Playing With Fire

In my last post, Oil Fire, I talked about one of the ways we keep the fire of our married intimacy burning hot. While I derived that subject from nature, this post is about technology—in particular, our mobile devices. Like any other technology, they are tools, and how we use them is up to us. These new appendages we’ve acquired can certainly be destructive to relationships if misused, but if we choose, they can also be useful in building up our relationship with our spouses. 

I am no expert on this topic; this is just our experiences with certain apps that we have found enjoyable.  In fact, I hope it might motivate some of you to share what apps you use. Also, I will say that I only have Apple devices, so I apologize in advance for not knowing Android availability or functionality. 

We have long enjoyed occasionally taking video and photos of our intimate times. Keeping those for our eyes only has always been a priority. As time moved us from hiding a videotape and then a DVD in some drawer, to hiding files on our computer, to everything being shot and stored on our devices, we needed a way to keep them safe from being accidentally discovered. There are many apps for storing and securing photos and videos; the one we use is PhotoLock. It stores on the device (I don’t trust cloud servers with this type of thing), is password-protected, and has folder capabilities for organizing.

There are a great number of sex games in the App Store to choose from, but most are essentially the same concept: instructions are given in turns to each person to perform on the other.  They can be fun and exciting, although I’m going to tell you of a better option for this type of game in just a little bit. 

The one game that we have that is different from the others is called Bliss—The Game For Lovers. It plays a little like Monopoly. You roll the dice, move around the board, and buy property on which to place businesses. Then there are activities to carry out for the player that lands on your property. There is a little more to it, but it is a lot of fun. This game also allows for a bit of customizing. You can set what “temperature” you want the game to start at and how fast you want it to increase. It has you identify what “accessories” you have on hand at the beginning of the game (e.g., oils, whipped cream, feathers, vibrator, etc.), and it also asks each of you what you are wearing, if anything. It then adjusts the game accordingly. 

Bliss takes a little longer to play than most other “games” available, so we don’t get to play it often, but it is always a great time when we do. Usually, we play it when we get away for a weekend alone. It is difficult to mention this game without thinking of one of my favorite memories from it during an anniversary getaway. So I’d like to digress a moment and share it with you; I hope you don’t mind. The action my wife was given for landing on one of my businesses was to have me lay on my back while she pleasured my cock with her hands and mouth, but I was not allowed to move at all. My arms were spread out from my sides palms up, so she knelt next to me, positioned over one of my hands. She proceeded to give me an extraordinary blowjob while she lowered herself onto my immobile fingers and began to slide across them. She ended up fingering herself to orgasm with my fingers while furiously sucking my cock. (Ok, I need a moment to catch my breath.)

There is a Lite version of the game that is free to try out. It limits the intensity levels and on-hand accessories. The paid version (about $12, I think) has two more levels of intensity (the really good ones) and more on-hand things from which to choose. 

Lastly, I want to share about three apps that were all discovered during my attempt to meet one need: safe and private messaging. We had grown to really love getting each other worked up throughout the day by messaging, from romantic and playful to downright naughty. Keeping this off our texting apps was a goal of ours since our younger kids often had to use our phones. Plus, there is always the risk of texting the wrong person. 

I began searching for private messaging apps that would be only between my wife and me and preferably password protected. The first one I tried out was called Desire (this is the app that led to my fictional story Book Lovers). As it turned out, this was not primarily a messaging app, but a game of dares which included a messaging feature. Simply put, the two participants choose from dares the app provides to send to the other challenging them to complete it within the established time frame. There are multiple categories to choose from and escalating intensities. You can also edit the existing dares or write your own. The time frame can be anywhere from one hour to 30 days. The intensity level of the dares can be anything from “Drop what you’re doing and come kiss me now” to “Tie my wrists to my ankles, blindfold me, and see if I can guess which toys you’re using on me.” The dares are not limited to the bedroom; they can take you anywhere like the grocery store, a library, car wash, movie theater, parks, etc. 

We began playing and very quickly found it to be exciting and a great deal of fun. We also found it to be a very buggy and poorly designed app. Its notifications process often causes missed messages, autocorrect/predictive text is not enabled in all text entry functions (like writing your own dares or journal entries), and text entry or display fields don’t always allow for longer content, just to name a few of the more annoying problems. I believe the app is also not designed in English, so I think they run it through a translator, leaving some of the dares poorly worded and occasionally nonsensical. The fun we have with it is great enough to tolerate those issues, but it did make me continue my search for a messaging app since this one was not good enough. 

I would also add a caution with this app: it clearly is not written from a biblical marriage world view. This is most obvious in the Daily Quiz. This feature, in premise, is a great idea, but its content is sometimes far less appealing. The quiz asks each person a relationship question, and they answer individually with a 1-10 star rating. The answer remains hidden from the other person until both respond. The more benign ones are things like “how much would you like to go away for a weekend” and “how romantic is your partner.” However, the questions sometimes deal with practices that are not just outside our comfort zone but beyond what we believe are biblical boundaries, such as swinging and threesomes. There is no way to just pass on the item; it doesn’t go to a new question until after you answer it. We agreed that, on those questions, we would quickly give a one-star answer and ignore it until it changed, but occasionally, the question bothered us so much that we felt disgusted even giving it one star. This scenario has been rare enough that we have not yet chosen just to ignore the quiz altogether, but if the disturbing questions get more prevalent, that’s what we will do. 

