Sex and Church…a Question

So, I want to start a conversation.

I love this site. It’s fantastic.  The contributors on here have blown my mind with both their authentic faith and their authentic humanity.

But here’s my problem.  I am in a leadership role at a church in which there are a zillion married couples.  And these married couples may or may not be having awesome sex.  I have no idea.  Because Christians don’t talk about sex except apparently on awesome anonymous Internet forums like this one.

But I think it is important for church leadership to promote healthy, hot, married sex.

So, my question is simple.


I mean, it’s not like I am going to post a link to MH in the church enews next week.

So, I’m curious. What do readers of MH think?  Can a church promote hot and healthy sex?  If so, how?  What are your experiences?

– Eva

Eva, I wrote a post awhile back on the taboo topic of marriage sex. I think sex and church are often thought of as existing in opposite worlds. I have often wondered like you on this topic. Thank you, Eva, for posting this. I believe we as Christians shouldn’t be afraid to talk about good marriage sex or recommend a site like this to a friend (I know I have!) This site promotes marriage imagination, sexual exploration, and sensual love, but it also promotes a Christ centered marriage. Marriage Heat was created out of the goal to join those two worlds and show how godly, loving, marriages should look: HOT and UNIQUE to each couple. This site also kills the notion that monogamous relationships have to eventually get boring as we have so many long-time married couples who are regular authors here as well as “just married” couples! God is good! 

This is a great question. I am looking forward to what our readers and contributors have to say.

– Blondie

Click on a heart to thank the author of this story!

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

We are sorry that this post was not one of your favorites!

Help us understand why.

31 replies
  1. Anonymous says:

    First of all, it is unfortunate that sex is taboo among Christians. Many of us are taught that sex is bad even in marriage if we really enjoy it. “Good boys/girls don’t do that”. The problems generated by the lack of freedom to enjoy sex with our spouses is epic. Addressing this issue in most churches is all but impossible. At the very least it will bring ridicule. (Which is sad, because most of those bringing that ridicule probably own a copy of fifty shades…) In my personal experience, when challenging the status quo, it is best to first gently place a toe in the water. Depending on how that goes, you may be able to take baby steps from there. If it doesn’t go well, you may have to proceed as I have. Take the battle to the highways and hedges; try to change lives one at a time as the Holy Spirit leads the heart…

    • hapster says:

      I attend a fairly progressive church, at least in terms of celebrating healthy relationships between couples. It is a Bible believing and Christ centered church, but it does not treat married sex as totally taboo. With that said, there is still no message coming from the pulpit that sexual intimacy within marriage is celebrated, not scorned, by scripture. As Christians we do not hesitate to counsel our fellow believers that they should pray more, spend more time in the word, or volunteer in helping others, but rarely are we encouraged to fill up the cup of desire that your spouse may have. Most importantly in terms of breaking the cycle, there is almost no instruction about how to communicate a great married sex life to our children. Most of the message about sex communicated by the church is “don’t do it.” Despite this, our society tells us that great sex is associated with an unmarried fling, an affair, or with a hot stranger. Married sex is portrayed as dull, predictable, and infrequent. Christians DO NOTHING to dispel this picture. What we should be saying is that unmarried sex is pleasurable for most, but that it takes away from the INCREDIBLE, LIBERATING AND INCREDIBLY EROTIC experience that is available when you follow God’s plan. My wife and I, sadly, did not wait, mostly because of my own lust and powers of persuasion. Unfortunately, I know that the guilt and regret from that decision continues to cause a wound that festers even nearly 27 years later. If only I had fully understood then what a liberated, free, and uninhibited love life awaited those who wait, I would have tried to hold out. Teaching our children that sex is sin, while we are all sinners, is not a very good strategy. Marketing MARRIED SEX as fantastic, wild, erotic and something to aim for is what we should be doing! Bottom line, we Christians have got to do a better job at marketing the joys of marital sex and the spiritual goodness of it.

