‘Tis the season for resolutions! What changes are you planning to make?
Last year around this time, my husband and I decided to focus on heating up our marriage. One thing that came out of that was starting to submit stories to MH! But another was that we took a sex compatibility quiz. There are a few different ones in app stores and online, but the one we used was called Mojo Upgrade. It was free and didn’t require us to watch adds to answer all the questions.
Let me say up front that this type of quiz is not specifically designed for Christians or even for monogamous married couples. (Someone really needs to fill that gap!) Some of the questions it asks are about things the Bible clearly tells us are wrong. But the others are things you may not have considered or may be embarrassed to admit turn you on.
That’s where the way these questionnaires work comes in handy. You each answer the questions separately and the program compares your answers and only shows your partner the answers that indicated compatibility. You can be totally honest and not be afraid your spouse is going to see an answer that would gross out or shock him or her. And if you are both transparent, you can be surprised by some of the things you are both interested in.
Now, Rez and I are pretty open with one another as a rule. And our sex life had recently done a turn around. I had been released from a sense of guilt and fear that kept me from enjoying my kinky side lest I cause my husband or myself to stumble. So we decided to answer all the questions as if they were referring only to fantasy. In other words, we were comfortable with saying that the idea of something excited us even if we wouldn’t actually do it. That way we could learn more about what turns each other on. But we would only fulfill those desires with each other, as best we could, without going outside our marriage. Depending on the state of your relationship, you might answer differently. But don’t be afraid to say what you’d actually like, because if your spouse doesn’t agree it’ll never show up!
At the end, they ask you to rank the things you said you like. You have to pick at least your top three, but we decided to rank anything we hadn’t ever done or weren’t doing currently. If you both rank an item, that puts it on what they call your “hot list”. That list came in handy for us.
One of the things that we both ranked pretty highly was exhibitionism. By that I mean things like having sex in front of an uncovered window or in a car. Or surreptitiously groping each other in public places. Just knowing that was a turn on we shared meant that when an opportunity arose, we didn’t let it slip by. A year later, we almost never close the blinds before sex. We even leave the windows wide open in the summer (and we aren’t quiet, either.) 🙂
There were other ideas that made their way into our sexy times. We both liked the idea of me being submissive to him. That led to the story I told in Fifty Shades of Rez. We found out we both were interested in exploring pegging, which was a real surprise for me. (Yup, wrote about that one this year, too.) And one we haven’t explored yet, but that is still on my hot list, is one day going to a nudist resort or on a nude cruise. I like the idea of being around a lot of people who are comfortable and casual about being naked in front of each other. I think that would be a huge turn on, just being that free. Of course, I might find out it’s more embarrassing than I imagine…
Which leads to another point. When we try out something new and we both love it, that’s great. It usually becomes a regular thing, at least for a while. But sometimes one of us thinks its fun and the other is just okay with it. Or one didn’t like it but the other really enjoyed it. In those cases we still try it again, at least one or two times. That’s because each of us wants to give what the other desires, even if it isn’t our particular favorite. And some things that we didn’t like the first time, we like by the second or third. You never know! Of course, if neither of us enjoyed it, or it was fun as a “one off” but not something we want to repeat, then we don’t. That happened sometimes.
We definitely learned a lot from taking the test. We confirmed that we are both kinky as… well, no need to earn a language rating for that. But we kinda knew that already. And we will be taking it again this year, too. The tool consolidated ideas that were floating around in our brains and gave them an outlet in our private time. And we think that’s an important part of the role of marriage. God gave us each other to meet the needs we shouldn’t be tempted to fulfill with anyone else. For me, it’s part of being a helper suitable for him. For him, it’s about washing me with the water of the Word, reassuring me that even kinky sex – in marriage, in love – can be holy sex.
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