MarriageHeat community, I have been married to my wonderful wife closing in on 5 years now. We both grew up in similar homes. Solid Christian households with strong values and loving supportive parents. Christ has always been then center of our lives when we were single and also since we have been married. We were both virgins on our wedding night and we were able to enter into our marriage with no physical or emotional baggage from past sexual experiences.
Growing up, the extent up Christian sexuality that I heard boiled down to the simple concept that sex and anything related to it was strictly reserved for marriage. Once married, you were free to have sex, but that was more or less the extent of the direction given on the subject. Once I got married and was able to partake in institution of biblically sanctioned sex, I felt a sense of freedom. I now heard things like, “Married Christian couples should have the best sex” and “You are now free to explore sexuality with your wife.” While all of these concepts sounded wonderful and brimming with possibility I quickly found myself in a quandary. No one was explaining exactly how to go about exploring “Christian sexuality”. All that was proffered as guidance was a similar list of “don’ts” that I heard when I was single.
MarriageHeat has been one of the only places that I have come across people who actually appear to exploring Christian sexuality in marriage. In many aspects, it does not take a form that would fit into my conservative Christian upbringing and yet the comments that I read on this site lead me to believe that MarriageHeat promotes more of a mentality of freedom IN sexuality as opposed to freedom FROM sexuality. This shift of paradigm has intrigued me greatly.
What does true sexual freedom within marriage look like? As Paul says, “…not everything is beneficial.” Where there is freedom, there are always boundaries needed to prevent our sin nature from leading down destructive paths. Pornography, for example, is such a destructive path, as are fantasies such as adultery and threesomes, which MarriageHeat states as limits in their beliefs.
I realize that there is not a set of rules and regulations that everyone who visits this site abides by and I am sure that boundaries vary. I am interested to know what married sexual freedom looks like for different couples. Below are some areas that I would love to begin a discussion about the different experiences and views of the members of the MarriageHeat community.
- This is an area that conservative circles would tend to decry as a strict “no” before marriage generally discouraged after marriage but many MarriageHeat commenters have portrayed as actually beneficial to their marriage.
- Outside sexual stimulus. Erotica and stories found on the MarriageHeat website would fall into this category. How do you handle sexual media? What are safe boundaries? How do you use it to enhance and not hurt your marriage? Are there any other resources besides MarriageHeat that you have found beneficial?
- Is there sexual and non-sexual nudity? What are your boundaries?
- Sex toys. What are your boundaries? Which ones have been the most beneficial?
- How do keep creativity and freshness alive in your marriage without pulling inspiration from the large and pervasive culture of unbiblical sex?
My goal is simple. To hear from a group of people who are approaching married sex from a different perspective how they have carved out their own biblical sexual freedom, because it really seems to be working for them.
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