  2. Passionate Philosopher says:

    Noticing Christians that divorce: I have noticed as a pastor that usually sex dies in a Christian marriage before something happens to create a marriage ending in divorce. My guess is that Christians hang on longer than non-Christians but eventually the lack of sexual intimacy bring marriage death in many cases.

    We need to promote the stories described in this site as proscribed encouragements for “Married Christians”. I like that this site is anonymous and that MH has clear guidelines. Every newly married needs this site as a resource. MH should publish a book for newly married couples. I would pass it out discretely of course, lol. I am curious, would MHers pass out a MH publication for newly Married Couples?

    I have shared this site on the internet and to some church members. I say something like, “I found a non-pornographic marriage sex site that promote the Christian worldview for sexuality. You may not agree with everything but my wife and I found it helpful.”

    I hear people tell me things like, “Wow. we loved it” Or “very interesting.” Or “Finally” or “I shared this site with my children” One person even said, “We really needed this!”

    • JazzdBoutH&N says:

      I have shared this site with a few close friends and relatives. It has helped my marriage. It can help others.

  3. SouthernGent says:

    I am a SS teacher too. We did a summer series on Song of Solomon using a book endorsed by Focus on the Family. SOS includes oral sex, nude dancing, strong sexual images and a very healthy sex life between two very committed partners. It clearly shows both the wife and husband articulating their strong sexual desire for each other. It was the highest summer attendance we have ever had! I cleared all this with the pastor in advance and if taught from this book a year later from the pulpit.

    • BabyRx21 says:

      Wow! I wish out church would do something like that, it would never happen though. I think one of the things people are afraid of is stirring up that sort of passion in young and unmarried people… We are so concerned with protecting them that we’re losing the marriages. 🙁

  4. Eva says:

    Hapster, you are SO right! the church’s message is always DON’T DO IT. We just have to find more ways to be positive about the message of sex.

    I love that Southern Gent did a SOS study at his church. I remember doing an SOS study in college. It is all pretty foggy in my brain now, it’s been awhile! but I am sure I could attribute a lot of my attitudes toward sex to that study…if only I could remember it! I also love that the Philosopher gives this web site out to people. That is so awesome.

    Reading Philosopher’s comment made me remember that my husband and I sometimes give Christian sex books as wedding gifts. So, I guess that’s my one little contribution to this cause.

  5. Lovinghusband says:


    Wow! You have touched on a question that I think about a lot. I think it is an important question for all of us. I like that you got right to the point: How?

    Obviously, if it was an easy answer – then we would probably be seeing more encouragement for married couples in churches. But, before I jump on the “churches are not promoting good models for hot, married sex” bandwagon – I want to point to a tension that all biblical churches feel and live in.

    God seeking churches and Christians recognize that there many things that we don’t want to be careless about. We are careful not to lead people astray in regards to many areas of life. There is a narrow road and there is a wide road. If we err, we want to make sure that we err on the side of caution. Paul says that we are to live wisely and carefully (Ephesians 5:15). There is a mindset we are to have about not putting stumbling blocks in other people’s way.

    This means living the Christian life takes wisdom (from God’s word) and when we apply it – we are careful to some degree. That said, when this carefulness goes so far that we misrepresent married sex as simply “tolerable” or something that is boring; or only for the first few years and for procreation – then we are not been careful – we’ve misrepresented a most wonderful God-given gift for married couples. When we are not careful to portray sex in the right way, we can lead people astray other ways.

    Young people can come to the point where they think – “How could this not be something the church talks about”? They might conclude that the church is not dealing with relevant subjects for them. Plus, if they pick up from their own parents (if they are blessed to have parents) that sex is boring or non-existent – then, you have the recipe for disaster.

    The church (and therefore Christians) are called to be a light set on a hill (Matthew 5:14) to be seen by the world. Preeminent is that they see us living in submission to the Lord and the word of God, proclaiming the saving gospel of Jesus Christ. Consistent in living in that total submission also includes being a testimony of a sexual person. A proper testimony includes that each spouses body is not their own – but their covenant partner’s. Not just in theory, but in practice. Regular practice! Which brings us back to Eva’s point of not knowing if other Christian couples are having awesome sex.

