site for that. If it ever “cums,” let’s be supportive (if it’s beneficial to your marriage). It probably needs to be a paid subscription site (so that the videos are well curated). I currently only visit free erotica sites, which means you have to wade through so much trash to find the good stuff. But I would pay to have a site dedicated to real married couples… and maybe solo mb as a side genre. 🙂
Hey David! Love this post and thank you for sharing it, it's a good conversation to have! It's something I've wrestled through as well. Short answer, there are a couple sites out there that fit this description of loving couples making erotic content for other couples. Are you on Song of the Believers? I'm TB over there, and would be happy to share them if you want to DM me there!
I was not but just requested to be granted an account with song of the believers. Sounds like a great website. I will see if I can reach out.
Makes one ponder… We just returned from Vegas, nothing wild or crazy as it was a family tip with our 3 teenage daughters. I wanted to go to a typical adults only topless showgirls show, but Hots was not ready for that adventure. However was she horny all week! Was it seeing people dressed up, looking sexy, flaunting and teasing the eyes or what? Like most men I enjoyed the showgirls walking the strip sexy cocktail waitresses and other hot women showing off there curves. To my surprise so did my wife! I think she got turned on more seeing all those beautiful women commenting wow those look nice, did you imagine playing with those etc… Or was it the hunks? She wouldn't say, just said its the whole package that she's interested in like personality. But, boy did her actions in the bedroom (luckily we had a separate room) speak differently. We had sex every night and each night I rolled over in the wee hours to hold her tight & rub her curves I got an inviting moan and thrusting for more rather than the typical ugh I'm sleeping grunt.
Makes me wonder what turned her on so much, was it another man or women? I don't care I was the beneficiary. She wants to open up her LDS modesty and has been searching for seductive sequin tops, bikini's etc. Thank you VEGAS!
I am a fan of real life couples that want to share their experiences to others to enhance their relationships. I am NOT an advocate of regular porn. My suggestion would be to check out Make Love Not Porn & concentrate on real-life married couples & the way they enhance their own relationships. Their LOVE for one another can be shared to strengthen relationships & provide ideas for us on the wholesome website.
[From MH: We caution readers that MLNP is not a Christian website, so the people who post there are not all married, not all heterosexual, and potentially not all couples, meaning there are singles and larger groups. They are focused on what they call "real-world sex" versus the made-up world of porn, but that doesn't equal a safe place to peruse only depictions of hot Biblical monogamy. Another concern might be that the "stars" do receive income from the rentals of their videos. Not all would take issue with this as they probably incur some cost while creating the content, but we thought it might be useful information.]
My feelings on erotica are well known here to those that have been here for a long time. I think it’s hot that your wife was turned on seeing a topless woman in a movie. I have found I enjoy seeing nudes often more than watching sex. I have watched women masturbating to find out how they do it. Purely educational.lol Yes it does excite me. I was surprised to stumble on a Showtime show that showed a man watching his wife having sex with a paid lover. We stopped watching but must admit we were both turned on. Is that a bad thing? Not in my view any more than seeing some drink a glass of wine with dinner. I cannot see any harm in watching/reading erotica with your spouse/partner(s).
I have gotten turned on seeing a topless woman in movies before and once at topless beach before. When I was younger, I was curious about women masturbating and learned from videos. That is where I learned that I would love my future wife to have pussy hair and enjoy masturbating. While I do not watch videos anymore, it did help refine my views on these two issues. However, I already thought that women masturbating was hot before I ever saw it; I was surprised when I learned that there were women that actually shaved their pubic hair off. Finally, what guy does not love breasts? Just my thoughts on these topics.
There is a section on reddit dedicated to "wholesome" porn. Some of its quite good
Seems like an oxymoron.
Patty and I tried a short porn video of ourselves having sex and it was a disaster! 🙂
We were both highly critical of how we looked on film and honestly, since it was mostly a still camera fixed on our bodies it wasn't too sexy – and that's hard to believe when you see the amazing woman I married in the flesh – from head to toe her body screams "Screw Me Hard and I'll service your cock all day long." But the vid failed to capture our sexual compatibility.
I suggest you do what we do: Get naked with your spouse and use the topics listed at the top of the main stories heading and decide on a hot topic.
Once you have found a hot story take turns reading out loud to each other. The husband services the wife while she reads to him, and the wife sucks the husband's cock while listening to his hot reading.
I can tell you from experience that it's SOOOO hot listening to Patty read a MH story as she fingers her clit while my tongue is working fast and furious on her creamy cunt. And usually all it takes to launch her into a very loud orgasm is my reaching up to twist her nipples hard while I'm eating and she's fingering herself.
Trust me, you can put away all the porn videos and just go with what you are reading here.
Who knows, maybe this comment is enough to get you two going hot and heavy!
Good luck David1623!
Well, looks like someone is going to get very lucky when he cums home tonight!
Larry Flynt went through a phase where he tried to produce "wholesome porn". He seemed to get over that. I don't think there is really such a thing. Here is what makes me feel immoral about watching erotica:
It exploits the actress
Often it is produced by evil people. I do not wish to enrich them.
It's proliferation has made it easier to fall into the hands of children. When I was a kid, pornography was a naked woman posing in a magazine. That is all I ever saw. Consuming some of this garbage during the formative years is a bad idea.
Here is why I don't find hardcore pornography pleasing to watch:
it's just gross. I have no desire to see a close up of another man's anus, testicles, or penis. It does not turn me on in the least. Then they are always spewing their stuff out on the woman. Grody. Do not like that and never have.
If watching erotica leads to married couples having sex with each other and only each other, then there are bigger evils out there. Still, it seems it should be relegated to softcore or educational videos where a married couple are demonstrating different positions or techniques. Finally, watching it together seems to be another way to mitigate the evils of it. That way, there is less of a chance of solo sessions which can lead to less sessions between the married couple.
Finally, if she became aroused by what seems to be merely a rated R scene, then why is there a need to go beyond that? Just watch some more racy Rated R films. She watches that, gets you both in the mood, and boom everyone is happy.
I have heard many times of girls 'getting off' watching kissing scenes in movies.
Hi, MH readers. Guy and I found something that works for us. We video some of our own lovemaking sessions. They are in different forms; some just to stimulate us visually. Lingerie, role play, etc.
Others are locational; in the woods, beaches, balconies… well you get the idea.
Finally, there are a few that are totally uninhibited, but still just private experiences. They stimulate us when nothing else can.
And because the marriage bed is undefiled, we don't feel ashamed viewing ourselves any more than watching ourselves in the mirror.
Ideally, we wouldn't need external stimulus. But none of us are machines. We have good days and not so good ones.
Well, that's what works for us. Please respond, kindly we hope!
We film ourselves too. Great use of technology for the powers of good! 😍