One of the great benefits of MarriageHeat is reading about all the creative ways that couples either reignite the fire of their intimacy or fuel the existing fire to keep it burning strong. Whether it’s games, role play, new and interesting places, or toys (just to name a few), there’s no end of ideas to keep our God-given fire for our spouses burning hot. I would like to take a moment to share something that has recently become key to keeping our fire burning: essential oils. Now, I know right now some of you are interested in reading on, and some of you may be ready to click the next story. If you’re in the latter category, please stay with me; I understand, I’ve been there too. I’m going to try to make this exciting and keep from sounding like an infomercial.
While our marriage has had its ebbs and flows, when we look back over almost three decades of marriage, the best over-all description of our sex life is “intense.” We have had many things that have helped keep it that way: lingerie (always one of my favorites), trying new positions, sexting, making video recordings, games and apps (story on that coming soon), and our regular “sexcations” (can’t remember which one of you I got that term from, but thank you). Of course, the underlying love and desire for one another are what drive all these methods.
So about five years ago, my wife decided to get into using essential oils. She explained it all to me; I listened enough to give her the go-ahead. I’ve long been a believer that God made creation to provide everything we needed to stay healthy, so I’m all for natural remedies and such. I also know that sometimes people believe that their “thing” is the answer to everything, so I advised moving forward with caution. She got her first batch and put something in the diffuser at bedtime, and I was quickly impressed by the best night’s sleep that I could remember. Then she gave me something to put on my elbow daily, and in less than a week, my tendonitis disappeared. Ok, so maybe there is something to this stuff. But those aren’t the reasons I’m writing this; I tell you those events just so you understand I was guarded at first, but I learned to be willing to try whatever oils she suggested for various things.
I don’t mean this to be a full tutorial on how to use oils, but I need to state a few basics on how oils are used in case you are unaware. They are usually highly concentrated and can be used in a diffuser, to disperse into the air, or topically, directly onto the skin. When oils are applied topically, we almost always dilute them in a carrier oil, which makes it easier to spread the oil over a larger area and lessens the intensity that some oils can have. Tolerances vary, so always start low and increase concentration to meet your preferences.
You also need to know that not all oil companies are equal. Since many of these oils we’re discussing end up internal in some way, it is important that the company you buy from is dedicated to purity and quality. The brand we use is Young Living. They do have extremely high standards of production, but I’m not identifying them to make any claim that they’re the only choice. I say it because some of what we use are proprietary blends, so YL is the only place to get them.
A little while after getting started in oils, my wife told me she read in an online oils group about something she wanted to try. She had been told that if she has me use Frankincense when I’m fingering her, it dramatically increases her sensations. It also helps increase her sex drive and helps with the general health of her lady parts. It sounded like a good idea to me, so we started doing that. She had regularly experienced good orgasms before this, but the Frankincense got her there quicker and seemed more intense. I definitely liked the reaction from her, but it might be better if I let her describe how it felt.
O-Surfer: Frankincense functions by increasing circulation to the area where it is used. So, when my loving husband applied it with his already talented fingers, blood flow increased quickly along with sensation! I believe that I came almost instantaneously, causing me to ascend to the heights of clitoral orgasm. It felt like our marriage heat became a raging inferno.
Frankincense has become a mainstay for our playtime. There is always a bottle at my bedside. It is also excellent for boosting one’s immune system, so any time my wife got even a little sick, I would quickly offer to apply “immunity-boosting oil” to her. If we weren’t already doing this daily, I would undoubtedly be using the current world situation as an excuse for more applications.
To be honest, at first, I didn’t like going down on her after applying the Frankincense. The taste isn’t the greatest (although not terrible), but it caused a little numbing tingle to my tongue that I found a bit odd. I have since grown accustomed to the feeling and the taste and actually enjoy it, which is good since she gets so incredibly wet with this oil. It would be a shame not to get to enjoy it fully.
She next introduced some oils more for my benefit and fun. One was Orange mixed with coconut oil; the other was Peppermint also with coconut oil. She mixed these up in small jars and brought them to the bed one night. She hadn’t told me about these ahead of time, but I did not object to the surprise.
The Orange she intended primarily to make it tastier for her to give me oral. She proceeded to scoop out a little of the mixture (coconut oil stays somewhat solid below 75°) and worked it all over my quickly hardening cock. She then gave me the slickest blowjob she had ever done on me. It was so enjoyable for both of us that it too became a common thing and led to many a playful comment about her enjoying her “orange creamsicle.”