My search next led me to the app Ultimate Intimacy. Again, it’s an app that is not primarily a messaging app but has that feature. I initially ignored this one because you can’t try the messaging without the paid version, but after looking over some of the other things it offers, I went ahead and paid for it (I recommend the one-time fee rather than the annual subscription; less than $15, I think). This app is written from a Christian marriage perspective, and is a wonderful resource; I highly recommend it. It has a great feature called “Conversion Starters” that we began one time on a nine-hour car trip. We ended up using them almost the entire drive and halfway back. There is also a plethora of other features, including a Sexy Bucket List, a sex position guide that lets you favorite and rate positions, informative articles, and a game. This game is much like most available on the App Store that I described above, but a far better choice because it is from a Christian basis. While it does try to keep the language tame, it by no means tames the actions, and it does allow you to write your own actions if they don’t go places you want to go. This app was well worth the price—except for the messaging feature, which still left me wanting. 

Finally, I came across the app called Whispers. This one is a messaging app first and foremost, although it does have a few additional features. There are a couple of paid upgrades totaling $3. This is as close as I have found to everything I wanted in a messaging app. It works the way a messaging app should, notifications work well, it’s password-protected (including Touch ID), you can choose different notification sounds, and even Bitmoji works in it. Probably the only drawback is that it only allows 10-second video clips that you shoot within the app; there is no way to send video shot in other ways. Other than that, I have had no complaints. There are a few quirky things, but most are more amusing to us than troublesome. The one that is a little bit of an issue is that, every once in a while, an image won’t load for the recipient. They can see that an image was sent, but it just spins like it’s trying to load. We have learned just to delete it and tell the other to resend it. 

There is not much support for the app, but it doesn’t really need it. I had to contact the developer when I paid for the upgrades because it didn’t work. If that happens, just email him and wait him out; he will eventually get back to you. He is just a hobbyist developer who made the app for him and his partner and thought he might as well put it on the store for others to use. The bottom line, though, is that this app works far better than anything else we tried. Knowing our communication is protected from other’s eyes and isolated to just the intended recipient has created a freedom in digital communication we never enjoyed before, but we are thoroughly enjoying it now.

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19 replies
    • StillLikeNewlyweds says:

      Indeed it is. Surprisingly, even though many of the Desire game dares are incredibly hot, some of my favorites had to do with just hugs or kisses. After 30 years we still hug and kiss daily, but some of the dares reminded us how much pleasure they bring when that’s all we focused on.

    • StillLikeNewlyweds says:

      I have heard of it but never been able to find it. Thanks for the link MH.

      [From MH: 5OhsRomantic submitted it. We just approved it. 😁 ]

    • Keystone Jack says:

      Just submitted my request to join Songs of the Believers. Sounds fun! Thanks so much!

    • Westcoast says:

      Has anyone got approved for their website? I submitted a request when this post was published, but haven’t heard anything from them at all… I have checked my spam folder, but nothing…

    • O-surfer says:

      One of the things we like about many of the tools has been the discussions sparked that sometimes lead to bolder adventures.

  1. RMD says:

    My wife and I use both Bliss and Whispers, and love both. Bliss has many free add on packs that are in the Forum section. Also, you can buy the Bliss Editor and either make your own actions, or edit ones in other packs. There is an iPhone and ipad version as well for traveling.

    • StillLikeNewlyweds says:

      Sorry. I saw your comment when it posted but couldn’t reply right away and then forgot.
      We only have the iPad version of Bliss and not the computer ones so we can’t use any of the other packs or editor. But I have looked them over and think that I might get some some day. It is a fun game. Glad you’re using Whispers. I’m hoping if more people start using it the developer will be motivated to keep up with it. With every major iOS update I get afraid it’s going to get left behind. Thanks for reading

  2. StillLikeNewlyweds says:

    I need to amend my review of the Desire app. I stated some cautions about the “Daily Quiz” part of the app. They have since redone that part and changed it considerably. They no longer use a star rating method of answering the question, now you just type in an answer. Unfortunately it seems that they have also taken the sexual aspect out of the quiz completely.

  3. StillLikeNewlyweds says:

    I once again must amend my post. This time a sad one. Whispers is no longer a functioning app as of November 2020. The developer has shut down the service. Even with its few little quirks it was the best private messaging app I had found. Been trying out some others and have settled on Signal. It has most of what I want, encryption, password protection, etc. but it is NOT a two person exclusive app. It is a full service messaging app. We just don’t use it for other communication to avoid the awkward “sending to the wrong person” moment. So far we have been happy with it.

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