My wife and I have discussed this recently and we would appreciate any insight or recommendations from the MH community.
One, we’re really enjoying our intimacy, and MarriageHeat has contributed significantly to it. So thank you! We just had a baby one month ago; even this post-partum season has been wonderful! We are closer than we’ve ever been.
This begins my question:
A few weeks ago we watched a movie together that had an unexpectedly sensual scene, wherein a woman was seen topless. We both reacted in arousal and began to kiss and fondle each other while the scene unfolded. Long story short, we had some memorably erotic sex, and it was influenced largely by the nature of the scene we watched. Afterward, we talked about it, and to my surprise, I actually felt really good about seeing something erotic onscreen, which is something I’ve never felt before. Typically, we are very circumspect about the movies we watch, avoiding anything raunchy or unwholesome.
However, this was different. And it got me thinking. I struggled with porn as a teenager, and after having been saved and redeemed, my habit has been to avoid anything pornographic at all costs. It became somewhat legalistic for a while, but MH has brought balance to my life…I don’t “fear” erotic content anymore and now understand that lust and arousal are not the same. I still avoid porn, but I have to admit that watching something erotic with my wife was a new experience that only improved our sexual intimacy, and there’s wasn’t even a trace of lust. It was probably the first time I had ever seen an onscreen woman naked and with arousal and desire that was only for my wife.
So here’s my predicament — My wife and I are interested in the possibility of viewing some sort of erotica together, due to the potential excitement therein. However, we are NOT about to turn to the world’s version of such…pornography and the like. Porn these days is so full of immorality that it’s repulsive and flat-out sad.
Nevertheless, we would love to know that, out there somewhere, people who appreciate monogamous and heterosexual intimacy have produced erotic pictures and videos featuring anonymous, married couples enjoying each other’s bodies for our education and the enhancement of our intimacy. In a way (I get it), this seems like an oxymoron for a Christian. But, doesn’t it sound great to have access to some sort of erotic imagery that isn’t sin on film? I hate that what seems to be the only erotica out there is adultery, fornication, polygamy, or homosexuality. I would feel much better about seeing any kind of graphic nudity or sexuality if I knew it was produced by people who are against secular pornography.
Anyhow, I’m not entirely certain as to how I feel about this at all, but I’m interested in hearing some opinions. All in all, IS there such a thing as wholesome erotica? If so, is viewing it okay? If any of you have recommendations for this interest of my wife and me, we are open, but still wary.
PS. What do you all think about imagery/video of solo masturbation? I’m not so sure about it, but it does ensure that the person filmed is not engaged in fornication. However, my worry is that such content could easily be produced by people who do not have the kind of respect for godly sexuality that I would prefer to see.
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