I Cum Because of Ben! (L)
(L) – This story contains strong language.
The house was quiet and felt empty and cold as I entered. It was the first time that I had been home since Ben’s passing. There was a feeling of loneliness and sorrow that seemed to fill the air. I don’t know, maybe it was just me.
I sat on the living room sofa as tears filled my eyes. In my mind I could picture Ben walk into the kitchen with that beautiful, smirky smile of his. I started to cry.
After several minutes I got up from the sofa and walked back to the bedroom that Ben and I once shared. The house was clean and the bed was made. Alicia and Trey did a marvelous job cleaning. I walked down the hall and out to the pool area. I could picture Ben out cleaning the pool or lounging by the pool on one of the lounge chairs as he drank his beer. I smiled and wiped a tear from my eyes.
Walking back into the house, I made my way back to the bedroom. I opened his closet and saw his shirts hanging. It was almost like they were waiting for him to pick one out. I ran my hand over them and took out the light blue western shirt. It was the last one that I had purchased for him. I took it off the hanger and held it close to me.
I then noticed the shoe box sitting on the shelf above his clothes. Setting the shirt down onto the bed. I retrieved the box from the closet and opened it. Inside were little love notes I had written him, two video tapes and his personal items such as his Fleshlight, prostate massager and his pocket pussy. Also inside were naughty photos of me, nude and in various states of undress. Once again I smiled, but knew that they would never be used and enjoyed by him again.
I pulled the pictures of myself out and put the box back in the closest. I thought about the box that was underneath the bed. Lord I hope Alicia and Trey hadn’t found it.
I walked over to what was my side of the bed and looked under. There it was! I set it on the bed and opened it. Inside were my dildos, “Mr. Jolly”, “King Dong” and “Frank”. Also inside were my strap-on, clit stimulator, rabbit and ben-wa-balls. There were also several nude and semi-nude photos of Ben that I had taken. Some the photos were of him with an erection and some were of him flaccid.
God, I miss that man! Ben and I always enjoyed a very happy and satisfying sex life. He had a big dick and knew how to use it, knowing just how to satisfy me. I thought about all the hot times we shared in our marriage bed. I started to feel a bit horny thinking about it. My pussy craved attention.
I found that my hand had been lightly stroking my breast as I looked at the photos. I stopped and my eyes began swelling up with tears. I remember pleasuring myself in the tub at Alicia’s house not long after Ben passed. I remembered how I cried after giving myself an orgasm. Yet here I was feeling that urge again. Should I do it again? Could I? I felt so confused.
I remember Henry Reyenga (founder of MH) saying that I should take care of my sexual health, and that I had a lot of hot memories that I shared with Ben. He was right and I knew it deep down. But Ben was the love of my life, my first lover, the man who broke me out of my shell and made me the woman I am today. But he is no longer here and will never be, except in my memories and in my heart. Things would never be the same again. Yet was I wrong to neglect myself, and my body’s needs? Was it still too soon? I began to wonder what Ben would think? What would he say?
Hell, I know what he would say, and through my tears, I couldn’t help but smile. Wiping my tears from my eyes, I rose from the bed and walked to the front door and locked it. If I was going to do this, I didn’t want to be interrupted.
I walked back to the bedroom and removed my dildo that I named Frank from the box and set the box on the floor by the bed. My hands trembled a bit as I began to unbutton the blouse I was wearing. Slipping it off, I unfastened my bra and slipped it off. I sighed softly as I let my hands gently caress my tits. Moistening a finger, I ran it over my nipples, which were slowly becoming erect and sensitive. I unfastened the dark blue slacks I was wearing and slipped them off. Soon I was standing by the bed in only my panties. Looking down at my sex toy Frank, I smiled.
“I know what you like baby!” I said as I picked the dildo up and brought it to my lips. In my mind, Frank was going to be Ben—at least for now.
I kissed the head of the toy. It had a distinct rubbery taste, but I didn’t care. I sat on the bed and continued to lick up and down the fake cock. I then slipped it into my mouth and sucked on it for a moment. I picked up one of the sexy photos of Ben fully erect and continued to suck. By now my pussy was wet and had soaked the crotch of my panties.
Setting the cock beside me, I rose from the bed and slowly slipped off my panties. My horniness had completely fogged my brain by now. Slipping my hand between my legs, I let my fingers explore my wetness. I gasped as my fingers grazed my clitoris. I then remembered how Ben loved to watch me masturbate, and my body shivered slightly.
Getting back into bed, I lay on my back with my legs spread wide. I slowly caressed my breast and flicked at my sensitive, swollen nipples. I rarely cum from nipple play, but felt as though I might this time! My breathing grew shallow, and soft sighs and groans escaped my lips.
