Women and Their Toys

Female masturbation is both interesting and hot at the same time.

I think it’s interesting to learn about all the different ways women masturbate, what they fantasize about, what they think about guys masturbating (in general or specifically their husbands or future husbands), how often they masturbate, whether they masturbate in front of their husbands, and what toys they may or may not use.

Women do seem to have more toys than us guys and seem to use them more often (or at least write about it more.) I think that we guys need to work to catch up in this area, for sure.

In my research, I have learned that not only do women use toys more often than guys, but single women also use toys less than non-single women. I would have thought that more single women would use sex toys than women in relationships/dating/married. The most commonly used sex toy was a vibrator. I thought that it would be a dildo and then a vibrator.

Ladies, I had a few questions:

Do you agree that women use toys more than guys, and if so, why or why not?

Why do you think that women in relationships/dating/marriage might use toys more than single women? Maybe to turn on their husbands?

Also, do you agree that vibrators are the most used sex toy, in your experience?

Any commentary would be fascinating and stimulating.

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16 replies
  1. MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

    My wife masturbates and has a collection of toys–3 vibrators and 2 dildos. One of her dildos is medium-sized and the other very large. Her wand vibrator is probably her favorite toy. She presses it against her clit and can cum very fast. She has been masturbating regularly since she was a girl. We have been married for 21 years and have few secrets. She enjoys the large dildo at times when we're together to simulate a mmf threesome–this is no secret. But most of the time we use one of her vibrators. She will occasionally put on a show for me and use one or more of her vibrators to bring herself to multiple consecutive orgasms while I watch.

    • Giants05 says:

      @Marriedtoahotbabe we are building our toy collection and enjoying doing so. My wife doesn't like vibrating inside of her but loves outside so started w/ a small wand, and she loved it. Then got her an anal plug, which she truly loves. Tonight, I bought her a small purple dildo, and she loved it. I told her she controls who has it and where it goes. First, I played while she rubbed her tits and her clit then she took over and she played w/ herself as I lubed up 2 fingers and fucked her asshole w/ them. Holy shit, first time my wife ever squirted. She sucked off the dildo afterwards to taste herself …she loved how she tasted. During foreplay tonight, she told me how she was naughty and used the wand by herself the other day. Got me so worked up.

    • alwayswet101 says:

      @Giants05 congrats on the wife’s first time squirt!! What a great feeling of accomplishment and what a great job done by you. Where did you buy the dildo for your wife? Do you normally order toys online or go to a local shop? Curious about where others prefer to get their toys from as well.

  2. LovingMan says:

    For us using a vibrator was a great idea. A few years into our marriage, the sex was great, but I had developed some type of slow-progressing early arthritis, and then I got carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrists.

    Yes, some women can come without some kind of manual stimulation on their clitoris, but my wife usually could not. We’d do looooong (& very pleasant) foreplay, and then when she was really close, I’d slip inside, and we’d often come together (or cum together) in simultaneous orgasms.

    Later on, her very slowly progressing neurological condition began to make it more difficult to reach climax. She began to take a very long time to come. And my hands became too messed up to give her the stimulation she needed.

    On a whim, I went out and bought a vibrator, and what a difference that made! She could come faster and more times in our lovemaking sessions!

    We will have me love on her nips as we use a bullet vibe on her clit as part of our foreplay. Often I play with her pussy with one of the bigger vibes (sliding it up inside her, etc.) We even figured out our “X position” where we lie at right angles and can have sexual intercourse while my wife uses one of her vibes on her clit.

    There was the introduction of a G-spot vibrator a few years ago, and that was awesome! I’ve written about that. My wife uses the bullet on her clit with the G-spot vibe pushed way up inside as I stim her nipples. (It’s a small G-spot vibrator).

    Nowadays, she often cums first from this before we get to full PIV sexual intercourse, and that’s great! Other times, she will not cum until she has had me cum inside her and I am sucking on her nips as she uses one vibe on her clitoris or one on clit + G-spot vibe inside. (Never let the clitoris get caught between vibrators… OUCH!)

    So for us, vibrators have been a Godsend. They really enhanced our lovemaking!