    I’ve had opportunity to give counsel to couples and I do not shy away from asking them about their sexual relationship in the context of what the Bible says is to be normal. It is not an extraneous question. It helps diagnose their overall relationship. It is a key component. I find that they come to have a greater realization that their sex lives are more important than they thought. That sex was NOT something in a compartment “over there” that has nothing to do with their being obedient and fulfilled. That they disregard it to their own peril!

    All this said – I am still scratching my head over how the church can more effectively communicate a healthy and godly sexuality – without stoking passions in an unhelpful way with children and teens (and frustrated singles). It is a huge task. I’ve said from the start of finding MH (less than a year ago) that Blondie’s (and other leadership) ministry with MH is such a blessing – and that we need to pray for her.

    Eva, your first posts on MH so bless my heart! Why? This might sound self-focused or self-serving, but it is because I so agree with you. Your heart beats for the things that many of us in the MH “family” recognize. This is worthy of much more conversation and response. I have to quit for now – but I’m not done adding my thoughts on this one.

    God bless you Eva!

  6. SouthernGent says:

    We used the Book “Intimacy Ignited” which is endorsed by Focus on the Family. The class was couples late 30s through early 50s and its no surprise that expressing sexual desire is a big problem in the church. Many couples have big alignment problems in heir intimate life. All though there are couples with great love lives, we found in many cases men do not nurture and date and seduce their wife and women don’t allow full expression of their passion for their husbands. there is this silly imaginary list of things that “good Christians don’t do” with no biblical basis at all. Great book and bible study!

    • JazzdBoutH&N says:

      Agreed 100%. I spent years feeling “dirty” for taking my pure wife’s virginity on our wedding night. She perpetuated that “dirty” feeling by always telling me that, “good girls don’t do that”.

      Well, let me testify that good girls DO THAT all the time. Heather is now realizing what good girls do and I have the joy of feeling forgiven for my “dirty” behavior.

      Thank you for your insight.

  7. gardenpassion says:

    I think a key here is solid teaching on the meaning of sex. I recommend a book titled, “What is the Meaning of Sex?” by Dennis Burk. It think it could definitely be used in an adult Sunday school setting.

  8. HornyHubby says:

    I think the issue is bigger than just a sexual issue. The real issue, in my opinion, is one of freedom. Paul writes that it is for freedom that Christ set us free. (Gal 5:1) And if you look at the context of the letter to the Galatians (especially chapter 5) he is talking about freedom from the law. Meaning: Freedom from a list of things to do in order to be pleasing to God. As well as freedom from a list of things not to do in order to be pleasing to God. If people really understood the freedom we have, this wouldn’t be an issue. Instead of fearing their sexuality and fearing doing something sexual that would displease God, they would live in the freedom of knowing that they are accepted. This would allow them to explore their sexuality without fear. The church needs to be teaching freedom. And in my opinion, most churches aren’t teaching freedom. They give people more “to do” and “not to do” lists which burdens people with a yoke of slavery. Which Paul says not to do in Galatians 5:1. And obviously it isn’t working because people are either miserable because they hold back in the full expression of their sexuality OR they are miserable because they give in and feel guilt and shame. Either way, they aren’t living in freedom. And in my experience, most people don’t know how to live in freedom. Because the church isn’t teaching it. So we need to focus on teaching freedom, then just apply that freedom to our sexuality.

  9. Lovinghusband says:

    HornyHubby, it is also important for us to know that we need to yearn only for the kind of freedom that Scripture call us to. In the same chapter you reference in Galatians 5 – concerning the wonderful freedom we have from keeping the ceremonial laws and Jewish regulations that the Judaizers were wrongly advocating – Paul mentions God’s moral standards that our freedom in Christ will lead us to live out (the fruit of the Spirit – 5:22-23).

