Masturbation in Marriage
In the sacred covenant of marriage, sexual intimacy is a beautiful gift from God—meant not only for procreation but also for deep emotional and spiritual connection.
While many Christians understand the importance of sex within marriage, fewer feel comfortable discussing masturbation, even though it can play a meaningful role in building intimacy between husband and wife. When done together, mutual masturbation is not a sinful act but an extension of the vulnerability, trust, and pleasure that God designed to be shared in marriage.
Masturbation within the marriage bed can be an act of love, care, and emotional bonding. It allows couples to explore each other’s desires, communicate openly about pleasure, and break down walls of shame or insecurity that may have been built over time. It can be particularly comforting during seasons where intercourse is not possible due to health, pregnancy, or emotional needs, yet intimacy and closeness are still longed for. When spouses choose to engage in this act together, it becomes a moment of mutual giving and receiving—a shared expression of affection and delight.
The Bible celebrates passionate love between a husband and wife. Proverbs 5:18–19 (ESV) says, “(18) Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, (19) a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” This is not shameful language—it is holy desire, God-ordained and meant to be fully enjoyed within marriage. Similarly, Song of Solomon 7:6 says, “How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!” These words affirm the depth of passion and pleasure that can be shared in a marriage that honors God.
Importantly, masturbation with your spouse honors the exclusivity and unity that marriage represents. It is not self-centered or secretive, but rather shared and sanctified within the one-flesh relationship. In this context, there is no shame, only connection. When practiced with love, respect, and a desire to deepen your bond, it can be a holy and joy-filled part of your marital life.
I agree with you but by and large, the vast majority of marriages and people are handicapped by false and misleading teachings when it comes to masturbation.
MH is a great platform where we discuss these things, but to make a difference in the world at large, we each have to carry the truth out there and shepherd others when we can.
My wife views solo masturbating similar to cheating, and therefore it is not something I do (she never has even considered doing it) because of her opinion. We do however practice masturbating each other which she sees as simple a form of love making when intercourse isn’t desired.
Just yesterday, I shared with my lovely Anne that I need to masturbate at least 3x per week for pleasure and prostate health, and that I planned to do so that afternoon. She came over, bent down and hugged me and whispered,
“I want you to do it as much as you need and want to!! I’ll help if you want me to whenever I’m nearby, but do it whenever!! We both need it, me too!”
Then she kissed me deeply as I fondled her tits that she had positioned for me touch!!! 🔥
A lot of wives just aren’t that understanding, so count yourself lucky 😉
Very true KM. I trust that my joy doesn’t discourage other’s on MH – husbands as well as wives.
You have a wonderful wife SG!
That's great, SilverGold! I told my lovely wife the same thing, that some studies recommend men ejaculate 20-25 times per month for prostate health.
"When can I help you start your therapy?" was her response. She provided the lube, got me started, and then helped herself as I finished up myself! 🔥
I agree with you 100%!!! For years now my wife orally n manually stimulates my nipples as I masturbate to orgasm. Often I use a vibrating stroker. She bought me the stroker when she was going to have back surgery. She knew intercourse would be impossible for a while n she loved me n wanted to meet my needs.
Nearly every day we don’t have a full sex session with PIV she helps me cum this way. (We have full sex every 3 days.) This is how we deal with our libido differences.
Mutual masturbation is always part of our foreplay in full sex sessions. In fact, often she uses a vibe while I orally n manually love on HER nipples. With advancing age I suppose she came to need this to climax. So after we fuck I suck… on her nipples as she masturbates with her bullet vibrator and she nearly always cums powerfully.
Also, after she cums she usually loves on my nipples as I masturbate to a second orgasm. Sometimes she cums twice too – via my lips on her nips and vibe on clit.
The loaded question, I suppose, is: What about solo masturbation while alone? Some Christians condemn it and some see it as a natural thing and part of our psychological-sexual development and existence.
I think solo masturbation is 100% okay, but there’s so much stigma surrounding it in Christian circles that most who do it are stuck in a cycle of shame.
Overwhelmed by need, men and women jack or Jill, then suffer guilt and remorse over what they’ve done.
More teaching needs to be done in relation to Song of Solomon.
We are both high drive, both visual, a both masturbated before marriage. We talked about it very early after we married, that turned into a show & tell, and our first shot a mutual masturbation.
So besides masturbating alone, doing it together became a regular thing too!
It’s all good clean hot fun!
same here!! it is part of our sex life we do it 2/3 times a week.
I agree, mutal masturabtion is wonderful! It took my wife a long time before she would try it, but once she did, she literally cried that she hadn't before. We do it pretty often now. It is great when you are a bit tired or just want something different.
As far as solo goes, I completely quit doing that several years ago. It felt too empty to me and if you do it without telling the wife first, she may want some sex when she gets home etc. and you will be worn out. When you are younger, it probably isn't as big a deal, but over 50ish, going a second time gets more difficult. Women, well, they can get away with it!
I highly recommend young married couples to talk about masturbation, what is ok etc. Doing mutual is awesome and sometimes you both just want to orgasm, but not do all the work to get each other all worked up. It is more relaxing and go at your own pace.
My wife and I have been masturbating since before we got married and we still do. We will do it solo if life keeps us apart or our schedules and libidos don't align. I am very supportive of her masturbation and encourage her, even though she is still a bit shy about it. She knows I jack off regularly and is ok with it, so long as I don't slip back into porn use and can still fill her with cum when she is in the mood. As I get older and the time between my orgasms gets longer, this actually has been a problem. Basically, she doesn't want me replacing her with anything or anyone else. And honestly, our relationship is better when we fuck instead of just Jack off.
Mutual masturbation deals with some of these issues. Being together means you still have that intimacy and it's especially good if for some reason you can't do PIV sex. It can even work when you are miles apart through the power of technology! Not to mention it's just stinking hot to watch each other get off.
Highly recommend mutual masturbation for newlyweds as it is easy, fun, and a good way to learn how your new spouse likes to be touched. Also talk about solo masturbation because it should not be a secret between you two. It has its benefits (prostate health is one), but it can have its problems if it starts affecting your intimacy and performance. Nobody wants death grip syndrome or PIED or anything like that. When it counts, your hand is a poor substitute for your spouse.
As some here know, my late wife had lichen sclerosis in her genitalia. So intercourse was too painful for her. So we used mutual masturbation as our sexual fulfillment.
She passed away 13 years ago, and I know you mention masturbation is a wonderful thing for couples. But being celibate has its struggles. So, I spoke with a sex counselor from my LDS faith, and we talked about Marriage Heat. She said it’s a great site to help my arousal without looking at pornography. So if someone asks what I do for my own sex drive, it’s simple. I masturbate.
I agree mutual masturbation can & should be a valuable part of marriage. I can see it as a sexual episode like having a cup of coffee with a friend, but it's your spouse & you're both having a conversation over genitals in hand. That, sounds awesome to me! And, you bring your own cream!
I and my lovely wife of 41+ years enjoy masturbating, together and solo.
I pretty sure in my conviction that if solo masturbation is not something you hide from each other, it's perfectly normal and healthy. We don't use porn in our solo times. And it's never used to withhold the pleasures of the marriage bed from each other.
Our mutual masturbation is more prevalent these days than actual intercourse, and we're both good with that. Also, I love watching her, and she loves watching me. I love thinking about her solo, and she's said she enjoys thinking about me.
Don't think I would agree with all your views on masturbation because I'm a bit freer but it does continually astound me how little married couples talk about important issues before they get married, and then end up disagreeing on critical things. Wow.