  3. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    Hmmm. Be aware that your data set may be skewed by your choice of sources. For instance, here you will hear from mostly married-sex-positive and adventurous women, so we may not represent a good sample set. I am curious about where you've collected your observations, but I agree that the subject matter is fascinating and can speak to this from my own experience.

    When I was young, I masturbated a lot, at least daily. I used what was at hand—both literally and figuratively—but never had a toy specifically designed for sexual pleasure. My favorite at that age was the water pouring full-blast from the bathtub faucet. So while commercial sex-toy use may not be as prevalent among young singles, never think that girls aren't ingenious in finding their pleasure. In retrospect, a virgin-friendly sex toy might have been safer than some of the things I tried.

    I have accumulated toys as I've matured, but that makes sense. The older a woman is, the more discretionary funds she may have. She's also explored more, if she's of a curious bent, and discovered what's available. Adding novelty to her sex life is also a big plus for both herself and her husband. People do get bored with the same old same old, no matter how pleasant it is. I believe that the more comfortable a woman becomes with her sexuality and with her husband's acceptance of her, the more she'll branch out and experiment with new sources of pleasure, solo and together. Toys can add "enrichment" to the marriage bed, whether it's handcuffs, a tickler, a dildo or two, or the trusty vibrator.

    And yes, toys for him as well. I don't know why some guys don't use them; maybe the culture has them think of women as their toys and if they buy them, they must not be able to "get some?" I'd much rather my son have a "pocket pussy" than have indiscriminate sex just because he's horny. But it may be that, with two capable hands, guys just don't think they need to spend money to get off. As Rez has risen in his earning power, he's been able to invest in some toys that create a different sensation than he can get with his hands or than I can give with any of my available body parts. I think that's a great thing; I want him to experience any and every kind of pleasure that aligns with God's plan for marriage.

    What do we think about? Well, when I became sexually active (sadly, this was before I became obedient to Christ) I enjoyed sex a lot and had what I now know to be G-spot orgasms, but clitoral orgasms were always a solo endeavor. I didn't think anyone else could ever get me there until one partner taught me the power of fantasy or "headspace," as some call it. I could put myself into an erotic story in my mind and detach from reality enough to escape the performance anxiety that kept me from climaxing.

    Now that I'm older, those types of fantasies are still my go-to for a clitoral orgasm—whether masturbatory or with my husband—and I don't always have to put myself in the "story." It could be thinking through a sexy scene in a romance novel or movie (with more explicit detail than the original). Or I might imagine a fantasy world in which it wouldn't be wrong or harmful to have relationships other than those that God designed us for in the real world, such as an Amazonian queen with multiple husbands or a committed marriage/family relationship between three or more polyamorous people—just entertained as "what if it *were* His design", an alternate-universe scenario.

    Sometimes when I'm lonely and missing my hubby, it's enough to imagine him there, doing to me the things my own hands or toys are actually carrying out. And to be completely transparent, there are times when my mind does go down the path of remembering events of my/our past, glossing over the eventual harm they caused to me or others and reveling in the pleasure of the moment, probably magnifying it as fantasy tends to do. But my preference and what I feel best about is focusing on "just us"; it makes me feel closest to him. When I cum thinking those thoughts, I feel the most satisfied and have no negative emotions after. If I don't, I remember that I don't actually *want* those other things; the idea of them just turns me on.

    My husband also masturbates and we like to watch each other, too. It doesn't bother me if he does it alone unless a) it's instead of taking care of my needs or b) his fantasies don't at least include me. (Unlike me, he is always in his own fantasies.) I have complete and utter faith that neither of us will again pursue sex outside the bonds of our marriage, but I'm not so self-confident that I can enjoy knowing I was left out of his fantasies.

    As for my thoughts on other men masturbating: they do. Why shouldn't they? What they think about while doing so is their own business, but if asked for guidance, I recommend that the singles keep it faceless, and the married keep it focused on their spouse or else fantasies that don't involve either of them.