    This comes right after behaviors that Christians are not “free” to engage in. Galatians 5:19-21 says, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

    I just want to emphasize that the same chapter that tells us of our freedom from keeping the Old Covenant ceremonial laws – also tells us that those who practice the above mentioned sins will not be saved. So, we are not free from the good laws that God protects us with. We are not free to murder or to get into an affair.

    That said, I do think we need to know what it means for us to be free in the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:3-4). We are more free than most Christians think. The good limitations that God sets for us – are for our good and His glory.

    Thank you for all you right. You encourage many by your writing. God bless you and your wife!

    • HornyHubby says:

      Lovinghusband, yes we need to pursue God’s freedom. This is why Paul says in Galatians 5:16 to live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. So we need to keep in step with the Spirit and follow his leading. My point is we need to follow the Spirit (and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom) instead of following man made rules to govern our behavior. I feel that many times we are so afraid of living in freedom that we impose rules. We are so afraid of making a mistake that we develop rules in order to keep ourselves and others in line. (For instance, telling young people not to have sex instead of teaching them to enjoy their sexuality as a gift from God.) This is similar to what the Judaizers were doing in Paul’s day. Perhaps their motivation was also fear based-at least partially. Point is, we need to hear more about freedom and how to live by the Spirit and then let that spill over into our sexuality. Now if we are living by and following the Spirit, then, as Paul says, we will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. So we don’t have to worry about freedom leading to sin. It’s backwards to think that freedom will lead to sin. Paul says it won’t. So if someone sins in the name of freedom, then they weren’t following the Spirit. They were following their sinful nature and justifying it by calling it freedom. As Jesus said, you will know them by their fruit.

  10. SultrySoulful says:

    Try this approach: you know how the best approach to the subject with our young is to leave out a faithful, well-written book on the subject for them to find? Questions will develop and the likelihood for a productive conversation increases. You can try the same with grown-ups, if you find the right book.

    A new book has just come out written by two pastors, male and female: Sex and the Spirit: the Romance of Heaven and Earth, Pilgrim Press. The book is written in a question/ answer format with counterpoints after each chapter. It helps people of faith push boundaries in opening their hearts and minds to enjoy God good gift of the erotic within the context of covenant, yet it’s written in conversation with Song of Solomon and other seminal texts on the subject.

    It’s excellent and maybe needs to become a fixture in church libraries. Maybe it would be the one book in there that would actually get checked out! So tell your friends…

  11. Eva says:

    I love this tension that HornyHubby and LovingHusband have stumbled on. They are both so right! You have to understand the rules before you can have freedom. Any parent or teacher will tell you that. You have to spend the time establishing the rules early on in a child’s life or early in the school year…but once those basic rules are established, the child can enjoy a tremendous amount of freedom within the home or classroom. I think in the church we get so caught up in setting those initial boundaries that we forget to talk about the freedom that comes next.

    Back to my kid analogy….kids always have an understanding that as they grow up, they will have more freedom. They see older siblings or kids in the next grade up, and they know instinctively that those kids have more freedom than they do. And they also know instinctively, that their time is coming…though,they do get impatient sometimes!

    But, of course, teens and young adults in our churches don’t have any opportunity to see the freedom that comes within the bounds of marriage. Teens especially seem to have this feeling that adults are basically asexual creatures. And that is SO not something to look forward to when you are a horny teenager or young adult!

    And my guess is that many parents inadvertently perpetuate this notion to their kids because this may, in fact, be their own experience as well. Which is just sooo sad…

  12. Madeleine 27 says:

    It hurts me to see so many people having affairs in marriages not just because of sex but because of closeness in general. I think people don’t really and truly understand how sex can bring closeness to a relationship. Churches tell you to keep your legs closed but what about opening them when your married. I wish they taught that

  13. SultrySoulful says:

    You are so right Madeleine. The book I referred to above makes the helpful distinction between “permissiveness”, as it is widely lamented, and becoming “permission-giving” within the holy covenant of marriage

    The church needs to find its permission giving role for those who have bond their lives together in the love of Christ. You’re not being gross or crude, but women need to learn there’s a time and a place for opening your legs and enjoying it, and sharing your erotic body with yourGod-given mate….