Originally the Peppermint mixture was for her to use when pleasuring me with her hands. It created an extraordinary tingling, cooling sensation, which led to more playful comments stealing the peppermint patty tag line of “get the sensation.” She would have to work the Peppermint in for a while before I could enter her because it was sometimes too strong for her in that area. But I could still feel the coolness of its effect while sliding into her very warm pussy.
The first time we did this, it blew my mind. By the time I was about to climax, the cool sensation had lessened, but when the heat of my cum released into her, the resulting reaction with the Peppermint was something that words are inadequate to describe. It intensified the chill of the Peppermint and increased the heat of my cum and her juices, bringing about one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced. After experiencing this many more times since that first, it is still an amazing feeling, even knowing what to expect.
Eventually, she began using the Peppermint on me for oral as well, which led to her getting a giant peppermint stick in her stocking last Christmas. It is also fun and tasty to apply to her nipples. Peppermint is definitely one of those that you want to start heavily diluted and increase the concentration as you learn your tolerance.
Throughout all this time, my wife would regularly have oils in the diffuser as we approached bedtime. I never thought about it much because she would often have blends to help us sleep, just freshening the air, or helping with a cold or something one of us was fighting. Later I discovered that often the oils she put in there were to enhance our sexual encounters. Some of them were to help relax and destress from the day; others were to increase sex drive. There are a plethora of options and combinations possible for this, but a few of them are Ylang Ylang (especially for female libido), Frankincense, Patchouli (great sex drive booster), Idaho Blue Spruce, and Lavender (always a good one for setting a relaxing mood).
A recent medical condition has brought about some ED issues that we have had to deal with (more on that later), but even before that medical event, I was beginning to have some lesser issues. Just getting old, I figured. One day she showed me a new oil she ordered and told me that it’s supposed to help with these issues. She had read that it is best when used daily on my balls. She said she was encouraged to apply it for me.
“So you’re asking me if you can rub this oil on my balls every morning? Hmm, let me think about that a moment—YES!” I didn’t even care if the oil worked or not, no way I was going to turn this down. It did help, though; in a short amount of time, I definitely noticed that I was able to perform better. The name of this oil is Goldenrod. You can pause now to imagine all the possible jokes and puns.
Somewhere along the way, she learned that Lemongrass oil was good for breast health with regular application. I suggested that since she has so willingly applied the Goldenrod to me regularly, I would be happy to reciprocate with the Lemongrass for her. Like I’m going to miss out on an opportunity to rub oil on her beautiful big boobs every day.
There are so many others that I could talk about from oils for lubrication to ones that just help me breathe better (breathing is kind of important for stamina.) But the last oil I want to tell you about is one that has been the greatest help to me regarding my current medical situation. I mentioned earlier that we were dealing with some ED issues because of my condition, which is basically a weak heart. You can imagine what effect a weak heart has on strength, stamina, energy, and even mental motivation, not to mention how poor circulation affects an organ that is so dependent on blood flow.
Since the onset of this condition a couple of years ago, we have continued to be very sexually active, even though we’ve had to work through and adapt to the resulting issues. Near the end of last year, we purchased a YL blend called Mister. It is a blend that YL’s founder put together specifically to benefit men’s health: mental health, prostate health, sex drive, and better circulation are a few of the expected benefits. It was also said that the aroma had a significant arousal effect on women as well.
We began using it as soon as we got it. We mixed it with the Goldenrod for morning application, diffused it before planned playtimes, and other “as needed” uses. I noticed some difference rather quickly in getting and maintaining hardness. I’d love to say that all my ED problems went away, but I can’t; it did improve things, though. I have had more energy, mostly in the bedroom (or dining room, laundry room, entryway, car, etc.) but also in other areas of life as well. It’s not what it was before this condition, but I feel the best I have since, and the sex has been the greatest. The frequency with which we have sex since starting to use Mister is, without a doubt, the highest we’ve ever had. And the desire in both of us is stronger than ever. I can’t make any definitive scientific claims, but the greatest and most frequent sex of our lives has been the last five months, and it coincides precisely with adding this oil to our regular usage. I’m convinced.
O-surfer: Other oils, as well as lifestyle changes, also address a female’s libido. The oils course that gave me some of my ideas comes from a book/class by “Lucy Libido.” The book is A Girlfriend’s Guide to Using Essential Oils Between the Sheets. Anyone active in a Young Living group should be able to help you learn more specifics about the oils. There are options to work with the way God designed your body that can help you have more joy in this area of your married Christian life.