    Why would vibes be the first choice for females? Well if that's true, and I don't doubt it, it may be because they stimulate more intensely than a hand or tongue or non-vibrating dildo. From a purely practical standpoint, vibrators make me cum faster. As a busy wife, mom, homemaker, and homeschooler, time for myself is at a premium. So if I just need to release some sexual tension while I wait for a Saturday sex-fest with my hubby, a short session with my favorite vibe du jour and a particularly kinky fantasy can take care of me quickly, helping my mood as I go about my daily duties. It's actually what they were invented for: doctors used them on their female patients who suffered from hysteria, meaning "suffering in the uterus." The poor ladies weren't reaching orgasm with their husbands, didn't know how or think it was okay to touch themselves, and had to go to the doctor for one. Imagine, orgasm as a medical procedure! First, the docs figured out they could use a tool to take the edge off, then somebody figured out they could sell them… and now we all want one—or more. 😁

    I look forward to hearing other ladies talk about their thoughts on this topic. I may find that I am an outlier or that I'm just your run-of-the-mill girl. Either way, it's bound to be enlightening!

    • Mr.Lover says:

      Hi CrazyHappyLoved,

      Thanks for the insight.

      You got me really in the mood for some masturbation fun.

      I do have some wild fantasies at times as well.

      Sexy scenes in movies or thoughts of a fantasy world can get really horny as well.

      It's time to go play with my cock.

  4. Sarge says:

    I appreciate CrazyHappyLoved commenting and I hope that more of the ladies will speak up. I know there must be young women out there in our group who are seeking answers to the self-pleasure issues they may have.

    My late wife masturbated regularly, and so did/do I. She used an ordinary massage vibrator or her hands. She was able to come quite quickly with the vibrator but had more difficulty with her hands. As a teenager she masturbated twice a day, but less as we began having success with her achieving orgasm from sex, both vaginal and oral.

    One day while I thought she had been taking a long nap, she told me she had just had 12 orgasms!! I had to chuckle because she was so happy with that wonderful “nap.” And as I’ve mentioned in other comments, we could not have intercourse later on due to a skin disease called lichen sclerosis. It was masturbation or nothing, so we masturbated together frequently.

    When she was masturbating alone, she would create fictional people and stories in her head in order to get started. I don’t think she had to do so when we were having any type of sex, but it would have been fine with me if she had, as long as she came when she desired to.

    Please ladies, speak up; other women may need advice.

  5. Mr.Lover says:

    Awayswet101, on my post "The Listener," you said, "If you have any questions that fall into women and masturbation, I’d be more than happy to answer them for you! No judgment here!"

    So…

    What are you're favourite toy(s) and why?

    What toys do you think women are most into and why?

    When did you get you're first sex toy and did you get it online or from an adult bookstore/ toy store?

    Have you ever been to an adult store/ theater?

    I have never had a sex toy, but if I got one I was thinking of a fleshlight. I would prefer online, so no one will know but my parents. One of my fantasies, as a single guy, is that I'm masturbating in an adult bookstore or adult theater. The thought of being in a place where I could catch a woman masturbating or be seen masturbating by a woman makes me so horny. The only thing is that adult stores that I have seen look really creepy and are in parts of town that I would not want to go.

    Also, what turns you on, and how many times have you masturbated in one day?

    How often did you masturbate before marriage as opposed to after?

    When did you get your first toy and first start masturbating? I started jerking at age 13.

    Do you ever talk about masturbating with friends and what have they told you?

    Do you agree that women use toys more than guys, and if so, why or why not?

    Why do you think that women in relationships/dating/marriage might use toys more than single women? Maybe to turn on their husbands?

    Also, do you agree that vibrators are the most used sex toy, in your experience?

    I got some answers, but I am curious about your perspectives. You seem to have great insight. My questions are coming from a place of wanting to be a good future husband and natural curiosity, as well. If anything is too awkward to answer, I understand.

    One more thing, do you enjoy playing with your boobies? Nipple play is a fun part of masturbation. Thinking of my future wife playing with her boobies makes me really horny.

  6. alwayswet101 says:

    Hi Mr. Lover,

    My favorite toys are my two largest realistic dildos (one vibrates, one doesn't) I just really enjoy the fullness feeling of something filling my pussy and clitoral stimulation at the same time. I have little vibrators I can use for my clit or I just touch my clit. I also have been using cucumbers recently because their size feels amazing. The clitoral and G-spot/fullness feeling usually makes me have a squirting orgasm which also feels amazing.

    I think it varies on the woman, what she likes to think about/her fantasies and what feels good to her. Definitely some woman would agree with what I said above but that doesn't speak for all of us.

    I got my first toy from my mom when I was getting very curious about sex, dating, and orgasms. I also told her I found one of hers and she had a whole talk with me. She explained that when a woman is aroused she will begin to produce natural lubrication and get wet which helps things go inside the vagina. She also raved about the clitoris and told me she would get me a vibrator to make myself feel good.

    I have been in adult sex stores before. Ever since this pregnancy they pretty much know my name because we live in the city and its only about two blocks, but you know, I have had crazy needs since being pregnant! I have never been to an adult theater or even really heard of one? What is that like? I love going into our local sex shop; the people are so funny and friendly and encouraging!

    I would definitely recommend you get yourself a fleshlight! It will feel like you are inside your future wife's pussy! What a fantasy. Would you be comfortable with your parents knowing you got a fleshlight for yourself? If so, I think that's great.

    If I saw a man with an erection in an adult bookstore, my pussy would be dripping. I have been getting really turned on at the thought of getting caught and that person then being turned on. Sometimes adult stores in big cities can be in decent areas and mixed in with a lot of other shops. I am sure if someone saw you stroking they would be so horny.

    [PSA from MH: remember that any public sexual act can get you arrested.]

    My pregnant body turns me on. Getting caught masturbating accidentally turns me on. Squirting orgasms especially when you don't know if you're going to squirt turns me on. Erections that occur in public turn me on. Nothing turns me on like my husband and his manhood.

    My record for masturbating since being pregnant is almost embarrassing. Too many times to count. I can have multiple orgasms too so I could literally masturbate all day with how horny I am.

    My mom gave me a toy at 14 when I found hers and started to ask all these questions about sex and masturbation. She told me it would help me feel good. It sure made me feel great.

    I masturbated quite often as a teen and before marriage but nothing beats since being pregnant. How often do you masturbate?

    Mr. Lover yes it comes up with friends. My one friend even had a toy party. My girlfriends know my hormones are insane since being pregnant and that I'm constantly wet; some of them have experienced the same thing. Sometimes we girls just talk about our greatest orgasms.

    I don't feel awkward answering. In fact, it is making me a little wetter…

    I think vibrators and dildos are the most common sex toys but I could be wrong.

    I like holding and feeling my boobies now that they've grown so much from getting pregnant. It really gets me horny knowing that my husband's seed knocked me up and my body is changing in the way that it is. I look in the mirror at my boobs and belly and butt, and I get so turned on because my body is changing that way as a result of his cum. My boobs have grown a ton, so I like playing with them now, but touching my pussy, using toys, fingering myself, and stimulating my clit is what gets me orgasming.

    • Bighuged says:

      Wow what an enlightening comment alwayswet! I feel like I learned a lot haha. Your husband sounds like a lucky man. Is he able to keep up with how horny you are while pregnant? Or does his cock get tired out before your pussy does?

    • alwayswet101 says:

      He is able to keep up and absolutely loves it! He says even though I’ve gained weight it’s in all the right places and he loves looking at me knowing how aroused I am and loves watching my changing body with me knowing that I am carrying our child in there…as a result of him spilling his seed inside of me.

    • Bighuged says:

      Awesome to hear! How many times do you two go at it per day? Also at this stage in your pregnancy what have been some of your favorite positions? Pregnancy sex has always been so interesting to me.

  7. Mr.Lover says:

    Hi Alwayswet 101,

    Thank you for you're dating advice. I was just curious how you met you're husband and how long you two have been together. Could you go over to my discussion post "Friend To Girlfriend" and tell me about that? A few others mention how they met their wives/ husbands (a.k.a. their better halves). You and I have had so much back and forth conversation, but I have never asked you.

    • alwayswet101 says:

      Mr. Lover… [response moved to the post Friend to Girlfriend, where it is relevant to the discussion there.]

  8. Mr.Lover says:

    I was thinking of getting a fleshlight. I just wanted to decide whether to get it online or in person. I will most likely get one online. I do want to think about it a bit more before I make a final decision.

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