    Life is short, right? Thanks for your letter..

    • Eva says:

      Hey SultrySoulful! I just rad the first chapter of Sex and the Spirit! I have to admit, I was bored at first, but by the end of the chapter I was hooked! Looking forward to reading more tomorrow! Thanks for the recommendation!

  14. hapster says:

    In my first post I took too long to get to the point. Married Christians do a lousy job of marketing how wonderful, erotic and satisfying their sex lives are. For the most part, if we can get away with not talking about it all to our family, friends or, especially, our children, we feel relieved. Meanwhile, our culture is out glorifying the thrills of extramarital sex and sensuality. Sex is hyped and marketed and Christians are left on the sidelines. If we could somehow let our kids know that the intimacy, experience, eroticism, rhythm and satisfaction of married sex is worlds away better than the brief encounters that exist outside of marriage, then we would really have a “product” that could be marketed. Christ gave us a wonderful gift for this life, why are we not celebrating it every day without shame or embarrassment, or more importantly, in fear of potential scorn from church leadership?

  15. Lovinghusband says:

    Thank you Hornyhubby. I did like the latter part of what you wrote.

    I do want to be as clear as I can be about defining freedom.

    Walking by the Spirit is to live under “God’s” imposed rules – not man’s. I agree that we should not submit to the traditions of man – rules of man that are not in concert with the law of Christ. Yet, it is vital to affirm that to live according to the law of Christ is to walk by the Spirit (Galatians 6:2; 1 Corinthians 9:21). God calls us to live according to the law of Christ as dictated in Scripture. When we gratify the sinful nature – we are going outside of the law of Christ. The Spirit does not lead us to break of the law of Christ.

    As I understand it, I humbly disagree with your advice to young people (I assume they are unmarried). The NT tells young people (and all people) to abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3). To do this is to live in FREEDOM. God defines freedom as living under His rules. It is good news to tell young people that sex is to be enjoyed in marriage and is wonderful! To live in freedom is not to live by some kind of undefined lifestyle. I’m not saying you are necessarily saying it is. God’s word equips us for every good work – for all the areas of life (2 Timothy 3:17).

    We are to “be careful” to stay “in line” with the law of Christ (Ephesians 5:15). The Judaizers were telling people to do works in order to be saved (Galatians 3:5). They were not starting from a foundation of faith in Christ alone for salvation. Their motivation was not godly. Paul strongly condemned them.

    We must be careful about how we define freedom. The default position for most is to do whatever feels good to them. The Christian’s freedom in Christ is never a license to sin. Roman’s 6:1-14 shows that faith in Christ has freed us from being in slavery to sin and death in order to be freed to live in obedience. Obedience as defined by God. This doesn’t mean Christian’s don’t continue to sin.

    In conclusion, I believe the Bible gives married couples tremendous freedom in the marriage bed. I agree that most do not know that freedom for a whole host of reasons. God also lovingly has set rules and boundaries that we are not to transgress.

    All good fathers know how to protect their children. Our heavenly Father’s boundaries help define the parameters of our wonderful freedom. To go outside of those parameters is to sin – not to be free.

    God bless!

    • HornyHubby says:

      I wasn’t suggesting that unmarried young people go ahead and have sex. I may have worded it wrong. I was pointing out that to simply tell them “Don’t have sex” isn’t enough. That usually doesn’t work in the first place and it often sets people up to fear their sexuality. I was suggesting that we teach our young people to appreciate their sexuality as a God given gift and learn to use it in a godly manner. Before marriage this means abstaining from sexual activity with others (but it could involve masturbation alone as well as appreciating various sensual experiences and learning to appreciate them – such as appreciating smells they enjoy, most females typically enjoy a hot bubble bath, etc.) Then teaching them that it builds up to full expression in marriage with the act of sex itself. Just wanted to clarify that point.