“Fuck! I’m so horny!” I panted, then let my right hand drift between my legs. My pussy was swollen and wet as I let my fingers play along the outer lips and tease at my clit. My hips began to move to my hand motions.
“FUCK!” I gasped as I began to slowly stroke my clit rubbing with the perfect amount of pressure. My orgasm was building as I groaned and panted.
I picked up the picture of Ben as I continued to diddle myself. My orgasm was soon building to a fever pitch. It wasn’t going to be long now.
“YESSSSSSSS I’M CUMMINGGGGG FUUUUUUUCKKKK YESSSSSSSS!” I cried as my body convulsed in ecstasy. My legs closed, trapping my hand between them as my body rode my orgasm.
I lay there for several minutes in my orgasmic afterglow. I felt like I was on a cloud floating. My brain was swirling. Me and my body definitely needed it. However, I still felt the desire to be filled, to be penetrated and fucked. It had been so long, and though it wouldn’t be a real cock—Ben’s cock—it would have to do. I was finally breaking free and becoming myself again. It felt so right.
I picked up the dildo and kissed the head. “Fuck me!” I whispered as I put the fake dick between my legs. Sarah K. was right—why had I been denying myself the gift God gave me? The gift of masturbation and orgasm.
I closed my eyes as I ran the fake dick along my pussy lips and over my clit. I moaned and my body jerked slightly in response. Slowly I inserted the head of the cock past my cunt lips, working it deep into my cunt.
“Fuck, that’s good! Yes, fuck me!” I panted as I slowly started fucking myself. The bed creaked slightly as my hips moved . Slowly I worked the fake dick in and out.
With my free hand I grabbed Ben’s shirt that I had taken from the closest and held it close to me. It felt soooo fucking good as I groaned and writhed on the bed. Tears began to flow as I clutched Ben’s shirt near me. Soon I felt my second orgasm start to swelling inside me.
“Ohhhhh, baby yesssss! I’m gonna cum again! FUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEE OHHHHHHHHHH GOD!” I squealed as I climaxed.
As I came down from my orgasm, I slipped the dildo from my pussy and cried, still clutching Ben’s shirt.
I honestly don’t know if I’m going to move back into the house again. I’ve been thinking about selling it and moving into an apartment. I haven’t made my mind up yet. My kids think that I should probably sell it and move on. I honestly just don’t know.
I do know one thing however: no matter what I decide or whatever happens in the future, I will always love and miss my “big bear” Ben.
I dedicate this story to the love of my life… Ben G.
I love you forever!
Gina
Three words of advice: (1) Don’t sell or make any rash decisions until you feel more certain. You have time to wait and see. (2) Keep honoring Ben with more amazing orgasms… the more the better. (3) Please write about your experiences here. This one gave me a major hard-on!!
In agreement with Fearless on all three points.
In particular, wait a year before any major decision based on the advice of others and the experience of my friends and that lost their loving spouse. It will be difficult though good to do.
Keep writing, dear Gina. They soothe your soul and how we appreciate your beautiful stories.
Masturbate in joy and through your tears!
GG you are amazing! This story was sexy, erotic, and heartwarming. I’m sure Ben would approve. Your story was so touching that it brought tears to my eyes.
God bless you as you move on in life. You are inspiring to MH readers but I’m sure you are far more inspiring to your family.
As far as selling the house or keeping it I certainly don’t know. But for us building a house with our daughter and son-in-law really has worked. We have a lock on our connecting door for privacy. Melody n I have very dicey health. It’s comforting to what if/when one of us passes that the surviving spouse will not be alone & will be taken care of.
I gotta add that I know that the next life is as real as this one. Ben waits for you in paradise and he certainly watches over you until the day for you to be together happens.
Our Savior loves the widows and He is there to comfort you too.
May God bless and keep you…
Your story is quite a unique tribute. I think it’s great that you can enjoy cherished memories in such a passionate, sexual way. There are so many ways other lives touch us, but the ways of a husband and wife are so deep and meaningful. I agree with whoever encouraged you to take care of your sexual health and what better way to do that then to remember who it was that gave you so much sexual pleasure in the first place.
Your descriptions are very erotic and personal. Thank you for sharing something so intimate and personal.
This is so beautifully written, I'm just speechless. Thanks for sharing this Gina. You are a beautiful human being.
My prayers for you, Gina. I pray that you are all right.
Thank you for your courage and willingness to share this very intimate and loving tribute to your loving husband.
I am so sorry for your loss.
My dick is dripping with arousal from your vivid and lovely writing.
God bless.
I hope my wife honors my memory by diddling herself while thinking of our past romps again and again.
God Bless you Gina, wonderful news that you masturbated yourself, even fucked yourself.
Beautiful story.
I think you should rename "Fred", "Ben-two" or something.
Good chance Alicia and Trey did find your box under the bed.
Why your embarrassment? You know both also masturbate themselves, and both know the valuable place masturbation has taken in your marriage.
Gina, rejoice in God's gifts of your sexuality, masturbation and orgasm.
* Alicia, Trey, if you read this, please give some encouragement.
And let her know she is welcome to masturbate as she likes when she is at your place.
HornyGG,
The Bible says that we are "surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses", meaning the believers that have died and gone to Paradise before us.
So, I'm sure that your Ben was watching as you thought fondly of him and your sexual pleasures together.
No man can "replace" him, but perhaps some man can fill your needs while you are still here in this world. "Somewhere out there" is a man that is as lonely as you are. Perhaps closer than you expected….
PS: After getting through the sad-sweet emotions, the sexual part of your story was "hotter than a two-dollar pistol". I'm going to read it again, so that I can jack off again. Thanks!
Horny GG, Praise the Lord. May God bless you as you journey through grief and renewal. I believe God has a plan for you to minister to other on the topic of sex and marriage, built of the legacy of a hot monogamous and loving marriage you shared with Ben.
That was so sweet and moving. I am so glad you are continuing to share on this site and that you are reliving sweet sexy memories while pleasuring yourself. Honestly, I could have cried as I read your story. I was picturing how I would feel if it was me, and my heart cracked. Yet there is always that incredible peace and balm of God's comfort waiting to step in, and I know He would carry me if I had to walk that path, as He is doing for you. Your testimony is so beautiful and uplifting. Know that you are loved and prayed over. May the Lord give you joyous thoughts of reuniting with your husband someday!
HornyGG, what a moving and beautiful story. Thank you for sharing your pleasure and pain with us. The world is a better place because of your openness. Bless you in your journey through this time.
So glad to have you back GG. What a wonderful tribute to Ben. As a husband, I know he’s glad you haven’t given up on yourself and such a life-giving part of what belonged to both of you.
Coincidentally, the date this story was posted was our 46th Anniversary. And I just “happened” to be the “69”th person to get to like/rate this fabulous story… one of my favorite numbers 🙂
I remember hearing at a marriage retreat a few years back how deeply we need to cherish each other. The leader told us to turn our chairs toward each other and just look each other deeply in each others eyes…
“Because…” he said, “one day one of you is going to have to bury the other, and they won’t be with you any longer…” It was a poignant, sobering thought.
We all have grieved your loss of Ben right along with you & your family. Although most of us have never met either of you, you both allowed us a glimpse into what the glories of sex – that our Father created – and what “Hot Monogamy” looks like.
Whatever you do, wherever you go, you both will never be forgotten here.
Hope GG’s here to continue to inspire us onward & upward for many years to come.
What a wonderful celebration of your rediscovery of pleasuring yourself after Ben’s passing. I love your uninhibited use of Frank to give yourself a good fucking and am so pleased you had two glorious orgasms. One is never enough lol.
Bless you Gina xx
GG I have always loved your writing and I don't expect that to ever change! This was a beautiful story, bittersweet, but oh so real. I know that if I marry and go before my wife does I'd want her to continue to pleasure and satisfy herself. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Gina, just want you to know that I’ve read your account a few times already. It is so bitter sweet and such a tribute to Ben. My heart breaks for you. 🤗
This is truly a beautiful tribute to Ben and the wonderful sex life you had. I wish I had words of comfort, but I know The Lord will bring you through this. I’m glad you’re taking care of your sexual needs, and I hope doing so will help you heal.
So sorry for your loss Gina and to hear about your recent illness – I do hope you are recovering?
I have to admit I have returned to your account of you taking care of your sexual needs a number of times now – such erotic reading with the help of ‘Frank’ as a stand-in for Bens cock with which you at first sucked then fucked your aroused cunt. Oh! what joyful memories you must have of when you and Ben could think of nothing else as you were indulging in the absolute pleasures of marital sex – that wonderful gift from God, who wants us to honour him by enjoying with our spouses the beautiful exquisite pleasures of the flesh. How he loves it when we get naked with each other and worship each others bodies with our lips, tongues, cocks, tits and pussies. How he loves it when we are passionate together and very messy (juicy) not to mention noisy as we near our orgasms ! Those lovely feelings afterwards when the husband has spunked and the women has cum (sometimes gushingly) is calming and makes us all feel good which affects positively other areas of our lives. I hope you continue to take care of yourself when the need arises.
Thank you for sharing your private pleasures.
I too must now release !