      And I agree with what you are saying. I’ve just noticed that churches have typically just said: Don’t have sex. and left it at that. But they don’t teach the unmarried or the hormone crazed adolescent what to do with their sexual feelings. Nor do they teach the married how to have a hot, vibrant sex life. But then they condemn the teenage girl who gets pregnant or the man who commits adultery or the pastor who looks at porn. (At least this has been my experience and observation.)

      So I’m suggesting these are man made “rules” and we need to teach people how to live in freedom and walk according to the Spirit. That’s what the church needs to be doing and then that freedom will carry over into the person’s sexuality and the Spirit can guide them because they know how to listen to God. Hopefully that makes more sense! 🙂

  16. curiouschurchgirl says:

    Hey guys, I’m young and unmarried. I always wondered if masturbation is a sin? Also if masturbating with your boyfriend or girlfriend is a sin? (Fingering, hand jobs) is watching porn by yourself a sin? What about reading sex stories? I was always curious about this but we don’t talk about this in the church. It’s tough saving sex for marriage, but these substitutes could help a lot. Supporting scriptures would be nice. Thank you!

  17. Madeleine 27 says:

    Masterbating is Not a sin however I think doing it with your boyfriend is. Lust is a sin and we have to be careful if you were married by all means Do it but your Not. About the porn try to give it up

  18. Anonymous says:

    Hi Curious girl,

    Sex is for marriage alone. That is the clear teaching of Scripture. That means no petting, fondling, fingering, eating pussy, sucking dick, sucking tits, and masturbating together before marriage. Porn is always sinful no matter if you’re watching it alone or with your spouse. It’s sexual immorality (from the Greek porneia). Best you masturbate to relieve your sexual tension. Once you’re married, you’re free to enjoy sex in all its wonderful ways (as listed above).

  19. Randy says:

    The bible says that the marriage bed cannot be defiled. So all this talk about not being allowed to experience different sexual activities with your spouse is so far from the truth. Why do u think God said for wives to submit themselves unto their husbands and for husbands to submit themselves unto their wives? Because if u do not and your spouse has needs that you refuse to look after then his or her mind will automatically wonder to someone else and that’s where the sin comes in. Look after your spouses sexual needs and your relationship will flourish.

  20. Tony Conrad says:

    I think you can talk about sex with married couples only. The best rule I think is not to mention any specific sexual act. Yes I mean that. If you stick to that you can really talk about sex in the right way.

  21. thoughtfulwriter says:

    Eva, I’m sorry to be raiding your posts today with thoughts, but after reading your post today, I read some of your other thought-provoking posts. Like you, i really like to dig into the whole concept of healthy sexuality, the kind of Song of Solomon-embracing marital lifestyle this wonderful site embraces. This particular post stood out, because it asks the exact kind of question that I think many of us ponder in how to promote healthy sexuality and healthy sexual mindsets within the Christian faith without being shown the door before we even begin.

    As I alluded to in Silver’s thread the other day, the fact that other bloggers who write about sex consider a site like this inappropriate is a sure sign we have a long way to go before we ever reach a world where sexuality is discussed in a way that embraces freedom and understands the gift sex is in our lives and in our marriages.

    I know a bit of this first hand as my marriage struggles a bit in this area, though I think there is some hope for the future. 🙂 Point is, that I have a high drive and have at times wished I didn’t. Yet, I know it’s a gift and I actually believe that most of us have a high drive within us, it’s just trapped for one reason or another.

    This site encourages me because it provides me hope that there is a significant population of people who believe in strong Christian marriages and that sexuality — frequent, adventurous and nearly limitless — should be a cornerstone of that strength. But even more than that, that it is something that’s okay to write about, read about, and even, at least in the written form, “witness”, not unlike the “friends” in Song of Solomon.

    Here are people I think about a lot:

    – High-libido, sex-positive Christians like us who, even when married, feel a bit lonely in a world where such an attitude and approach seems rare and want someone to connect with and share ideas with and even just to be encouraged. They can be couples or individuals.

    – Similar to this, those high-drive, highly sexual people who always need an outlet (such as those who have to masturbate frequently) and feel tempted to try real porn sites or other dangerous avenues when what they need is a healthy outlet.

    – Those in marriages where sex is lacking but shouldn’t be for one reason or another, and they need encouragement too — if anything just to know their desires are okay and there are others who are similar and desire sex-strong marriages.

    – Those seeking inspiration new ideas to expand their sexual horizons in their marriages.

    – Singles who want to wait and have no “real life” physical outlet at all, but also don’t want to turn to porn or premarital sex.

    Of course, this all gets back to your question — “how?”

    Well, the first step is a site like this breaking the mold. I hope other sites follow the lead. I encourage people who have stories or thoughts or ideas or questions they want to discuss bring it up here, for we all know they’ll be welcomed with warmth and open arms and genuine caring and positive feedback.

    A second step — and I know this was talked about before — I really feel strongly there needs to be some interactive component on some website somewhere, not necessarily MH, for people to chat with each other. It would have to be moderated a bit to deal with troublemakers, but what a wonderful outlet it would be for people to be able to interact in a chat room and just be able to be greeted by friendly people and encouraged. I do realize it’s risks and dangers — hence the moderation — but I hope some entrepreneurial spirit picks that up because it would be a wonderful thing.

    Third, I would encourage churches or Christian organizations or even just marriage-enhancing organizations to put on retreats for couples where the focus was on healthy sexuality. Imagine a wonderful retreat full of amazing Marriage Heat couples who would discuss items jointly and then separate out to their rooms at night to enjoy, and then relay the amazing stories the next day. Amazing!

    Fourth, along those same lines, I would encourage churches to have small groups of couples or even singles focused on discussing sexuality and sexual issues, with the same kind of spirit you have here. Imagine how wonderful it would be if a couple struggling with sexuality in some fashion could reach out to a group like that!

    Fifth, just more preaching from the pulpit about sexuality and its importance to marriages. Talking about marriage is great but if you leave out sex you’re ignoring something critical to its success.

    Those are five ideas about “how” — I would even go bolder than that, but those are some basic starting points.

  22. Eva says:

    Hey TW- sorry, just ran across this comment. I hadn’t checked back on this post in quite awhile. Thanks so much for all your thoughts! I’ve thought A Lot about this question since I posted it. And while I haven’t actually done anything about it yet except reading and writing and talk outlines and checking dates on the calendar,I am starting to have some concrete plans to start addressing some of the MH topics in our church, and I’m also starting to get some vague dreams about how some of these issues could be addressed at one of our local camp and conference centers….but I haven’t actually had any conversations about that with anyone yet except my husband…though I might have a chance to have such a conversation tonight, so pray about that! I feel like I am on a pretty significant spiritual journey in this area right now. I have always felt that someone ought to be talking about this stuff…but no one else around me is. I guess I’m thinking it might be time I get down to business and get the conversation started myself. I worry a lot about how it is going to change people’s opinions about me. And I worry a lot that I might push things too far and that there could be negative consequences to starting these conversations. But taking it slowly, praying, and seeking wise counsel should go before any endeavor, right? so that’s where I’m at right now. We’ll see what comes of it…

  23. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    Eva, I know it's been a really long time, and I don't know if you are even still active on MH, but I wonder if you ever made any progress on this front? I know the fear of which you speak, but I also know that Jesus faced such recriminations for speaking the truth in love to the people. Here is an idea: What about addressing the issue in single-sex groups, like a women's or men's retreat. There, maybe people could get real and just *talk* about what the Bible does and doesn't say about sex and how to open up to our spouses about our needs in the most effective ways. And organizers could worry less about people who might have inclinations to use the event to engage inappropriately with others.

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply